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KymmieL

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@CD Rachel  My pleasure!   I'm so glad you appreciated it.  And of course...  Best of luck! 

Much luv

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Hi dear friends! Happy Friday to those of you who celebrate Friday, lol. Please forgive me if I already said this, but I've decided to quit my job. I believe I shared that my employer had been giving me the run around regarding disability accommodations. For me, that was the final straw - is it worth it to fight for this job which becomes exponentially more stressful (education in Florida, nuff said)? No. I'm waiting to get paid for something by them, then I'll get the ball rolling on my exit. I do plan to document all the HR shenanigans I've encountered and send an email to the VP of HR, and possibly cc the college President. I'm also considering attaching my lengthy grievance narrative from the official grievance I filed a couple years ago just to give them an idea of what the last few years have been like for me at work. No intention on burning bridges, but it occurred to me that if anything legal-wise comes up later, that it would be helpful to have such documentation. 

 

Since I decided to quit my job, I was flying high on a pink cloud, feeling so happy and creative. Then, I got socked with major anxiety suddenly. It got so bad, I've considered pursuing psychiatric care for the first time in many many years. I think I will pursue this because I want to document the aspect of my ptsd which is related to living with chronic illness because I plan to apply for SSD (Social Security Disability), and the more thorough the documentation, the better. Speaking of which, as an educator with an educator's schedule, all my annual doctor's appointments tend to get scheduled in the summer. I've been looking at my calendar and it seems like I'll be seeing 150 (slight exaggeration) doctors this summer. Related to that, since I've been on the phone so often getting records, labs, prescriptions, appointments, etc., I feel I've been ma'am'ed about a zillion times. Whyeeeeee? (That's a rhetorical question.) it's so gross to me to be called ma'am. I am doing well last few days. Tired, but feeling much less overwhelmed by this huge change in my life. Plus, I have been making more art, and have been getting some more opportunities in that vein. 

 

This week, I came out to my choir director. It just came up organically in conversation. It felt great to tell him. He's very open minded. Last night we had rehearsal. I noticed that he referred specifically to "SA" (sopranos and altos) when he wanted to hear us, whereas before he might have said "ladies"! That made me very happy. 

 

I also came out to a close friend this week. Again, I had not planned on it. She was telling me about some challenges in her relationship with her bf, and I just opened up and told her about challenges I'd been going through with my spouse since realizing I'm neither cis nor het. She was great - totally loving & supportive. I feel a lot closer to her now. 

 

@Ticket For Epic & @Heather Nicole I also suffer from major social anxiety, although amazingly I don't when I write here (although I used to). I think it's a testament to how genuinely supportive and compassionate this community endeavors to be. Ironically, when I disclose to friends irl how hideously anxious I am sometimes, they are amazed bc I "fake" being fine so well (until I have a meltdown, that is). Similarly, from my perspective, you two both seem so sweet, kind & thoughtful. Regardless of how you feel you're being perceived, for what it's worth, that's how I see you. A friend once told me that whenever I find myself fretting over how I've been perceived (did I say something terrible? have I unwittingly hurt someone? do they hate me now?), I should recall my true heart's intention the moment I said or did the thing I'm being hypervigilant about. When I realize my intention in that moment was loving, altruistic, vulnerable, whatever, it gives me a bit of relief - a small reality check - because I do trust in the power of intention. 

 

@Ticket For Epic that meme - to anyone who thinks trans people, especially young trans people (bc that's a growing demographic), are "choosing" trans ID just to be chic or special or something...geez, right? I mean, there are people who crave drama and conflict, and I'm to the point where I am PROUD to be trans, but why would someone "choose" to be trans given all that. To be clear, I'm contesting the incorrect notion that trans is a choice. Lol, there are less expensive and life-disrupting "hobbies" one could adopt! 

 

@Hannah Renee oh no! Is there nothing to be done? I mean seriously, they ought to consider your safety and mental health. Do you think there is someone in administration you could appeal to? I hope so. 

 

@Mmindy all my life ppl have commented on my soft skin. Now, I understand it's due to my (previously undiagnosed) Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (a genetic collagen defect). So now when someone asks me what my secret is, I tell them it's faulty genes, lol! 

