Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

MaeBe's Trail of Discovery


MaeBe

Recommended Posts

I need a girlfriend.

 

By that I mean a friend that is a girl. Someone that will go shopping and tell me when my make up is off or what would look really cute on me.

 

My wife is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but she’s not that kind of person in my life. She’s supportive and will gladly purchase something I want/ask for, but she’s not really into clothes and has never been a makeup person. Our relationship would also make those kind of interactions more tenuous. She seems to walk on eggshells sometimes and others she just lets me do what I do, which is nice but it’s not always helpful. She likely doesn’t want to say anything that might hurt me and at the same time doesn’t know what to do with me. 🤭

 

It’s pretty tough learning to be a girl when you’re already grown up, isn’t it?

Link to comment
  • Replies 161
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • MaeBe

    73

  • Ashley0616

    32

  • Mirrabooka

    13

  • Mmindy

    8

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

1 hour ago, MaeBe said:

It’s pretty tough learning to be a girl when you’re already grown up, isn’t it?

Yup.

Link to comment

Also a laser update! The big patch on my chin is nearly gone!

IMG_9954.jpeg

Link to comment
6 minutes ago, Ivy said:

Yup.

Thank you for reading along, Ivy!

Link to comment
2 hours ago, MaeBe said:

Someone that will go shopping and tell me when my make up is off or what would look really cute on me.

Oh yes! That would be such a dream come true for me too!

Link to comment
22 hours ago, MaeBe said:

I need a girlfriend.

 

By that I mean a friend that is a girl. Someone that will go shopping and tell me when my make up is off or what would look really cute on me.

 

My wife is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but she’s not that kind of person in my life. She’s supportive and will gladly purchase something I want/ask for, but she’s not really into clothes and has never been a makeup person. Our relationship would also make those kind of interactions more tenuous. She seems to walk on eggshells sometimes and others she just lets me do what I do, which is nice but it’s not always helpful. She likely doesn’t want to say anything that might hurt me and at the same time doesn’t know what to do with me. 🤭

 

It’s pretty tough learning to be a girl when you’re already grown up, isn’t it?

Are we twins???

 

Your path is different to mine, you are way more forthright in your journey and you know exactly where you're going. Me, I'm just drifting and don't know where I'll end up. I'm currently beached on Androgynous Island and I'm happy to stay there for a while.

 

That said, our wives appear to be very similar. Totally accepting, maybe not totally understanding, and not really enthusiastic. It is probably typical, but what are we to do? I also crave some sort of real-life friendship outside of the home, preferably with an understanding woman, not necessarily to advise me on makeup etc. but just to engage in girly talk as an equal being.

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Mirrabooka said:

I'm just drifting and don't know where I'll end up.

I feel like this a lot of the time too. Maybe it's a lie I tell myself and others? A lie I subconsciously think makes this easier for other people and removes some pressure off of my shoulders? Or it's the truth because I just haven't committed to any specific end goal? Obliterate my T levels by spiking E and watch my boobs grow and bits and tackle shrivel? Sure. Eschew my male wardrobe in its entirety and replace it with chic women's wear? Yeah! Start changing my "preferred name" places? OK! Do I want to be a woman? uhhh...yes? can I though? please? no? Why?! 😆

 

2 hours ago, Mirrabooka said:

to engage in girly talk as an equal being.

Oh, for sure this too!

 

2 hours ago, Mirrabooka said:

Are we twins???

If we are, I am totally jealous of your lovely locks! Sibling rivalry!!!

Link to comment
On 4/3/2024 at 7:57 AM, MaeBe said:

I need a girlfriend.

 

By that I mean a friend that is a girl. Someone that will go shopping and tell me when my make up is off or what would look really cute on me.

 

My wife is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but she’s not that kind of person in my life. She’s supportive and will gladly purchase something I want/ask for, but she’s not really into clothes and has never been a makeup person. Our relationship would also make those kind of interactions more tenuous. She seems to walk on eggshells sometimes and others she just lets me do what I do, which is nice but it’s not always helpful. She likely doesn’t want to say anything that might hurt me and at the same time doesn’t know what to do with me. 🤭

 

It’s pretty tough learning to be a girl when you’re already grown up, isn’t it?

