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KymmieL

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@Alice_Sybilina

Thanks. Sometimes it feels like I'm jumping off a cliff . . . when it's only stepping off the curb to cross towards better things. That's what I've experienced before, but that doesn't make it feel different at any new time. I'll be OK if I trust my intuition (and doesn't that get a boost from my feminine side lately?)

yours,

Davie

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Wow, lots going on around here.  My best wishes for everyone dealing with family. 

@Elizabeth Starseriously, how do you do that much in a day? I feel accomplished getting ONE thing done. lol. I'm usually tired after that. haha

My weekend was helping my sisters with my nephew. He got admitted to the hospital for leg pain that we couldn't figure out. He's severely developmentally delayed and has advanced muscular dystrophy so we always worry when he says he's in a lot of pain because he doesn't communicate very well and I've seen him literally snap a leg and just say "it hurts" but no crying or tears!  His parents aren't really in the picture so it falls on us in these crisis times.  Never figured out why he was hurting though..all tests negative which is good and bad.

Got him home yesterday and just needed some me time so went to the pool and fell asleep in the sun for a bit so now I have real bikini lines. The burn is pretty mild.  

On the relationship front I think we are making progress.  We had decided to try and get intimate again which hasn't happened in years and honestly I didn't know if I even could with the HRT, but little blue pills worked their magic and we were successful. Pretty awkward at first but we got over our issues and enjoyed ourselves and she finished happy. Me, not so much but my goal was to get her comfortable being intimate with me as I physically change and to show her we can enjoy each other.  She's trying to be more open but really was having issues with being "attracted to a girl" among other things with me having congruence issues being only halfway through transitioning and trying to have one foot in each door sort of speak. In the end, she's all on board for now even asking if we were doing this again in the morning. lol.  Next month will be the next big hurtle since I will have big boobs. right now I can pull of androgynous but not after the BA and she won't be able to deny she's in bed with a woman. I'm hoping that by starting now, we can grow past that.

She did say after everything that we should make the most of things while i have the equipment because she made me promise that I wouldn't use having these moments as reason not to get bottom surg.

 

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1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

Next month will be the next big hurtle since I will have big boobs.

 

Well, COUPLE of months anyway. You're not going to be allowed to do much the first couple of weeks.

 

I'm glad your spouse is coming around though. Be prepared for some awkwardness regardless. My wife is just getting around to touching my vagina and she has literally no clue what she's doing. She's stuck her fingers in some downright weird places, but I don't want to scare her off so... I'm waiting until she's a bit more comfortable (and my revision probably, I mean it's next month) before we have the anatomy lesson.

 

Hugs!

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@Bri2020my grandmother's brotger had muscilar dystrophy. They told them he wildness love until adulthood but managed to live until I think his sixties. He even lived on his own for most of his life. He was a great guy and I remember playing video games with him when growing up. 

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11 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

@Elizabeth Starseriously, how do you do that much in a day? I feel accomplished getting ONE thing done. lol. I'm usually tired after that. haha

It's the way I deal with my problems. It's better than drinking.

 

My wife has been putting up a lot of FB posts surrounding "lung issues". In these posts she has been openly referring to me as her partner instead of husband. I am relieved that she's finally accepting and acknowledging me but at the same time feels like part of me has died. Granted, it's a part I wish never existed but still... 

 

Also, in her post, for the first time that I know of, I was referred to as she. Having co-workers, handful of friends and even my dogs using she/her is eclipsed by my partner's acceptance. Hopefully this will continue to grow and eventually she'll stop using my dead name around me. It's only a nick-name at this point but still I'm tired of hearing it and it has no relevance to who I truly am.

 

On the name change front, I was able to get my name changed at my bank, insurance and payroll at work. I submitted my papers to social security and PERC. Still waiting to hear back from my Endo's office and a creditor. Only 11 left to go.

