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Coming out to Partner


Robin.C

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Well this girl is out.

 

Managed to tell my partner who I am.

Her first comment was "as long as you let me check your outfits and other partners", I nearly fell off my chair, then I cried.

Had to explain to her I didn't want any other partners.

Seems she loves me, probably why I love her.

 

It's been an emotional week. First therapy session and now my coming out.

 

And so another step has been taken, one step at a time. Now I need to have another cry.

 

Hugs

Robin

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  • Admin
Carolyn Marie

I'm so happy for you both, Robin.  That is a wonderful outcome.  Congrats!

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

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  • Forum Moderator

It's good to hear Robin. Thank you! This cheered up my day too.

 

Tracy

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She may have some variable emotions about it after it sinks in, fair warning...

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2 hours ago, tracy_j said:

Thank you! This cheered up my day too.

@tracy_j so glad you found something to enjoy.

 

4 hours ago, Carolyn Marie said:

I'm so happy for you both, Robin.

@Carolyn Marie And we haven't stop talking about it all day. Communication it is lovely when it works ☺️

 

Hugs

Robin

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  • Forum Moderator

That is great news Jackie.  I was blessed with acceptance from my wife as well.  The road was rough at times but with honesty and open conversation our relationship continues stronger than ever.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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That's awesome @Robin.C!  Its great to have your partner as your ally! 

 

Enjoy the cry .. you deserve to be happy❣️

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KathyLauren

I am so happy for you Robin!  You picked a good one!  Congratulations on telling her who you are!

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Robin,

 

I'm so happy that the talk went well for you!  This caught my attention:

 

6 hours ago, Robin.C said:

Communication it is lovely when it works

IMO, Communication is important even when it doesn't "work".  It changes you and moves things along, even if it doesn't go the direction you hoped for.  I'm so glad things did move in what sounds like a very good direction.  Joy!

 

Best,

Grace

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Crikey, now I have told two of my close friends.

 

Interestingly they weren't that surprised or at least that's what they say.

Maybe I've been giving out girly vibes for longer than I think ?

 

Still it's nice to think they care enough to talk to me and remain friends.

She's more concerned I'll be in her cycling category now !! Please note she beats me now, nothing will change ?

 

Stay safe everyone and thank you.

 

Hugs

Robin

 

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On 7/30/2020 at 11:25 PM, Robin.C said:

Well this girl is out.

That's great @Robin.C

 

I'm so glad you have an accepting partner to share in your transition.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and safe.

 

Mmindy???

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  • 5 months later...

🙄 This thread is old, please consider starting a new thread !! Nah 😁

 

Today I came out to the local hairdresser, who is also a friend and how did it go you might ask?

I got told off for the way I'm dying my hair is how it went 😵

 

It was just as well I told her, because something I didn't know is when blokes grow out their hair the hairdresser cuts it different to when women want to grow out their hair AND it depends a little bit on the style you are aiming for 🙄

So the frizzys are gone and my hair looks nice (way better than my avatar.

 

There is so much to learn about being a girl.

 

On an even more positive note she offered to do my makeup and teach me along the way, though her term was a little bit disturbing. In a fun way though.

 

Hugs

Robin

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1 hour ago, Robin.C said:

On an even more positive note she offered to do my makeup and teach me along the way

Hello @Robin.C , Well that’s definitely something to be happy about. That’s a much more effective way to learn makeup...in person. I learned makeup from my longtime girlfriend way back in my 20’s. She was a girly girl who loved doing my makeup for me and taught me a lot. Youtube videos are good too but there’s nothing like getting that personal touch.


Congrats on the coming out to your hairdresser friend. One more step in the right direction!

 

My Best,

Susan R🌷

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@Robin.C This is fabulous to hear that you'll get some great guidance on hair and makeup. There's a lot to learn indeed, and it's become that much more difficult to learn because the pandemic makes it harder to connect with the very people who would help us and be understanding. I confess that I've learned a lot just by experimenting, some successful, some not. But I have had the a lot of support from my partner on this (maybe with a little kind-hearted teasing), and from girlfriends who will hop on a Zoom call and we'll mess with makeup on a girls night. I've also seen some salons offering virtual makeovers during the pandemic but I can't speak to how that goes.

