Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Coming out to Partner


Robin.C

Recommended Posts

Well this girl is out.

 

Managed to tell my partner who I am.

Her first comment was "as long as you let me check your outfits and other partners", I nearly fell off my chair, then I cried.

Had to explain to her I didn't want any other partners.

Seems she loves me, probably why I love her.

 

It's been an emotional week. First therapy session and now my coming out.

 

And so another step has been taken, one step at a time. Now I need to have another cry.

 

Hugs

Robin

Link to post
  • Admin
Carolyn Marie

I'm so happy for you both, Robin.  That is a wonderful outcome.  Congrats!

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

It's good to hear Robin. Thank you! This cheered up my day too.

 

Tracy

Link to post

She may have some variable emotions about it after it sinks in, fair warning...

Link to post
2 hours ago, tracy_j said:

Thank you! This cheered up my day too.

@tracy_j so glad you found something to enjoy.

 

4 hours ago, Carolyn Marie said:

I'm so happy for you both, Robin.

@Carolyn Marie And we haven't stop talking about it all day. Communication it is lovely when it works ☺️

 

Hugs

Robin

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

That is great news Jackie.  I was blessed with acceptance from my wife as well.  The road was rough at times but with honesty and open conversation our relationship continues stronger than ever.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to post

That's awesome @Robin.C!  Its great to have your partner as your ally! 

 

Enjoy the cry .. you deserve to be happy❣️

Link to post
KathyLauren

I am so happy for you Robin!  You picked a good one!  Congratulations on telling her who you are!

Link to post

Robin,

 

I'm so happy that the talk went well for you!  This caught my attention:

 

6 hours ago, Robin.C said:

Communication it is lovely when it works

IMO, Communication is important even when it doesn't "work".  It changes you and moves things along, even if it doesn't go the direction you hoped for.  I'm so glad things did move in what sounds like a very good direction.  Joy!

 

Best,

Grace

Link to post

Crikey, now I have told two of my close friends.

 

Interestingly they weren't that surprised or at least that's what they say.

Maybe I've been giving out girly vibes for longer than I think ?

 

Still it's nice to think they care enough to talk to me and remain friends.

She's more concerned I'll be in her cycling category now !! Please note she beats me now, nothing will change ?

 

Stay safe everyone and thank you.

 

Hugs

Robin

 

Link to post
On 7/30/2020 at 11:25 PM, Robin.C said:

Well this girl is out.

That's great @Robin.C

 

I'm so glad you have an accepting partner to share in your transition.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and safe.

 

Mmindy???

Link to post
  • 5 months later...

🙄 This thread is old, please consider starting a new thread !! Nah 😁

 

Today I came out to the local hairdresser, who is also a friend and how did it go you might ask?

I got told off for the way I'm dying my hair is how it went 😵

 

It was just as well I told her, because something I didn't know is when blokes grow out their hair the hairdresser cuts it different to when women want to grow out their hair AND it depends a little bit on the style you are aiming for 🙄

So the frizzys are gone and my hair looks nice (way better than my avatar.

 

There is so much to learn about being a girl.

 

On an even more positive note she offered to do my makeup and teach me along the way, though her term was a little bit disturbing. In a fun way though.

 

Hugs

Robin

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, Robin.C said:

On an even more positive note she offered to do my makeup and teach me along the way

Hello @Robin.C , Well that’s definitely something to be happy about. That’s a much more effective way to learn makeup...in person. I learned makeup from my longtime girlfriend way back in my 20’s. She was a girly girl who loved doing my makeup for me and taught me a lot. Youtube videos are good too but there’s nothing like getting that personal touch.


Congrats on the coming out to your hairdresser friend. One more step in the right direction!

 

My Best,

Susan R🌷

Link to post

@Robin.C This is fabulous to hear that you'll get some great guidance on hair and makeup. There's a lot to learn indeed, and it's become that much more difficult to learn because the pandemic makes it harder to connect with the very people who would help us and be understanding. I confess that I've learned a lot just by experimenting, some successful, some not. But I have had the a lot of support from my partner on this (maybe with a little kind-hearted teasing), and from girlfriends who will hop on a Zoom call and we'll mess with makeup on a girls night. I've also seen some salons offering virtual makeovers during the pandemic but I can't speak to how that goes.

