Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Ivy]

2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

I'm JUST getting to the point where hearing my deadname doesn't make my shoulders tense up.

I'm getting to the point where it does.

I used to think, Meh, so what.  But lately, please, no.

 

Just to note, I never have liked my birth name and always preferred a nickname.  But these days it's getting painful.

[Elizabeth Star]

2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

That's fantastic @Elizabeth Star! I was cringing RIGHT along with you while you were telling that. I'm JUST getting to the point where hearing my deadname doesn't make my shoulders tense up. I'm glad your boss is getting with the program and learning not to make you uncomfortable.

 

Hugs!

Due to my job and our clientele I learned really quick how to talk about my dead name as if he was not me. 

[Jamie68]

5 hours ago, LaurenA said:

I feel like I'm in the middle of another impossible decision.  My SO had a heart attach so I took a week off of work to care for her.  Then this Friday the CDC comes out with their latest guidelines.  Now I'm scared all over again of bringing home the virus and killing her.  I quit my job lat March for a year until we got vaccinated.  Now the vaccinations are not as good against the Delta variant.  Do I go back to work, wear a mask, and take my chances with unvaccinated people?  Or do I just take a chance with both my and my partners health and like.  I want to go back to work.  I gives me a purpose in life and keeps me from drinking too much.  Just to make life more interesting I'm 2 months into HRT and starting to show.  I'm pretty sure I can hide it because I' m not ready to cross that bridge.

I feel for you. My wife has no immunity either. Neither one of us can get the covid shot. It really sucks. I have to do the shopping. I stay away from people. There is no good answer. You still have to shop, pay bills, and all the other household stuff. I think you should work, try to distance yourself from others and be extra careful around your partner. I hope this helps. Best wishes for whetever you decide.

[Beatriz]

@LaurenA If you're vaccinated and wear a mask and take precautions (distancing, washing hands, using hydroalcoholic gels, etc.), you and yours should be quite safe. During the second Covid-19 wave in the Fall of 2020, pre-vaccine time, I was able to take care of my father who had open-heart surgery.

[Willow]

Hi

 

@Elizabeth Star I was also expecting a different comment with your boss’s in a different…. Congratulations!

 

@LaurenA that is a tough situation.  My wife and I are about to head out on a trip from the east coast to the west and back.  We expect to make several stops and take two weeks to get to Portland.  We are unsure as to our safety and masking. We will have our supply of masks at the ready if needed.  We are both fully vaccinated and neither of us are imunocompromised but it is definitely a concern.  I agree with the suggestion of discussing this with your doctor, but don’t expect a definite answer.  They have better information than we do but no matter what they answer it’s 50/50 whether it’s the right answer, so they just get wishy washy.

 

Willow

[MirandaB]

Went to the beach yesterday ('down the shore' in the local parlance), clearly I need to wear something for my boobs now as the swim shirt rubbing against them in the salt water created some discomfort. 

 

Met up with a college era friend I haven't seen in person for a long time and after accidentally sending a wrong message on the way came out to her.  

 

She's a lesbian who took a fair amount of time coming to terms with that internally and out in the world, so she didn't get into the typical discussion mode I've had with cis people...but she did ask if I was changing my name. I have a name that is kind of unisex-definitely connotes a male name when you hear it, but not always when it's looked at since mother spelled it an odd way. So far I've not come up with anything that really feels right to me, the one I use here and elsewhere just sort of was a default choice a while back. 

 

Deadnaming seems like something I'd like to delay a bit, or forever, but guessing the opposite of deadnaming would feel really good when that happens with people you know and love?

[Heather Shay]

@LaurenA I agree with @Jackie C. you are doing amazing considering what you've had to deal with and I'm proud of you. Just wanted to let you know that.

[Elizabeth Star]

On yesterday's episode of: A woman's Work is Never Done.

 

On my way how from work mt partner called to let me know her mother bought us a new back door. The original door was very old, beat up and had almost zero insulation value. We knew it had to be replaced, I just didn't want to do it "right now". I got home just in time to take five-er before there was knock on the door. In walks my MIL, FIL and BIL. Before I knew it, I was tearing out the old door. The door faces West and we're on a hill so I spent the next 5 hours roasting in the afternoon sun. Thankfully I didn't have all the trim that's needed so I was able to call it quits after the door was and frame were mounted. Plan is to get the final trim work done this morning and then back to cutting up the trees I dropped last weekend.

 

For you amusement I included a picture, my partner took, of me while I was working and of the newly installed door.

