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Tessa

I Am Beautiful

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Tessa
On 5/1/2019 at 8:07 AM, Tessa said:

A Song 

 

 

I wake up to a bird’s song 

I hear the beautiful melody 

I would love to sing along 

could the song be about me

 

Birds were built to fly 

Do I have invisible wings 

Someday I would like to try 

Why do I thing on such things 

 

To fly away with someone 

Who truly loves me 

Oh, wouldn’t it be fun 

To be young and free

 

To pirch way up high 

Watching the world below 

To soar through the sky 

But this is what I know 

 

I am not a bird 

But I still can fly 

My voice can be heard 

I’ll tell you why 

 

We all have a song 

Burried deep inside 

Now let the bird’s sing along 

We have nothing to hide 

 

Let your invisible wings 

Take you where you want to go

You’ll discover new things 

This you already know 

 

Note: We all have invisible wings that exist around us. These wings are beautiful and delecate. Spread those wings and fly! Make a difference  in this world! Remember you are beautiful and unique and you add beauty to the world! 

 

Stay beautiful! 

 

Tessa👩‍🦳

 

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Tessa

Dress

 

How do you pick an outfit 

Do you think much about it 

Beford you put it on 

Do you look at yourself in a mirror 

 

What colors do you choose 

Do you go by the way you feel

Are you picky with your style

Do you match everything 

 

Dressing is an intimate moment 

You get the chance to show who you are 

Do you dress for people or yourself 

You can’t choose your skin 

 

But you can choose what your in 

The world is watching who cares 

When I pick an outfit 

I have to feel good in it 

 

I won’t let people tell me what to wear 

I dress for me alone 

So dress how you feel dare 

Be who you are all day

 

Look back at yourself 

And say I am beautiful 

Feel that way all day 

Let that feeling be in you 

 

Let no one put you down 

Don’t put yourself down 

Enjoy who you are 

Let the world fade it’s only background 

 

Your the STAR!!!!🌈

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Tessa

Hidden

 

Theres a hidden side in me 

A side hidden in my shadow 

Where only the shadow you can see

But it’s always following me 

 

A shadow never leaves you 

Though in the dark you can’t see it 

It will shine through 

As soon as the light hits it 

 

It is only a shape 

The shape of who you are 

In my shadow I can escape 

Together we can go far 

 

No one can see us here 

We remain only a spot 

Even if we should shed a tear 

See it, you cannot 

 

When will I step out of the shadow 

So all can see me 

when will I know 

That I’m finally free

 

By 

 

Tessa🌹

 

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Tessa

Feelings 

 

I’m not feeling beautiful today

Is it I don’t want to feel that way

Who cares anyway 

Will this feeling fade away

 

Everything I’ve done is for others 

I leave no room for myself 

When I’m alone I’m empty

I don’t want to feel this way

 

I want to feel happy and loved 

I want to feel accepted 

I want to feel desired and loved 

These feelings are foreign to me

 

You will only find them in the characters 

That I write about in my stories

If I could be one of those characters 

Who is writing about me 

 

by

 

Tessa🌹

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Tessa

To Be Loved Like That 

 

To wake up to being held 

And a kiss on the cheek 

All sadness expelled 

So much love it makes you weak 

 

To feel the warmth of a heart 

That belongs only to you 

For your love never to part

They will be with you through and through

 

To feel your lover upon your skin 

A touch that tells you your desired

 A beautiful feeling within 

A love that is truly inspired 

 

Tessa👩‍🦳

 

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Tessa

Love Form

 

Love in it truest form

Is kind and sweet

It is so incredibly warm

Its like a candy you can eat

 

It doesn’t boast 

It wants to only be with you

Its real and not a ghost

If only people knew 

 

The touch of true love

Will always heal

It won’t push and shove 

It will cause you to feel

 

It doesn’t look at financial gain

It love the rich and poor 

It’s like a gentle rain 

That falls and then begins to pour 

 

True love is empty of pride 

It lives in sickness or health 

It doesn’t run and hide

it doesn’t care about wealth 

 

It looks inside your heart 

Not the shell you are in 

It loves your most vital part 

It praises you when you win

 

It breaks through your insecurities

It enriches your inner soul

It brings you new opportunities

It chooses to make you whole

 

It will never leave you empty 

You will always want more 

It will always have plenty 

True love is knocking at your door

 

True love is free

Anyone can give it out

True love is in you and me 

True love we can’t live without 

 

It searches to and fro

Looking for a heart to consume 

Its a friend not foe 

Its always has room 

 

If you’ve been touched by its power

Then you are under its spell

This is the hour 

To break out and yell

 

