Data suggests red states watch the most trans porn

[Ivy]

30 minutes ago, Betty K said:

And non-passing trans women may not be very confident about being seen in public, especially if there is strong anti-trans sentiment in your area.

Yeah, I don't see much of anybody but myself.  But I know there are a few around here.

 

To be honest, it wouldn't surprise me if a sexual predator claimed to be trans.  That's what happened in the Colorado shooting.

[awkward-yet-sweet]

43 minutes ago, Betty K said:

How many female sex offenders do you know? 
 

Teaching young men that queerness is pathological is undeniably bad imo, yes. And there are still young men who have obviously gotten this idea from somewhere, though the situation does seem to be improving, at least in my part of the world. 

 

Actually, I do know a couple of females sex offenders. One being my GF's sister.  🙄  for some reason there have been a lot of Sensational cases of female teachers Behaving Badly.

 

I'm not sure who is teaching boys that queerness is a disease. I haven't run into that. My faith community definitely not in favor of male homosexuality. Patriarchy it may be, but the Book says what it says.  My community is teaching boys mostly that it is "incompatible with your responsibilities."  And that the origin of sexuality and gender variation is a broken world, rather than being the fault of the individual.

[Ivy]

1 minute ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

My faith community definitely not in favor of male homosexuality.

I was not able to accept myself until I broke from this.  For me it was very liberating.  

I do realize that some others have no problem with it though.

I am not hostile to this faith community, but I can no longer be part of it.  It has been said that I am "going to hell".  I guess I'll find out eventually.

[Betty K]

1 hour ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

My faith community definitely not in favor of male homosexuality. Patriarchy it may be, but the Book says what it says

This may not be the same as pathologising queerness, but it it definitely is policing it, and for no good reason. What happens to queerness in a community like that? I presume it goes underground, and is apt to burst out involuntarily in often harmful ways. I’d say this also accounts for the apparent popularity of trans porn among such men. Remember “the Book” is over 2000 years old. Maybe it’s time to take some of what it says with a grain of salt?

 

As to the bit about women offenders, who knows, maybe you really do live in an outlier community in which women are equally as prone to violent crime as men are. That’s why we have statistics, so that we can see beyond our own experiences to the wider world at large. You and I have discussed this elsewhere. I doubt we are going to agree on the topic.

[Betty K]

1 hour ago, Ivy said:

To be honest, it wouldn't surprise me if a sexual predator claimed to be trans.

I agree that does happen. Who knows how often?

[Betty K]

1 hour ago, VickySGV said:

Trans on Trans sexual interactions do go awry for the same reason Hetero and Gay relations go off the rails, and that is when alcohol or drugs are involved and when neither side really knows what the other person's boundaries are. 

I guess I just naively thought that trans women would be less prone to sexual violence than cis men, because testosterone would be less of a motivator. And just because, I dunno, we might be more empathetic than most cis men? I expected more. It makes me so sad.

[MaeBe]

1 hour ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

And that the origin of sexuality and gender variation is a broken world, rather than being the fault of the individual.

It's nice the blame isn't laid on the foot of the individual, but a broken world? That's nearly as bad. "We accept that you're broken, because of this broken world, but you're broken none-the-less. Don't get me wrong, it's not your fault, but it'd be so much nicer if you weren't."

 

1 hour ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

My community is teaching boys mostly that it is "incompatible with your responsibilities."

Such as making stoic soldiers out of them? Is there a reason for the paramilitary bent on their rearing?

[VickySGV]

4 minutes ago, Betty K said:

I guess I just naively thought that trans women would be less prone to sexual violence than cis men, because testosterone would be less of a motivator.

 

It is not the hormone per-se that is the cause for damage.  In the case of my friend who is still healing from the assault on HIM, (Female to Male who is on T.)  the principal suspect whom I know vaguely was on drugs themself at the time and used date rape drugs on the victim.  The other cases I have "Big Sistered" after non-consensual sex or even batteries also were simply young people enjoying freedom, or so they thought and as I have said, exceeded or ignored boundaries and drugs and booze were at the root.   Trans of both genders need the principals of personal dignity and personal boundaries as to their own bodies respected, although one problem we seem to have is that as bodies and genders cross over we have been taught the wrong responses or goals of our interpersonal encounters.  

[Betty K]

1 hour ago, VickySGV said:

Trans of both genders need the principals of personal dignity and personal boundaries as to their own bodies respected

I can see how this is part of the problem. As I said above, I have been approached by transfemmes on dating sites who seem to have very little self-respect. They have invited me to be involved in sexual scenarios that I would never consider in 100 years, and some get defensive when I suggest that such scenarios sound unsafe and maybe they should reconsider engaging in them too. I realise these may be extreme cases, but I suspect a lack of self-respect may be common in the trans community, and I can’t help thinking that deep down even these folks are mostly looking for affirmation. Again, it makes me so sad. 

