Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Bri2020]

A lot going on in all of your worlds.  I've gotta check in more frequently. Know that I have caught up and for all of you struggling my heart is with you.

I've been bat -crap- crazy.  Trying to learn everything for the new career, keeping up with the clinic and attempting to be social has me worn out.  I'm honestly not use to using my brain from early morning until ten at night.  My clinic didn't tax me at all, all the intellectual work has been done and the day to day is just habit.  I'm usually mentally shut down by three PM but now have to be involved in brain usage later in the day and I am struggling with it. I don't want to go back to doing caffeine later in the day to stay focused.  Complaining aside, I'm enjoying the new challenges (as if transitioning isn't enough right?) 

Went to see Trombone Shorty last night at Wolftrap performing art center with a couple of girl friends and had a blast. What I love about that place is it is actually part of the National Park System and located right in a suburban neighborhood so they have to end concerts by 10pm weekdays and 10:30 weekends so I'm home no later than 11pm.  If you haven't heard him,WOW!. He's got a New Orleans' brass jazz/R&B sound and man he can play.  The venue is nice because there are great lawn seats outside the pavilion and you can bring in your own picnic including wine and beer so during the opening acts we all just drink and eat. Then out everything away and get up and dance for the main act.  I'm going to see Sting perform there later in the season.

[Elizabeth Star]

I had an interesting experience yesterday. My GF had been invited to a graduation party. It was at the same place we went for a bonfire on Memorial day so we thought it would be a good time, It wasn't. The first thing we noticed was we were the only trans people there which is weird because the hostess is trans but wasn't acting like herself at all. When some of the other (10+) guest showed up we saw what was really going on and it all made sense. We didn't belong here, at a party with red hat wearing conservatives. As we stood off in the corner most of the people had their backs to us and those that didn't looked really uncomfortable when they looked our direction. About the time I realized we were kind of cornered on the patio and we would have to walk through the crowd to find a new corner to hang out at I notice a golf-ball sized hornet nest above our heads. Huh...saved by hornets, who would have thought. I called our hostess over to inform her of what we found. Thankfully it caused the crowd to shift and we were able to escape our corner and went over to fire pit. Over there we found three of our lesbian friends. None of them were acting like themselves either. They were all trying to fit in with the straight people too. After a few hours we finally left. We felt the whole experience was really awkward and we should have been told up front what kind of (cis-hetro) people we going to be there considering the last time we were there everyone was lgbtqia+ but then we probably would not have gone.

 

I dyed my hair again,while writing this actually, it's aquamarine now. I used arctic fox so there's no concern about damaging it. It should look pretty good with a pink and black outfit or some other. Maybe I'll start incorporating other colors too, with black.

 

I also got far enough with the rough draft of the purse I'm making to start designing and printing a final draft version. There's a few pieces that as of right now I still have to design but can't until I have other parts made and assembled. As usual (with me) I'll make them on the fly. I calculated it'll take around 150 hrs to print all the pieces so it will be a few days before I have anything I'm willing to show off.

 

I'm gonna go, get cleaned up and get some food. I think I'll go out for brunch.

 

Have a great day everyone.

 

 

[Bri2020]

19 minutes ago, Elizabeth Star said:

The first thing we noticed was we were the only trans people there which is weird because the hostess is trans but wasn't acting like herself at all. When some of the other (10+) guest showed up we saw what was really going on and it all made sense. We didn't belong here, at a party with red hat wearing conservatives. 

After a few hours we finally left. We felt the whole experience was really awkward and we should have been told up front what kind of (cis-hetro) people we going to be there considering the last time we were there everyone was lgbtqia+ but then we probably would not have gone.

 

I can see both sides, on a certain level, it shouldn't matter if there are other guests who aren't LGBTQ+ because inclusivity means it doesn't matter who you are right? However, if the hostess knows there is going to be a hostile environment created by bring in two extremely different groups who traditionally don't see eye to eye, there should be ground rules established for all guests to know.  Something like telling everyone, Hey, I'm having this gathering and I have a very diverse set of guests including people on the far right and left of issues. I expect everyone to welcome everyone else and if that isn't possible please let me know."  