True love is coming for you

Just you wait and see

It will guide you through 

It will lead you to your destiny 

 

by Tessa

 

 

 

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Tessa

Winters Grove 

 

Welcome to winter’s grove 

A secret place for love 

Where love burns in a stove

Love perches like a dove 

 

Me and my lover 

Hearts etched in a tree

Under winters cover 

My lover and me 

 

The cold of the winter snow

Our hearts keep us together

Only me and my lover know 

We are forever

 

With snow still falling 

I fall more and more in love

Winter is calling 

I thank God up above

 

A winter cold kiss

I taste the snow on my lover’s lips

This I will never miss

Oh how my heart flips 

 

Forever will stay 

In our winters grove 

Forever and a day 

Burning in loves stove

 

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Tessa

Simply Me 

 

I wake up from my sleep

With no one holding me

It doesn’t pay to count sheep 

I see what no one else can see

 

I see the woman inside 

I can’t escape her desire

Hell, knows I’ve tried 

She lights me on fire 

 

I need to simply be me 

I’m not someone’s puppet on a string

I need to feel free 

Be loose of everything 

 

I am searching to be complete 

To feel right inside 

Not to live in defeat

To find someone to confide 

 

Will I forever be broken 

A discarded treasure of beauty 

Forever forsaken 

For simply being me 

 

By 

 

Tessa 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Tessa

Little Bit Of Christmas 

 

A little bit of Christmas 

This is all I need 

A little more plus than fuss 

A little less greed 

 

A helping hand 

Just a hug or two 

You don’t understand 

Until it happens to you 

 

You treasure the hugs you get

Especially when your alone 

Family seems to forget 

They don’t even call you on the phone

 

It’s hard for the lonely heart 

When no gifts will be received 

So if you are able to impart

Your love will stop the bleed 

 

Tessa 👩‍🦰

 

 

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BrandiBri

I hear on that. I get more hugs from my coworkers and customers than from family.

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Tessa

That’s sad but true. My Christmas was horrible this year. You could name it Christmas Nightmare. First off Christmas Eve my check didn’t come in so I woke up to 1.70 in my account. I used a credit card to get some food for myself. I mainly stayed home and watched TV till family Christmas at my older brother’s house. I was suppose to bring drinks but I had no money so I brought some chocolates that some girl gave me at my job. That wasn’t good enough for them. They told me that they couldn’t trust me a anymore. My mom brought the drinks and when I brought them in I was told now they don’t want them. I color beautiful grown up pics and gave 100’s of pics. I gave each person my art. Each pic takes me hours to do. No one but my mom thanked me. It always feels weird around family. My younger and older brother are both still married and have kids that actually are pretty young. I don’t fit in. My younger brother’s wife decided to rip on me and tell me I’m a horrible person and that my kids are hurting because of me and that my kids will hate me when they get older. It cuts me like a knife. Right now my ex is being investigated by CPS for neglect. My kids are older 17, 13, and 15.  Mom leaves them with no food and sleeps at her boyfriends house. Someone called on her and it wasn’t even me. 

 

So that’s Christmas Eve. Christmas Day I get to see kids 10 to 4. I go to pick up and the older one is told she has to clean the house. The 13 year old doesn’t want to come. He’s mad at Mom because their told they can’t open any gifts until 830 PM. Mom told them she wants her boyfriend there. I finally get him to come and my money came in but all the stores are closed. I have no food. So I suggest Village Inn. One does not agree and kicks my front window from inside the car breaking it!  The break is bad enough that it will cost 300 to 400 dollars to repair. My 15 year old thought I was going to beat her for this because that’s what mom would do. Instead I take her home to cool off. My 13 year old wants to stay home and play video games and the 17 year old needs to clean due to that the boyfriend gets upset when the house isn’t clean. So I take my one child the one who broke my window and I let them all grab some snacks from a gas station. I have nothing to give them but the cash I got from my mom and uncle. My brother’s didn’t even get me a card. So I give my only cash away. I’m so strapped on money I’m out before it hits the bank! Child support takes a lot of it and rent takes a full check. My ex now is demanding a legal battle because this is my year to claim 2 kids. I owe back child support of 1100 dollars. My mom surprised me yesterday and loaned me the money. In our decree it says I have to be paid up by Dec 31 to claim. She still wants to get Lawyers involved to stop me. So needless to say this was one of the worst Holidays ever! But I’m still alive and I will pay the back child support. I was without a job for about 2 months last year. Life has been so difficult trying to cope with 2 jobs, stressed out kids, and an ex that wants to burry me. Family accept my mom will not help me. They look down on me as a loser. Inside I’m crying for someone to love me for who I am. I know Tessa is a beautiful soul and gives to all. I’m a creative heart and I love to write and color. I’ve given my coloring pics to complete strangers. I give of my time, money, and talent freely asking nothing in return. I am open for anyone to talk to me and I will listen. I do feel like a woman inside with high emotions and I love the idea of being cuddled and kissed and held. Told I’m beautiful! I love to as in style. I wear men’s clothes but sometimes choose to wear woman’s under garments. Not all the time though. I love my caring, loving, and gentle side. Anyway. Hope you all had a better one. Things will work out for me I know it. I’m a gentle heart just waiting for the right person to connect with. I like this site because I actually get responses and it cost nothing. I want to be accepted and loved like any other woman does or man.  Be at peace and live at peace with others. Hold no bitterness in your heart but love often. 