 

 

[Kris-Boston]

More of the news had a DR Zoom appointment Friday,  something in the New England Journal of Medicine  and from the research from Israel.  While no vaccine is 100 percent effective , its the non vaccinated who are at risk .   More of sources where to look .  While less of a personal touch I like the DR Zoom as no need to drive or take the T or pay to park near Fenway .  

[Bri2020]

Liz you're a jill of all trades it seems!

I'm done with that kinda stuff.  I know how to fix most things, but I started pawning tht out to contractors about 7 years ago.  I used my back issues as the excuse but in reality, I just don't want to do all the "fix it up" stuff anymore. (especially after a manicure haha).  I think people have also started changing their expectations of me as well.  People use to come to me for help with all the "manly trades" but no one in the last year has except to borrow a tool or something.  My neighbor didn't even ask for my help building his deck (I've built 20 by now) even though I offered to help back before my transition.  We used to help each other with things like that. It's not like he isn't comfortable with my transition, he and his wife have been amazingly supportive and his Oklahoma courtesies of "Yes Ma'am" never fail to tickle me but he is definitely not going to ask a woman for help with carpentry. haha

I find myself slipping into my feminine stereotypes more and more and I like it . 

[Kris-Boston]

Just a link.  But being informed is best and real sources .  Its not an easy read ,for most . I was a  science major .

 

nejm.org

 

The New England Journal of Medicine: Research & Review Articles on Disease & Clinical Practice (nejm.org)

[Elizabeth Star]

1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

I find myself slipping into my feminine stereotypes more and more and I like it

I would be so mad if I broke a nail working on this stuff. I could hire someone to do the work but since I know what's involved I have trouble trusting other people's quality.

[Heather Shay]

@Elizabeth Star now that you have experience how about doing my and Cyndee's doors ?

[Willow]

Good morning everyone.  Rain predicted for here in the top of Virginia today and tomorrow.

 

I have a question for ya’ll.  I get offended by some things which I feel are taking a shot at us.  For example, a joke on Facebook showed a fat dog and the caption was “I identify as trans slim”.  Or I don’t like female impersonators.  They are nothing like us yet they were allowed to advertise their show on on a transgender only secret website.  Am I overly sensitive?  Is it wrong to feel these sorts of things are offensive to me?  Let me know what you think.

 

@Elizabeth Star I was a Jack! Now Jill of all trades.  Made furniture, repaired the house and car, replaced a roof, you name it ive probably done it.  But I’m getting older and muscle mass is lessened.  My last project was definitely not up to my standard so I’m done.  Giving my stationery power tools to my son.  Gave away or sold a lot of stuff during our move out.  And will likely have more to deal with after we move in to our new place.  And my eyesight, very frustrating and upsetting when I can’t see clearly.  Nothing is ever at the correct focal distance.  
 

let me know if I’m being overly sensitive with things I think are slaps at us.

 

Willow

 

[Heather Shay]

@Willow those are legitimate gripes and I concur. Wish people would respect others differences and not try to find humor where it's not.

[MetaLicious]

@Willow, I definitely thik the dog thing is offensive.  Not only does it show blatant disrepct for transfolk, there's an unhealthy dose of fat-shaming there as well.

 

As for female impersonators, drag queens have a disproportionate share of gays and transwomen compared to society, and are more "like us" than you may realize.  Also, I think Ru Paul is a treasure who has shown me how beautiful a man can be feminine even without transitioning.  He gives me hope.  He also has some pretty inspirational music!

[Ivy]

1 hour ago, Willow said:

let me know if I’m being overly sensitive with things I think are slaps at us

I don't think you're overly sensitive.   I find this kind of thing offensive myself.  But I do realize the people that post it have no concept of actually being transgender.  Of course this doesn't make it less offensive, esspecially when it's done vindictively.

 

I am not personally a fan of the drag scene.  But whatever.  That's probably because I don't like the idea of drawing attention to myself.  

 

As for "crossdressing"…    

It was when I finally got up the nerve to try fem clothes that I busted my egg.  But I don't consider it cross dressing.  To me it's just dressing.

But I do realize there are plenty of people who are content with occasional crossdressing.  I'm not offended by that.  Sometimes it's just the situation they are in, or they may be NB.

 

[Elizabeth Star]

@WillowI don't feel you're being to sensitive. There's a big difference between impersonators and trans. I don't ever take take off the woman. It is who I am. I do take it personally when I hear others making comments or jokes. I know they're not usually directed towards me but trans people are not a joke. I also don't know where to draw the line sometimes. I am a woman (I know it in my soul and it say's so on my ID), so should I be quiet and let the comments slide so I don't out myself around people who don't know I'm trans? Be defensive and take a chance? Or, join in and solidify my identity? I don't see joining in as a option I would ever use but I'm sure someone somewhere has.