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3 hours ago, Alice_Sybilina said:

@Bri2020my grandmother's brotger had muscilar dystrophy. They told them he wildness love until adulthood but managed to live until I think his sixties. He even lived on his own for most of his life. He was a great guy and I remember playing video games with him when growing up. 

there are a couple different types of MD. Many can live mostly full lives. Unfortunately, my nephew's prognosis isn't good. When born, his type had about a 19 year life expectancy. Treatments were developed that prolonged the onset of severe decline so he managed to not need a wheelchair until his 18th birthday. However, since then things have progressed more rapidly.  He only has some use of his arms but no real strength in them and his range of motion is very limited. He needs CPAP when sleeping but no ventilator support yet but we expect that in the next 2 years.  He is currently 25 so has way overshot the original prognosis and had a very good childhood with little disability except for very frail bones.

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Hi everyone 

 

ive had a few difficult days with my wife.  She says she got her anger out and is better now.

 

@Bri2020 little blue pills gave me migraines, the others didn’t work as well.  I was given an injectable by a urologist which worked, sometimes too well sometimes not well enough.  Guessing how much to use was hit and miss.  This was all before hrt.  My wife already won’t touch my upper chest, bigger boobs and I wouldn’t share the same bed I’m afraid.  But I’m happy for you.  I wish we could be more intimate again but it was over before I figured things out so it is what it is.  Some of us have it, some don’t.  
 

got a number of things to do today. Fix a lawnmower go to a bank, get the dog washed.  Plan our trip.  See what it will take to fix a gate.

 

all in heat that takes it all out of me.

 

Willow

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@Elizabeth Star I think of you every day and the challenges YOU are facing and CONQUERING. You are an amzing woman. I am also going through the change and gender on various documents and can't wait to be through that gate.

Best Wishes and hang tough girl - you AND your wife - you're making it - together.....

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Was going to run to the store, but my battery is dead.   

Just one of those days.

I put the charger on it.  Apparently the trunk wasn't closed tight.  I had been moving tools from the old shop to my house yesterday.

This is not the first time it's given trouble.  I suspect it needs to be replaced, it's not exactly new.  But I'm sure it will function once it's charged again.  And I'll put off replacing it for awhile longer.  

I mean, why replace a battery that's working?

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@Jandi i dont know if i have a bad battery or a bad alternator. RPMs my control panel beeps and flashes and generally goes nuts. I need to go to Advanced A uto and let them figure out which it is but right now that car is 480 miles from me and I’m obviously not using it.  

 

I bought a Zagg keyboard for my iPad Pro today. Its been needing drop protection and this is a two for one.  Protective case and a keyboard.  1/3 off too.

 

well, not much going on otherwise.

 

Willow

 

 

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@Willow Oh, the humility of it all. Going to advance when I work at Oreilly. For shame. LOL.

 

Sounds like me. I have my appointments tomorrow. I also have to finish my middle sons brakes on his car, then bleed at least the backs. (The inside pad on the RR was non existent. Completely worn away.), I have to get the new tire put on the back of the bike, install the new front one. Then finish the rear air ride on it. I also have to finished the cruise control install on the wagon, then get it prepped for the new metal I need to put in.

 

More tomorrow.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

 

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On 7/27/2021 at 7:20 AM, Confused1 said:

 

Hi Jamie,

 

My experience with my surgeon was the opposite of what Maddee experienced. I had a pretty large list and my surgeon seemed impressed with what I knew and what I was asking. I would take a list and see how they react. If they don't want to be helpful on the first consult, I would question whether I wanted to use them.

 

Hugs,

Mike

The visit went real well. Doctor and staff were polite. The doctor explained the procedure asking questions about what I wanted or expected along the way. He made sure all my questions were answered. He did an exam. The nurse and physical therapist went over all the after care. At the end, the nurse came in with a laptop and showed me pictures of his work and described everything in detail. Went over the next step, gave me the paperwork. It was a good hour and a half or longer visit. My wife came with me and sat in the waiting room. It was hard on her being there that long. It would have been helpful to know it would be a long visit beforehand. What I didn't know was I have to get all three of my letters in before they will put me on the waiting list for surgery. Hopefully I can get this done quickly. I've only been on HRT for 5-1/2 months now. I hope that's long enough for my primary doctor. My therapist won't have a problem with it, and she will have me see a colleague of hers for the second therapist letter.

