Good morning All. Coffees on.

[HollyNG]

8 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

My older daughter has never really talked with me about my transition. Last night she asked me to send a picture of Liz and me at the concert. I told her to be certain to understand what she was asking for (she did know that my companion is "someone like me"). She said go ahead and send it. So I did, she said we looked great, and agreed we should talk. So last night may have provided a better connection with her. I did warn her that her brother and my wife are better off not seeing the picture. 

We talked a little bit later on today and told him this needed to come out feeling this way.Found out he got advice from a friend of his that went through the same and told him his dad is happy as their true self,female.Realized he was right and getting better

[Willow]

Hi,

 

got the marine ac installation done.  Wow does it work!  What is the big difference?  Well the heat exchanger coils are surrounded by water tubes. A tube within a tube. Very efficient.  A pump draws water in and pushes it through the AC unit then back into the marina.water.  The rest is just like any other Refrigeration unit.  Now I just have sone finishing touches and clean up.

 

So how was Simon and Garfunkel?  In my younger days I had all their songs and albums.  Great you could meet.

 

good night

 

Willow

[KymmieL]

Speaking of concerts, me and the wife are going to see Chicago, tonight in Cheyenne. Looking forward to it since I have never seen Chicago in concert. Then in July. Heading down to Denver to see, Styx, Reo Speedwagon and Loverboy. Can't wait.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

[HollyNG]

Going through my closet with the help of my wife,pulling out male clothing I will not be wearing anymore.Target is May 1st when I go fulltime as Holly.Wife has a friend that is possibly interested in buying my tuxes and male dress shoes,he is coming over to see them.He buys and sells them,going to leave room for profit for them.This is the first time I am purging a wardrobe in my life.Wife and I had a talk too last night,therapist and I talked putting me on the feminizing hormones.Said she is for it and I am considering it.Know I want softer skin,a feminine body and breasts

[Guest]

2 hours ago, HollyNG said:

Going through my closet with the help of my wife,pulling out male clothing I will not be wearing anymore.Target is May 1st when I go fulltime as Holly.Wife has a friend that is possibly interested in buying my tuxes and male dress shoes,he is coming over to see them.He buys and sells them,going to leave room for profit for them.This is the first time I am purging a wardrobe in my life.Wife and I had a talk too last night,therapist and I talked putting me on the feminizing hormones.Said she is for it and I am considering it.Know I want softer skin,a feminine body and breasts

Good for you Holly! It comes like a freight train when you make the decision. I have not been to Target all that much, however, I get a lot of clothing from Old Navy and Kohl's. Make sure you get good medical care for your hormone therapy. Not everybody understands the regimens. I loved every change I have went through and I am looking forward to all of the changes yet to come. I recently met a new friend who has been on HRT for 2 1/2 years and I was amazed. 

 

It is a fun feeling to pitch the old male clothing. I do not miss any aspect of it. It becomes your new normal rapidly. I wish you nothing but success in your journey! Congratulations!

-Katie

[HollyNG]

51 minutes ago, Katie23 said:

Good for you Holly! It comes like a freight train when you make the decision. I have not been to Target all that much, however, I get a lot of clothing from Old Navy and Kohl's. Make sure you get good medical care for your hormone therapy. Not everybody understands the regimens. I loved every change I have went through and I am looking forward to all of the changes yet to come. I recently met a new friend who has been on HRT for 2 1/2 years and I was amazed. 

 

It is a fun feeling to pitch the old male clothing. I do not miss any aspect of it. It becomes your new normal rapidly. I wish you nothing but success in your journey! Congratulations!

-Katie

Luckily my doctor knows about the hormone therapy and my insurance covers it

[Willow]

Hell-ooooo

 

oops wrong sponsor.

 

What a beautiful day today.  Warm, but not hot, sunny enough for a sunburn and not windy.  
 

