What are you wearing today?

[Bri2020]

I LOVE THRIFT STORES!  

I decided earlier this week that I am feeling confident enough for sleeveless apparel so have been wearing a few cami tops but I didn't have any "summer" dresses so I twisted my wife's arm into going shopping. We walked out with all of this plus two pairs of shoes for her. One pair were Naot sandals (similar to Birks) that sell for $120.  Our total bill: $103. All the stuff laid out is for me:  5 shelf cami tops, 2 shorts, 4 dresses!  She got 3 pairs of pants, 2 dresses, 1 pair of shorts, 2 pair shoes and a tank top. (she loves it when I invite her shopping obviously. lol) The turquoise dress I am going to wear out to a patio happy hour with friends tonight. You can expect regular posts this week of the other items as I wear them!

[Teri Anne]

I stopped by the neighborhood Goodwill today and found a few DVDs to watch later on tonight.

I was looking for some yoga pants or leggings of some kind but didn't find any thing I had to have.

The ladies top aisle was packed so I didn't get to go thru that.

Found some really cute sandals that were new and still in the boxes but they were too small for me.

[Beatriz]

10 hours ago, Teri Anne said:

If you act like their comments don't bother you they will stop commenting because they get no response out of you.

I have been thru all the stuff you are going thru now and I know it seems like a huge deal but its more you worried about what people will think than it really is.

Again people generally don't care what clothes you wear.

Once friends get used to you dressing that way it will be normal.

Thanks for the wise words, @Teri Anne In my case, I'm starting to present more or less like Pixie, in an androgynous way, as an intermediate step towards presenting in a more feminine way. My guess is that a gradual transition in the way I present will be less traumatic for those around me and for myself. But yes, the issues to work on are my feelings of shame and insecurity.

 

PS: you're all looking great!

[Teri Anne]

Beatriz a lot of our problems in the beginning are actually ourselves.

The old what if someone I know sees me in girls jeans or top.

They will think I am gay .

Of course we all know sexuality and gender expression are two totally different things but the general population don't know that.

We bring almost all the stress on ourselves because of our own insecurities and biases.

The time you get a hint that people could care less is your first time out in womens clothes be it andro or all out cross dressing.

You will think boy was I worried about nothing and the next time you go out it gets so much easier.

Now trying to get that point across to someone just starting out is the hard part and they think you are crazy.

They are sure everybody will be looking at them and the worst is going to happen.

I had a friend I have mentored for a few years and he finally went out a few nights ago and called me saying OMG this "going out" thing is so easy. I said see I told you so.

 

 

[Linda Marie]

Hi. I'm still hanging in there. I'm not doing very well lately, arthritis is getting worse.

I start my volunteer job in the morning, was thinking of buying some pot to ease the pain but got scared I'd eat all the meals I'm to deliver?.

Nothing else going on here, just another day.

 

Love,

LM♥️

 

 

[MelanieTamara]

1 hour ago, Linda Marie said:

I'm still hanging in there. I'm not doing very well lately, arthritis is getting worse.

 

Hey LM, have you talked to your doctor about Hydrochloroquine. It is used off label for rheumotoid arthritis.

 

https://www.rheumatology.org/I-Am-A/Patient-Caregiver/Treatments/Hydroxychloroquine-Plaquenil

 

I know the H word is a realy touchy subject but.... you're in pain and that really, really, really sucks.

[Teri Anne]

Sorry to hear that LM  hope you get some relief soon.

I have arthritis in my neck and mid back so I know it can be painful

 

[PixieOfTheHills]

2 hours ago, Teri Anne said:

Beatriz a lot of our problems in the beginning are actually ourselves.

The old what if someone I know sees me in girls jeans or top.

They will think I am gay .

Of course we all know sexuality and gender expression are two totally different things but the general population don't know that.

We bring almost all the stress on ourselves because of our own insecurities and biases.

The time you get a hint that people could care less is your first time out in womens clothes be it andro or all out cross dressing.

You will think boy was I worried about nothing and the next time you go out it gets so much easier.

Now trying to get that point across to someone just starting out is the hard part and they think you are crazy.

They are sure everybody will be looking at them and the worst is going to happen.

I had a friend I have mentored for a few years and he finally went out a few nights ago and called me saying OMG this "going out" thing is so easy. I said see I told you so.

