Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Jamie68]

On 8/8/2021 at 7:04 AM, LaurenA said:

OMG  Just got a text.  Internal bleeding.  Into ICU

I'm so sorry. Hope all goes well.

[Jamie68]

On 8/8/2021 at 2:26 PM, Elizabeth Star said:

My partner never ceases to amaze me. Over the last couple of days she's showing concern for my safely when I'm out and about. She didn't worry about it before and just thought I was being difficult by wanting to shop at certain stores. I never explained trans friendly/safe spaces to her because I felt it would have been lost due to lack of understanding. Apparently, given some time, I didn't need to.

 

And it continues....

Since the weather's been disgustingly hot over the last couple of days and I have the desire to get to the point where I never wear jeans in public again I've been doing a lot of window shopping for skirts and dresses. Last Friday, while at work, I found a cute dress and sandals on-line. Not wanting to lose track of them I put them in our amazon cart. Today my partner needed to order a few things.  I was ready to panic when she asked why there was already stuff in the cart. I thought for sure I was going to hear about it (a green mini-dress and wedges) but again it didn't happen. Just a 'can this wait until you paid on Wednesday?'. Then she felt bad about asking me to wait but I had already agreed that waiting 3-4 days won't kill me.

 

I'm just really, really happy we finally got here. I don't think she has any idea how amazing she is to me.

That's awesome. Can't wait for that to happen for me.

[Jamie68]

5 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

Well last night/yesterday was about a low as I could get.  My panic/anxiety ramped up about my relationship and the grief was overwhelming.  I was so unconsolable for hours that I honestly wanted to die and said so.  My sisters and wife supported me through the crisis and after a bit of Ativan I was able to calm down.  The whole family sat down and came up with a safety and game plan for me.  For the record- I don't want to die. It's just sometimes the grief gets to much for me.  I'm reaching out to my psychiatrist today and have an appointment with a different therapist tomorrow to see if he is any better.  If not, I am going outside of insurance to meet with someone weekly until I get a handle on things.  The biggest trigger for me right now is I have a -crap- ton of down time by myself.  I really only have to be at my business about 12-15 hours a week and I have no real friends to just "do things with". all my "friends" are part of my business networking groups.

I'm going to ask my friend who own my favorite fashion consignment shop if I can help out around the place 1-2 days a week, even if I don't get paid.  I love the people there and they love me and I'm really happy when I visit and socialize there so what the hell.  

My sisters and I are going to sign up for weekly dance lessons as well.  

I'm so happy I have so much support and love in my life, including my soon to be ex. Even though we know we can't still be married we still want to be heavily involved in each others lives and continue to love and support each other. I have so much -crap- going so well in my world, I just have to be able to break through those pits of despair and recognize it.

Wow, I'm sorry you are going through this. Good thing you have support. Idle time is the worst for me also. I try to keep busy and think about my future plans for surgery. That helps me.

[Elizabeth Star]

I sold my air compressor yesterday. I don't have 220v. in my garage and besides it really was too big for my needs. It's 6hp, 60 gallon and was given to me by BIL like 15 years ago. Anyways, a couple of guys came over to get it and I made the mistake of helping them load it. They were struggling so much just trying to carry the motor end that I had to jump in and carry the bottom. While we were moving it I overheard one of them whisper to the other Wow, she's strong. I just pretended I didn't hear anything but realized I could have outed myself by being so helpful. Then there was the fun part of watching them try to secure it to their trailer. I tried to help for a minute and decided it was best to step back, check my nails, and let the guys do their thing. I don't entirely approve of how they secured it but what do I know,  I'm just a woman.

 

Afterward, my partner and I were discussing what to do with the proceeds. I suggested she uses some of to pay our hair stylist when she comes over tonight and to go get her nails done this weekend. She immediately comes back with we'll get our nails done.  I wasn't expecting that. She had made it a point in the past that she wanted me to stay out of the salons. She felt it would rob her of her femininity if I was to get mine professionally done too.

 

Now it feel like I'm the one adapting to me being a woman. I was denied so much over the last couple years that I got used to having to fight and argue for everything that finally being supported and encouraged is throwing me off a bit.

[KymmieL]

Well this morning I am going in for a female only exam, one I don't even think my wife has gotten. a mammogram.  

 

Of course, don't expect any problems. I did find out yesterday that I have a small spot on my back that my dermatologist is going to take off. So on the 20th I am going in for minor surgery, to have it removed.  

 

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

[Heather Shay]

@Vidanjali I agree that a non threatening conversation one on one would be the best choice.

[Jackie C.]

2 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I just pretended I didn't hear anything but realized I could have outed myself by being so helpful.

 

Nah, it just means you're strong. My partner at the gym is a small cis woman. She can press more than I can (though I'm starting to catch up). Women are allowed to be strong. After about one or two years of HRT, you've got no advantage whatsoever over a cis woman (assuming female-normal T levels).