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7 hours ago, Mary said:

You're not missing anything. Years ago I had a Walther PPK 9mm short - the same as 007 had. Terrible ballistics. Even the guy at the gun shop wouldn't buy it off me! 😅

I know. 9mm anemic is a poor caliber. And I carry a different handgun; not a big Walther fan. BUT, there is the "rule of cool" to consider, and Bond has that (for a mysoginist jerk)...🙃

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2 hours ago, Ticket For Epic said:

 

Also, saw this earlier and had to share.  And no I'm not coming out yet.  Screenshot_20220527-084009_Firefox.jpg.70ce84896ef8c5930ee0f79bc8632a25.jpg

Love this. And, ain't it the truth?

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1 hour ago, Vidanjali said:

I plan to apply for SSD (Social Security Disability)

Oh my, I hope you're able to find the help and relief you're needing.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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6 hours ago, Ticket For Epic said:

Screenshot_20220527-084009_Firefox.jpg.70ce84896ef8c5930ee0f79bc8632a25.jpg

 

Ooh, I love this one, too!

 

4 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

Regardless of how you feel you're being perceived, for what it's worth, that's how I see you. A friend once told me that whenever I find myself fretting over how I've been perceived (did I say something terrible? have I unwittingly hurt someone? do they hate me now?), I should recall my true heart's intention the moment I said or did the thing I'm being hypervigilant about. When I realize my intention in that moment was loving, altruistic, vulnerable, whatever, it gives me a bit of relief - a small reality check - because I do trust in the power of intention. 

 

Thanks for saying so! And for the advice!

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Way to go, @Vidanjali. I support your choice.

When I quit my last full-time job long ago, it was very scary. But looking back, it was the best thing I ever did. I stood up for myself and left what people said was a secure job. It also was toxic and abusive (not for your reasons) and it took the right few friends to support my change and to work towards a creative direction for my life.

I know you're a fine writer and we have a lot of support here on TgP.

Good luck. Believe in yourself. God's speed.

—  Davie

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@VidanjaliWhen it comes to employment, follow your inner guidance. You know when it is is time to move on and it can be such a rewarding time when choose to move on.

 

I would get some legal advice about your grievances and how to document them. The HR department is there to protect the organization more so than the employee. A sympathetic HR employee may support you but HR is NOT your advocate. Whether you intend it or not, leaving an organization may burn bridges. That is part of life. You have succeeded in your employment because of your efforts and what you bring much more so than anything the employer provides.

When it comes to jobs, the only thing I regret was not leaving as soon as I knew it was time.

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@Vidanjali  Since you're liberated from your employer, you might take advantage of an opportunity to something free and creative.  I work in design (mostly advertising) and while I work with an agency, I get to be independent.  It feels good to be able to turn down stuff that I don't find interesting.  Do you have musical or artistic skills you could turn into a cool income source? 

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On 5/25/2022 at 6:03 PM, CD Rachel said:

I wish I could take away the pains, but since I can not, at least let me weep with you my sister.

Thank you so much.   'Sister' was nice to read as well!  It's funny (or probably not) that even curled up on my shower floor, I would not admit to being in pain, just "overwhelmed" Though I guess I just did, lol.

 

And to those who have offered support, advice or just a sympathetic ear that I have not personally thanked or reached out to.  Please forgive what might seem like an apathetic lack of response.  I am and have been a scattered hot mess and I often hop on and off the site when I only have a moment to myself and need a sense of community.  I tell myself I will remember who to respond to when I have the time but with my brain being in a contant state of explosion...  that or my socially broken butt just can't find the words. 

 

Thanks for being awesome, all of you!

 

Much luv

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@Vidanjali --

 

As @Davieand others have mentioned, you're writing abilities are, well, mathematically speaking, in the 99th percentile 🙂.  You not only write with clarity, you write with insight and empathy.  Heck, if you wrote a book on any topic, especially a topic I know little about, I'd buy it, because you have that magic trait of effective communication 📖, which is a hallmark of good educators.

 

Beaming supportive thoughts down to Florida as you make your transition to something as-yet-unknown,

 

Astrid

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10 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

that meme - to anyone who thinks trans people, especially young trans people (bc that's a growing demographic), are "choosing" trans ID just to be chic or special or something...geez, right? I mean, there are people who crave drama and conflict, and I'm to the point where I am PROUD to be trans, but why would someone "choose" to be trans given all that. To be clear, I'm contesting the incorrect notion that trans is a choice.

I know right!?  If there were such a thing a 'egg' epoxy, I'd buy in bulk! 

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Good morning! 
 

