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Coming Out
A place to discuss coming out to family, friends, and co-workers.
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By Heather Shay · Posted
Physical transitioning is not necessary to make you who you are. -
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By awkward-yet-sweet · Posted
My husband. I was so very scared, because to have your wife suddenly "become" a boy could trigger all kinds of anti-gay stuff. Especially in the South, the perception of one's masculinity is really important. I worried that if my husband felt threatened or deceived, it could be the end of our relationship. Possibly the end of me being in the family. Thankfully, it was exactly the opposite. He's ok with me being myself, whatever that looks like. I discovered that he's really secure in his masculinity. I've found it interesting that displaying security and confidence in one's masculinity makes others believe it also! Like, the best way to be masculine is not to try too hard at it. The few times my identity has been an issue (like at lunch last weekend, if you read that topic) my husband creates an atmosphere which declares that he owns the room. I suppose if I had realized this earlier, I wouldn't have been so nervous. -
By awkward-yet-sweet · Posted
It seems like there's a blurry line between "passing successfully" and being "stealth." I mean, isn't it a good thing? And perhaps some of the negativity around the idea is from folks who are jealous that others are able to pass better than they do? For me, my goal is just to avoid notice. Even in my girl form, I didn't want to be seen as pretty or as being particularly good at anything. I slink from corner to corner, my style is drab, I'm often quiet, and I vanish pretty well. I prefer my androgynous appearance because it lets people assume all sorts of things. They believe what is easiest for their minds, and then forget me. It certainly isn't perfect, but seems to work most of the time because it doesn't challenge people. Not sure if that qualifies as stealth or not. If I am going to be seen for my real identity, I definitely feel the pressure to avoid the stereotypes that people will think of. When folks learn about my identity or that of my friends, what I most like to hear is that we aren't what they expected, that they're surprised we're different from general population around us. -
By Lydia_R · Posted
Well, I saw a tall transwoman in the store who might have been an online friend. I was shocked to see how tall she was! After the 30 second shock factor I was like, WOW! Probably because of my music experiences in high school and beyond, I've had a big enough ego to not care much of whether I passed as a male. I never adopted male behavior on purpose. I wasn't trying to be feminine, but certainly avoiding masculinity. What others saw I don't know. I focus on my career and say if I do well at work, the world will have something from me and my chances for monetary and other success are better than if I chase some non-physically productive thing. Music and my writing, even software engineering, is writing and easily stolen. Food clothing and shelter are physical gotta have them mostly, so people that get in those trades (the trades), are somewhat golden with ability to make money and move from place to place. Transition for me was not heavily focused on passing. It was freeing to realize my transfeminine core being. It put a spin on my life that I resonated with. Then finally, after a little coming out tensions, I was able to just get rid of the masculine clothing. It opened up style to me that I didn't focus on before. And I'm still growing better style. Little things. Pink shirt not looking good when I bought it. Should I trash/donate it? Is it so ugly that trash is reasonable? I bought it for a reason and it feels good. Like the shape. Been experimenting and now it's been working for several days. Found combinations with my other clothing. So, I essentially have the same ego but now feminized. Work is intense. I say to myself that my feminine part is what I go home to, my personal life, and then I go to work as myself. It's not my work. I got rid of my male clothing years ago. Work is so intense with a male edge it is very disturbing. It's my work though and I love it. Could have a boyfriend if that is romantically possible. Would love to just be womanly taken care of. My fantasies are more of that nature than a sexual nature. Ideas that guys, well, likely a lot of guys operate on a much different level than I did. Masculine behavior mostly was a mystery to me and now I have this fantasy about a Gen Y musician who I find attractive! And then there are some lovely women of all ages and types around. I don't know. I'm a muse romantic, so it's kinda a job on that level! Sports people just get the football and put up a hoop. We've got these mixing boards, headphones, speakers, haul the axe around. Learning to sleep with my bass! Why didn't I do that before? It never crossed my mind. It's like hanging on to my man. Whisper in his ear "Would you take me to knitting group tomorrow? Then stop for ice cream on the way home?" "Will you take care of it so I don't have to worry about my bass getting rusty on the strings? I know you like to cook, I'd love it if you would do that. I miss it a little, but just want to clean a little and work on my style and play some fun music. And code software of course! I'm an an engineer. You are going out to work, right? I'll just order that thing you want and be hear when it comes. I'll work with it and see if it is a keeper." -
By AinsleyTG · Posted
Mom got me a kitten this weekend. The first night she hid from us, but then she was ready to play by lunch Sunday. She realized humans are good Sunday night when she discovered sleeping in a bed with me. She's so tiny I had to put a stool beside my bed so she can get up and down. I named her after my favorite cartoon princess, Jasmine. So far I've had to rearrange my room so she can't chew on anything, she seems to like boots specifically, probably because she can fit inside them lol. It's hilarious watching Michael treat her like a human baby, I thought guys hated cats. But he helped me get the claw covers over her little razor blades. She got into an argument with her stuffed mouse toy earlier, I've never seen a kitten argue with a stuffed animal. It's hilarious to watch 🤣. My only concern.. is that my toes will become a chew toy at bed time 🤣 -
By VickySGV · Posted
That is going to actually be comical if they try that one on a resident of a state who is completely fine with gender affirmation, and in fact finds that failure to provide that care is child neglect. The Arkansas plaintiff would have to apply for it to be enforced by courts of the defendants / debtor's state, and while Sister State Judgments where the laws of the state are the same in effect are generally implemented without much trouble, in this case the defendants state will tell the Arkansas court to go wash their judicial robes in a toilet sink. If you cannot enforce a judgment it is not worth your time to file it, or think about it.
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