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I Am Beautiful

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Thank you. 


We went to go see Wreck It Ralph movie yesterday and had a good time. I miss having someone special in my life. The days I don’t see them are empty. I’m now working so at least Mon thru Fri 8 hours of that are of work. But it’s hard sometimes to come home to no one. I have plenty to do though. I can watch a movie, write, draw, read, take pictures, play on phone, go clothes shopping, etc. I love to write! I just finished another one of my short stories. This one was Christmas Puppy. I love to build up my characters and make them go through life situations.  Right now I love to write about Romance. Maybe it’s because I want it so much! I may never fully transition but the person I marry will have to love my sensitive side. Being a part time parent is hard sometimes.  My brothers both have families and houses and great jobs. They never call me. I’m alone just trying to survive sometimes but I just did my taxes and I’m getting a nice refund so this will help. My ex found out about the change in jobs and already demanding child support. Time moves forward and we move with it. It’s hard out here but it’s better than living under abuse and ridicule. 

No one should own anyone. In my marriage she owned me and kept me in prison by threatening divorce. When I let go I lost everything but If I would have stayed I would have probably lost my life. The kids will grow up and I will get older. I know that love is out there! I will live my life and love all until the day I find that love of my life.


Be strong and courageous when you have to and sacrifice when needed and live your life for others not yourself and good things will come! You just wait and see how wonderful your life can be! Hang in there and never give up! You got this! 


This is what I tell myself every day. 





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How can any one say your ugly

Can they read what’s inside

They will never be able to see

What I’m trying to hide 


Won’t someone say I’m pretty

Or give me a second glance 

It would make me feel so free

If someone would give me the chance


No one is truly ugly 

It’s just something we say 

If we could truly see 

Ugliness would just go away 


We all bleed the same 

We all have to feel

So next time you feel shame 

Remember ugliness ain’t real






(I used ain’t in my poetry to prove that even words can be thought as ugly. This word when it is expressed in the way it is in this poem brings out how evil it is to call anyone ugly. 


We are all breautiful in our own skin because beauty comes from within. 


Love 🌹




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We are all beautiful in our own skin because beauty comes from within! 👩‍🦳

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Another Day


Another day goes by 

Am I worth anything at all

Sometimes I wonder why 

I’m in a constant free fall 


I jumped a long time ago 

But I haven’t hit the ground

Life gave me a big blow 

But I hear a sound 


Beautiful music playing in my ear 

Saying I am worth something to someone somewhere

I’m not just nothing floating in the atmosphere

There is someone who does care 


Maybe a stranger or a friend 

 A lover from a far who sees me 

Someday this free fall will end 

And I can truly be free 







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Roses are red the sky is blue 

They each no their color 

How about you 

They each no one another 


The sky brings the sunshine 

So the rose can grow 

When will it bring mine 

I just don’t know 


Some one that will love me 

For who I really am inside 

some one who will set me free 

In then I can confide 


If the sky watches over the rose 

Makes sure that it will bloom 

Somebody out their knows 

And surely has the room 


To fit little pretty me 

Into their life and heart 

They can truly see 

I am their sweetheart 




Tessa 👩‍🦳


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Broken Mirror


I look in the mirror 

And she looks back at me 

Things become clearer 

As she begins her plea 


Please don’t ignore me anymore

I long to come out 

Hear my roar

Dont silence my shout 


I am your true reflection 

Every thing you want to be 

You treat me like an infection 

Its because your blind and cannot see


The mirror is my place 

I stay locked inside 

How long will you chase 

You’ll never be satisfied 


Brake the mirror 

And let me free

You have nothing to fear 

This is my plea






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Your poems are all so beautiful. Compliment was sweet. I especially related to ugly bc I feel ugly on the outside. I hope hrt will shapen and soften me to reflect how I feel within, lovely. 


Fallen Rose touched me too. I've gone through a lot of heartbreak in my life. Life can be so cruel sometimes, but sometimes it can be sweet too. 


Keep up your art! ❤️

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Thank you so much! I don’t get s lot of compliments so I appreciate it. Life had been tough on me going through a nasty divorce. I am a soft loving women inside. I long for someone to understand me for who I really am. I scared to do hrt. Not ready for that. Just focusing on getting to know Tessa. Nice to meet you and have a lovely day! 



