Good morning All. Coffees on.

[TommieAnne]

31 minutes ago, Tessa said:

Brandi. 
 

I work at home for the time being and my company has been so supportive of me in wanting to be Tessa. I asked if I could present myself as Tessa over the phone. They agreed and do I am now opening the call up as Tessa. Only one person thought I was male so far. If they do I will just kindly correct them. Some customers already thought I was female so my voice must reflect a feminine tone. By me saying my name as Tessa and helping them as Tessa I will begin to believe in myself. I’m not a freak I’m a lovely woman and that is what I want to come out to all the people I help. Management has my back. This will also help in these lonely times at home. I made the step. I took it and soon I’ll be running. 
 

Love you all! 
 

Tessa?‍?

No dear, you're not a freak. You are a lovely woman who is trying to claw her way through the barriers locking her in.

《《《 big warm hugs 》》》

TA

[Debra Michelle]

My daughter Erin telling me she has no regrets crossdressing fulltime now this morning.She loves her life as Erin now.Says I am her positive role model in her life.I support her very well.

[Erikka]

Some cloud cover, projected high of 62 and currently 52. In the hospital waiting to get my heart monitor put under the skin on my chest. Then coffee with DD1 and then the bank with DD3.  Blessings to all of you for a bright day.

[Tessa]

2 hours ago, TammyAnne said:

No dear, you're not a freak. You are a lovely woman who is trying to claw her way through the barriers locking her in.

《《《 big warm hugs 》》》

TA

Thank you. I tried this before but was afraid but today I’m not. Hardly any customers questioned my gender. It was so refreshing to hear them call my name as Tessa! I feel amazing! When I talked to the customers before as my other name. I would say it fast because I didn’t want them to hear it. Now I can proudly say Tessa and help them as my authentic self. I am really trying here. 
 

Love 

 

Tessa?‍?

[Tessa]

I’m taking steps but they are extremely scary and feel so awkward. I just can’t keep going back and forth. It’s no way to live. I am 45 and still have years ahead of me. I don’t want to be sad anymore and always feel I don’t fit in. I have to do this for my mental health. Tessa is so confident and calm and seems to not let life get to her. She doesn’t panic either. She’s also a deep lover. I know I could make someone really happy someday I just haven’t found the right person yet. Bigger steps are coming. I don’t want to be stuck anymore. I don’t care what people think I have to survive here. No one can live my life or actually know how I feel but me. I’m just trying to be the woman that I know I am and release the pain and accept that I am this way and it’s ok. Please help me? 
 

Tessa?‍?

[TommieAnne]

37 minutes ago, Tessa said:

I’m taking steps but they are extremely scary and feel so awkward. I just can’t keep going back and forth. It’s no way to live. I am 45 and still have years ahead of me. I don’t want to be sad anymore and always feel I don’t fit in. I have to do this for my mental health. Tessa is so confident and calm and seems to not let life get to her. She doesn’t panic either. She’s also a deep lover. I know I could make someone really happy someday I just haven’t found the right person yet. Bigger steps are coming. I don’t want to be stuck anymore. I don’t care what people think I have to survive here. No one can live my life or actually know how I feel but me. I’m just trying to be the woman that I know I am and release the pain and accept that I am this way and it’s ok. Please help me? 
 

Tessa?‍?

You know, most people in their day to day interactions with others barely notice them, and could care less who or what they are, so long as they get their product or service as requested. So there's no reason to not be your real self. And no reason for someone to make an issue of you being yourself.

It's okay to be yourself.

It's much easier said than done. I know. I've spent almost 70 years trying hide my little frightened self from view of the world. Enough! I'm not going to spend the rest of life trying to cram a square peg into a round hole!

You are the woman you are. Just relax and let life flow.

TA

 

[Oh_Kay]

Got off work early. Mowed our lawn and the lady next door's. Sunny and 70's, took my shirt off while mowing. Afterwards, I put on shorts and sat in the sun for a while. No farmer's tan this year!