I'm trying to find one. I'm talking to one on Facebook. It would be nice if I had a few more that we could meet up for coffee or something and just talk. She said she would be interested in going to the beach and our kids could play together while we would talk. We both are introverts so it might be awkward in the beginning. I wished we were closer I would be your girlfriend. 

Link to comment
On 4/3/2024 at 9:23 AM, MaeBe said:

Also a laser update! The big patch on my chin is nearly gone!

IMG_9954.jpeg

Congratulations on what just your second wave? I'm still waiting on my evaluation. 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Ashley0616 said:

I wished we were closer I would be your girlfriend. 

Awww! 💜

 

I hope your new connection becomes a good friend!

1 hour ago, Ashley0616 said:

Congratulations on what just your second wave?

Yes, third treatment is on the 15th! Thank you! 😊

 

Link to comment

You're welcome. Mine is supposed to be towards the end of the month.

Link to comment
14 hours ago, MaeBe said:

If we are, I am totally jealous of your lovely locks! Sibling rivalry!!!

I'll remind you every chance I get, lol! 😝

Link to comment

Am I a "she"?

 

My birthday is this month and my license is up for renewal. I have a stark choice, what do I select for "sex"; it's selection is self-reporting in this state and I have options for M, F, or X. This question has really pushed on something I've been pushing off, what gender do I want to tell the world I am. Through this whole journey so far, I have focused on the world responding to me instead of me prompting or demanding the world interact with me in any given way. Now, I have to chose--as long as I wish to drive legally and be honest with myself. Instead of being the question-less question of the past, it now comes bearing weight. A weight that illogically a single letter carries, yet it drags at me more than any anchor could. The moment I chose this letter is a moment I either relinquish my history or perpetuate a lie of convenience. Is the choice as obvious as it seems?

 

Am I a "she"?

Link to comment

Wow, I blame the eclipse yesterday for somehow deciding to spell "choose" with one "o". Not once, but twice!

 

My mother is turning in her grave.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, MaeBe said:

somehow deciding to spell "choose" with one "o".

Meh… I read it as choose anyway.  I wouldn't have even noticed if you hadn't pointed it out.   But then, I can barely spell my own name.

I'm one of those people that can read a word if it is all scrambled, as long as the letters are there… somewhere.  

I'm also useless without spellcheck.  

I have seen it suggested that it's a form of dyslexia.  I couldn't spell "dyslexia" either.  I mean, I could write something, but it would be wrong.  

I could barely pass English class in school, for my spelling mistakes.  They tell you to look the word up in the dictionary.  But you have to know how to spell it to look it up.  Go figure.  But dictionaries are fun to read - you can waste a lot of time in one.  The ones with pictures are best.  Lots of trivia as well.

Do they still have dictionaries?  I mean, google is so much easier.

Sometimes my guess is so far off even spellcheck can't figure it out, and I have to give up and figure out a synonym…

 

All the just to say, don't worry about chose/choose, or what ever.   I got your point.

Sorry, I guess I'm getting tired.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
2 hours ago, MaeBe said:

Wow, I blame the eclipse yesterday for somehow deciding to spell "choose" with one "o". Not once, but twice!

 

My mother is turning in her grave.

I'm with @Ivyon this. However if you feel the need to have a post corrected, you can always contact a Moderator for help. As for you mother tuning in her grave... Remember this is a forum board, not English Literature. I'm sure the grammar police shiver when they read some of my postings. My biggest problem is that I write like I speak, and don't worry to much about sentence structure.

 

Write with feelings,

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

Link to comment
12 hours ago, MaeBe said:

Am I a "she"?

 

My birthday is this month and my license is up for renewal. I have a stark choice, what do I select for "sex"; it's selection is self-reporting in this state and I have options for M, F, or X.

Happy upcoming birthday!