 

Thanks for all your input. I love this forum.

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On 7/27/2021 at 5:29 PM, Jackie C. said:

 

Well, COUPLE of months anyway. You're not going to be allowed to do much the first couple of weeks.

 

I'm glad your spouse is coming around though. Be prepared for some awkwardness regardless. My wife is just getting around to touching my vagina and she has literally no clue what she's doing. She's stuck her fingers in some downright weird places, but I don't want to scare her off so... I'm waiting until she's a bit more comfortable (and my revision probably, I mean it's next month) before we have the anatomy lesson.

 

Hugs!

My wife won't even touch my breasts on purpose. It's going to be an uphill battle.

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On 7/28/2021 at 4:51 AM, Elizabeth Star said:

On the name change front, I was able to get my name changed at my bank, insurance and payroll at work. I submitted my papers to social security and PERC. Still waiting to hear back from my Endo's office and a creditor. Only 11 left to go.

Yeah, it's a long process. Confusing too. Now I have to try to remember who knows me as JIM, and there's places I may never update because of warranties or places I haven't dealt with in a long time. Don't forget the title for your car and deed for house.

 

I've been waiting almost 3 weeks now for my new birth cert. I sent the application registered mail. They got it on the 6th.

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14 hours ago, Jandi said:

Could be bad ground?

Bad ground is possible. Try giving the battery terminals a good cleaning. Sometimes they get a dark glaze that impedes connection. the connectors and terminals should be shiny clean when you're done. Typically in my experience with Dodge Caravans i've had, if weird lights come on, it's a bad alternator. Hope it's an easy fix.

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1 hour ago, Jamie68 said:

Don't forget the title for your car and deed for house.

 

I've been waiting almost 3 weeks now for my new birth cert. I sent the application registered mail. They got it on the 6th.

My car I'm not worried about right now, I have 4 years left on it and there is a paper trail that can be followed if needed. My mortgage, thanks for reminding me. I really would like whatever credits or deductions I can get at the end of the year.

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1 hour ago, Elizabeth Star said:

My car I'm not worried about right now, I have 4 years left on it and there is a paper trail that can be followed if needed. My mortgage, thanks for reminding me. I really would like whatever credits or deductions I can get at the end of the year.

It's a lot of work, but feels Sooo good when something gets done.

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1 hour ago, Jamie68 said:

The visit went real well. Doctor and staff were polite. The doctor explained the procedure asking questions about what I wanted or expected along the way. He made sure all my questions were answered. He did an exam. The nurse and physical therapist went over all the after care. At the end, the nurse came in with a laptop and showed me pictures of his work and described everything in detail. Went over the next step, gave me the paperwork.

It felt good to see this on the bathroom door in exam room.

door.jpg

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1 hour ago, Elizabeth Star said:

My car I'm not worried about right now, I have 4 years left on it and there is a paper trail that can be followed if needed. My mortgage, thanks for reminding me. I really would like whatever credits or deductions I can get at the end of the year.

Taxes are about social security number so even if you name is different on the mortgage 1099 your social won't be so IRS won't care. You will still be able to claim all that stuff.

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I was able to talk to my brother for a bit yesterday. I mostly wanted to know if heard of any fall-out from the conversations I had with my sister. Nope, he's heard nothing. It's been blissful "radio silence" for both of us. I never felt like I fit in with my family anyways. It has an added bonus. I have less people in my life to think or worry about, less people to try to tell me how I should live my life. My brother is happy about it too. He just wishes this would have happened years ago.

 

On the home front, I'm still trying to get used to my partner's new acceptance. She did laundry yesterday not a big deal in itself. She asked me to finish up for her. I went to the laundry closet, opened the door, I noticed one of my bras hanging up to dry. As little as a month ago she refused to willingly touch any of them and insisted I wash them myself. She also offered to pick up refills for my femme-n-ems later today, if she's physically up for it.

 

She also got a much needed new phone yesterday. Thank you apple, she was getting all of my text messages. I was a little freaked out since I had been messaging with one of my TG friends. not only was she able to read the current messages but had access to the whole string. Nothing weird or kinky just normal everyday stuff. She didn't give it a second thought and just asked that I fix it.