 

 

Yep. I think you’re right. I was scared stiff off my first ‘outing’. Turned out that nobody either noticed it or cared. I’m not sure which of those it was. Or both?

 

 Taking these two things separately....

 

Noticing. 

falls into two categories. Complete strangers or ‘close encounters’. 
 

if you walk through a shopping mall most of the people you encounter will not notice you in any way unless you draw attention to yourself. Bouncing through the mall on a pogo stick exclaiming ‘I’m a rabbit!!! Feed me a lettuce!!!! Will get you noticed. Anything else, well not really; unless a person has an agenda......

 

 Gay people have what’s called ‘gaydar’. It’s a sort of signaling tactic. Suppose two gay ppl are walking towards each other. They clock one another, but in that brief split second of eye contact, it’s not enough to infer anything. But..... after they’ve passed each other, a glance over the shoulder at them spells  out ‘you interest me’. If both parties do it, then it’s a sure sign they are thinking alike. Follow this with a smile, and the ice is broken and opens the line up for a question such as ‘hi, I’m sure I  know u from somewhere?’  
 

you can use this tactic too if you think you’ve been clocked. If the person is thinking something about u, they’ll łook back. You can break it off by just walking on. 

close encounters...... if you’re talking to somebody..... they’re reading you. And tht includes body language. Sure, they may be concentrating on what’s being said but they can also be assessing you. If they are assessing you, and thinking something, they’re also thinking about whether or not to talk about it. Chances are they will not want to talk about it. 

which leads nicely into caring.....

 

 most of the time ppl just don’t care. Well, not enough to engage you. For a complete stranger, it takes a lot of bravado to start questioning you. Which explains why alcohol tends to loosen ppl up when they wish to cross swords. 
 

for people that know you, they’ll do a bit of self questioning before they launch into ‘errrr..... I can’t help noticing that.....’. It will happen. You can’t hide everything forever, especially if it’s really noticeable. 
 

that’s enough for one post lol. 

 

[Bri2020]

9 hours ago, Teri Anne said:

Beatriz a lot of our problems in the beginning are actually ourselves.

The old what if someone I know sees me in girls jeans or top.

They will think I am gay .

Of course we all know sexuality and gender expression are two totally different things but the general population don't know that.

We bring almost all the stress on ourselves because of our own insecurities and biases.

The time you get a hint that people could care less is your first time out in womens clothes be it andro or all out cross dressing.

You will think boy was I worried about nothing and the next time you go out it gets so much easier.

Now trying to get that point across to someone just starting out is the hard part and they think you are crazy.

They are sure everybody will be looking at them and the worst is going to happen.

I had a friend I have mentored for a few years and he finally went out a few nights ago and called me saying OMG this "going out" thing is so easy. I said see I told you so.

 

 

^all of this!^

Plus what Pixie said.

I socially transitioned in 2 weeks basically. I told my staff and my family all rather quickly then immediately presented FT. I had a LOT of anxiety about it, constantly looking to see if people were staring or how they reacted.  Basically I was acting like a scared little rabbit trying not to get eaten by wolves. The problem with that is, predators look for those fear signals. lol

Once I realized after a few days to a week that really, no one cared enough to make a scene, I loosened up and walked taller and happier and even less people seemed to care. 

Reality though: People do still look at me, and I'm sure they are wondering, is that a man?  But that is something I have come to terms with. 80% of people have never "encountered" or known a trans person in real life. We are going to elicit a sense of wonder in them. We're a new experience so of course they will stare. But IF you have confidence in yourself and project that happiness and authenticity, what they will see are those two things- not a "man in a dress" or whatever.  So I can confirm what Pixie and Teri Anne are saying: basically our fears and insecurities make things appear far worse than the reality once we push ourselves to do it.  I hid who I was for 40+ years from myself and others out of the fear of how I would be treated, so of course those fears are going to be the biggest hurdles to overcome in a transgender's transition.  

Some people need to go very slowly through this process as Beatrix says "so as to not traumatise" those around us. Other's just rip the band-aid off.  I'm in the latter category because my transition is about me and I feel others have to just deal with it. lol. Of course, I am lucky to have family and friends who unconditionally supported me when I came out to them so it was easier.

