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Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

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Congratulations @SaraAW for being able to be yourself at work. It is such an amazing feeling.

 

The HR dept. at my job got back to me today. As much as I wanted it, I didn't expect to hear from them for a couple days. Here's the message they sent.

 

Good morning Elizabeth,

 Thank you for your email. I appreciate you being comfortable with coming to me with this amazing and frightening phase in your life.

 As your employer, we will do everything we can to provide you with a safe and comfortable work environment. I ask that you come to me or (deleted) immediately if you ever feel this isn’t the situation.

 Would you like us to update the staff as to your change and make the appropriate changes in your employee photo,  email signature and email address?

 The best of luck to you and (deleted) as you continue through this journey in your lives.

  (Deleted)

 Director of Human Resources

Of course I said yes. Update the staff, change my email, I'm even getting a new ID. Feels like my life is finally coming together.

 

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@ElizabethStar this is fantastic news. Never would have happened in my day and be proud to be a pioneer and standing up for yourself. I am so proud of you girl. I?hope all goes well but be alert and watch for push back. As far as weve come culture is still there and I suspect you will still see and feel those who refuse to understand and try to sabotage you. I am not trying to be negative but those who don't and won't understand will be out there. Just be cautious. You are much too important and I want to see you make it and show those who won't like what you are doing.

Know you have someone who witnessed a lot in industry (I worked in aerospace and oil and gas industries. good old boy, family owned companies and the politics and money and cut throat tactics disgusted me and I was never able to get discrimination and fairness especially in human resources to stick and I as a male. Speaking out and was screwed so often for sticking up for women who were treated horribly but took it and didn't rock the boat. I hope things have changed I just don't want to see you hurt in that way.

Hugs

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@Shay I've seen it. There is a "boys club" where I work too but I've always been treated as an outsider. There's been only one person I hung out with outside of the job, he overdosed and passed 12 years ago.  I haven't wanted to hang with any co-workers since then. And although we're pretty loose with our rules for interacting with each other they react swiftly when someone crosses the line. I've seen people fired in less than 10 minutes after being hired for making a single smart-ass comment.

I will not live in fear and suppress myself to make others happy. I know the dark, dark places I will go to.

 

I have been physically beaten down for defending women. The first time it cost me the ACL in my right knee. The second time tore more cartilage in the same knee and I got a broken tooth for my trouble.

 

My state does has some pretty strict anti-discrimination laws. I know they will only protect me to a point but I will exhaust every resource I have if I need to use them.

 

All I can do is move forward with dignity and pride. With every step I take the road behind me disappears. I'm on a journey of self-love. I will never look back.

 

 

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I think just about every where there is the boys club. I have never been a member. I have always been on the outside. ever since school I was a nobody from the auto shop. People knew me by my car than by me.

So I know exactly what you are saying.

 

Kymmie

 

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@ElizabethStar thank you for sharing more of your story. YOU are an example of pure bravery and I admire you and applaud you as an incredible woman and I know you won't buckle and I cannot say enough about your character. I have been attacked, thankfully physically and i know what is ahead of you and I am so happy to see a company with zero tolerance and a start stepping up for equality. I can't be any prouder to know you.

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Reading thru the boys club comments. I’ve been blessed to work in healthcare, specifically in ICU. On my shift we have 20-25 Nurses working. I mostly do Charge Nurse, we maybe have 2 or 3 male nurses total out of about 125 Nurses. So I’ve been fortunate not to have been up against it. I have read some pretty crazy stories about what happens with men in the work place. All my thoughts to each of you that have to experience this issue. 

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Good morning everyone. Happy Saturday (well mine at least) Listening to the Reo Speedwagon /Chicago red Rocks concert. nice warm cup o coffee by my side. Beautiful blue clouds in the sky, about 80 forecast.

Going to work on the sound system in my Crown Vic today.  That is the plan anyway. could  change if I decide to do something else.

 

Kymmie

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Hei alle sammen,

Three more weeks until name change is finalized! Then can I stop having to sign the dead name that reminds of years of repression and hiding. Having that court order to legalize and validate my true existence is big. I know that it also means the real work will start. Changing birth cert., driver's license, VA records, checking account, loans, voter registration (very, very important) university records and diplomas and the name on the mailbox. The work will be worth it!

Today I have to be a serious student. I have put off a pysch paper longer than I should have. 

Velsignelser

Erikka

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Hurrah Erikka - congrats - a lot of work I'm learning but glasd you have another task checked off the checklist.

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Congrats Erikka, I bet that is an amazing feeling. 
 

I was talking to some neighbors last night and two more people asked about me and the one called me a bad ass for doing what I’m doing. So far my friends and neighbors have been amazing and far more supportive than my family except for my wife she has been great through the whole time.