If you know there are going to be some red hat MAGA wearing people and Trans people on your guest list you gotta expect there to be challenges for everyone to be comfortable. It's your job as hostess to ensure your guests have a good time.

Personally, I see these situations as opportunities to 'normalize" relations and will purposely seek out the right wingers and strike up a  bland convo. It's either gonna help them to see I'm a non threatening human, or make them really uncomfortable. Either works for me . Now, I won't be going to be going to right wing rallies or anything but the reality is, I don't want to insulate and isolate just because there are some people who hate the idea of trans folks being out there.  "Nobody puts baby in a corner". 

I'm sorry the hostess didn't prepare the guests and you had a miserable time.

[Vidanjali]

On the flip side, I went to my first pride event last night with my little cousin and her gf who are visiting with us from NY. It was my cousin's first pride event also. We were in Wilton Manors which is one of the gayest cities in the US. We loved it. It was so cool to be with SO many queer people. On the way home last night, we all commented that it felt like it was going to take a very long time to get home (even though it's only about a 20 min drive) because we felt like we were practically on another planet at pride - a planet where you can be unapologetically yourself. I'm not too wild about crowds or staying out late, but overall I am very glad I went and I'm left with comforting and happy impressions. 

[Heather Nicole]

33 minutes ago, Vidanjali said:

because we felt like we were practically on another planet at pride - a planet where you can be unapologetically yourself.

 

I felt the same way at the pride I went to and I loved it 😊  That's what I love about the LGBT+ community

[Elizabeth Star]

3 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

I can see both sides, on a certain level, it shouldn't matter if there are other guests who aren't LGBTQ+ because inclusivity means it doesn't matter who you are right? However, if the hostess knows there is going to be a hostile environment created by bring in two extremely different groups who traditionally don't see eye to eye, there should be ground rules established for all guests to know.  Something like telling everyone, Hey, I'm having this gathering and I have a very diverse set of guests including people on the far right and left of issues. I expect everyone to welcome everyone else and if that isn't possible please let me know."  

If you know there are going to be some red hat MAGA wearing people and Trans people on your guest list you gotta expect there to be challenges for everyone to be comfortable. It's your job as hostess to ensure your guests have a good time.

Personally, I see these situations as opportunities to 'normalize" relations and will purposely seek out the right wingers and strike up a  bland convo. It's either gonna help them to see I'm a non threatening human, or make them really uncomfortable. Either works for me . Now, I won't be going to be going to right wing rallies or anything but the reality is, I don't want to insulate and isolate just because there are some people who hate the idea of trans folks being out there.  "Nobody puts baby in a corner". 

I'm sorry the hostess didn't prepare the guests and you had a miserable time.

It's all true...we should have been told beforehand and at the same time I feel the attendance may have dropped if everyone knew what to expect. Thankfully nothing happened but it was uber awkward. At the very least we would have rethought our outfits. We both wear a lot of spiky stuff but would have gone more booshie (however it's spelled) if we knew.

[Elizabeth Star]

I did manage to get out of the house today but I couldn't find anywhere to eat. I forgot it was father's day and everywhere was packed. Even the stores were busy. I did get a compliment on my boots so that was nice but not on my hair 🙁. Oh well, I wasn't out soliciting compliments just buying food for the week.

 

When I got home some of the parts for the purse were done printing. Cool I can get some pieces together....nope, I biffed the design a bit. It was easy enough to correct but it'll take another 12 hours to print out. It better be as impressive in reality as it is in my head when it's done.

 

Took out the garbage, did dishes, took a nap while trying to watch tv,  cut the grass. Oh, I need to do laundry too. brb Ok, laundry's started.

 

Time to workout a bit. I found playing vr games to be great exercise.

[Teri Anne]

Haven't been to pride in a many years  but decided to go and it was not like old times it was more political and thats sad.

The TERF women were there agitating trans people so I stayed away form that bunch.