 

Also @Susan R  it's great to see you... I hope you are recovering well! ❤️

 

Love,

~Audrey.

Link to post

@Mmindy, @Susan R, @Audrey and my TP family. The coming out bit is so nerve racking but when I get it out it feels like a great weight lifts.

It will probably be like this for most of this year as I slowly let my appearance reflect my inner self and so feel better about telling those I'm close to.

The most stressful will be my mum, sister and brother-in-law. I just need to strengthen my inner self.

 

Hugs

Robin

Link to post
  • 1 month later...

So as I write this it's morning over here on our little Island. Looking at the title of this thread I was thinking it should be changed to something more representative though I don't know what.

Anyhow I have now come out to my family GP and a few other cycling friends, my doctor was really got and asked if I wanted to change my name or pronoun and what he could do. So all good.

The big one for me is at the end of the month I'm going to a concert/gig as me. So they will be sort of the first to see me as Robin rather than just speak to her. I had to get a few things sorted as I paid for the tickets in my legal name not as the person who will pick up the tickets at the door. The wonderful thing was the lady I was speaking to was so wonderful about it and told me about the other trans people already friends of the band. I had no idea, which is really a good thing.

Oh yeah that means I came out to her as well, it does get easier to tell people as you go along as everyone has said. One thing of Jackie Rabbits advice that I try to remember is that you don't need to give big long explanations why, you just are you. if they want to ask questions that's good. All the people I have told so far are like, "that's great you are being you who you are". Then it's back to talking about normal things, like preserving jars, rear cassettes (bikes) and other states lock down due to covid.

Anyhow enjoy your day/night wherever you are, I'm off to work on my car and the pick some nectarines.

Hugs

Robin

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
4 hours ago, Robin.C said:

One thing of Jackie Rabbits advice that I try to remember is that you don't need to give big long explanations why, you just are you.

This is correct @Robin.C.  And you don't have to answer every question that is asked of you either.  Some are prying to much and others are plain impolite.  

 

I'm so happy you are going to a concert.  I know you'll have a good time.  Don't fret, be you and rock on!!

Jani  

Link to post
On 7/30/2020 at 8:25 PM, Robin.C said:

Well this girl is out.

 

Managed to tell my partner who I am.

Her first comment was "as long as you let me check your outfits and other partners", I nearly fell off my chair, then I cried.

Had to explain to her I didn't want any other partners.

Seems she loves me, probably why I love her.

 

It's been an emotional week. First therapy session and now my coming out.

 

And so another step has been taken, one step at a time. Now I need to have another cry.

 

Hugs

Robin

🤗 my wife was not so accepting.  

Link to post
SaraphimL

Congrats!  Having an accepting and supportive partner is a huge help.  As stated elsewhere in this thread communication is one of the best tools in maintaining a relationship.  MY own wife is my strongest supporter and biggest ally but at the same time early on she needed some space to mourn the loss of the aspects I'm slowly shedding as I grow closer to who I truly am.

 

Those who are closest to you and know you the best will not be surprised by your news, which is likely why they're close to you in the first place.  Congrats again on coming out ♥

Link to post
12 hours ago, SaraphimL said:

she needed some space to mourn the loss of the aspects I'm slowly shedding as I grow closer to who I truly am.

I'm worried about this aspect, but I think my partner and I will be fine.  There will be some ugly moments though!  Neither of us are bothered too much by those ugly moments, so that's a plus.  :)  We recover so fast from those bad moments, due to communication.  The uglyness is too easy, the honesty is hard.

 

--Grace--

 

Link to post

It is good to have my partner and friends in my corner.

Today will be a big milestone.

We are going to a concert which is more like a local community gathering and they are going to meet Robin for the first time. I know most people will be like "yeah okay, when does the music and dancing start ?". The fear is in my head.

My immediate family won't meet her until middle of next month so it will be a bit weird my friends knowing and not my family. It is what it is though.

 

Hugs

Robin

Link to post

Here's a tale to tell. No not the SS Minnow but Robins night out. Robins first night out to be correct.

 

Started okay. Until I tried my partners antifrizz spray. Instant flat hair. Cue instant panic with 6 hours until going out.