[Bri2020]

1 hour ago, Elizabeth Star said:

 so should I be quiet and let the comments slide so I don't out myself around people who don't know I'm trans? Be defensive and take a chance? Or, join in and solidify my identity? I don't see joining in as a option I would ever use but I'm sure someone somewhere has.

I'm the person who calls it out but I don't care who knows I'm trans. It's just easier that way for me.

[JustineM]

Morning! Sitting here working up the energy to shower and shave. Coffee is strong and tastes like I just might survive the morning lol. Have to go up to meet with some friends to finalize wedding plans. Then home and lots of yard work and dryer fixing. Thankfully my schedule worked out with a 3 day weekend so I have more time than I thought. 

[Jackie C.]

4 hours ago, Willow said:

let me know if I’m being overly sensitive with things I think are slaps at us.

 

The dog thing? Yeah. That is absolutely a dig at trans people. There are plenty of people who take digs at us. They have the one joke, and it's not funny, but they're going to ride it into the GROUND.

 

I'm of a different mind on female impersonators and drag queens though, that's a different animal. That's theatre. Where it's being advertised is a bit distasteful, but it's part of a long and storied tradition from back when women weren't allowed to perform in the theatre. Is it dated? Yeah, probably. It doesn't offend me though as long as it's tastefully done.

Obviously "tastefully" doesn't apply to drag acts. Being over the top is kind of the point.

 

Hugs!

[Beatriz]

@Willow I find the dog thing offensive, it's absolutely insensitive. Female impersonators and drag queens, as far as I know, are respectful people who perform, they're fine to me. I'm not much into what they do, yet I think there might be value in it. Some of them use humor or scandal to question machist, binary and cis mindsets - and that's still necessary.

 

I've been thinking about @Linda Marie, @LusciousTheLock and @rainflower. It's been a while since they last posted. I hope they're OK and look forward to hearing from them.

[KathyLauren]

5 hours ago, Willow said:

I have a question for ya’ll.  I get offended by some things which I feel are taking a shot at us.  For example, a joke on Facebook showed a fat dog and the caption was “I identify as trans slim”.  Or I don’t like female impersonators.  They are nothing like us yet they were allowed to advertise their show on on a transgender only secret website.  Am I overly sensitive?  Is it wrong to feel these sorts of things are offensive to me?  Let me know what you think.

 

 

I definitely do not think you are being over-sensitive. 

 

I have seen that dog "joke" before on FB, and reacted with an "angry" emoticon.  Someone asked me why, and I had to explain that it promotes the idea that "trans" means pretending to be something that one is clearly not, which is very offensive to those of us who are just trying to be genuine.  The person who asked really didn't have a clue.

 

And I am not a fan of drag, either.  I can appreciate the talent that goes into a good performance.  But drag is essentially a parody ... of us.  Even a good performance is offensive.

[Vidanjali]

Hi all. I was away on a little road trip vacation for a few days. We returned Wed afternoon. I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (a connective tissue disease) and so don't do great with car trips. (Was a destination wedding, so the destination was not my choice.) Once we returned home I was dealing with some pain issues and strength deconditioning. I'm making progress, and even did some yard work and swimming yesterday, and some step cardio today. My husband and I had some intimate conversations about sex & gender during our trip. That was wonderful - I feel like we're closer and understand each other that much more. I'll fill in some details at some other point. 

 

I also think the throwing around "trans" this and that as a joke is harmful and not funny. Something occurred to me. People seem to think that if they don't "get" something, that it follows that it's not real. E.g. "I don't get this being trans thing", says a cis person. Then, their conclusion is it's fake. I don't think any cis person can really "get it", necessarily. What people need to learn is that acceptance doesn't require you to get it. It does require one to apply empathy and respect, and those are skills that are not necessarily innate, but can be learned. 

[Willow]

Thanks to every who has or will reply.  There seems to b e a commonality to the dog joke.  Drag Queens are kind of split.  A friend who is ftm likes drag.  I was somewhat taken back because they weren’t trying to look fem, beards and other truly masculine appearance wearing makeup and a dress.  Ive seen drag before i knew i was trans, but seeing it now offends me.  Before what i saw, the drag queens tried to look like women.  These, not at all. But, i agree they are performers and that’s how they earn a living, but not from me!

 

Willow