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A Gift 


I am a gift 

I can never share 

I would love to lift 

The burden I bare 


What is beauty

How can anyone vote

Can they see inside me

What I wrote


I see Tessa in my eyes

Her beauty and smile

I see how she tries 

Maybe I should let her out awhile


The eyes that stare 

Are only a faded background 

I’m a gift to share 

True beauty I’ve found 


Faced my fears 

Forgotten what they say 

She’d some tears 

I’m here to stay 


No place to rest 

I sit inside my brain 

I’ve done my best

To deal with the pain


Am I a gift 

Would anyone open me 

Then maybe the burden would lift 

I could finally be free


It’s so hard to be me. The inside wants to reflect the outside. However, the transition is hard. I’m slowly moving into a new phase in my life but it’s a scary one. I’m glad at least I’m not alone. Last night I bought some woman’s dresses, skirts, and shirts. It’s hard being Tessa. I can admit it. It’s hard being you. The true you that you let no one see. 







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Very nice Tessa, I enjoyed reading this morning


Have a great day !


C -

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Give yourself time Tessa.  Your writing so reminds me of myself some years ago.  This morning as i brushed my wig i saw a lovely ,if old, woman looking back. 

You are certainly not alone.





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Dress Up 


Everyone likes to dress up 

Look good for the one you love 

Everyone likes to dress up 

To be able to rise above 


To feel a lovers embrace 

As they hold your hand 

To feel a gentle touch to your face 

You can barely stand 


To be loved is such a way 

That everything begins to spin 

You forget what to say 

It takes you out of your skin 


What if we dressed our heart 

What color would you choose 

What if we expressed our inner part 

What do we have to lose 




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I look at the sunset 

See all the brilliant colors

We must not forget 

That we are all sisters and brothers 


living under the same sky 

We all see the same

But we walk right by 

Afraid to give our name


The world has become so cold 

That hearts just break 

If we could just be bold 

Give instead of take 


To live together in peace 

Is a sign of love that’s real

Let all the judging cease 

A new world we will reveal





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Lovely thought.





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What matters more 

How you look or feel

Down in our inner core 

That’s where we’re real 


Does anyone truly see

The deepest, darkest part 

Of you and me 

Down deep in our heart 


You have to dig deep inside

Be willing to get dirty 

You have to confide 

Really listen to our story


Hearts come in different sizes

But we all pump blood 

Inside us are surprises 

If only a person could 


See the truest form of you

You are wonderfully made 

All that you’ve been through

No need to be afraid 


If your living from the inside

Then the outside shouldn’t matter now

But we will run and hide 

Can someone show us how


By Tessa👩‍🦳






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Nice read this morning Tessa,


I like being real, I live in the real world....


C -

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Thank you 

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Life is all about balance 

Walking that line 

Taking a chance

You will be fine 


Stick to what you know 

Learn what you can 

Your life will grow 

Stick to your plan 


Don’t look down 

Focus straight ahead 

Don’t wear a frown 

Smile instead 


Life is hard you know

No ones life is a walk in the park

The places you will go 

If you choose to get out of the dark


Set your gaze on the light 

Watch your feet on the line

Your going to be alright 

Your going to be just fine






Your going to be just fine. Maybe someone needed to hear that. ❤️

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I carry my journal 

In my pocket 

It’s my secret tunnel 

So I make sure to lock it


I feel better after I write 

My thoughts are my cure 

My mind can rest from the fight 

I see I have nothing to fear 


The words are from my heart 

So no one could ever erase

Their from my inner part 

My inner beautiful face 


Me and my little book 

I can take anywhere 

It causes me to take a deeper look 

No longer do I need to compare


I am who I am to be

Every word that I write 

Is a part of me 

Fear can take flight 


I am who I am and that’s ok because who I am is the best version of myself.








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"You're going to be just fine"... 

I did need to hear that. Thanks for your beautiful words Tessa


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I’m just here

Does anyone see

Just another tear

Can anyone here me


I feel the tension 

It pulls me tight 

A little attention 

Would that be alright 


Fighting inside my head

The battle does wage

More tears I shed

As I try to get out of this cage


My silent world inside

Tucked away in my head 

I just want to hide 

Get away instead


Will my friends understand 

Will family leave me cold

Will anyone hold my hand 

Somethings wrong I’m told 


But nothings wrong with me 

I am living what’s inside

I just wish they all could see 

I don’t want to run and hide


I’m here 

Here to stay 

Another tear

But I’m not going away






This ones a little dark I know. But life sometimes is. The poem is about fighting through the tears and facing your fears. 









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If life was simple 

Everyone would smile

If life was easy 

We would all be happy 


life is not simple 

life is hard 

Everyday is a struggle 

But it can be easier 


Loving yourself 

Maybe the hardest thing you do 

Understanding who you are 

Takes time and patience 


Be patient with yourself 

Love who you are 

Don’t let anyone tell you your not loveable 

See yourself beautiful 


Words don’t have to rhyme 

But they need to be true 

Free yourself 

Take courage and be strong 


Life is not simple 

But living it we must 

Find that inner peace 

That ignites your inner person


We all we’re built to love 

Hate is only a choice 

Love is always stronger 

Find your inner voice and be at peace


I have always tried to rhyme my poems but this one I purposely chose not to. Pay attention to the words and let them speak to your heart. Words are the morrow of the soul. Communication is all we have and our words bring life to people. Be encouraged today that you are loved and have the courage to love yourself. 