[Ivy]

9 minutes ago, Betty K said:

I suspect a lack of self-respect may be common in the trans community, and I can’t help thinking that deep down even these folks are mostly looking for affirmation.

When you're constantly told you're a piece of crap, it's hard to have self-respect.  I would love to have affirmation.  That's one reason I come here.

[Betty K]

7 minutes ago, Ivy said:

When you're constantly told you're a piece of crap, it's hard to have self-respect.  I would love to have affirmation.  That's one reason I come here.

I know. And, as I’ve said, at first that was a motivator for me to engage in sexual activity with men, because it was so astonishing to be celebrated for something I had been so reviled for. Tbh that is probably still a motivator, though far less so. So I do understand how some trans folk could follow similar impulses into dangerous territory. 

[awkward-yet-sweet]

6 hours ago, Betty K said:

Remember “the Book” is over 2000 years old. Maybe it’s time to take some of what it says with a grain of salt?

 

Well, we definitely disagree on that part.  I grew up in faith, and one of my strongest beliefs is the inerrancy, infallibility, and 100% modern relevance of Scripture.  For me the question has been - given that the book is an external standard, how does my life conform to it?  And in the areas where my life doesn't conform, what can I do about it? 

 

5 hours ago, MaeBe said:

It's nice the blame isn't laid on the foot of the individual, but a broken world? That's nearly as bad. "We accept that you're broken, because of this broken world, but you're broken none-the-less. Don't get me wrong, it's not your fault, but it'd be so much nicer if you weren't."

 

Such as making stoic soldiers out of them? Is there a reason for the paramilitary bent on their rearing?

 

For me, the realization of the world broken by original sin was really, really liberating.  The version of Christianity I grew up in lacked that view.  I was told that everything was my fault, that I was abnormal.  To receive support and education after high school I spent two whole summers forced into a sort of conversion therapy that really messed with my head.  When I met my GF, and through her I met my forever family, I was introduced to a different and more accurate faith.  I found that some of what I had been told wasn't actually in the Book at all...and that I hadn't been taught some essential things.  The experience has really changed my life.

 

I have no problem admitting that I'm broken.  Medical imaging showed that without a doubt, even if my gender issues weren't proof enough.  But my faith tells me that every single one of us has a struggle....and I find that a huge part of life's meaning and dignity is  in what we do with struggle. 

 

Yes, our way of raising the kids is different.  I'm still getting used to it.  But one of the reasons for it is the times in which we live.  We live in times of struggle, possibly leading soon to the end of all times as described in the Book of Revelation.  That feeling has only increased since the events of 2020.  I watch the next generation of our community growing up strong and skillful and determined, and I watch the older ones mostly choosing lives of productivity and service.  I don't see them depressed and repressed in the way that I was, or listless and unguided like others in their generation. 

 

So.... one question in my mind is what do we do about all this trans porn?  Hide the fact?  Acknowledge the existence?  Do we believe it is harmful or not?  And as we raise our young people, what do we tell them?

 

[Betty K]

13 minutes ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

So.... one question in my mind is what do we do about all this trans porn?  Hide the fact?  Acknowledge the existence?  Do we believe it is harmful or not?

 

I don't know about you, but I don't have a problem with the existence of trans porn. My problem is with the hypocrisy of folks who watch it and then vilify us as perverts, pathologise us, and try to legislate us out of existence. That, to me, suggests a seriously stunted sense of morality. It suggests those folks are blaming trans people for their own desires. It is, frankly, disgusting, not to mention scary. The solution? Fix society, to the point where desiring a trans person is not taboo. But that is a big ask, clearly.

 

As to whether or not the porn industry harms people, I'm sure it does. I totally support workers' rights for porn actors, and sex workers in general for that matter. I'd also prefer to see less objectification of women, not just in porn, but in society as a whole. Less adverts for chocolate bars featuring young scantily clad models. Less Hollywood movies featuring women characters who are basically only there to look good beside the male lead and reveal their breasts in the sex scenes. You get the picture. And I would definitely prefer to see far, far less violence -- sexual or otherwise -- perpetrated against, well, anyone, but especially against women by men.

 

So what do I suggest we do about it? Support sex workers' rights. Support women creators -- not to mention queer and trans creators -- in porn and in media in general. Don't victim-blame. Work to overturn any political party or institution that seeks to vilify trans people. I could probably think of more things but, again, you get the picture.

[Ivy]

9 hours ago, Betty K said:

I don't know about you, but I don't have a problem with the existence of trans porn

I don't either.  However if that is the only representation of transgender people one sees, it is unfortunate.  I don't feel like it represents my life very well. 

But then it is porn isn't it.  

I'm not going to kink shame anyone as long as it's consensual.

If you have a problem with a particular thing, just don't do it.