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Hi everyone 

 

It hasn’t been the greatest day today.  I have a migraine which was getting better but now is getting worse again.

 

Its September isn’t it?  Well we are having the hottest days we’ve had all summer.  I thought it was supposed start getting cooler.

 

Been sharing with a mother whose 13 year old daughter has been cutting.  Her father Won’t accept that she needs support, mental help and not her dad fighting her over puberty blockers.  The dad is fighting tooth and nail to retain his son even if it means He could drive his daughter to suicide.  Her mother already had to commit her due to the cutting.  Mom is asking the TG community here for ideas to convince her ex husband to allow the blockers and support their child as his daughter.

 

several of us have been responding.

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7 hours ago, Kylie said:

Reading thru the boys club comments. I’ve been blessed to work in healthcare, specifically in ICU. On my shift we have 20-25 Nurses working. 

I'm with ya, I was a PICU RN for years and then a massage therapist so have been blessed with no Good o' Boys in a while.  Now Army days....... that was a different beast all together.

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And so.....the HRT journey begins!!!! First dose was today.

I'm not having to high of expectations for a quick start. Apparently my Testosterone levels were 20% above normal range for a man in his prime (which I'm not lol) and my "sex hormone binding globulin" level was elevated as well so the doc thinks I'm gonna need higher than normal doses to get where we need to be but I have to start at beginner doses for 2 months to see where that brings things.  I don't care though- it's celebration time!!!

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@ElizabethStar That is wonderful! So happy it went well with you too. I know I felt so much relief, one of my biggest fears is not being able to support my wife and I if I were to have lost my job in coming out.

 

@Erikka That's so exciting! I am right behind you. Just picked up the guarantors form from my docs today. Meeting my friend on the weekend who will notarize it, then it's the mail and hopefully an new birth certificate with Sara on it will arrive a month or so later.

 

@Willow Sorry to hear about the migraine. I suffer from those too. That's one of the reasons I got my septum and nasal surgery. So far, I've only had one headache and it was pretty minor, probably just a muscle tension headache. I hope you all can convince that man to accept his daughter and save her life. It just kills me how obstinate people can be.

 

@Bri2020 YAY!!!!

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Willow, it is supposed to be Sept. 80s tomorrow and through the weekend. but Tuesday forecast for 30s and white crap. It is however Wyoming. Blink and the weather will have changed.

 

Well not sure what to make of my wife. Last night she says last week I was close to signing over the bike into to just your name. Yeah, she got bent out of shape because I took a ride to Cheyenne with out her. How possessive can you get. Not wanting me to enjoy the bike with out her.

 

I don't know what to make of her. With some of the comments she makes. Maybe its a good thing I am looking to move.

 

Kymmie

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14 hours ago, Willow said:

Been sharing with a mother whose 13 year old daughter has been cutting.  Her father Won’t accept that she needs support, mental help and not her dad fighting her over puberty blockers.  The dad is fighting tooth and nail to retain his son even if it means He could drive his daughter to suicide.  Her mother already had to commit her due to the cutting.  Mom is asking the TG community here for ideas to convince her ex husband to allow the blockers and support their child as his daughter.

 

several of us have been responding.

@Willowis this a thread here? As a child from an abusive family I feel I may be able relate in some ways and would like to follow along.

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Yes... Happy pre Labor Day... Have fun on your 3 day weekend...Today I come out to my Godmother being both parents have passed, 1 brother has Alzheimer's and the other is estranged so this will be the only true flesh and blood I want to come out to and I am feeling good about it.