 

 

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Yes your social security number follows you everywhere , but its good to look at the statements some times a bad employer does not report your work .   If some how at tax time the issue is not fixed you can just put in a disclosure statement my name was and is now this .  I renewed my license early , then got a notice to renew from the the rmv so things are taking longer .    But a time saver is the big chain CVS will mail your prescriptions free if you use standard mail . More to save a trip . Just make sure refills and supply is enough on hand .  

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@Elizabeth Star sounds like positive progress. With spouse it is so hard and it drains me but she is coming along slowly. I 9nly have one living family members, a brother I wasn't close to, and I didn't bother telling him but I did tell my godmother a year ago and she was supportive although she didn't understand the condition.

You are making progress and that is all that matters.

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3 hours ago, Jamie68 said:

My wife won't even touch my breasts on purpose. It's going to be an uphill battle.

Are you two still hugging, holding each other? Those two plus kissing are all that's happening with my spouse. Good luck on the surgery front. I'm not ready to commit to that yet.

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Good morning 

 

My youngest granddaughter was in a really good mood this morning.  That was great to see and hear.  She suffers from depression like me and is pan sexual tending towards lesbian.  She very happily told me several weeks ago she has a girlfriend.  
 

@KymmieLif I had an O O O O’Rielly close to me, I’d happily go there.  Frankly I don’t trust this Advance Auto.  I went in there to get three 8 volt golf cart batteries.  The guy comes out with 6 volt batteries, insisting they are what I requested. When i said no i told him 8v he got indignant how do you know? Because they only have three cells, not four.  Some poor smuck that didnt know better would end up putting in 6v batteries and hitting them with a charger for 8s.

 

the next closest parts store is 15 miles away and i doubt i can make it that far.  Its an Advance as well but they dont hire idiots at that one.

 

As a teen i worked in an auto shop/motorcycle sales and service place so i know what to do.  Ive done all my own out of warranty repairs including timing belts on a Plymouth and a ford, and a head gasket on said Plymouth.  Ripped out my diesel on my boat and reinstalled another i ripped out of another boat.  That said ive had enough and and i’m winding up the Willow Tree Garage. I’m just not willing to put much money in the Explorer.

 

my speech appointment for today just got canceled.  The therapist is sick.

 

One more appointment next week and I’m done. She is happy with my progress, vocal cord relaxation and voice feminization. I just have to remember to use it.

 

Willow

 