Emergency call to my hairdresser who was also doing my makeup to beg her to fix my disaster.

With 2-1/2 hours to go. The lady is a saint, she calmed me down and redid my hair, applied my makeup and still had time to get ready herself. I'd already planned my outfit a month before and I'm so glad I did as I had all of 10minutes to get dressed ... 😬

So with that mini disaster sorted out it was an 45min drive into town (Australia you get used to driving anywhere). With every tourist and slow driver I could feel my stress going up a notch at a time. It's quite interesting how you think time is going so fast and you are going to be so late. AND I still had to find somewhere to park !.

We made it to the pub/hotel/concert venue exactly at the time I had planned for 🙄 how does that happen, even walking from the multi-level car park to the venue. So we got to have a leisurely dinner.

 

Now the fun stuff. I haven't walked that far in high heels (in this case ankle boots) ever. It was easy, huh, why ? Cycling really does give you good legs for tippy toeing along. Okay exaggeration they arent that high. (My toes hurt a bit today though) My partner and I had to go past two other pubs/clubs before we got to our venue and nothing, no abuse, no comments, they couldnt have cared less. Mmmmm.

So there I am standing in a hotel/pub dressed as Robin, makeup and hair great and just happy. No fear, no stress, just normal night out. Maybe because I was me for the first time in .... first time ever I guess.

No-one recognised me, I was a new woman who had come along to the gig. Women asked about my nails (they loved the colour), one woman said I had great legs for tight jeans she just wished she did; a compliment !? They smiled I smiled, went to the ladies, checked my lippy and makeup and that was that. Nothing horrible happened.

Did spot out the corner of my eye a couple of the blokes checking my bottom and legs, how do I know 😜 it was the same way I looked .. lol  it was kinda cool, I didn't wear these jeans for people to not see my legs ... hee hee. But again nothing horrible happened during dinner or the concert, or afterward walking back to the car park. i did get one interesting look from the lass serving drinks; not sure what the look meant, though I do know she is lesbian.

 

I had been getting wound up about the night and getting ready, and continually telling myself no-one will care, be natural and no-one will take any notice of you. And that really is what happened, my friends who met Robin for the first time were wonderful and it was a fantastic night with great music and company.

I can't wait to go out again 😊

 

A big thank you to everyone on TP who gave me advice and shared their stories, it was like having a big family looking after me. ❤️

 

Hugs

Robin

 

Link to post
  • 1 month later...
Robin.C

And today's entry on coming out events.

So Friday night I ventured into the city for my first trans group meeting.

 

I actually tried this as a blog but it went missing in the ether so who knows maybe it will surface in some parallel universe.

 

I had no idea what to expect and I was as nervous as you can get. Evening int he city and not a part of the city I know and Google street view only has daytime views. So i decide to go in what I call my lazy lesbian outfit. Girls jeans, khaki t-shirt and sandshoes (i think they are sneakers to Amnericans), mascara and faint lippy.

 

Omergerd did i feel at bit out of place. It seems it's a social event and they do get done up or perhaps I just don't do real girly. I was asked whether they'd get to see the feme me next month, ouch. I had to admit this was the feme me. I might go a with a bit more makeup and nicer top and shoes.

 

That all said, they were wonderful, friendly without being overbearing. Other than one lady who had to go all DM about her situation ! Not really the thing to do to a stranger on their first night, but hey that's just me and Jackies advice rings in my ears at such times.

 

It was very pleasant with the Easter eggs, hot crossed buns and coffee.

 

The whole thing is this was the first time I'd gone somewhere as me, on my own. No supportive friends who knew both of me. And meeting other trans people. Apart from my counselor I'd never knowingly met another trans person so this was amazing to meet not one but a dozen just like me. And frankly a little intimidating. The age old questions popping into my head. Am I trans enough to be here, will I be found out and excluded. Can I really be me.

 

Thus I've ticked another big one off. Next will be either a real out in the real world social event with the group or telling my mum and sister. 50 -50 which one will come first.

 

Still waiting for my therapists report, sigh. Sorry this was a bit long if you made it this far 🤪

 

Hugs

Robin

Link to post

That was fun to read Robin...a good bedtime story for me.  That really was a big step.  My group still meets on zoom, and I'm a little nervous/excited about having to go in person one day soon.