Tomorrow we go to Charleston.  My wife is having a laser procedure on her eyes.  (No not lasik)  

This is because she has high ocular pressure and this should relieve part of the problem.

 

if she is up to it, we are going to do a little clothes shopping afterward.  
 

@HollyNG while I have gotten rid of a great deal of my mens clothing, unfortunately I can’t get rid of all of it.  I still have times when I really have no choice.  Example, my son.  He just can’t accept the idea of seeing his dad “in a dress”.  He understands my situation and will deal with it when necessary but would prefer not to have to.  Then there are others that don’t know and we are very reluctant to let them know.  So here I am, stuck in the middle again.  
 

Also, next weekend is our 50 anniversary and I promised I would be deadname since that’s who she married.  Oh well!

 

Everything is cleaned up and put away.  No more boat projects until such time as I can do a haulout and see what the bottom looks like. I hate to think about that.  The $ will add up fast, haul out, survey, bottom paint, hull paint, new zinks, and heaven only knows the condition of my cutlass bearing and propeller yips.  Maybe this summer I can get under it to visually examine it and maybe clean it. At least the growth.  Good news, I’m in fresh water, no barnacles bad news lots and lots of algae.

 

Concerts - I haven’t been to a concert in years.  I suppose I should look into that.  Say Kymmie, shouldn’t you see Chicago in Chicago not Denver?

 

Bad dad joke.  With that I’ll sign off

 

hugs

 

Willow

 

 

[HollyNG]

Went through my male wardrobe,sold my tuxes and suits,male dress shoes to my wife's friend.Male jeans went as well into a box with tops and shirts.My son watched and gave him my old male carhartt work coat to him.He is getting better more coming to terms I will be much happier as Holly.Been one step at a time for him to accept it.

[Bri2020]

Well, today's date did not go as I thought it would and I am "taking a break" from her, probably permanently.

I was very surprised at something she said today given that she has been in relationships and known other transgirls.  Basically, when she came over the other night she noticed I have pictures around of my old self, family events and important days kind of things. She remarked at the time that she thought it was unusual that it didn't "trigger me". I told her these were very important memories and that now that I'm able to live my life wholey as Bri, I don't fret much about my past.

So today she brings it up again and basically thinks I need to look closer at why I think it's OK to still have those out and it makes her uncomfortable to see who I was. I tried to explain that I wasn't going to negate my existence of 50+ years and all the amazing things in my life from then. I suggested that maybe her other trans friends need to do some more work on acceptance of self but I feel that my take is a very well adjusted approach.  I didn't want to get into it any further because I wasn't sure how I felt about the comment but it wasn't sitting well. I didn't want that to cloud the rest of the day as we were meeting people at a winery.

When I got home I realized it was really upsetting me. I call my ex to get her take and she was more pissed than me. (she's also having a bad date day so...)

SO here's the draft of the email I think I'm going to send her. At the very least words needed to be expressed so it doesn't fester in my head all night. I would love to hear your all experience or take on the matter.

 