 

Love,

 

Tessa ❤️👱🏻‍♀️

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Tessa

I meant to say have 100 pics. I only gave out 1 to each. 

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Tessa

Rain 

 

I hear the rain upon my window

It such a peaceful sound

Rain has a nice flow 

As it fertilizes the ground 

 

I’m I rain to someone’s heart 

Do I bring them peace 

Do I sprout a bran new start 

Causing their darkness to release 

 

Water is used to purify 

To clean out the stain 

Is this why we cry 

So we can wash out our pain 

 

We all can be someone’s little rain 

If we open our heart and soul 

We can help with each other’s pain 

We can help make them whole

 

So let the rain pour down 

Let it wash over me 

I won’t frown 

It will set my bitter heart free

 

By 

 

Tessa 🥰👱🏻‍♀️

 

 

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ToniTone

That's a beautiful poem! I feel that. 

 

I'm sorry you had a terrible time during the holidays. Family can be jyst awful. Family and holidays can be overrated. I hope you heal from it hun... 

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Tessa

I will. I was able to surprise my boy today. His birthday was yesterday. I got him a new phone and a video game. He looked so happy! I upgraded my phone and Carter’s phone. Mom I guess ignored him on his birthday and spent time with her boyfriend. I was glad I could do this for him! 
        I redecorated my house a little. It always feels good to change things up a little. I’m a big Marilyn Monroe fan so I bought a 2020 calendar of her. Today was a good day. I think every day we need to appreciate what that day brings. Even if it brings bad things. You can look forward for the day that brings good things. 
        
Thanks, 

 

Tessa 👩‍🦰

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ToniTone

That's nice! I love Marilyn Monroe 😍

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Tessa

Marilyn was ahead of her time! People look down on her but if you read her story you see the determination she had! We can all learn from her. 
         I hope everyone is having a great New Year! I stayed home and brought it in watching Star Wars! I got off work at 2 pm and then did a little shopping. I started the films around 3 pm. I made it through 1, 2, and 3. 
          I bought myself some panties and when I wear them it makes me feel good. I threw away all my woman’s clothes but now I find myself buying them again.  No matter what I do Tessa always comes out. 

         I don’t think I’ll ever fully transition but I will never be a full man either.  I want to fit the inside with the outside. I’ve been writing a lot on my stories on the Chapter App. I have a little following. I dedicate this poem to the everyone that has dreams and hopes this new year. 
 

New Year

 

Another New Year 

The Old Has Past 

Let Us Cheer 

2020 Is Here At Last 

 

Time To Start A New 

Let Old Scars Heal 

Let This Year Be All About You 

It’s Important How You Feel 

 

Let What You Feel Inside 

Be Evident To All

Oh The Tears I’ve cried 

How My Heart Did Fall

 

Heartache And Pain 

I Felt Last Year 

This Year I Hope To Gain 

I Will Not Fear 

 

This Year I Will Be Strong 

No Matter What Comes My Way

Love Is Never Wrong 

This Year Let My Love Lead The Way 

 

Tessa 👱🏻‍♀️

 


 

 

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ToniTone

Beautiful poem, happy new year hun! 💖

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Tessa

Happy New Year to you to!  

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Tessa

Pretty 

 

I want to be pretty 

why does my look mean so much 

Why am I so needy 

Desire human touch 

 

I want to be cuddled and held tight 

Rolled up in a blanket secure

Held tightly through the night

With my love one near


I was once in love 

But left in the cold 

Peaceful as a dove 

But my heart I sold 


Who will want me 

Am I damaged goods now 

I want to be free 

Will someone free me somehow

 

Love, 

 

Tessa 👱🏻‍♀️

 

 

 

 

 

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Susan R

@Tessa

 

If this writing is yours, you have some seriously good writing skills.  I’ve had very similar thoughts and emotions expressed in this beautiful poem you posted above.  It really tugs at my heartstrings.  Keep them coming.