I did see some trans  people being rather mean to people walking past the area (across the street too) that weren't bothering anyone just walking down the street. Agitating straight/cis people is not the way to gain acceptance IMO.

I stayed for 30 mins and just had to leave there was no love there at all.

I left and went down the street to a local eating establishment and met up with some friends and had a great time.

 

[Teri Anne]

I'm just getting tired of people screaming and being mean to each other.

[rachel w]

I am with you Teri Anne  people need to be nice to each other or just keep quiet.   

[rachel w]

Hello everyone   I got brave and went to the pride in portland maine on sat. it was cool I had a allright time people was really nice, went by myself and i talked to a few people. it is just feeling more right to be Rachel more and more. Had  a beautiful visit with my daughter and family. it is so nice that they accept me for who i am.  you know when my passed away in april 2021 i think my old self died with her. and i am ben reborn as Rachel. right now i am very happy, i feal like i am close to coming out full time it is just so right. every one take care and i hope the best for you. it gets better you have to work on it when it feels right.

[Mary]

Yesterday was father's day. My wife only knows me as cross dressing, but not as trans, and my 2 (adult) sons don't know about either.

 

They all gave me cards with comments like "such an inspiration", great father", "great husband". It all just made me feel a heel.

 

Next week we are moving to a smaller place. After 35 years in the current one, we have collected a monumental amount of stuff. Have already given away loads to a charity store, but at 185 boxes and counting, it's a gargantuan job. Not good for nails, but gloves help....

[Mary]

The worst was a comment about being a "great inspiration". Considering all the issues trans folk have, that might not be what I would like for them...

[Willow]

Good morning 

 

it’s beautiful here.  It will be a great day for moving things in without melting in heat and humidity.  Next on our list are living room things.  Couch and a pair of chairs.  And of course more boxes, lots more boxes.

 

@Vidanjali an old high school friend shared a picture of Wilton Manor Pride.  I was amazed at the size of the crowd.  He did share that security was in full force just in case.

 

Got a lot to do today.

Willow

 

[Ivy]

4 hours ago, rachel w said:

you know when my passed away in april 2021 i think my old self died with her. and i am ben reborn as Rachel.

Although a death was not involved, when my marriage ended I feel like in a way my old self died also.  It freed me to start a new phase - or a new life as who I am now.  I'm still working through it all.

 

3 hours ago, Mary said:

Yesterday was father's day… They all gave me cards with comments like "such an inspiration", great father", "great husband".

I spent Father's Day alone.  But there were a few calls and texts.  My kids were all grow and out of the nest when my egg cracked.  They have all accept Jandi to various degrees.  I tried to be a good father at the time - my son still calls with questions about building, mechanicizing, and stuff.  I'm certainly not their mother and deserve no claim to that.  It man seem strange to some, but I'm okay with being their father, even now.

 

But I'm not going to pretend to be a man anymore.

[Ivy]

3 minutes ago, Jandi said:

 I tried to be a good father at the time

I will add that even my ex says "You did the best you could" in regards to the marriage.

 

I have no regrets of that time.  I just didn't understand myself.

[KymmieL]

9 minutes ago, Jandi said:

  It may seem strange to some, but I'm okay with being their father, even now.

 

But I'm not going to pretend to be a man anymore.

I don't believe I could ever not be my son father. Even when if and when I am fully transitioned.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

[Mmindy]

Good morning everyone,

 

The coffee is home brewed Folgers Dark Silk, served HOT, black and strong.

 

I've been away camping at the Bill Monroe Bluegrass Festival for the past 9 days. WOW! I missed a lot on here. For all those new to TransPulseForums. Welcome, and I hope you're finding this place as friendly and helpful as I do.

 

@Willowit's good to read that you're getting moved in.

@Elizabeth StarI love your new profile picture. Your hair looks great.

@Jandiit is a weird but comforting thing to have those who know you're transitioning to still wish you a happy fathers day.