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    • Willow
      Good morning    woke up to some light rain this morning.  Maybe I should run out with a giant umbrella to cover the car.   Ha ha ha.     I’ve had really nice cars before but never something like this.     @KymmieL I hope you got to go on your ride. Back when I had my Harley we went out for a ride almost every weekend. We would head either SW down the Shenandoah Valley or Skyline Drive which danced along the tops of the Mountains or we would head west into West Virginia and just travel along until it was time to find our way home.   occasionally I wish I still had a bike but I usually quickly for get that. The only thing I ever wanted as a young person that I never had was a late 50s vette.      
    • April Marie
      I admit to wearing make-up. Actually, I'll admit to enjoying wearing make-up. For me, it's been part of learning about myself as a woman and finding a style and look that reflects my personality.    Sometimes, it will just be a bit of mascara and a touch of lipstick. But, most often I wear foundation with setting powder, gel eyeliner, mascara, a little blush on my cheek line and lipstick. I also use an eyebrow pencil to darken my brows a bit.  Infrequently, I will add some eye shadow.   Most of my make-up is from Mary Kay although my lipsticks or from various manufacturers and eyeliners are mostly Maybelline. My wife purchases most of her make-up from Mary Kay and so we order together from our local representative. Of course, I don't have much brand experience but I'm happy with the Mary Kay products and find myself transitioning almost entirely to their line of make-up.
    • KathyLauren
      I did early on, out of necessity.  Regardless of how close you shave, beard shadow shows through.  I just used a bit of foundation, setting powder and blush.    I didn't use much eye makeup.  I started out with a bit of eye liner, but I thought it gave me a "trying too hard" look.  So I mostly didn't use any.   With covid and masking, I stopped using makeup altogether.  Why bother when no one can see your face and the mask smears the makeup anyway?   When restrictions were lifted, I didn't go back to wearing makeup.  My face feminized quite nicely over the first few years of HRT.  I'll never be pretty, but I look more female than male.  (Or I like to tell myself that anyway.)  With several years of electrolysis, and with what facial hair remains turning white, I don't have much beard shadow, so there is nothing to cover up.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Do you use make-up? If so, why and what  types?
    • Heather Shay
      Pride is primarily about yourself, even when it is not you who did something that you are proud about. You can also be proud of something someone else did, who you associate with, such as your children or your favorite football team. People can feel proud of their culture, their family name, or their appearance, none of which require them to actively contribute to the praiseworthy thing1. However, the opinions of others are of crucial importance, as best demonstrated when you purposefully do something that other people praise. Pride is a social emotion, and to feel proud, you need other people’s (real or imagined) confirmation that you have a reason to feel that way. Because of this, other people can also ‘be in your head’ and prevent you from feeling pride. Namely, what is praiseworthy is subjective. Things that may be considered good in a certain (cultural) group may not be praiseworthy in another (e.g., if you grew up in a family that greatly values academics, your athletic abilities may not evoke much praise). Moreover, what is praiseworthy is relative (e.g., if you are a good runner in an athletically average school, you may regularly feel proud about your times; but if you move to a school with highly competent athletes, these same times may seem unremarkable to you). Thus, the more exclusive your quality is in your surroundings, the prouder you feel. Pride has recognizable features. Although its static facial expression (typically a smile or laugh) does not clearly distinguish it from other positive emotions, it typically results in a bodily posture, gestures, and behavior that are clearly recognizable: lifting your chin, looking people in the eye, walking confidently, or in extreme cases, raising arms above your head. In a way, you try to make yourself larger and more noticeable, as if to say: ‘look at me!’ You may also exhibit more perseverance in your activities2. People generally find it very pleasant to experience pride, as it elevates our feeling of social self-worth and status3. At the same time, many social groups, religions, and cultures (especially those that are highly collectivistic, such as the East Asian or African culture) believe that pride needs to be checked. Unchecked pride leads to arrogance and misplaced feelings of superiority (‘letting something get to your head’, ‘hubris comes before the fall’), and social groups typically do not tolerate members feeling like they are superior or deserve special treatment.  
    • Heather Shay
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    • April Marie
      Thank you @missyjo! You do wonders for my ego.   It turns out that pastel colors were the "thing" at Kentucky Derby Day so my dress was perfect. I went with white 5" heeled sandals and a wide-brimmed fuscia hat. Dinner and Mint Juleps added to the fun of watching the (recorded) festivities and races.   Perhaps, we'll repeat it for the Preakness in 2 weeks.   Right now it's just blue striped sleep shorts with pink flowers, a pink t-shirt and flip flops. I can't tell you how much wearing  sleep-rated breast forms at night has done to quell my dysphoria. 
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      I can still rock 5" heels.
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!   My wife and I had our yearly Kentucky Derby Day evening. Dresses, heels, hats, Mint Juleps and a light dinner while watching the festivities and races. Relaxing and fun. I think we'll do the same for the Preakness in two weeks.   It's rainy and cool here today so it's pretty much going to keep me indoors. Ahh, well. A day of rest.   Enjoy and be safe!!
    • Ladypcnj
      Thanks Sally Stone
    • KymmieL
      Thanks, Mindy. It has been so far. Tomorrow, work some more on the wife's grand monkey. Got the right side of the hood primed, just need to do a little more work on the left then I can prime it. Then a 600grit wet sand.   I promised the wife we would take out the bike this weekend.   Kymmie
    • JessicaMW
      During my last visit with my psychologist (who has agreed to provide required letters of recommendation along with a colleague to provide the second) we discussed the shift towards my wife's acceptance. It was a long discussion but one point I mentioned was how much the two of us sitting down and watching this documentary helped:  The Kings | A transgender love story (2017)
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