On a trip to San Francisco, enjoying seeing all the rainbow and even trans flags flying all over-and that’s before a possible visit to the transgender district. And loved seeing the slew of books on trans issues at City Lights books-I finally picked up “Whipping Girl” there. 

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15 minutes ago, RhondaS said:

Good morning! 
 

On a trip to San Francisco, enjoying seeing all the rainbow and even trans flags flying all over-and that’s before a possible visit to the transgender district. And loved seeing the slew of books on trans issues at City Lights books-I finally picked up “Whipping Girl” there. 

Good morning, @RhondaS!!! You're in a scene out of my dreams today. San Francisco rainbows, trans flags, and City Lights. Planning to be there again soon. July or August, I think. Say hi to it all . . . and the Pacific Ocean.

(Is Cliff House still there?) 

Hugs y buen viaje,
Davie

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13 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

I just got a call back from local HR. It seems to be the policy of the host company that all access badges require a person's legal name. She has elevated the issue to corporate, but likely won't have an answer until Tuesday.

 

I am thinking maybe it has to do with emergencies, like if you were indisposed because of an injury or unconscious, or ended up in the ER they would want to have everything match up with records, to verify your identity, etc. Something along those lines...

 

 

@CD Rachel

I think it's great you are moving forward coming out. The incongruency for myself the longer it goes on just feels like the sensation of being trapped and too much like the old days. Basically, the only person we are actually "hiding" from is ourselves IMHO.

 

Well my name change got approved yesterday, so as soon as I get the papers it's legal and official... I am Stevie Ophelia!

The the last outing left- work, so I can now start that process. Not even worried about it anymore, how it's all going to play out...there's no sitting still. Either I am moving forward or going backward, and there is no going back for me.

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16 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

When I got my ID photo taken yesterday on site, I was told I had to wait until legal name change. I don't know if it's an internal company about face, a policy of the host company, or what. I am going to try to find out what.

Oh my Hannah,

I hope HR is able to help you straighten this out.

 

Hugs

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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57 minutes ago, stveee said:

Well my name change got approved yesterday, so as soon as I get the papers it's legal and official... I am Stevie Ophelia!

The the last outing left- work, so I can now start that process. Not even worried about it anymore, how it's all going to play out...there's no sitting still. Either I am moving forward or going backward, and there is no going back for me.

Yea Stevie! That's great news and a wonderful attitude. Keep moving forward............>

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

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Good Saturday morning y’all

 

Well, yesterday was an interesting day.  We met with the lawyer.  I hired him.  Much better narrative than the first on I talked to.  We were about half way home when we get a phone call.  I answered over the car, he asks for my wife so she spoke while I continued driving home. Turns out he wants to deliver our bed!  This wasn’t supposed to be delivered until next week!  So I turn around and we go back and wait.  Very nice person helps as much as he can.  We take about half of it to our storage units which are the next building down come back and get the other half. Now there are two frames as this is a split king.  Each frame weighs 180 pounds!  We managed.  But we are dead today.  Sure hope this isn’t too big for our bedroom.  
 

everything appears to be done on our unit.  Walk through next week and schedule of closing.

 

I was going to take the boat out today but life happened and yesterday changed all our plans.  Besides this weekend is not the best time to be on the ICW. Too many inexperienced boaters charging around.  And even though I am slow, I’m probably twice the size and a lot heavier so I can’t avoid very well.  
 

speaking of life happening, I’m sorry about everyone else’s issues mentioned yesterday,  very unfortunately there were a lot.

 

I finally got my preliminary estrogen level. It’s down 60 points.  That’s not good as far as I’m concerned but I won’t get anything from my endocrinologist until next week.

 

please honor our military hero’s this weekend. All who served to keep our country free and great.  
 

Willow
 

 

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6 minutes ago, Hannah Renee said:

Outing me via policy should not be allowable.

You're right.  But…

Outing is going to happen sooner or later.  Some will do it deliberately, some by accident.  Sometimes we just FU and do it ourselves.

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1 minute ago, Jandi said:

Outing is going to happen sooner or later.

I guess I'm just trying to say we have to be prepared.