[TTheta]

Morning-  er more like afternoon, because I just woke up haha. It's almost 3 in the afternoon, I really need to fix my sleep schedule... I put my binder on after giving myself a break for my ribs to heal, and I look amazing, and feel amazing. I am just feeling great today, and my stepmom just let me buy men's shorts. :))
 

Only thing that ticks me off right now is how much of my asian qualities work against me. Being half Korean is hard for a trans dude ngl. Everyone thinks I am wearing makeup for some reason (I have never touched makeup in my life haha) My lips look like I am wearing lip tint or something like that and some people think I am wearing mascara, it honesetly scares me to put things close to my eyes... It also works in my favor as well because my hair makes me look like some sort of kpop idol, it's complicated so I dunno how to feel about it haha, so I will see the best out of it.. 

[Tessa]

2 hours ago, TammyAnne said:

You know, most people in their day to day interactions with others barely notice them, and could care less who or what they are, so long as they get their product or service as requested. So there's no reason to not be your real self. And no reason for someone to make an issue of you being yourself.

It's okay to be yourself.

It's much easier said than done. I know. I've spent almost 70 years trying hide my little frightened self from view of the world. Enough! I'm not going to spend the rest of life trying to cram a square peg into a round hole!

You are the woman you are. Just relax and let life flow.

TA

 

I was Tessa all day and no one on the phone really cared. This is validation to me more than anything! And when customers say my name that is amazing! It really is good validation. I’m going to continue this. I work better as Tessa because I am so sweet to my customers like a woman would be more than a man. I have a sweet personality and it shows as I comforted some older folks today. Tessa is all woman but Kevin is mixed in but Tessa is in control. I also notice when I’m the other way I’m nervous and can’t relax. I have to be having music or TV playing on low. With Tessa I can relax and it can be totally quite and I’m not afraid or worried. She is the one that seems to be more responsible and knows how to handle feelings better. She is able to self comfort herself and she loves deeply. I love Tessa because she is the true me coming out! It’s not about the clothes I wear or how authentic I look. It’s about letting a trapped person out of the world and leaving my pain behind. The journey continues. 

 

Love you all 

 

Tessa?‍?

[KymmieL]

Well I saw 76 on my ride to Cheyenne. I did help divert my attention for the time I was gone. 

Of course my wife starts in again. about an hour after I get home. Saying that even though I cut my hair she still doesn't trust me at my word. Oh, Well. Kymmie is in hiding.

Still nothing from my oldest, My wife asked if I will talk to him this weekend. Yeah, if he wants to talk to me. Right now I only have two sons and 2 grandsons. I am not going to crawl back to my son for acceptance from him and my wife. No matter how much I love them and my Grandson and Granddaughter. I may have hurt them but they in turn hurt me worse. OH, Well life goes on.

Kymmie

[TommieAnne]

KymmieL life does go on.

So sorry you are faced with this, whether right now or in the future.

I'm hoping things take a turn for the better, a hope for "the good" even if we don't really know what that looks like yet.

《《《 hug 》》》

TA

[Oh_Kay]

5 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Well I saw 76 on my ride to Cheyenne. I did help divert my attention for the time I was gone. 

Of course my wife starts in again. about an hour after I get home. Saying that even though I cut my hair she still doesn't trust me at my word. Oh, Well. Kymmie is in hiding.

Still nothing from my oldest, My wife asked if I will talk to him this weekend. Yeah, if he wants to talk to me. Right now I only have two sons and 2 grandsons. I am not going to crawl back to my son for acceptance from him and my wife. No matter how much I love them and my Grandson and Granddaughter. I may have hurt them but they in turn hurt me worse. OH, Well life goes on.

Kymmie

 

KymmieL,

 

I was afraid that i was going to face what you are going thru. Thankfully my wife has been totally accepting. Maybe you can't live it on the outside, but keep your female spirit alive on the inside. Total repression just doesn't seem healthy. Wish you luck!

 

Kay

[Oh_Kay]

Good Morning! Coffee is very good this morning! Weather is nicer here in the mid-west. Plan to enjoy some time outside. Have a great day everyone!