 

Girl power!

 

I need to get my nails done too. They're a disaster. I keep meaning too, but I never seem to have the time. I'd probably just wreck 'em at work anyway.

 

Hugs!

[Mmindy]

Good morning everyone,

 

Catching up after being away is filled with highs and lows. I must say that I agree with @Bri2020this forum and the people who interact with each other is so loving and therapeutic. It can be the words of someone brand new or a senior administrator, and the advice is caring.

[Ivy]

3 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Then there was the fun part of watching them try to secure it to their trailer. I tried to help for a minute and decided it was best to step back, check my nails, and let the guys do their thing. I don't entirely approve of how they secured it but what do I know,  I'm just a woman.

Heh heh.   Fun, but sometimes painful to watch.

[Vidanjali]

Good morning, all. @Jackie C. @Elizabeth Star @Shay thanks for the feedback. You know how it is when something is unsaid and it lingers on your mind? So, I appreciate having y'all to chat with. 

 

Liz, I agree with Jackie about girl power. I've observed guys often seem impressed by physically strong ladies. And, it's more likely they thought it was hot than anything else. Enjoy the salon with your wife - how lovely! 

[Jamie68]

4 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I sold my air compressor yesterday. I don't have 220v. in my garage and besides it really was too big for my needs. It's 6hp, 60 gallon and was given to me by BIL like 15 years ago. Anyways, a couple of guys came over to get it and I made the mistake of helping them load it. They were struggling so much just trying to carry the motor end that I had to jump in and carry the bottom. While we were moving it I overheard one of them whisper to the other Wow, she's strong. I just pretended I didn't hear anything but realized I could have outed myself by being so helpful. Then there was the fun part of watching them try to secure it to their trailer. I tried to help for a minute and decided it was best to step back, check my nails, and let the guys do their thing. I don't entirely approve of how they secured it but what do I know,  I'm just a woman

That's funny. I have an air compressor to get rid of also. It needed a head kit so my boss bought the parts, then decided it wasn't big enough to run our new bead blaster that takes 75 cfm. He gave me the old one 45 cfm, with the parts. I rebuilt the head and found out I couldn,t get a 5 hp motor to run it. it originally had a 10 hp. when it burned out we put a 15 hp 3 ph on it. I don't have 3 phase, so I geared the rpm on pump down to the slowest it would run, but it wasn't enough. This thing sells for $3500.00 used. My garage is so packed with storage and construction stuff, I can't even get to it now. One of these days i'll clean it out. I've decided it's time to slow down on remodeling an start enjoying my retirement. This house was built in 1900 and needs more work than it's worth. I already tore down and rebuilt a porch, put a second floor on my garage, and tore down the other porch and built a new bedroom in it's place. I'm getting worn out. It needs gutted, new foundation, electric, siding, windows, etc. and my wife doesn't want to move. Oh well. We have 7 people living in this house, and 3 are disabled. I've done almost all the work by myself, even concrete and block work. It's time to quit.

Sorry, I guess I just ran this story into the ground. Hope you all have a great day.

[KymmieL]

Well, Mammogram is done. in and out even before my appointment time. Ran by Burger King and got a crosandwich. Haven't had one in a while. Forgot how good they are.

 

I have a observation and a question. For the past year or two. I have noticed a lot of ladies from teen to maybe 30s Have a nose ring. Anyone know why? It seems to be all demographics. trend, right of passage, ????

 

Kymmie

[Bri2020]

1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

 

 

I have a observation and a question. For the past year or two. I have noticed a lot of ladies from teen to maybe 30s Have a nose ring. Anyone know why? It seems to be all demographics. trend, right of passage, ????

 

Kymmie

People are adopting a lot of other cultures historic fashions. Hindi women popularized having lots of facial jewelry although most weren't piercing but removable. Nose rings years back were more of the "modern primitive" movement of lots of piercings (so not many people) but now there's a whole fashion trend of non-pierced ear and nose stuff.  

[Heather Shay]

I just wish people wouldn't do the tongue piercings - was in an ER years ago and someone had an infection - it wasn't pretty and it was VERY painful.

[Jamie68]

1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

I have a observation and a question. For the past year or two. I have noticed a lot of ladies from teen to maybe 30s Have a nose ring. Anyone know why? It seems to be all demographics. trend, right of passage, ????

My wife will be 68 soon. She's had a nose stud for about 20 years now. She has always liked Eastern Indian styles.

[Jamie68]

1 hour ago, Shay said:

I just wish people wouldn't do the tongue piercings - was in an ER years ago and someone had an infection - it wasn't pretty and it was VERY painful.

My son did tattoos years ago. Some piercings also. He would never reccomend tongue piercings. Way too dangerous.

