Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Mmindy]

2 hours ago, Jamie68 said:

Good morning. Yesterday was a rough one. I just wanted to die. I feel better some today, but wiped out. I'm really hoping things get better soon.

??

[Mmindy]

Good morning everyone,

 

Today is the last day for me in the rented office space here at the Hamilton Co. IN Public Safety Training Center. I'll be working from a home office up to retirement April 8th, 2023. Once I leave this place it will be up to someone else to keep the coffee stocked and brewed.

 

Hugs to you all as we move through the many changes in our lives.

 

Mindy??️‍⚧️?♏

[Ivy]

Got the wood stove burning here too.  Cold (for here) and rainy.  Thankfully not 26 though.

[Jamie68]

2 hours ago, Mmindy said:

??

❤️

[LindaMarie]

Don't know how your day is going but today I went

to Walmart and found these posted.

Well at least 

 

[Davie]

On 11/3/2021 at 8:47 AM, Davie said:

Thanks @Elizabeth Starand @Vidanjali Feeling much better. Just a hangoverish feeling now. Not sure what happened exactly—I'll find out tomorrow.

hugs,

Davie  

Today, my brain feels fully alive and ticking, though still tired a bit.

The sun is bright and my attitude is, too.

— Davie  

[Vidanjali]

On 11/4/2021 at 8:47 AM, Jamie68 said:

Good morning. Yesterday was a rough one. I just wanted to die. I feel better some today, but wiped out. I'm really hoping things get better soon.

 

Much love to you, @Jamie68 .  Coincidentally, I had a meltdown yesterday, myself. So, for what it's worth, I was right there with you. (Actually I realize your "yesterday" was the day before today, but it's the thought that counts.) You're not alone, and you're never alone. Eventually, I got myself fed and comfortable enough to sit and read some spiritual material. It helped me to ponder things from a bigger perspective - realizing even for a moment that we're more expansive than this life and this body helped me feel calmer. I pray for your peace of mind. ?❤️

[Vidanjali]

21 hours ago, Davie said:

The sun is bright and my attitude is, too.

 

❤️?

[Bri2020]

Just catching up from a week or so of hell so sorry I'm late with responses.

@rachel w Be you when you want to be, if you weren't transitioning, would you ask someone if you could wear a certain outfit or expect them to qualify whether you can be seen with them wearing something? Hell no!

@Davie glad to hear you are feeling better.

@Elizabeth Star I agree with @Jackie C., this is more about her identity then yours.

@jamie68 I feel you. I hope you can weather the storms of challenges thrown our way. I crashed hard this week too.

 

In my world: I've never been this emotionally and physically just DONE.  Between marital breakup, Genital electro trip (I still fricken hurt 20 days later) moving my office and general depression I just got to the point where I don't care if I live or die. I am just sooo tired.  That's not to say I'm suicidal, I'm not. I'm just at the point where I feel if a truck hit me I wouldn't care, it might be a relief.  I've talked to my therapist and Psychiatrist.  They tell me that all the challenges and grief have me "disassociated with my inner self"  Apparently somewhat normal in extreme grief.  I feel like I am only moving forward and doing "life" because everyone expects things from me or I am responsible for so many other's well being.  Most days I get through with only low grade depression but I've had a few that were flat out crashing in the pit.  

It's weird to be going through all these plans in life but not really caring.  I know that I have to do these things because in theory, the grief and pain will end someday and I need to make sure I haven't sabotaged my life while depressed. So.. I move forward.  

I did get my FFS date- Jan 21st is the big day.  They denied me my nose work (insurance) but getting forehead reduction/brow ridge reduction, hair line rounding and lowering, fat transfer to cheeks, mandible reduction and chin contouring, and finally a lip lift.  They recommend a face lift in 6 months if I want to fully appreciate the jaw changes. 

In other weird news, I am considering running for public office in 2023. I've formed an exploratory committee to serve as a state legislator.  Our current one is 80 years old. 2 districts over, Danika Roem (only trans person serving in a state legislator) won in a historically red county. Mine is very woke and supportive of all things LGBTQ+. To win a primary (if incumbent runs) I would need about 5k votes. I don't feel that's out of reach.  I will decide next fall if I will actually run.  That gives me a year to move past my break up and get my head on straight.mIn the mean time, it forces me out into the world to make more connections in the community. 

[Davie]

Thanks so much, @Bri2020.