[KymmieL]

Kay, Oh, She is quite alive and well.Just on a sabbatical for the time being.

 

I open this morning. whether or not I can make it through the whole day remains to be seen.

 

Have a great day everyone,

 

Kymmie

[TommieAnne]

Good morning! Back again only this time with coffee in hand and making sense!

I was pondering philosophic things this morning, and two things stuck out:

1. People in your life are either repetitions of old patterns or guides to the start of a new phase.

2. Everyone is either offering love or crying for help.

Discerning the either-or is the challenge.

TA

[Emily michelle]

Morning everyone been at work for an hour and a half already. And I just now got coffee lol. Sunny here ant a high in the upper 80s.

Kymmie I hope everything goes ok today and you have a good day.

[Tessa]

Hey Babes, 

 

Yesterday was a hard day in that my trans daughter called. She goes by Carter. She was mad because she wants to see her dog who is at my ex’s boyfriends house. I guess she told the boyfriend that his car smelled like smoke and he took this as an insult so no one got to go see the dog. He misses his dog so much! It’s cruel she takes the dog away form him. Carter called me from the backyard screaming and upset cussing profanities and threatening to run away. I’m not aloud to go down there but I’m my visit days. Carter is hurting and he doesn’t realize who else he can hurt. He’s 15. I have to be the mother to him because she is not. I talked her down from her rage but now she wants me to break the rules. She had allergies but mom refuses to acknowledge this. So I buy her Zyrtec. But mom won’t let me drop it off. Carter plays his only card he has. If you don’t I won’t go on anymore visits. They play this card because mom does it. Now I’m torn between breaking the law or losing my child. Carter may just be saying theses things out of hurt but do I risk it. Finally after sitting in my car for nearly an hour already have bought the medicine mom surrenders and says I can just drop it off on the sidewalk but no interaction with Carter what so ever. I do it and trust is regained. I cried when I got home. Full mental breakdown. I journaled a little and went to bed. 3 hours overtime today and I will pick kids up at 1:00 PM. I felt as long as Windy my ex said it was ok I would be ok. This is a woman that has called police on a false charge on me 2 times. If you push her you the wrong way she will get you back. She used the court and I almost lost my rights to my children during our divorce so even though the kid says mom won’t. I have to be careful. The boyfriend has told the kids he will have them and that I will not be in their life. This will never happen. He tried to discipline them but only I can settle down Carter. Tessa comes out full strong with her sweet loving way to calm and sooth and to make it all better. I’m the ointment Carter needs and the bandaid. He gets upset and tries to hurt me not knowing how much I live him and will do anything for him. I am a strong woman and a determined one and what my ex doesn’t know is that when it comes to my babies don’t mess with momma bear! My oldest has refused to see or contact me. That’s her choice. She’s 17. Ok babes. I gotta work now. 
 

Love to all

 

TESSA?‍?❤️??

[Susan R]

@Tessa, I feel your pain.  I have a daughter who no longer acknowledges my existence.  I know how much it hurts and I wish there was something I could say to make things better for you. In a few years, your ex will likely lose much of her control over when or if your younger daughter can see you. It must be even more difficult with your ex using that threat as a power play against you in your life. I hope things get better for you..I’m sorry you have to deal with this stuff.

 

Well, on a slightly happier note, my therapist texted me last evening and wanted to know if I want an early Sat. morning appointment. I had nothing scheduled this week so it was good news.  So I’m up having a Butter Toffee cup of java right now before getting ready. Take care everyone.

 

Susan R?

[Emily michelle]

Tessa, I can’t even begin to imagine what your going through. I’m sorry you have too deal with this. Keep your head high and keep moving on. I don’t have any kids yet but by the time They come i should be only known as mom. I hope you have a good day!

[Erikka]

Morning troops,

today the sun is reluctantly fighting the forecasted rain and temp 61, almost tank top weather here in California’s forgotten NW corner. Got my “mark of the Beast” chip put in yesterday to monitor my suspected faulty ticker. DD1 and DD3 are thankfully not taking sides with either parent. Still very little communication with DD2 and I don’t like suspense. I am hoping that travel will be easier come summer. That way I could go see her and talk face-to-face. But then again, as hard as waiting is, let her make the first move is probably the best strategy. Dere har alle en flott dag. ?