Hi Cynthia,
I’ve been sitting with the conversation you broached about images of my former life/self at my apartment. 
I have to say I’m offended and disappointed.
You started this by saying “I know you are an introspective person so do you mind if I share some observations?”. This basically means, "I think you need to look at yourself and ask yourself why you're OK with this.” Implying it isn’t normal or OK. You said that you aren’t comfortable with it and that it probably prevents you from developing the relationship to a romantic level. 
I’m very disappointed because while I had no idea if this would progress past a casual friendship I did feel that you were a very open minded, nurturing and accepting person and I felt safe and comfortable being myself around you. I’m not so sure about that anymore. I feel like I can only be the person that you want to see and be comfortable with and I have to put the rest of me in a closet.
I’m sitting here looking around my apartment at the pictures I have. I don’t see pictures of me or my former self. I see images that captured a very special moment in my life and the lives of my family. I see a parent serenading his first born child. I see a mother hugging her child just a few years before she died. I see a parent realizing his son is grown into adulthood. I see a parent hugging his daughter on a summer holiday visiting cousins. I see an amazing extended family portrait of a family who has stood by each other through trials and tribulations and still manages to get together for Thanksgiving with love and care in their hearts. You see a man with all his inherent flaws. 
I had to wear that man suit for 50+ years in order to hide my true nature and self from society's expectations, judgements and pressures to conform. I lived a good life in that suit. I had some amazing kids as a result of testosterone. I will not hide that history because it makes me or anyone else “uncomfortable”. 
You said you probably would not like that person. While I look back and hated having to be a man, and living with the wrong hormones raging through me, that man was a -censored- amazing person. That man was a loving and supportive parent and husband. A friend who would do anything for you when you needed it. He would drop whatever he was doing to help someone else out. He served his country and he saved kids lives even though it was breaking him. He did all these things all while dealing with the depression and the psychological challenges of repressing his true self. Was he perfect, hell no but he was a genuinely loving and good person.
The person you are getting to know as Bri is all those things. She is the kind, gentle, compassionate, driven, adventurous, accepting and nurturing person that you are experiencing precisely because of who came before her. In spite of being born male.
So the question shouldn’t be, “why do I have these pictures of my former life around?” The question should be, "why does it bother you so much?”
This is the first time someone close has openly been transphobic to me. You may find that harsh. While you are not judging me for presenting as the gender I identify with, you are failing to accept that I haven’t always been this way and that it is a problem for you that I won’t hide it. 

Based on this I think we need a break so you can figure out why this is so uncomfortable for you and whether I can have a friendship with someone who can't be confronted with who I was before.

[Elizabeth Star]

Hey everyone.

As you've probably guessed my life has been quite busy lately. It's amazing how quickly I find myself at the end of the day.

 

I had a great time with Hannah the other night. I didn't know it was her first time out, she had me fooled. I was surprised at how many of their songs I either knew or had at least heard before. I'm bad about knowing the names of musicians but I remember songs. The coat thing was really cute. The man was just walking by and saw her struggling and without a word helped her just like a gentleman should. It definitely made me smile.

 

So, My GF is doing good. I went up to Queer Quadplex this weekend for an overnight visit. Yesterday we went to a trans clothing swap. It was actually pretty fun and everyone was so nice and really considerate of each other. I brought my ex's clothing, shoe and accessories. I really had no use for any of it. Although I did keep a few pieces for myself. I wasn't sure how I would feel about giving her stuff away but when I saw the look on peoples faces when they picked out a piece and just had to have it, it was all worth it. We also played at the mall for a bit today. I got a couple outfits for the summer. More miniskirts and skimpy tops.

 

 

[HollyNG]

Finding out my parents are doing great since I came out as transgender.Told them I am possibly going on the feminizing hormones being talked about with my therapist,they are supportive of this.

[KymmieL]

Holly great to hear. I would call that a victory.

 

The concert was fantastic. Played songs from their beginning to one from their up coming new release.

 

Of course one of the best parts. We went to Denny's for dinner. We had to wait a couple minutes for the waitress to take our order. So when she came to the table. She said, "Sorry, Ladies." I think she was new, no big deal. Anyway, she went to place our order. Then she comes to the door way, with I think a trainer. Saying "those ladies right there." indicating me and my wife. It felt so good.

 

I didn't know if my wife heard the comments. If she did she didn't show she did. Maybe small victory.

 

Kymmie

[MirandaB]

Good morning!

 

Last week I went in for a consultation at a salon near me I found on Strands For Trans and then the cut and color session on Saturday, very good experience and my hair looked fab and under control for several hours. 

 

This was my third time having my hair done as proper me, and I somehow thought that I was done with the emotional reactions. Ha. 

 

I was the first clientof the day and as I sat there during the coloring process other women came in and I was getting jealous of all their nice looking hair.  But then when mine was done and it kinda sorta wasn't so bad, a li'l wave of emotion hit me. 