Really helpful to hear such honesty. Especially "They tell me that all the challenges and grief have me "disassociated with my inner self"  Apparently somewhat normal in extreme grief." I relate to that, too. Just glad I remember these feelings will pass and I try to remember also how I felt when I had my last positive day and its thoughts. Balance is key for me.

Big hugs,

Davie

(Wish I could vote for you ?)

[Jackie C.]

Oh @Bri2020! Big hugs sweetie. It'll get better. You have good friends. It's hard now, but it'll be better on the other side. You'll see.

 

For what it's worth, I'd vote for you too. Our local officials for this cycle were bland as -expletive-.

 

Hugs!

[Ivy]

@Bri2020Sorry you've been having such a rough time.

 

1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

In other weird news, I am considering running for public office in 2023. I've formed an exploratory committee to serve as a state legislator.  Our current one is 80 years old. 2 districts over, Danika Roem (only trans person serving in a state legislator) won in a historically red county.

Wow.  Talk about jumping into the fire…

I've been following Danica's career from a distance.  She's been kinda encouraging to watch.  One of my sons lives in that area, but I don't know if he's in her district.

[Vidanjali]

Wow, @Bri2020 - a lot going on and a lot of big news. I understand how you feel. But, look - even in the midst of all that, you are looking to make a brighter future not just for yourself, but through service to others. That is beautiful. I admire you. I hope your spirits lift soon and that you will enjoy greater ease.

[Ann W]

On 11/4/2021 at 8:29 AM, LindaMarie said:

Don't know how your day is going but today I went

to Walmart and found these posted.

Well at least 

 

Thanks for a good laugh this morning.

 

I wish I had time to respond to everyone's comments...you're all such beautiful people.  The depth, insight, and compassion here is wonderful.

 

One thing I will say about transition.  Before, life was pretty much a rut, but now every day is something new.  Not always wanted, but I feel alive again.  I feel engaged in my life's purpose...I feel love.

?

[KathyLauren]

@Bri2020, I hope things look up for you.

 

Running for the state legislature would be a great idea.  Good luck if you go ahead with it!  You will be great.

 

I was recruited to run for our legislature in the most recent provincial election.  After thinking about it for 24 hours, I turned them down.   I am not a good enough schmoozer.  Being recruited felt very validating, even though I knew it was just for the demographic optics and that I didn't really stand a chance.

[LindaMarie]

I could never run for office, too much would come out and I don't mean the trans side.

I do have some political influence, but that's about as far as that can go.

 

As for me I'm just cruising now.

Adjusting, and loving life.

LM. 

 

[Aggie1]

3 hours ago, KathyLauren said:

@Bri2020, I hope things look up for you.

 

Running for the state legislature would be a great idea.  Good luck if you go ahead with it!  You will be great.

 

I was recruited to run for our legislature in the most recent provincial election.  After thinking about it for 24 hours, I turned them down.   I am not a good enough schmoozer.  Being recruited felt very validating, even though I knew it was just for the demographic optics and that I didn't really stand a chance.

@Bri2020good luck! You have my vote! At least in spirit! I’m like @KathyLauren, not a good enough schmoozer. I also tend to see things from both sides and would probably eventually p!$s them all off! LOL

[Jamie68]

10 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

Just catching up from a week or so of hell so sorry I'm late with responses.

@rachel w Be you when you want to be, if you weren't transitioning, would you ask someone if you could wear a certain outfit or expect them to qualify whether you can be seen with them wearing something? Hell no!

@Davie glad to hear you are feeling better.

@Elizabeth Star I agree with @Jackie C., this is more about her identity then yours.

@jamie68 I feel you. I hope you can weather the storms of challenges thrown our way. I crashed hard this week too.

 

In my world: I've never been this emotionally and physically just DONE.  Between marital breakup, Genital electro trip (I still fricken hurt 20 days later) moving my office and general depression I just got to the point where I don't care if I live or die. I am just sooo tired.  That's not to say I'm suicidal, I'm not. I'm just at the point where I feel if a truck hit me I wouldn't care, it might be a relief.  I've talked to my therapist and Psychiatrist.  They tell me that all the challenges and grief have me "disassociated with my inner self"  Apparently somewhat normal in extreme grief.  I feel like I am only moving forward and doing "life" because everyone expects things from me or I am responsible for so many other's well being.  Most days I get through with only low grade depression but I've had a few that were flat out crashing in the pit.  