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    • Willow
      Good morning    woke up to some light rain this morning.  Maybe I should run out with a giant umbrella to cover the car.   Ha ha ha.     I’ve had really nice cars before but never something like this.     @KymmieL I hope you got to go on your ride. Back when I had my Harley we went out for a ride almost every weekend. We would head either SW down the Shenandoah Valley or Skyline Drive which danced along the tops of the Mountains or we would head west into West Virginia and just travel along until it was time to find our way home.   occasionally I wish I still had a bike but I usually quickly for get that. The only thing I ever wanted as a young person that I never had was a late 50s vette.      
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      I admit to wearing make-up. Actually, I'll admit to enjoying wearing make-up. For me, it's been part of learning about myself as a woman and finding a style and look that reflects my personality.    Sometimes, it will just be a bit of mascara and a touch of lipstick. But, most often I wear foundation with setting powder, gel eyeliner, mascara, a little blush on my cheek line and lipstick. I also use an eyebrow pencil to darken my brows a bit.  Infrequently, I will add some eye shadow.   Most of my make-up is from Mary Kay although my lipsticks or from various manufacturers and eyeliners are mostly Maybelline. My wife purchases most of her make-up from Mary Kay and so we order together from our local representative. Of course, I don't have much brand experience but I'm happy with the Mary Kay products and find myself transitioning almost entirely to their line of make-up.
    • KathyLauren
      I did early on, out of necessity.  Regardless of how close you shave, beard shadow shows through.  I just used a bit of foundation, setting powder and blush.    I didn't use much eye makeup.  I started out with a bit of eye liner, but I thought it gave me a "trying too hard" look.  So I mostly didn't use any.   With covid and masking, I stopped using makeup altogether.  Why bother when no one can see your face and the mask smears the makeup anyway?   When restrictions were lifted, I didn't go back to wearing makeup.  My face feminized quite nicely over the first few years of HRT.  I'll never be pretty, but I look more female than male.  (Or I like to tell myself that anyway.)  With several years of electrolysis, and with what facial hair remains turning white, I don't have much beard shadow, so there is nothing to cover up.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Do you use make-up? If so, why and what  types?
    • Heather Shay
      Pride is primarily about yourself, even when it is not you who did something that you are proud about. You can also be proud of something someone else did, who you associate with, such as your children or your favorite football team. People can feel proud of their culture, their family name, or their appearance, none of which require them to actively contribute to the praiseworthy thing1. However, the opinions of others are of crucial importance, as best demonstrated when you purposefully do something that other people praise. Pride is a social emotion, and to feel proud, you need other people’s (real or imagined) confirmation that you have a reason to feel that way. Because of this, other people can also ‘be in your head’ and prevent you from feeling pride. Namely, what is praiseworthy is subjective. Things that may be considered good in a certain (cultural) group may not be praiseworthy in another (e.g., if you grew up in a family that greatly values academics, your athletic abilities may not evoke much praise). Moreover, what is praiseworthy is relative (e.g., if you are a good runner in an athletically average school, you may regularly feel proud about your times; but if you move to a school with highly competent athletes, these same times may seem unremarkable to you). Thus, the more exclusive your quality is in your surroundings, the prouder you feel. Pride has recognizable features. Although its static facial expression (typically a smile or laugh) does not clearly distinguish it from other positive emotions, it typically results in a bodily posture, gestures, and behavior that are clearly recognizable: lifting your chin, looking people in the eye, walking confidently, or in extreme cases, raising arms above your head. In a way, you try to make yourself larger and more noticeable, as if to say: ‘look at me!’ You may also exhibit more perseverance in your activities2. People generally find it very pleasant to experience pride, as it elevates our feeling of social self-worth and status3. At the same time, many social groups, religions, and cultures (especially those that are highly collectivistic, such as the East Asian or African culture) believe that pride needs to be checked. Unchecked pride leads to arrogance and misplaced feelings of superiority (‘letting something get to your head’, ‘hubris comes before the fall’), and social groups typically do not tolerate members feeling like they are superior or deserve special treatment.  
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    • April Marie
      Thank you @missyjo! You do wonders for my ego.   It turns out that pastel colors were the "thing" at Kentucky Derby Day so my dress was perfect. I went with white 5" heeled sandals and a wide-brimmed fuscia hat. Dinner and Mint Juleps added to the fun of watching the (recorded) festivities and races.   Perhaps, we'll repeat it for the Preakness in 2 weeks.   Right now it's just blue striped sleep shorts with pink flowers, a pink t-shirt and flip flops. I can't tell you how much wearing  sleep-rated breast forms at night has done to quell my dysphoria. 
    • April Marie
      I can still rock 5" heels.
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!   My wife and I had our yearly Kentucky Derby Day evening. Dresses, heels, hats, Mint Juleps and a light dinner while watching the festivities and races. Relaxing and fun. I think we'll do the same for the Preakness in two weeks.   It's rainy and cool here today so it's pretty much going to keep me indoors. Ahh, well. A day of rest.   Enjoy and be safe!!
    • Ladypcnj
      Thanks Sally Stone
    • KymmieL
      Thanks, Mindy. It has been so far. Tomorrow, work some more on the wife's grand monkey. Got the right side of the hood primed, just need to do a little more work on the left then I can prime it. Then a 600grit wet sand.   I promised the wife we would take out the bike this weekend.   Kymmie
    • JessicaMW
      During my last visit with my psychologist (who has agreed to provide required letters of recommendation along with a colleague to provide the second) we discussed the shift towards my wife's acceptance. It was a long discussion but one point I mentioned was how much the two of us sitting down and watching this documentary helped:  The Kings | A transgender love story (2017)
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