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 71 Guests (See full list)

    • AwesomeClaire
    • Susan R
    • Jackie C.
    • Bri2020
    • Elizabeth Star
    • Aurora
    • DeeDee
    • MaryEllen
    • Kakileli
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      73,689
    • Total Posts
      680,195
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      8,292
    • Most Online
      8,356

    leongreen
    Newest Member
    leongreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. wishing to be kim
      wishing to be kim
      (61 years old)
  • Posts

    • Bri2020
      I have butt envy Liz I'm in casual mode around the house today and repping my Dolphins. (and I have no butt to show. lol)  
    • Kakileli
      I know that my sister is INCREDIBLY homophobic, so I assume she is transphobic too. Not much else. I don’t live with her btw 
    • Chiefsrule58
      Shame and fear of how others would react and not wanting to disappoint my parents.  Growing up from the time I started kindergarten to when I graduated I was always subject to violence and bullying.  My parents knew of the bullying as well as the  teachers and principles. My mother just kept telling me that if I didn't just act the way I did the other kids would leave me be. My father took a different stance, he thought I should learn to stand up for myself so his approach was either you fight back or I will beat you myself.   It took me a very long time for me to change my believes about myself.  Overtime I got really good at hiding and avoiding others primarily for my own safety. In high school I had the opportunity to join NJROTC which I did because I did not want to deal with the gym locker room.        I enjoyed the experience but still wasn't sure what I wanted to do. My Junior year of high school I took a severe beating by a group of guys so I convinced my mom to let me sign up for the Navy and told the recruiter I wanted to go to Navy boot camp ASAP so I left three days after I graduated high school the next year.        I struggled in my first couple of years in the Navy.  I got better at fitting in and I made friends with a female Sailor and we started hanging out all the time eventually she introduced to me wife. The dysphoria got worse after I married and eventually I came out to her a couple years into our marriage. Eventually our marriage came apart a divorce was eminent then by the grace of God things changed  and we worked things out. At that point I was choosing the Navy; a job that I loved and was good at over authenticity, I had convinced myself that I could tolerate and live with the dysphoria. At this point my wife and I had endured four more deployments and the birth and death of our daughter.      By 2015 we had two more children  both had been diagnosed with ASD.  It was at that point that it just became extremely difficult for me to function and deal with everything on top of the dysphoria. My wife encouraged me and made arrangements for me to see a therapist, so I did and started to attend group as well.  Meeting other transgender people for the first time really changed my life because it gave me hope.       I was at 18 years in the Navy at that point and was very torn on what I wanted to do. I choose to stay Navy and endure.  I kept going to group and therapy when i could and  once the DOD changed the policy I started taking HRT.  Things never really worked out with coming out in the Navy or with medical just to many road blocks. I enjoyed being a Navy Chief so I continued on in my career.  The thing that caused me to move beyond the state of limbo was the two suicide attempts, barley surviving the second one. I held things together after that because I was so grateful just to be alive.        I retired from the Navy in 2020 and things didn't get better so I reached out to the VA for help.  They have been very helpful with the transition out of the Navy.  Along the way I stopped fighting with myself and made the decision to transition and start living full time.  For me it has made all the difference in my life.            Jamie
    • Kakileli
      Kind of. I always feel like my legs are the wrong shape, they look too feminine, they stop me from passing, they make me look like a girl, etc. Etc. 
    • Maddee
      Money.   And fear of making the wrong choices (which Drs, which types and order of procedures, etc)
    • KymmieL
      When I carry my purse. I usually just have my wallet, some makeup, my keys, and maybe some protection. That is about all I can fit in my purse.    
    • Linda Marie
      Out of the blue I get a call. I'm retired and have to go to a business meeting. Do not know what this about, all I know is I text back and told them, I'm wearing polka dots. They said please come as you are. LM♥️  
    • AwesomeClaire