[PixieOfTheHills]

Thanks @Bri2020 for those accurate observations. I concur. 
 

today I ran an experiment. I went out in masculine ‘mode’. Ok there’s not a lot I can do abt my hair as it is what it is. But the experiment was to see how I felt compared to Saturday. 
 

interesting. I felt less self conscious BUT.... I did not feel....... me. It wasn’t bad, just like a niggle of...... I’m not in my skin.  If tht makes sense. 
 

so tomorrow I’ll step back to adopting a degree of fem presentation. Remember: I’m not wishing to go mtf, just androgynous. Which in a way is harder because you have to mix and match stuff. 
 

I’ll report back ?

[Guest]

9 hours ago, PixieOfTheHills said:

Yep. I think you’re right. I was scared stiff off my first ‘outing’. Turned out that nobody either noticed it or cared. I’m not sure which of those it was. Or both?

 

 Taking these two things separately....

 

Noticing. 

falls into two categories. Complete strangers or ‘close encounters’. 
 

if you walk through a shopping mall most of the people you encounter will not notice you in any way unless you draw attention to yourself. Bouncing through the mall on a pogo stick exclaiming ‘I’m a rabbit!!! Feed me a lettuce!!!! Will get you noticed. Anything else, well not really; unless a person has an agenda......

 

 Gay people have what’s called ‘gaydar’. It’s a sort of signaling tactic. Suppose two gay ppl are walking towards each other. They clock one another, but in that brief split second of eye contact, it’s not enough to infer anything. But..... after they’ve passed each other, a glance over the shoulder at them spells  out ‘you interest me’. If both parties do it, then it’s a sure sign they are thinking alike. Follow this with a smile, and the ice is broken and opens the line up for a question such as ‘hi, I’m sure I  know u from somewhere?’  
 

you can use this tactic too if you think you’ve been clocked. If the person is thinking something about u, they’ll łook back. You can break it off by just walking on. 

close encounters...... if you’re talking to somebody..... they’re reading you. And tht includes body language. Sure, they may be concentrating on what’s being said but they can also be assessing you. If they are assessing you, and thinking something, they’re also thinking about whether or not to talk about it. Chances are they will not want to talk about it. 

which leads nicely into caring.....

 

 most of the time ppl just don’t care. Well, not enough to engage you. For a complete stranger, it takes a lot of bravado to start questioning you. Which explains why alcohol tends to loosen ppl up when they wish to cross swords. 
 

for people that know you, they’ll do a bit of self questioning before they launch into ‘errrr..... I can’t help noticing that.....’. It will happen. You can’t hide everything forever, especially if it’s really noticeable. 
 

that’s enough for one post lol. 

 

It gets easier the more you go out. Most people either don’t notice or don’t care. I don’t make much effort to hide my voice and sometimes my makeup may be spotty but I gotta be me. Then there are faux pas days when your clothing doesn’t work as expected (such as my full length double split wrap skirt that flys in the wind ?). You just have to “own it”, not get discouraged, and remember that you are on a journey. We all forget to take that left turn at Albuquerque on occasion.

[Guest]

9 hours ago, PixieOfTheHills said:

Yep. I think you’re right. I was scared stiff off my first ‘outing’. Turned out that nobody either noticed it or cared. I’m not sure which of those it was. Or both?

 

 Taking these two things separately....

 

Noticing. 

falls into two categories. Complete strangers or ‘close encounters’. 
 

if you walk through a shopping mall most of the people you encounter will not notice you in any way unless you draw attention to yourself. Bouncing through the mall on a pogo stick exclaiming ‘I’m a rabbit!!! Feed me a lettuce!!!! Will get you noticed. Anything else, well not really; unless a person has an agenda......

 

 Gay people have what’s called ‘gaydar’. It’s a sort of signaling tactic. Suppose two gay ppl are walking towards each other. They clock one another, but in that brief split second of eye contact, it’s not enough to infer anything. But..... after they’ve passed each other, a glance over the shoulder at them spells  out ‘you interest me’. If both parties do it, then it’s a sure sign they are thinking alike. Follow this with a smile, and the ice is broken and opens the line up for a question such as ‘hi, I’m sure I  know u from somewhere?’  
 

you can use this tactic too if you think you’ve been clocked. If the person is thinking something about u, they’ll łook back. You can break it off by just walking on. 

close encounters...... if you’re talking to somebody..... they’re reading you. And tht includes body language. Sure, they may be concentrating on what’s being said but they can also be assessing you. If they are assessing you, and thinking something, they’re also thinking about whether or not to talk about it. Chances are they will not want to talk about it. 

which leads nicely into caring.....