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Gotta love oneself! It is hard sometimes though. 


I think most people have the misconception that poems have to rhyme. I like to focus more on the rythmn, the "timing" of syllables, and the word flow  Ya know!

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If You Were Mine


Oh, If you were mine

I’de hold you tight

Everything would be divine

Oh, what a delight


You would have nothing to fear

Your tucked away in my heart

I would hold you so near 

We would never depart 


Locked in my forever embrace

You would no my love is real

Oh, what a lovely face 

I’de let you express what you feel 


Safe in my arms embrace

 Connected by love’s touch

Our hearts beating the same pace

Oh, I’de love you so much 






I found a friend that will let me be Tessa. I can be myself around him. It’s not a romantic relationship but It gets her out and that’s a big thing for me!  Last night I got to be fully dressed in a skirt and wear my wig and actually be me! It was a wonderful feeling! My family judges me but he does not. My trans daughter cut her hair even shorter. I can also be myself around my daughter. I went to a support group and I plan on going again. I was inspired to write this poem when I woke up. I would love to meet that person that would love me in this way!


Love to all!





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A Song 


I wake up to a bird’s song 

I hear the beautiful melody 

I would love to sing along 

Could the song be about me 


not done with this one yet. 



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  • Who's Online   12 Members, 0 Anonymous, 250 Guests (See full list)