 

Also @Susan R  it's great to see you... I hope you are recovering well! ❤️

 

Love,

~Audrey.

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@Mmindy, @Susan R, @Audrey and my TP family. The coming out bit is so nerve racking but when I get it out it feels like a great weight lifts.

It will probably be like this for most of this year as I slowly let my appearance reflect my inner self and so feel better about telling those I'm close to.

The most stressful will be my mum, sister and brother-in-law. I just need to strengthen my inner self.

 

Hugs

Robin

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  • 1 month later...

So as I write this it's morning over here on our little Island. Looking at the title of this thread I was thinking it should be changed to something more representative though I don't know what.

Anyhow I have now come out to my family GP and a few other cycling friends, my doctor was really got and asked if I wanted to change my name or pronoun and what he could do. So all good.

The big one for me is at the end of the month I'm going to a concert/gig as me. So they will be sort of the first to see me as Robin rather than just speak to her. I had to get a few things sorted as I paid for the tickets in my legal name not as the person who will pick up the tickets at the door. The wonderful thing was the lady I was speaking to was so wonderful about it and told me about the other trans people already friends of the band. I had no idea, which is really a good thing.

Oh yeah that means I came out to her as well, it does get easier to tell people as you go along as everyone has said. One thing of Jackie Rabbits advice that I try to remember is that you don't need to give big long explanations why, you just are you. if they want to ask questions that's good. All the people I have told so far are like, "that's great you are being you who you are". Then it's back to talking about normal things, like preserving jars, rear cassettes (bikes) and other states lock down due to covid.

Anyhow enjoy your day/night wherever you are, I'm off to work on my car and the pick some nectarines.

Hugs

Robin

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4 hours ago, Robin.C said:

One thing of Jackie Rabbits advice that I try to remember is that you don't need to give big long explanations why, you just are you.

This is correct @Robin.C.  And you don't have to answer every question that is asked of you either.  Some are prying to much and others are plain impolite.  

 

I'm so happy you are going to a concert.  I know you'll have a good time.  Don't fret, be you and rock on!!

Jani  

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On 7/30/2020 at 8:25 PM, Robin.C said:

Well this girl is out.

 

Managed to tell my partner who I am.

Her first comment was "as long as you let me check your outfits and other partners", I nearly fell off my chair, then I cried.

Had to explain to her I didn't want any other partners.

Seems she loves me, probably why I love her.

 

It's been an emotional week. First therapy session and now my coming out.

 

And so another step has been taken, one step at a time. Now I need to have another cry.

 

Hugs

Robin

🤗 my wife was not so accepting.  

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SaraphimL

Congrats!  Having an accepting and supportive partner is a huge help.  As stated elsewhere in this thread communication is one of the best tools in maintaining a relationship.  MY own wife is my strongest supporter and biggest ally but at the same time early on she needed some space to mourn the loss of the aspects I'm slowly shedding as I grow closer to who I truly am.

 

Those who are closest to you and know you the best will not be surprised by your news, which is likely why they're close to you in the first place.  Congrats again on coming out ♥

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12 hours ago, SaraphimL said:

she needed some space to mourn the loss of the aspects I'm slowly shedding as I grow closer to who I truly am.

I'm worried about this aspect, but I think my partner and I will be fine.  There will be some ugly moments though!  Neither of us are bothered too much by those ugly moments, so that's a plus.  :)  We recover so fast from those bad moments, due to communication.  The uglyness is too easy, the honesty is hard.

 

--Grace--

 

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It is good to have my partner and friends in my corner.

Today will be a big milestone.

We are going to a concert which is more like a local community gathering and they are going to meet Robin for the first time. I know most people will be like "yeah okay, when does the music and dancing start ?". The fear is in my head.

My immediate family won't meet her until middle of next month so it will be a bit weird my friends knowing and not my family. It is what it is though.

 

Hugs

Robin

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Here's a tale to tell. No not the SS Minnow but Robins night out. Robins first night out to be correct.

 

Started okay. Until I tried my partners antifrizz spray. Instant flat hair. Cue instant panic with 6 hours until going out.

Emergency call to my hairdresser who was also doing my makeup to beg her to fix my disaster.