It's weird to be going through all these plans in life but not really caring.  I know that I have to do these things because in theory, the grief and pain will end someday and I need to make sure I haven't sabotaged my life while depressed. So.. I move forward.  

I did get my FFS date- Jan 21st is the big day.  They denied me my nose work (insurance) but getting forehead reduction/brow ridge reduction, hair line rounding and lowering, fat transfer to cheeks, mandible reduction and chin contouring, and finally a lip lift.  They recommend a face lift in 6 months if I want to fully appreciate the jaw changes. 

In other weird news, I am considering running for public office in 2023. I've formed an exploratory committee to serve as a state legislator.  Our current one is 80 years old. 2 districts over, Danika Roem (only trans person serving in a state legislator) won in a historically red county. Mine is very woke and supportive of all things LGBTQ+. To win a primary (if incumbent runs) I would need about 5k votes. I don't feel that's out of reach.  I will decide next fall if I will actually run.  That gives me a year to move past my break up and get my head on straight.mIn the mean time, it forces me out into the world to make more connections in the community. 

I normally love life. This past week has me wondering why. The trauma is still going on. Every time I think we're getting over things she starts up again. I'm sorry you're going through this too. I hope it gets better for both of us. I should say ALL of us. I don't know how or if we will get through this intact. I feel like I'm dieing inside. ?

[KymmieL]

Good luck, @Bri2020 with both of your future endeavors. I could never be a politician, as I am to blunt on some subjects, and way to sarcastic.

 

Well met my new therapist yesterday. I think we will get along good. She is a year older than me. So, she has seen the world. Did the first steps again. Being this is a VA care in the community she doesn't have access to my VA records. Had to redo somethings. See her again just before T day.

 

Kymmie

[Willow]

Hi everyone 

 

morning coffee is strong black and hot.  I think today could be a two cup day.

 

@Jamie68 you hang in there.  Things will get better.  Seek help.  
 

@KymmieL I take it you are feeling better.  Covid coming back negative now?  
 

well here we are sitting on the boat.  The wind is howling like a blizzard.  It is raining.  Outside it’s in the 40s.  Inside 70s.  I have some inside work I should be doing. 
 

Still haven’t heard if my surgery is approved.  9 days until my pre op testing 18 until it’s scheduled.  If it doesn’t happen now, I don’t know when.  I’m probably one of his last transgender patients before he moves to North Carolina where they can do these more easily.  Right now I would have to go to Georgia or NC to find a doctor willing, but I’d still have the insurance problem.

 

I have broken one of their rules when I stopped being Willow for that month.  You are supposed to live as the gender for one full year with no breaks.  Well, I have been out, attending church as Willow, talking to neighbors traveled and so on.  But because of my wife I never intended to be 100%true to myself.  Hope they don’t find out.

 

I suppose I need to get busy.  I do have a full day in spite of the weather.

 

Hugs

 

Willow

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Willow said:

Hope they don’t find out.

 

Did you plan on telling them? I wasn't going to snitch.

 

The insurance can be problematic though. I ended up being out of pocket for both my surgeries. I mean we have a doctor in state that will do them, but he's past retirement age and it's not his specialty. Also a dude. I couldn't make myself go lay on his table, you know?

 

Hang in there. It'll come.

 

Hugs!

[Elizabeth Star]

2 hours ago, Willow said:

I have broken one of their rules when I stopped being Willow for that month.  You are supposed to live as the gender for one full year with no breaks.  Well, I have been out, attending church as Willow, talking to neighbors traveled and so on.  But because of my wife I never intended to be 100%true to myself.  Hope they don’t find out.

I'd never never snitch either. Besides, I didn't see anything so I think it's all just hear-say.

 

[Jamie68]

8 hours ago, Willow said:

you hang in there.  Things will get better.

Thanks. Today is better, but now the stress of yesterday has caused her pancreas to flare up. ?

Probably end up at hospital today.

[KymmieL]

8 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Did you plan on telling them? I wasn't going to snitch.

Don't look at me either. I'm a good girl. You can see my halo (the horns holding it up get in the way though)

 

Did even bother getting another test. I am back to my old cranky and crotchety self.  Wait a minute Like I said I am a good girl.???

 

Kymmie

[MirandaB]

Out to lunch with wife, server comes over and says something like 'how are you ladies today?"  (She then apologized when both of us did some sort of a double take reaction). 

 

Mrs says afterwards, is that the first time? I say, yes, the first verbalization anyway. And Mrs was okay with it, months ago it wouldn't have gone down so easily.