 

How often do you have to renew your license over there? Here, it's 10 years until you reach 75, then three years after that. I was just thinking that if you have to renew yours more often, say every two or three years, maybe just go with X for now and F will seem more natural next time? Just a suggestion. I totally understand though if X on your license is just as unpalatable as M.

Link to comment
10 hours ago, Mirrabooka said:

Happy upcoming birthday!

 

How often do you have to renew your license over there? Here, it's 10 years until you reach 75, then three years after that. I was just thinking that if you have to renew yours more often, say every two or three years, maybe just go with X for now and F will seem more natural next time? Just a suggestion. I totally understand though if X on your license is just as unpalatable as M.

Thanks, Mirra!

 

The last time I renewed is 4 years ago, we have to renew pretty frequently. I have never contemplated myself as non-binary, which makes the non-binary choice of X seem incorrect. That said, I can't say marking it F is necessarily correct either. How about "Prefer not to say"? :D

 

I spoke with my wife about it yesterday and just the thought of me getting my license with female designation was enough for her internal turntable to skip a beat. Frankly, I fear she thinks I'm just a man in makeup and has never reconciled me as being anything else--or simply refuses to. The currently legislated label of "Gender Expansive" for me, to her, is just the way I look; the estrogen, changed personality (even before estradiol), and projected identity seem to be subconsciously hand-waved past. How can I be anything different than the man she married?

 

The question remains though, does all of this add up to an F on a license? Maybe I should ask the person behind the counter, "given what you hear and see in front of you, what should I put down for this question?" and just mark whatever they say, because that's all this really is...perception. Or, perhaps, I should ask if I can mark myself as a Meat Popsicle? ^_^

Link to comment

Whatever makes you happy. If you feel like you want to fully transition then it’s not a lie. It’s your gender. I went ahead and changed everything to reflect on my Wounded Warrior Project membership. Waiting on them to correct my military discharge paperwork and then birth certificate and that’s it. I won’t have anything else to change so when the time comes to get a passport it will be easy to put my name and gender on there. No one can make the choice for you. 

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Ashley0616 said:

No one can make the choice for you. 

No, but they sure can shake their fists and remonstrate no matter what is on my documents. Yes, it's a "them problem", but it's always a them problem when it comes to this.

Link to comment
14 hours ago, MaeBe said:

No, but they sure can shake their fists and remonstrate no matter what is on my documents. Yes, it's a "them problem", but it's always a them problem when it comes to this.

I'm sorry. I wished they wouldn't be so difficult. :(

Link to comment

So MN here has gone from Winter to Summer, completely bypassing Spring in one epic leap. We had like three 40 degree days and this weekend it's been over 80. This has completely shown the vulnerability of my clothing collection. I have like three tops and a couple skirts and no decent warm weather shoes (I have my old Reef flip flops as my only real choice) for this kind of heat intensity! Also, I still have my Winter tires on! It snowed like 10 days ago!

 

That said, I went out to dinner last night with my eldest wearing a skirt in public for the first time ever, because nothing else! We were going to sit on the patio, but I noticed a favorite server of mine working the back room and decided to stay inside. She is awesome and they were going to seat us at the first table as you walk onto the patio, so it wasn't a difficult decision to skip the sunshine. She was lovely! We had our dinner and we left without any issue or fanfare.

 

I will say this, wearing a skirt in the heat was very nice! Also, I need to get a better array of general-use panties. The cotton bikinis just aren't cutting it for keeping a casual tuck. HRT changes plus (maybe) losing some weight has made life difficult in that regard. I have avoided purchasing any specific garments or products to assist with it, I prefer the thought of not having to re-tape in a public restroom, but that may need to change. I have a couple pair of seamless high wasted panties from UNIQLO that rock for keeping a secure tuck, so maybe I just have to go underwear shopping again instead of going down the gaff/tape path.

 

Anyway, enough about...that...