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35 minutes ago, Hannah Renee said:

What really started hitting me about this late last night, as in trying to go to sleep,is this:

 

The first shift supervisor with whom I worked my first two days is the only one who's supposed to know. That's because he has to understand the dynamic of the different names during site in-processing. I've been treated very respectfully, name and pronouns, restrooms, no questions, and no one else knows any differently. What is wrong is that the host company policy, which I'm told may have something to do with building security, compromises my security and my right to choose when and to whom I come out. Outing me via policy should not be allowable.😬

@Hannah Renee, I agree with you completely about being outed by "policy." That seems to me to be an excuse or code for "I don't know." Or worse, "I don't care." I'm glad you've been treated with respect, etc., and hope that continues. The thing that puzzles me though is the question over security concerns. If there is a legitimate security issue here, it almost makes sense. That said, I assume your badge has a photograph on it, which ought to obviate the need for legal names; unless the host company is dealing with federal government classified documents or similar items. Otherwise, the badge should show your preferred name.  I'm sorry you're going through this as it has to be nerve wracking.

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Thanks so much, everyone, for the kindness and support regarding me leaving my job. Y'all are truly family to me. 

 

@miz miranda point definitely taken. It's not that I'm seeking the advocacy of HR, but rather taking the opportunity to report in writing some incorrect/illegal things I was told verbally in previous disability accommodations meetings. I don't expect any particular response from them. I appreciate your thoughts. I will look into how to document such things before I exit. I'm acquainted with an employment attorney - perhaps I'll see if she has a moment to offer insight. 

 

@awkward-yet-sweet yes! I am "coming out" as an artist. (I also have musical abilities, but that's more of a hobby than a potential income source.) I have not had the time or space to realize and fully express that part of me. Now, I am experiencing creative energy and feel excited about being able to make things. I actually have some projects going on right now. I've been asked to make portraits of local Black pioneers whom we'll be honoring at a Juneteenth celebration. I'll be showing a few pieces at an art show hosted by the church where I sing. And, I hope to create a couple pieces and have time to get the image printed on stickers to hand out at the Stonewall Pride festival. Thanks for asking about this - I'm very excited! Speaking of which, I found this tee-shirt which I'm thinking of getting for the festival:Screenshot_20220528-101240_Chrome.jpg.95d70808f1a325b70c3b40a7f8cdbcb4.jpg

 

@Davie & @Astrid thank you so much for highlighting my writing ability. I love to write, and I hope to be able to do more of it - my cognitive functions are pretty burnt out at the moment - I hope as I get more rest that I'll be able to write as fluidly as I have in the past. @Astrid I have written an algebra book, lol, and I recently had lunch with a former-student-friend who told me he never once had to crack open the textbook for calc 1 & 2 because the supplemental packets I wrote were so clear and thorough. I have dreamed of writing either a memoir or some semi-autobiographical fiction - queer stories! I also desire to write advocacy & visibility centric articles - use my teaching skills to endeavor to dispel ignorance & illuminate new perspectives in other aspects of life.

 

@Ticket For Epic aw geez, egg epoxy. "Use in a well ventilated area!"

 

@stveee CONGRATULATIONS! Your name is beautiful. 

 

@RhondaS that is so cool. I started reading "Whipping Girl" I guess over a year ago, but got distracted by work/stress. I found it fascinating, though. Thanks for mentioning it - I'll have time to immerse myself in it soon. 

 

@Hannah Renee I hope you're able to persist to get this issue resolved. You're advocating not just for yourself, but for any other trans employees, and for culture at large. No pressure, lol. I just want you to know I'm sorry this is such a ridiculous hassle, I hope you'll have the energy to see this through & I hope you'll connect with someone in power who sees clearly how inappropriate this policy is. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Morning all,

I have to drop in on my employer today, so u have to go full on 'boy mode'...sigh.  I don't really present in public but I do little things... a touch of mascara, slightly feminine hair or head piece.   By the way, I don't think men are likely to notice light mascara, but women definitely will!

 

On the bright side, I found this yesterday!

I've been looking for a way to signal to those in the know without outing myself and I think this might be my answer...  Thoughts anyone?

 

Screenshot_20220527-212015_Firefox.thumb.jpg.615691c9d47bfe2fff53aa5f123f5889.jpg

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@Vidanjali Awesome!  Glad you already have projects, and celebratory ones at that.  Cute shirt too!  If I was a bit bolder I'd totally wear one ☺️

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8 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

yes! I am "coming out" as an artist.  ...  I love to write, and I hope to be able to do more of it -

 

@Vidanjali--

 

Wait!  You're talented as an artist...and you're certainly a talented writer.  So...I've got a new career direction for you!