 

Thank you for sharing a part of yourself in your poetry,

Susan R🌷

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Tessa

Yes, It is my writing. Thank you for your amazing comment! All my life I’ve been told I was skinny and ugly.  Then I marry someone and fall in love and she leaves me. One thing that really hurt is she purposely tried to change my body by making me take stuff that tasted horrible. There was nothing wrong with my body and she treated it like it was detestable. Also she told me that I was a bad father in front of my children. She actually seemed to enjoy hurting me. She kept sex from me just to hurt me. I stayed for the children. I tried to hold everything together by working 2 jobs. I’ve always felt like a woman. I don’t know what it is but when I’m dressed like a woman I feel amazing! But I can’t share that feeling with anyone in my family because they would never understand. I just want to be loved and cherished by someone special. Life is very hard right now. Tessa is so beautiful in my mind but I remain a woman in a man’s body, 

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Tessa

Dreams

 

I keep dreaming of the way I wanted it to be

Its safe in a dream right

In my dream I control what I see 

But things aren’t always so bright 

 

Feelings masquerade as people there

Then these people hurt me 
These dreams I dare not share 

They hide the pain inside me 
 

I just want to be loved by true love 

Love that will not haunt me in the night

A kind of love not a shove 

That tells me I’m not alright 

 

The hurt is so deep 

It hides in the day

It comes out when I’m asleep 

I guess it’s just that way 

 

I keep dreaming of my ex after being divorced since 2013. She haunts my dreams and I can’t seem to shake her. She’s moved on with another relationship but I have no one. I dream in color and last night she was oh so beautiful! I looked into her face and told her that! When I was married she never thought she was at least when I told her. Even in my dream last night she couldn’t accept it. I dreamt we were about to make love and then she rejected me. This happened a lot in our marriage. I was always rejected and told not to touch her. She would slap my hands and push me off the bed. That’s not love. She told me I didn’t matter in how she refused my kisses and hugs. My dreams try to change her and cope with her. She’s taken my money and now under investigation for child neglect because she would rather be with her boyfriend than the children. My children are broken and that’s a sad thing. My daughter is trans and I am doing my best to accept her. Here I am Tessa and I want to express my feminine side but I can’t accept my daughter wanting to be male? She’s 15 and she needs to know I love her! Her mom rejects her. I’m still called Dad but she knows about Tessa. I’ve tried to rid these feelings in my life but I just can’t. I love the body off a woman, how they think, I feel more comfortable around them, and my gentle intelligent feminine side always seems to rule the day. It’s just hard to find someone who will love me for me. My girlfriends at work don’t know Tessa but yesterday got a little bit. I wrote on my styrofoam cup “Tessa” She asked me who that was? This is something I am discovering. I told her it was my other name. She didn’t mind. My other girlfriend told me I’m such a joy to be around. That felt good. Really good! 
 

love Tessa👱🏻‍♀️

 

 

 

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Tessa

Everything’s Beautiful

 

Everything’s Beautiful 

In it’s own way 

Everything’s Beautiful 

You say 

 

That would mean we’ve reached perfection 

Everything isn’t beautiful 

Everything is caught in the eyes reflection

You make it beautiful 

 

What your eye’s see 

What they take in everyday 

They set the mind free 

So Beauty can find it’s way 

 

Everyone is born beautiful 

No matter what anyone has to say 

Everyone is beautiful 

In their own unique way 

 

Beauty is not a process 

Something you have to attain 

It’s not a game of chess

Its not something you have to entertain 

 

It’s just there inside you 

It’s where darkness has no place 

Your beauty will guide you 

No matter what you have to face 

 

I have gone through so much in 2019. Losing a job, problems with kids, and the fight to see myself as beautiful. It’s not our bodies or what we do that make us beautiful. It’s when we are our true self loving ourselves and others. I may feel like a man and woman inside and beauty comes from each gender. I’ve learned that pain can define us or push us further into a prospering future. I can’t deny myself because that would be like ripping off my own skin. What I can do is change within and become the person that I can be proud of. I may never understand fully myself but the parts I do I must embrace. I’m a writer, a teacher, a lover, an artist, a photographer, a stylist, an encourager, and these are just some of who I am. I’ve decided my one word for 2020 is going to be “LOVE” 

 

Living my true self 

Overcoming my insecurities 

Vowing to do good regardless the situation 

Enjoying my accomplishments

 

Tessa is going to shine in every way in 2020. I will look back and see great things! Love isn’t a feeling it’s a choice. We have to make the choice to love ourselves and one another. I choose love and I know that by choosing it I will win every time. Be loved, Accept yourself, Be patient and kind to yourself, Don’t worry, and most of all let your inner beauty shine through so your eyes can reflect on it and then your mind will tell you these 3 simple words.