      I was never an alpha male either.  A couple things stopped me from transitioning. Mostly fear and shame. Fear of what people would do to me when they found out, and shame of failing as a man and not living up to others' expectations. Also, I had started losing my hair at some point in my 20s and then I was just like "oh, this is it then, there is no way I can do this." So, another main thing holding me back was lack of knowledge. As far as I knew, "transsexuals" were these weird people that got their stuff removed. Nobody even knew one. I didn't even know about ftm. I didn't know about good wigs even or hormone therapy. It was just me all alone, trying to figure out how to look like a girl, failing at it, and then sadly giving up. I didn't have the words or ability to express what was going on with me. I just knew I wanted to look like a girl, and for a while I tried to make myself look like the very feminine male characters from some video games, especially Dynasty Warriors. I really started experimenting more after coming out to family and some close friends as bi, I tried on a dress and heels for the first time with some friends and just loved it. But then the dark thoughts and fear started crowding in again and I felt what I was doing was ridiculous and wrong, so I quit. It would resurface many times over the years, especially if I got drunk or there was another guy around that I liked. November 2019, a year after my divorce, is when I got a very strong urge to pursue this again - I decided to do it right, I did the research, learned quite a lot, and made the decision to be the real me.
    • AwesomeClaire
      I hadn't had a Facebook account in over a decade. But, my friends in my gaming group were using Facebook groups and I felt I was missing out. A few months into my transition I had decided on Claire, so I started up an FB account. Part of this was intentional. I spent a lot of time and energy talking to my closest friends, family, and coworkers about my transition, explaining why I was doing it, my history, etc. So, rather than surprise more people and have to explain a bunch of stuff, I just put myself out there on FB and let people react as they may. I got an overwhelming amount of support, and it just felt good to get it out of the way and have everyone know about it. 
    • Teri Anne
      You look fab in polka dots Linda Marie. You always look so put together.
    • Willow
      Trying this again, the worry is alway lack of acceptance but it’s never as bad as you imagine.  My wife was my worst and she has given her concerns to God.  We are doing a whole lot better.   Purses, I don’t carry all that in my purse, but I will say after carrying one, I don’t understand why the MURSE never caught on.  I wear glasses in case you hadn’t noticed so a glasses case with my prescription sun glasses, or vice versa, lipstick, hair brush, keys, phone, a compact, I try to carry tissues but use them and don’t think to replace them, a face mask, and my wallet.  It matches the purse.  My wife makes purses and matching wallets out of different materials.  The one I’ve been using is cork.  But she makes quilted, foleather, and others and she usually manages a matching wallet. Sometime my wife and I want the same one and have to share.  Ok, I give in to her most of the time but I have a couple she made specifically for me.
    • Niamh
      While I fully understand that some of us may wish to limit who we "come out" to, I was getting frustrated that I had to work out everytime I posted on facebook who knew what. So on 31 March (transgender day of visibility) I decided to post my transgender status to all those who I had not up to that point informed.  I had feared a bit of a backlash from some of the right-wing family members who were my fb friends, but in fact all the responses I had to my post were entirely positive. One of my fb friends obviously decided to unfriend me (I had made a note of how many fb friends I had before the post), but as I've been unable to work out who that person was - it's clearly no big deal.  But the big plus is that I now know that I don't have to tiptoe around what I post in FB. I have maintained two separate FB identities as I am genderfluid, and I'll post appropriate updates in my male and female FB pages accordingly. I did however invite my male FB friends to "friend" Niamh if they wished and a significant number did.   So I fully understand your desire to not have to hide your identity from anyone - it lifts a big weight from your shoulders and I hope that going forward that your family accept how you are even if they are not supportive.
    • Willow
      Most recent first, Yes I agree the more you manage to come out and (ok why can’t I turn this back off?) are accepted, the better you feel.  
    • Linda Marie
      Oh dear, that horrible depression. I battled that for 3 years. It blindsided me, came from no where. I had everything going for me then that hit. I did kind of what Jackie said, I started talking to it, silly I suppose, but it worked after a long battle. I did set up my camera and was ready for my last day, that was when I woke up and went to battle. I have 5 purses, I love my purses, just to lazy at times to empty then and change purses, lol. Ginger my cat was a feral cat that showed up in my basement a few years ago. I fed her, then trapped her and took her to the vet's and had her spaded, and all her shots, I even put a cat door and food bench in my basement for her and her son, Fuzzy, trapped him also and shots and fixed. They both have been with me now for a few years.  
    • Sally Stone
      Linda Marie,   That outfit looks wonderful on you, very stylish and what's not to love about polka dots. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...