Drum roll...ART CRITIC!!

 

(Ducking to avoid the first object near to you that you're throwing at me when you read this 🤪)

 

Have fun as you discern what lies ahead!

 

Astrid

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      Well, I live in an area with a lot of Southern Baptists, Evangelicals, etc...  We've experienced our share of finger-wagging, as the "standard interpretation" of Scripture in the USA is that the Bible only approves of "one man, one woman" marriage.  My faith community is mostly accepted here, but that has taken time and effort.  It can be tough at times to continue to engage with culture and the broader population, and avoid the temptation to huddle up behind walls like a cult.    Tolerance only goes so far.  At one point, my husband was asked to run for sheriff.  He declined, partly because an elected official with four wives would have a REALLY tough time.  (Of course, making way less than his current salary wasn't an option either). 
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    • Abigail Genevieve
      I think you mean the worst possible interpretation of 2025 situation.  Keep in mind that there are those who will distort and downright lie about anything coming from conservatives - I have seen it time and time again.  It's one of the reasons I want to read the thing slowly and carefully.  They want you to be very, very afraid. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Here is where the expectation is that the stereotypical evangelical comes in finger wagging, disapproving and condemning.    Not gonna do that.   You have to work these things out.  Transgender issues put a whole different spin on everything and God understands what we are going through. I have enough trouble over here.  :)
    • Ivy
      You do you. You seem to be in a safe place if we end up with a 2025 situation.  But a lot of us are not.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, my marriage is different.  I'm actually part of a multi-partner marriage.  Like you see in the Book of Genesis.  My husband has four wives...and me.  I was kind of an accident, as our community sets the "reasonable maximum" at four wives, but that's a long story.  Plural marriage is approved in my faith community, with the exception of spiritual leaders, as described in 1 Timothy 3.  We believe that anything that isn't specifically prohibited is permitted.    The purpose of marriage is for people to work together, demonstrate the love of God, and to have children.  My faith believes in exponential reproduction - big families with lots of kids, both as a blessing and with the intention of using the size of our population for political ends.  Being intersex/trans and unable to bear children, I wouldn't have been a good candidate to be somebody's only spouse (the majority of our community tends toward traditional couple marriage).  Since my husband has other partners, I don't have to worry about the childbearing aspect, and I help out with raising our family's kids.  I'm a "bonus parent."    I'm not 100% open about my intersex/trans nature, although my community's leaders are aware of me.  Being transgender isn't condemned, but it is seen as a health problem derived from an imperfect, fallen world and an environment polluted with chemicals.  Since I'm married, I have a safe place to be, and I can live how I need to live.    I firmly believe the advice given in 1 Corinthians 7.  We don't totally own our bodies.  God gets a say, as I believe He created us to be male or female, not something outside the binary.  I don't think that transition without discussion with partners is OK....again, we don't totally own ourselves.  When I started to figure myself out, that was actually the main thing on my mind - will my partners accept me?  How will my position in the family change?  Since my partners don't really have a problem with the mild version of transition that I wanted to do, it has all been good. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Indeed.  While it seems like the majority of LGBTQ+ folks vote for Democrat candidates, not everybody drinks the Kool-Aid.  I'm a registered Independent, since I vote for individuals rather than party.  One of my trans friends is very pro-Trump - wears her MAGA hat and everything.  I find it interesting to see the reactions she gets... folks aren't always as tolerant as they claim to be.  Even on this forum, you get some real flak from Democrat voters....many will insist that the California way is the only way.    In my opinion, "Project 2025" isn't the real problem.  Check out UN "Agenda 2030."   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      While Biden may be more friendly to trans folks, I'm not a single-issue voter.  I just can't choose a Democrat candidate, as I believe their actions will destroy my community and way of life.  Biden just announced that he wants to significantly increase capital gains taxes.  Maybe he intends to "tax the rich" but that is going to affect everything from land sales to grocery prices to the cost of electricity and even folks' retirement savings, as most companies make a large amount of their profits through investing in the market.  It is absolute lunacy to think that increased cost or reduced profits won't be passed on to the rest of us.  Things are going to get way worse at this rate.    Mostly, I vote in elections for state and local issues, as the national government is about as pleasant as a Porta-Potty in July.  So, either I'll do a write-in vote for president, or I'll check the box for Trump.  Anything but Biden.     
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