 

I still need to get my license renewed. I'm thinking I go dressed up and put on a face. It's probably easier for a cop or TSA agent to see me gussied up on my document when I'm not than seeing me gussied up and having my license look "plain". I almost feel like I should get my hair styled first, too. My hair is in that awkward growing stage, where it's comparatively long in the back compared to the rest. I'm still rocking the pseudo-bob with a side part, but the back doesn't jive. Frankly, if I do go for a style, I have to make sure no scissors are involved. Having to take a four year photo in the middle of awkward hair phase is bad enough, I don't want to have to delay its passing!

Link to comment

I've never worried much about tucking.  I favor high waisted dresses and full skirts, at least knee length.  And then, even before HRT my original equipment was never that impressive.

 

A light skirt is hard to beat in hot weather.

 

I got away with keeping my wig on for my drivers license pix, and my passport.  I wore a kerchief over it, and they made me take that off, and then didn't think of the wig.  My devious plan worked! 

Link to comment

I love wearing gaffs. They fit just like a thong so nice and tight.

Link to comment
On 4/4/2024 at 7:33 AM, Mirrabooka said:

That said, our wives appear to be very similar. Totally accepting, maybe not totally understanding, and not really enthusiastic. It is probably typical, but what are we to do?

I would say the "totally accepting" is not very typical... at least from my vantage point ... but I am biased because my wife is so against this part of me (and not all that happy with a lot of other things about me either)... that is a blessing that you at least have that more firm foundation around you...

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   8 Members, 0 Anonymous, 83 Guests (See full list)

    • LyndseyQ
    • Timi
    • MAN8791
    • Thea
    • Ivy
    • looking4ftm
    • KathyLauren
    • Petra Jane
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      769.6k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,077
    • Most Online
      8,356

    AmandaJoy
    Newest Member
    AmandaJoy
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Angel Jamie
      Angel Jamie
      (24 years old)
    2. CallMeKeira
      CallMeKeira
      (31 years old)
    3. CamtheMan
      CamtheMan
    4. Jona
      Jona
      (22 years old)
    5. jpek
      jpek
  • Posts