 

They did a blowout of my curly wavy mess because why not, and the milestone for me was the next day just rinsing my hair after a workout and actually later wanting to see how it would look without the blowout, the first time in my life eagerly anticipating a look in the mirror at normal old everyday me. 

[Betty_B]

Good morning all

 coffee is hot and relaxing this morning,,,

brains are mush , , fighting with the feeling of disgust of men and who i used to be , not a pleasant feeling or even expected. i dont think even a supporting accepting spouse like i have can help sort this out ,,, odd how a mind can change and play games with you   as you walk this path alone .

 

Love and peace to all

        Betty  

 

 

[Jamie68]

9 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

O here's the draft of the email I think I'm going to send her. At the very least words needed to be expressed so it doesn't fester in my head all night. I would love to hear your all experience or take on the matter.

I agree with you. I feel the same about my past. I would be upset if someone was disturbed about my wanting to hang on to good memories. Your past has a lot to do with the amazing person you are now. Maybe she didn't mean what it sounded like. I know I suck at communicating what I really mean when I talk to people. I'm a quick responder and a slow thinker. Not a good combination. At least your letter will Open up the opportunity to discussion. At this stage in life, we need support, not criticism. Hope it goes well for you whatever you decide. ❤️

[Bri2020]

8 minutes ago, RhondaS said:

 

They did a blowout of my curly wavy mess because why not, and the milestone for me was the next day just rinsing my hair after a workout and actually later wanting to see how it would look without the blowout, the first time in my life eagerly anticipating a look in the mirror at normal old everyday me. 

That’s awesome Rhonda. Are u going to post a pic of your new doo?

[Jamie68]

7 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Yesterday we went to a trans clothing swap. It was actually pretty fun and everyone was so nice and really considerate of each other. I brought my ex's clothing, shoe and accessories. I really had no use for any of it. Although I did keep a few pieces for myself. I wasn't sure how I would feel about giving her stuff away but when I saw the look on peoples faces when they picked out a piece and just had to have it, it was all worth it.

This sounds like such a great idea. I would love to go to one of those. I usually give clothing and misc. to our Salvation Army store. I would love to donate to a Trans Swap instead. 

I'm sure it was kind of difficult to get rid of your wife's stuff, but at least it went to people who need and appreciate it. ❤️

[Bri2020]

37 minutes ago, Betty_B said:

Good morning all

 coffee is hot and relaxing this morning,,,

brains are mush , , fighting with the feeling of disgust of men and who i used to be , not a pleasant feeling or even expected. i dont think even a supporting accepting spouse like i have can help sort this out ,,, odd how a mind can change and play games with you   as you walk this path alone .

 

Love and peace to all

        Betty  

 

 

Hang in there, this journey is a rollercoaster to say the least.

I get it. As I am out and about and see or experience male toxicity or bravado etc etc I'm just so disgusted. It does remind me of how I played that roll sometimes and while I hated that version in retrospect, it just reminds me how nice it is to be past that and able to hang out with an amazing cast of women in my life now.  

If you don't have a therapist, get one. These are the things they help us navigate.

Probably just as important as a therapist, more so for me is my tribe of accepting and loving girl friends so I would encourage and trans girl to try and really develop their community. It doesn't have to be an LBGTQ+ community. In fact, I think having a number of straight cis women around to compliment the queer people in my life has been very healthy. 

[Bri2020]

I slept like -crap- last night. The exchange with my date yesterday just stuck with me.

I have a lip lift this morning which while I'm happy it is finally getting done I am still upset he didn't do it with the rest of my FFS. My face was just starting to feel like it was close to healing and now I have a few more weeks of looking like -crap- and feeling very self conscious.