 

On a lighter note, I kind of let Mindy out of the bag to my oldest granddaughter when she was talking about fingernail polish, and not being able to have long press on or acrylic nails at the Vet's Office. She breaks them when she is trying to scruff a cat or hold a small dog, for the veterinarian is drawing blood or giving them shots. I told her she should try having her nails dipped. Her mom looked at me with supersize, and said yes dipped nails are way stronger. 

 

Hugs for everyone,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋 💅

[Teri Anne]

Mary maybe you should stop beating yourself up over the Fathers day  wishes they meant well.

If they don't know about this part of you its not their fault.

They at least cared enough to send the cards I generally get nothing from my kids even tho I send them birthday greetings and Mothers day wishes.

It doesn't feel good when your own kids don't care about you.

[Kathy2020]

RE: My thoughts about Father's Day as a transgender woman: After I started questioning my gender, I quickly came to realize that some holidays like Mother's Day and Father's Day are meant to reinforce the cis-gender narrative, sometimes to the point of being really uncomfortable. It also didn't take long to recognize that I just had to tweak their meaning a little bit to regain an even keel. Now, for me at least, Mother's and Father's Day are really Parent 1 and Parent 2 days, because if you have kids, you raised them with unconditional love and devotion regardless if you are a traditional mom or dad. After I started transitioning, my kids and I had to figure this set of holidays out too, so I did what any parent does in the face of difficult decisions; I passed it off to them! I chose to let my kids decide which day they wanted to continue celebrating with me, and since my roll as their father didn't change with my gender, that's what we happily decided to go with. I also don't have to share Mother's Day with their mom which means more cards and presents for me! 🤯😂

[Willow]

Good afternoon 

 

today we got our living room furniture set up, along with our big tv.  Tomorrow I’ll get the tv stand and put up the rest of the electronics that go with the tv including the surround sound.  I haven’t found the remote controllers but they are in some box somewhere. And start moving the dining room  in.  All the while bringing boxes of kitchen things.

 

Today we had a plumber and the construction supervisor in and out of our unit trying to find the source of some water damage in our kitchen.  They think it was coming from the shower drain which hadn’t been adequately tightened.  We are in wait and see mode.  If it’s fixed then they will come back and replace the damaged drywall.

 

Willow

[Ivy]

20 minutes ago, Willow said:

today we got our living room furniture set up, along with our big tv.  Tomorrow I’ll get the tv stand and put up the rest of the electronics that go with the tv including the surround sound…

After all that time in the boat, you won't know what to do with yourselves in a real house.

Happy for ya.

[Willow]

@Jandi some people we talk to think living on a boat would be great.  Trust me, it got old.  Living here is like living at a vacation resort.  Pool close at hand. A dozen different restaurants within walking distance.  The ocean beach is a short 15 minute drive, and the boat is about 45minutes.  I’d move it closer but the price is right where it is and closer to home would make it a lot longer to get to the ocean.  So it stays where it’s at for now.  Life is good, glad I moved.  Just wish it could have been sooner.

 

Willow

[Elizabeth Star]

In another thread I mentioned how I'm almost 2 inches shorter then I was 2.5 years ago. Most likely from pelvic tilt and softening of ligaments and other connecting tissues. It think it was caused by two factors. One obviously is HRT but the other could easily be from excessively wearing heels. Rarely, these days, do I wear anything with less then a 3-4 inch heels. Sometimes up to 6 inch.  I did some quick research and found that when wearing high heels your pelvis has to tilt in order for you to stand up straight and keep proper balance. Since I almost exclusively wear heels it would make sense that my body it now adapted and kind of stuck that way . The downside is that although my weight has stayed the same, my BMI (due to height change) puts me in the overweight category and according to the charts  I need to lose 15 pounds to get my bmi back to where it was. I find this all pretty fascinating.

[Mary]

Don't get over-excited about the BMI. It's a VERY rough guide only. Some of the dieticians have very fancy gadgets that can tell you the percentage of body weight that is fat vs muscle in all 4 limbs and in the torso. That is by far the more accurate way to assess where you are. It also takes into account the gender differences , etc.