    • Timi
      Hi Amanda! Thank you for sharing.    -Timi
    • KathyLauren
      Around here, a culturally-appropriate gender-neutral form of address is either "dear" or "hun".  It tends to be mostly women who use those, though I did have a man address me as "dear" in a store today.    It could be startling for a come-ffrom-away to hear themselves being addressed that way, but, locally, it is considered a friendly, not particularly creepy, gender-neutral way to address someone.
    • Lydia_R
    • April Marie
      Welcome, Amanda!! You'll find many of us here who found ourselves late in life - it was at 68 for me. Each of us is unique but we also have similarities and can help each other   I understand the urge to move quickly, but remember that your wife also has to adjust as you transition. That doesn't mean you have to move slowly, just give both of you time to process the changes and the impacts.   Many of us have also benefitted greatly from working with a gender therapist. For me, it was literally life-saving. Just a thought you might want to consider. Mine is done completely on-line.   Again, welcome. Jump in where you feel comfortable.
    • MAN8791
      Change. I am so -censored- tired of change, and what I've just started in the last month with identifying and working through all of my . . . stuff . . . around gender dysphoria represents a level of change I dread and am terrified of.   2005 to 2019 feel like a pretty stable time period for me. Not a whole lot of change happened within me. I met someone, got married, had three kids with them. Struggled like hell with anxiety and depression but it was . . . ok. And then my spouse died (unexpectedly, brief bout with flu and then gone) and the five years since have been an unrelenting stream of change. I cannot think of a single way in which I, the person writing this from a library table in 2024, am in any way the same person who sat in an ICU room with my dying spouse 5 years ago. I move different, speak different, dress different, think different, have different goals, joys, and ambitions. And they are all **good.** but I am tired of the relentless pace of change and as much as I want and need to figure out my dysphoria and what will relieve the symptoms (am I "just" gender fluid, am I trans masc? no -censored- clue at the moment) I dread it at the same time. I just want to take a five year nap and be done with it.
    • VickySGV
      Welcome to the Forums Amanda, there are a number of us here who took that long or longer to come to grips with our personal reality.  Join right in and enjoy the company you have.
    • AmandaJoy
      I'm Amanda, and after 57 years of pretending to be a male crossdresser, I've recently admitted to myself that I'm a woman. It's pretty wild. I don't think that I've ever had a thought that was as clearly true and right, as when I first allowed myself to wonder, "wait, am I actually trans?"   The hilarious part is that I owe that insight to my urologist, and a minor problem with a pesky body part that genetic women don't come equipped with (no, not that one). I'll spare you the details, but the end result was him talking about a potential medication that has some side effects, notably a 1% chance of causing men to grow breasts. The first thought that bubbled up from the recesses of my mind was, "wow, that would be awesome!"   <<blink>><<blink>> Sorry, what was that again?   That led down a rabbit hole, and a long, honest conversation with myself, followed by a long, honest conversation with my wife. We both needed a couple of weeks, and a bit of crying and yelling, to settle in to this new reality. Her biggest issue? Several years ago, she asked me if I was trans, and I said, "no". That was a lie. And honestly, looking back over my life, a pretty stupid one.   I'm really early in the transition process - I have my first consultation with my doctor next week - but I'm already out to friends and family. I'm struggling with the "do everything now, now now!" demon, because I know that this is not a thing that just happens. It will be happening from now on, and trying to rush won't accomplish anything useful. Still, the struggle is real . I'm being happy with minor victories - my Alexa devices now say, "Good morning, Amanda", and I smile each and every time. My family and friends are being very supportive, after the initial shock wore off.   I'm going to need a lot of help though, which is another new thing for me. Being able to ask for help, that is. I'm looking forward to chatting with some of you who have been at this longer, and also those of you who are as new at this as I am. It's wild, and intoxicating, and terrifying... and I'm looking forward to every second of it.   Amanda Joy
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Yep, that's the one :P    Smoothies are criminally underrated imo
    • Ivy
      Rain here. I went to Asheville yesterday, and stayed later to visit some before going down the mountain.  Down here there were a lot of trees down in the northern part of the county.  The power had gone off at the house, but was back by the time I got home (21:00).  There was a thunderstorm during the night.
    • Birdie
      I used to get ma'am'ed during my 45 years of boy-mode and it drove me nuts.    Now that I have accepted girl-mode I find it quite pleasant.    Either way, being miss gendered is quite disturbing. I upon a rare occasion might get sir'ed by strangers and it's quite annoying. 
    • Mmindy
      Good morning Ash,    Welcome to TransPulseForums, I have a young neighbor who plays several brass instruments who lives behind my house. He is always practicing and I could listen to them for hours, well I guess I have listened to them for hours, and my favorite is when they play the low tones on the French Horn.    Best wishes,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,    I had my first cup of coffee this morning with my wife, my second was a 20oz travel mug on the way to the airport. Once clearing TSA, I bought another 20oz to pass the time at the boarding gate. I’m flying Indy to Baltimore, then driving to Wilmington, DE for my last teaching engagement at the DE State Fire School.    Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋    
    • Vidanjali
      In my opinion, the gender neutral version of sir or ma'am is the omission of such honorifics.   "Excuse me, sir" becomes simply, "Excuse me", or better yet, "Excuse me, please."   "Yes, ma'am" becomes "Yes", or depending on the context, "Yes, it would be my pleasure" or "Yes, that is correct."   Else, to replace it with a commonly known neutral term such as friend, or credentialed or action-role-oriented term depending on the situation such as teacher, doctor, driver, or server.   And learn names when you can. It's a little known fact that MOST people are bad with names. So if you've ever told someone, "I'm bad with names", you're simply affirming you're typical in that way. A name, just like any other factoid, requires effort to commit to memory. And there are strategies which help. 
    • Mmindy
      @KymmieL it’s as if our spouses are two sides of the same coin. We never know which side will land up. Loving or Disliking.    Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • KymmieL
      almost 45 min later. Still in self pity mode. I cannot figure out my wife. I shared a loving post on Facebook to my wife. Today she posts, you are my prayer. Yet, last week she puts up a post diragitory towards trans people. Does she not relate to me being trans?   ???
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...