They say our mouth is the dirtiest part of our body.

[Bri2020]

Just got back from my first of three trans-related appointments today. Had my BA pre-op appointment and final measuring.  I have to say, I'm not embarrassed to show my boobs (or lack thereof) in their office for fitting and stuff but the pre surg photos were very triggering.  I had to wear their disposable "panties"  which are almost impossible to tuck with. I thought I would wear my supportive panties that holds things in well but they insisted on having to have theirs because they have a "standard" for photos.  Water under the bridge but I may bring it up with the case managers/surgeon.  I never felt like I was judged or anything and the nurse always gendered me right and treated me well but it was just an internal issue for me. (and you all know how brave I can be wearing bikinis and such. lol)

I decided to go with a 345cc "full profile" implant vs the bigger 445cc "extra full" profile.  The Extra full looked to unnatural and gave more of a conical shape where as the full profile was more rounded and looked more natural I think.  Should end up with a nice C cup that I can "dress up" with a pushup bra for maximum cleavage/va va voom look on special occasions.

 

Anyways- next up is therapy appointment for second opinion letter for vaginoplasty then on to facial electrolysis.  I may need a drink tonight. lol

 

[LaurenA]

I'm sorry but I need help.  I think most of you know what I'm going through, but if not...  My last love of my live has heart, GI, and other problems.  So my problem is dealing with it.  I'm drinking way too much and can't stop.  I should be there by her bed right now but am almost too drunk to call UBER

 

[Vidanjali]

1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

... the "modern primitive" movement... 

 

Yes, this! I was a big fan. (And I worked as a body piercer & tattoo artist many moons ago.) The Research book (screen shot below) quickly became a cult classic when it came out in the late 80s. It came to my attention because it featured photos and interview with Genesis P'Orridge, basically the Godparent of all industrial music (bands Throbbing Gristle & Psychic TV), with whom I was enchanted. Later in life, Gen identified as what s/he coined as "pandrogyne". S/he expressed h/er life as an artform.

 

Regarding nose rings, etc., this article quotes h/er: "One of the great things about human beings is that they impulsively and intuitively express what is inevitably next in the evolution of culture and our species. It is the ‘Other’ that we are destined to become." 

 

https://drmarkgriffiths.wordpress.com/2013/02/16/a-gender-setting-inside-the-world-of-pandrogyny/

 

AND! while looking h/er up, I learned s/he has a memoir that was published posthumously. Just ordered it & very excited to read. 

 

 

[Bri2020]

1 hour ago, LaurenA said:

I'm sorry but I need help.  I think most of you know what I'm going through, but if not...  My last love of my live has heart, GI, and other problems.  So my problem is dealing with it.  I'm drinking way too much and can't stop.  I should be there by her bed right now but am almost too drunk to call UBER

 

Lauren I'm so sorry and I can feel your pain. Please, pour any alcohol you have left in the house down a drain. Pack a change of clothes, go to the hospital by uber and go to the chapel and just sit there and sober up. Doesn't matter if you're religious or not, whether you pray or meditate or anything, just know it's a safe place to just be. When you are sober, go up to her room and be with her.  Ask the nurses if there is someplace in the hospital you can sleep for a bit tonight- they often have family rooms set aside (although I'm not sure with covid).   Consider going to an AA meeting before going home- even if you don't think that's an issue, you can get some immediate support to help you from drowning your sorrows.

We're here to talk you down if you need us

[Vidanjali]

1 hour ago, LaurenA said:

I'm sorry but I need help.  I think most of you know what I'm going through, but if not...  My last love of my live has heart, GI, and other problems.  So my problem is dealing with it.  I'm drinking way too much and can't stop.  I should be there by her bed right now but am almost too drunk to call UBER

 

 

Yes, to what @Bri2020 said. Is there someone local to you whom you can call on to support you to make sure you get to the hospital? Once you're there, your focus will be on your loved one, you won't have the chance to drink, and dumping the guilt of not being there will go a very long way. Just get yourself there. That's the focus right now. Go drink a big glass of water, eat something and get ready. One small task at a time. Just try to focus on each small thing. 

[Heather Nicole]

@LaurenA I'm so sorry for what you're going through. In any case, you don't want to regret not being there. Like @Bri2020and @Vidanjali said, find a way to get there safely. You'll be glad you did.

[Heather Nicole]

Love can be stronger than alchohol if you allow it to be. Let it be your strength.

[Billie75B]

 I am so excited as tomorrow I have my first appointment with a doctor to discuss starting HRT. this Dr works with transgender people and came highly recommended from my local transgender support group. From what I am hearing I was very lucky to get in this quickly. At 64 and now getting ready to finally live my truth. 

[Aggie1]

3 hours ago, Billie75B said:

At 64 and now getting ready to finally live my truth. 

?