 

I AM BEAUTIFUL 

 

love Tessa👱🏻‍♀️

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Susan R
On 1/13/2020 at 5:30 AM, Tessa said:

I’ve decided my one word for 2020 is going to be “LOVE”

If I had to choose one word to focus on for the rest of my life...LOVE would be it!  I’m trying!

 

On 1/13/2020 at 5:30 AM, Tessa said:

Everything is caught in the eyes reflection

You make it beautiful

My favorite part of your most recent poem.  Thanks for sharing, Tessa

 

My Best,

Susan R🌷

 

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  • Posts

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      I agree completely. It's why I always try to encourage people in a relationship to communicate. Successful relationships have compromises. Not doing things alone is kind of the whole point in being in a relationship, right?   Hugs! 
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      Ka, you're post was heartfelt and difficult, emotionally, to read.  It took courage to write it.    I will say that the best thing I did was to involve my spouse immediately after coming out.  From the second session on of gender therapy, we attended all sessions together, which was as helpful for me as for her.    So, if further therapy is a possibility, then I would urge that it involve you both.   Hugs,   Astrid
    • MaryMary
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      Good idea - calling government or banks or institutions - I'll give it a try and tell you how it goes. Thanks
    • MaryMary
      For me it moved from "he" to "her" at some point without me totally understanding why exactly. One thing to keep in mind is that many people who work in public job will actually be thoughtful and avoid using those pronouns if they are not sure. Maybe that's what you are experiencing. Maybe your voice is now in the "androgynous" range and people are more careful?   It's funny because in french it's very much part of a certain "etiquette". I found out that if I call in more serious institutions like banks or government  they tend to call people "madame" or "monsieur". I don't know if it's like that in the usa? Maybe try that, try calling a bank, lol   anyway, good luck in your quest
    • Shay
      drum roll please......introducing the all new and improved....Kylie....
    • Shay
      I posted a request on the "achieving Feminine Voice" but I got no responses - I wanted to test my progress on my voice feminization exercises and making random calls to some stores and  a hair salon to see if they think I am female from my voice on the phone. I tried but no one used ma'am or any language to let me know if they thought I was female. I even tried a hair salon and said I'd have to check with my husband about taking me and that didn't work either.   Any experience and how you used phrases or something to draw out if they thought you were a girl?   Thank You,   Shay    
    • Ka
      Hello -   Scanning through the recent posts, I can see I’m in good company.    So. My spouse started identifying as trans last winter - in identity, name and pronouns. He’s already had a double mastectomy for other reasons - and no replacements - and masculine/male clothing came before that.    I just didn’t realize he actually wanted to take T. He went through the thought process, decision, doctor appointment and decision with the doctor without telling me. The prescription was sent to the pharmacy before I knew, and the injection was the next day after he told me. That was a week and a half ago, so there has been a second injection too.    I feel really down on myself for struggling with it all. I feel like I should have realized it was coming and that I should be more at ease with it, because he’s so far along already. I’m determined not to be someone who impedes someone else’s self and happiness. So I try not to talk about my difficulties too much. Then I blurt something out because I’ve stuffed my feelings in and they can’t stay there.    I believe I would be connected with and attracted to him if I met him after transition, but how do you go through letting go of parts of the person you chose before transition?  How do you deal with a difference in the face of someone you’re used to looking at so often?  How do you accept being left out of the process that got him to this point?   Ka
    • Leah
      Me too, Kay. I live alone now, and due to Covid, I'm dressing femme most of every day and night. It has evolved from a turn on to  a habitual and natural part of my normal routine. The thought of HRT has crossed my mind, but at 76 with the entire list of Covid-adverse medical conditions, I doubt they'd Rx it. I'd like to experience the shifts in emotional outlook they talk about. To me, being in a more feminine frame of mind sounds very mellow. My big question is whether these feelings will continue evolving toward increasing femininity, or do they plateau and become my default status quo? Continuing evolution would be good, but the hassles that seem to come with transitioning sound daunting.
    • Confusedconfusedconfused
      100%. I don't feel any rush to make big decisions. I'm seeing a gender specialist now and my first step was to ask my closest friends to refer to me as he/him and Jude. Nothing further until I gain more knowledge and experience.   What you said about rotating, I identify with that a lot. Since having my first realization and beginning to dress like a man (as much as I can right now), I feel my true self coming forward while the parts of me that were "a facade" for lack of a better word, are being pushed back.   Thanks so much for your response. It made things a lot clearer.
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