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  • Posts

    • ShawnaLeigh
      I admire your courage and agree that the information you have on your experiences can be invaluable to others who are not there yet. I myself would have a hard time doing this in front of an audience.  I'm still shy and a bundle of nerves during public speaking.  Something I have battled since high school.  
    • Jackie C.
      Yeah, you might need a little bit of a boost. I never hit "unable." At my lowest was, "Eh, maybe once or twice a week." Of course we'll see what's going on now once I've healed enough to even think along those lines again. For now... I've accidentally poked my incisions with a dilator. I am in no hurry to repeat the experience. Ow.   Hugs!
    • Sarahnr1
      WELL spoken Aidan (standing up and aplloud)   and im happy to read youre  doing  better again.  and reg anxiety  yes i hadent thoght of that Aidan but its also closely related to depression  actually  (and yes Severe on that one as well (sigh )       
    • ShawnaLeigh
      Dang it I hit submit before I was ready to.  LOL I was going to add that my arousal is at zero.  Nadda.  No morning events or even during erotic dreams.  Even if I try on my own its just non functional at this time.  I assumed this was a normal thing on HRT.  I suppose I need to ask about this when I go in again for an appointment.
    • ShawnaLeigh
      I cant even call them boys anymore.  They are brats and troublemakers! Dang things got me in more trouble.   Mine go on a one way trip soon too and I can not wait.  Plus I can stop taking as much of the HRT meds afterwards which will be nice.
    • Sarahnr1
      Bipolar  is  whats  formely was  known as manic depression   and  what it does  is actually as you describe  you have  youre UP  perids  were lifes  is  all good  and then  you have youre DOWN  periods .and its not  uncommon to have both  Depression as well as  Bipolar   BUT only a cert  doc can make that diagnose  tho   Belive me i understand  better then you might  think Mark . and  i also understand  the  demands on you   are getting  higher  as  you grow  older .   NO Mark  we cant  im a living example  that you CAN  make it thru this rogh times       Again i understand  you Mark  and i know you whant  belive me  BUT  as the time  goes  by  and you manage to get thru this  rogh periods  youre  mental strainth   will also increase   and you will be  stronger then you were before  (how do you think im still around  with my crappy life  ?  )  I agree  mark and thats  WHY  you need to go and A   get  help for youre depression  and B  try to not   ask to much of youre self   (ie  LOWER youre own expectetaions on youre self  and accept  you can only do youre best)    C   GET youre self  OUT there   and look around  Mark   if youre not happy being a lone wolf  then you need to get out and  look  they arent  going to just stand  by youre door  and say hey !   ya know       Mark  when you have youre  Pm privigies  pm me  ANY time you whant  or need and we can talk about  whatever you want.Thats  just the depression talking   DONT listen to it   if i would have listend to all the crap coming at me  24 / 7   i would  have  left  this earth a long  time  ago     Mark  i have been talking to this so called  pro`s   since i was 4  and up to adult (now close to 50 )   age  and  you'd  be surprised to see  how  much that have  improved from my time  to now. (back in mu days they dident  know  diddly about any of my diagnosis  or problems BUT these days  they have learnt  plenty  . and the  only way you will find  out  if or how they gonna help you is  give them a chance   (wink)  +  when youre this far  down  you NEED  profetinal help TRUST me on this . (and like  in life in general theres  good as well as bad   so cold  profetinals  and if you feel one isent  working  ask for another one )  And last  its  not  they will help you  its  YOU and  with the  guidance of   them will together  find a solution.  And  also im not on any meds  either   for any of my diagnosis  so thats NO requirement.                
    • Aidan5
      My advice is basically just the retelling of everyone's wonderful and thoughtful comments. You have your life ahead of you and I know what it's like to be in that dark place, I was there just 2 weeks ago I think but something small made it all turn around and made me want to keep fighting. I had given up then and there I wouldn't be here where I stand today, that I am grateful for. Please hang on bud. This is anxiety, the fear of the unknown, but give it a little thought, university may be super cool and fun! Just give it a chance. When I was a freshman in high school I was terrified, and even now I am going to be moving schools so late in the school year. I will make the most of it and enjoy what life has brought me, you should try to do the same, friend :))  
    • Markjvp
      hey aidan i know this isn't related to this topic but check the new thing i posted on suicide prevention i felt very low yesterday i still feel it today its called why keep living?
    • Markjvp
      i know this cycle will continue for now at least while im in school and im expecting university to be super hard so why keep living? but again i cant kill myself... not yet and i know things im throwing away if i do it
    • Aidan5
      PFFT haha! Whoops!   Thnank you everyone for your kind regards as always!! ❤️   I do plan on keeping in touch, and try to rebuild a relationship with them, thankfully they are willing to help with moving me out.    I also apologize if I am not as active, for I will be busy with things for the move
    • Markjvp
      actually i think i dont have both because even when im super low it can disappear and ive never had mood swing before (if thats what bipolar disorder is) but i have suspected that i have depression because from time to time basically if im not distracted enough and if i start thinking negative things i will get sad maybe feel low    i know you probably understand how im feeling but i keep fighting and every year is kind of like a cycle at this point school gets harder i most likely pass the courses that i take and at home i just watch or play then at the weekends we go somewhere because we need to buy something but also each year i go through something like this at least once when im feeling super low and at least once in the year im so sad that im thinking of... you know... suicide. so we cant just give up? how my life is pretty much a cycle right now a loop theres things added to it like this site but i just dont want to keep living like this im like a wild animal being put in a cage but was fighting before but now giving in or I AM in the cage slowly giving up and i can probably describe my life a couple more ways. ive always wanted to be free and ive always been someone who tries there best at everything but whats the point of moving forward when i almost have no help i know "keep fighting" but again its getting harder and harder and i know the people here can only help so much but not as much as you being here physically for me...   i still cant kill my self not yet and ill probably keep doing what im doing even while sad but why keep living. yes i probably should get professional help but how are they going to help because i can most likely counter what they say "there's people that love me" that's just probably my mom and dad and i cant feel the love from my other parts of my family i dont know what else someone might say but thats how i can counter that. also im not taking any medications right now
    • Jackie C.
      Yeah, I had about a year of peace before they took my off HRT for surgery. There's probably something up with your T-levels. Your endo will take care of it if it doesn't settle down on its own.   Hugs!
    • KathyLauren
      Good for you for doing this!  Public speaking, though it can be terrifying, is a great confidence-builder.  ANd sharing your experiences will help others on their journeys.  Way to go!
    • DeeDee
      My one superpower is being able to calm babies down enough to go to sleep. Though it has always worked better on other people's than my own. 🥰 I do not miss projectile vomiting and green diarrhoea though! Congratulations on becoming a big sister Emily, and for finding a decent therapist to help explain things to your parents.
    • Debra Michelle
      Didn't turn something down yesterday,get to speak out at a local monologue with 11 other post op trans women.An employee of mine told a couple of her friend whom are organizing this about me and asked if I would do this.Looked them in the eye and told them yes.I want to tell my story which is an open book on my life even during my transition and when I had my GCS in January.They were happy I didn't turn this down.Told the news to my mom and 4 brothers and husband,they plan on going to it.Friends found out too,they told me I am doing the right thing and will help out other trans women that are struggling needing help and encouragement.Found out 3 of my friends whom are now post op trans women are doing it too.I am so excited about this and not looking back.Glad I get to let it out in a good way.First meeting is next week meeting the other 8 that are going to be in it and this is going to happen in June.
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