With 2-1/2 hours to go. The lady is a saint, she calmed me down and redid my hair, applied my makeup and still had time to get ready herself. I'd already planned my outfit a month before and I'm so glad I did as I had all of 10minutes to get dressed ... 😬

So with that mini disaster sorted out it was an 45min drive into town (Australia you get used to driving anywhere). With every tourist and slow driver I could feel my stress going up a notch at a time. It's quite interesting how you think time is going so fast and you are going to be so late. AND I still had to find somewhere to park !.

We made it to the pub/hotel/concert venue exactly at the time I had planned for 🙄 how does that happen, even walking from the multi-level car park to the venue. So we got to have a leisurely dinner.

 

Now the fun stuff. I haven't walked that far in high heels (in this case ankle boots) ever. It was easy, huh, why ? Cycling really does give you good legs for tippy toeing along. Okay exaggeration they arent that high. (My toes hurt a bit today though) My partner and I had to go past two other pubs/clubs before we got to our venue and nothing, no abuse, no comments, they couldnt have cared less. Mmmmm.

So there I am standing in a hotel/pub dressed as Robin, makeup and hair great and just happy. No fear, no stress, just normal night out. Maybe because I was me for the first time in .... first time ever I guess.

No-one recognised me, I was a new woman who had come along to the gig. Women asked about my nails (they loved the colour), one woman said I had great legs for tight jeans she just wished she did; a compliment !? They smiled I smiled, went to the ladies, checked my lippy and makeup and that was that. Nothing horrible happened.

Did spot out the corner of my eye a couple of the blokes checking my bottom and legs, how do I know 😜 it was the same way I looked .. lol  it was kinda cool, I didn't wear these jeans for people to not see my legs ... hee hee. But again nothing horrible happened during dinner or the concert, or afterward walking back to the car park. i did get one interesting look from the lass serving drinks; not sure what the look meant, though I do know she is lesbian.

 

I had been getting wound up about the night and getting ready, and continually telling myself no-one will care, be natural and no-one will take any notice of you. And that really is what happened, my friends who met Robin for the first time were wonderful and it was a fantastic night with great music and company.

I can't wait to go out again 😊

 

A big thank you to everyone on TP who gave me advice and shared their stories, it was like having a big family looking after me. ❤️

 

Hugs

Robin

 

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  • 1 month later...
Robin.C

And today's entry on coming out events.

So Friday night I ventured into the city for my first trans group meeting.

 

I actually tried this as a blog but it went missing in the ether so who knows maybe it will surface in some parallel universe.

 

I had no idea what to expect and I was as nervous as you can get. Evening int he city and not a part of the city I know and Google street view only has daytime views. So i decide to go in what I call my lazy lesbian outfit. Girls jeans, khaki t-shirt and sandshoes (i think they are sneakers to Amnericans), mascara and faint lippy.

 

Omergerd did i feel at bit out of place. It seems it's a social event and they do get done up or perhaps I just don't do real girly. I was asked whether they'd get to see the feme me next month, ouch. I had to admit this was the feme me. I might go a with a bit more makeup and nicer top and shoes.

 

That all said, they were wonderful, friendly without being overbearing. Other than one lady who had to go all DM about her situation ! Not really the thing to do to a stranger on their first night, but hey that's just me and Jackies advice rings in my ears at such times.

 

It was very pleasant with the Easter eggs, hot crossed buns and coffee.

 

The whole thing is this was the first time I'd gone somewhere as me, on my own. No supportive friends who knew both of me. And meeting other trans people. Apart from my counselor I'd never knowingly met another trans person so this was amazing to meet not one but a dozen just like me. And frankly a little intimidating. The age old questions popping into my head. Am I trans enough to be here, will I be found out and excluded. Can I really be me.

 

Thus I've ticked another big one off. Next will be either a real out in the real world social event with the group or telling my mum and sister. 50 -50 which one will come first.

 

Still waiting for my therapists report, sigh. Sorry this was a bit long if you made it this far 🤪

 

Hugs

Robin

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That was fun to read Robin...a good bedtime story for me.  That really was a big step.  My group still meets on zoom, and I'm a little nervous/excited about having to go in person one day soon.

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