[Tessa]

Today was a successful day I would say! Most customers believed I was female over the phone! I’m fact one kept calling me Mam! Love it! I just want to be that sweet girl that I know I am. 

 

Love 

 

Tessa you guys can call me Tess (nickname) 

[KymmieL]

Tessa does hey you, work? 

 

At work, now. Since I  cut my hair. I'm getting  call sir, more. And it makes me cringe.

 

Hugs,  Kymmie 

[Oh_Kay]

7 hours ago, Tessa said:

Hey Babes, 

 

Yesterday was a hard day in that my trans daughter called. She goes by Carter. She was mad because she wants to see her dog who is at my ex’s boyfriends house. I guess she told the boyfriend that his car smelled like smoke and he took this as an insult so no one got to go see the dog. He misses his dog so much! It’s cruel she takes the dog away form him. Carter called me from the backyard screaming and upset cussing profanities and threatening to run away. I’m not aloud to go down there but I’m my visit days. Carter is hurting and he doesn’t realize who else he can hurt. He’s 15. I have to be the mother to him because she is not. I talked her down from her rage but now she wants me to break the rules. She had allergies but mom refuses to acknowledge this. So I buy her Zyrtec. But mom won’t let me drop it off. Carter plays his only card he has. If you don’t I won’t go on anymore visits. They play this card because mom does it. Now I’m torn between breaking the law or losing my child. Carter may just be saying theses things out of hurt but do I risk it. Finally after sitting in my car for nearly an hour already have bought the medicine mom surrenders and says I can just drop it off on the sidewalk but no interaction with Carter what so ever. I do it and trust is regained. I cried when I got home. Full mental breakdown. I journaled a little and went to bed. 3 hours overtime today and I will pick kids up at 1:00 PM. I felt as long as Windy my ex said it was ok I would be ok. This is a woman that has called police on a false charge on me 2 times. If you push her you the wrong way she will get you back. She used the court and I almost lost my rights to my children during our divorce so even though the kid says mom won’t. I have to be careful. The boyfriend has told the kids he will have them and that I will not be in their life. This will never happen. He tried to discipline them but only I can settle down Carter. Tessa comes out full strong with her sweet loving way to calm and sooth and to make it all better. I’m the ointment Carter needs and the bandaid. He gets upset and tries to hurt me not knowing how much I live him and will do anything for him. I am a strong woman and a determined one and what my ex doesn’t know is that when it comes to my babies don’t mess with momma bear! My oldest has refused to see or contact me. That’s her choice. She’s 17. Ok babes. I gotta work now. 
 

Love to all

 

TESSA?‍?❤️??

 

 

Tessa,

 

I lived though some similar situations. My ex re-married and the guy hated my guts. He took it out on my kids and trashed me at every opportunity he could. Hate to say it, but it sounds similar to your ex's boyfriend. It only turns into a big power struggle. BUT, in the end, your kids will love you, not him! It will backfire on him as it did in my situation.If he touches your kids, they need to tell the social worker at their school immediately. I know there is probably no school right now, but I bet they have access to the social worker there online. When we were going thru this stuff, my kids would go to the social worker at their school, it was a great resource! One time they called us all in to the school and the social worker told my ex they were on the verge of calling DCFS if things didn't get better at their house! Hang in there!

 

Hugs,

Kay

[MikaReich]

Restocked my tool truck,I am an independent tool dealer selling tools.A few were orders I ordered for a couple customers.The shops I go to on the routes like me,great service and I treat the customer right

 

[KymmieL]

Susan, I hope I am wrong but I believe my oldest is going to do that very thing. I thought I raised him to be more excepting.

 

As of now, still no word from my oldest. The ball is in his court now. As I have said. I am not going to beg for forgiveness, nor anything else. He no longer matters in my life.

 

Just checking things before turning in. Evening cups finished.

 

Have a great night everyone.

 

Kymmie