I'm also about to restart facial electrolysis next week which means back to growing out the hair on Friday for Monday appointments. It's been such a nice respite these last 3 months from a dysphoria perspective. I've been able to go out without a mask and socialize any day without having to worry about whiskers since I would just shave. I hate the shaving though. There's no answer for it right now except to plow through and hope it's all done by the end of the year.  I have to keep telling myself that at the end of this year I will be done with my medical transitioning and I can just live life. I've transitioned on a fast track so that I can get to that point quickly but the intensity of the non stop treatments, therapy, electro, and surgeries has worn me out. 

OK, I will stop whining and pull my -crap- together now.

[Jamie68]

Lately with the allergy season in full swing, I feel like this a lot.

Have a great day everyone. 💞

[Willow]

Good Monday morning 

 

Coffee is hot and black.  We have to leave about 10 to head to MUSC.  It takes about 90 minutes to get there and we want to get lunch before my wife’s procedure.  They took over a large wing of a mall, and that’s where we have to go.

 

we can leave the medical offices and go around to the active part of the mall to shop.  
 

it will be a long day for our dog, she has to stay home and inside.  
 

Hugs

 

Willow

[KymmieL]

Heart felt, Letter. @Bri2020 I totally agree with you having those pictures. While those are of the former you. They are also images of the man who clawed her way to become the beautiful, life loving person she is now. Nothing short of a flux capacitor can change that.

 

Didn't sleep well last night, undoubtedly tired. but just couldn't get comfortable, or Goddess only knows.

 

Now a pause for a word from our sponsors:

                      Mom "Jimmy, what is this green lump in my coffee cup?"

                      Jimmy, "You know Mommy. The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup"

 

It's 8 o'clock do you know where your kids are?

                         "8am on a Monday. They better have their happy arse in school."

 

Damn, public service announcements. Had to sneak in.

 

Anywho, Where was I. ( shuffles a bunch of papers) Ah, now I am ready.

 

Have a great day everyone.

 

Big HUGS.

 

Kymmie

 

[Marcie Jensen]

@Bri2020I agree with all the comments offering support. You are a wonderful person, and bluntly you deserve better than this Cynthia person is giving you. I've learned (the hard way) that when people offer up advice similar to hers, they generally don't have your best interests at heart. Many years ago, when I was a young soldier, I had a platoon sergeant who used to say to us , when we were about to do something that only young privates do, "Sojur, y'all best drop that -crap- like a live ger-nade!" That phrase stuck with me, and I think it may apply here.

 

Hugs!

Marcie

[Cynthina]

Bri,

 

I know I haven't been on my journey as long as a lot of you, but my thoughts on this are we have had to hide in a closet pretty much all of our lives for one reason or another. The thought of having to put my old memories of my past and the good things in my past (back in the closet) to please someone else would not set well with me as well. You have every right to be you and comfortable around the people in your life.  I think that the women that we are are the combination of who we truly see ourselves, just because it happened in our past does not mean it was not meant to be. Everything that has happened to us in our live has made who we are and will make us stronger than ever. I will keep you in my prayers and hope this works out for you..❤️  

[Ivy]

Dealing with our past life can be complicated.

 

I live in a house where my ex and I raised our family, and lived in for around 40 yrs.  (I couldn't afford to move anyway)  She has a place we moved to a few years before our break up.  Consequently it's hard for me to simply forget the past, and I don't really want to.  Most of those years were good.  There are a lot of things in the house that she was largely responsible for.

 

As for pictures, there is some artwork by family members. (we're a kinda artsy family)  I hadn't thought much about it, but there is one small photo of us together years ago.  But it's not in a prominent place.

As much as I think I might want another relationship, there is nothing going on, and not much hope of it at this point.  But my past is part of me and there's no way to change that.  I would have to wonder about anyone wanting me to forget it.

 

On the other hand, pix of kids are one thing, but I could see it being a mood killer to be constantly seeing pix of a partner's ex on display.  I would make me wonder if the person was ready to move on yet.  There are reasons it is sometimes said not to get into a serious relationship for a year after a breakup.

 

But then, I'm just a lonely old transwoman.