 

 most of the time ppl just don’t care. Well, not enough to engage you. For a complete stranger, it takes a lot of bravado to start questioning you. Which explains why alcohol tends to loosen ppl up when they wish to cross swords. 
 

for people that know you, they’ll do a bit of self questioning before they launch into ‘errrr..... I can’t help noticing that.....’. It will happen. You can’t hide everything forever, especially if it’s really noticeable. 
 

that’s enough for one post lol. 

 

 

2 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

^all of this!^

Plus what Pixie said.

I socially transitioned in 2 weeks basically. I told my staff and my family all rather quickly then immediately presented FT. I had a LOT of anxiety about it, constantly looking to see if people were staring or how they reacted.  Basically I was acting like a scared little rabbit trying not to get eaten by wolves. The problem with that is, predators look for those fear signals. lol

Once I realized after a few days to a week that really, no one cared enough to make a scene, I loosened up and walked taller and happier and even less people seemed to care. 

Reality though: People do still look at me, and I'm sure they are wondering, is that a man?  But that is something I have come to terms with. 80% of people have never "encountered" or known a trans person in real life. We are going to elicit a sense of wonder in them. We're a new experience so of course they will stare. But IF you have confidence in yourself and project that happiness and authenticity, what they will see are those two things- not a "man in a dress" or whatever.  So I can confirm what Pixie and Teri Anne are saying: basically our fears and insecurities make things appear far worse than the reality once we push ourselves to do it.  I hid who I was for 40+ years from myself and others out of the fear of how I would be treated, so of course those fears are going to be the biggest hurdles to overcome in a transgender's transition.  

Some people need to go very slowly through this process as Beatrix says "so as to not traumatise" those around us. Other's just rip the band-aid off.  I'm in the latter category because my transition is about me and I feel others have to just deal with it. lol. Of course, I am lucky to have family and friends who unconditionally supported me when I came out to them so it was easier.

AMEN! I know this is cliche but attitude is everything. The biggest transition is mental. Before I came out to my workplace my managers told me that I had nothing to worry about because I was a nice person. Being kind goes a long ways. Oh, and have fun!

[Ivy]

2 hours ago, Erica Gabriel said:

You just have to “own it”, not get discouraged, and remember that you are on a journey. We all forget to take that left turn at Albuquerque on occasion.

This.

[Rami]

Looks like many have taken the plunge. I am still not there and am taking a gradual approach to transition. I am out a little more each day working on my voice and weight.

[Teri Anne]

Pixie the gaydar comment is generally what straight people think.

Actually we have no such thing and don't go "signalling" other gay people.

Really we are the same as any one else when it comes to meeting new people or having/showing interest in people.

[Elizabeth Star]

I’m really liking this outfit. Feels a bit like a dress. 
 

 

[Ivy]

Looks a bit like a dress.

It's nice.

[Stefi]

Liz you look awesome.

 

HUGS 

 

Stefi

[Teri Anne]

It looks great Liz.

[Jackie C.]

Ooh, I'm feeling that outfit too @Elizabeth Star! You look great!

 

Meanwhile, I'm wearing work clothes. Which are boring.

 

Hugs!

[Beatriz]

It does look like a dress. It looks great, Liz.

[Elizabeth Star]

Thanks everyone. My outfit was literally just a tank top and the skirt I've already worn a dozen times but I love how the combination looks. Maybe it's time I break out the dress my friend gave me. I'm a little intimidated by it since It's sleeveless,  strapless and a little dressy. I have had my eye on some sun dresses at Amazon, might be easier to start that way. Now if I can just convince my wife to let buy one.

[Bri2020]

8 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Thanks everyone. My outfit was literally just a tank top and the skirt I've already worn a dozen times but I love how the combination looks. Maybe it's time I break out the dress my friend gave me. I'm a little intimidated by it since It's sleeveless,  strapless and a little dressy. I have had my eye on some sun dresses at Amazon, might be easier to start that way. Now if I can just convince my wife to let buy one.

Sounds like a perfect Sunday Brunch dress

[JamieGee]

Trying some new to me shoes today.  I think they work for a nice spring day.  

 

 

[Bri2020]

3 hours ago, JamieGee said:

Trying some new to me shoes today.  I think they work for a nice spring day.  

 

 

Love them (and the purple nails).