Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Good morning All. Coffees on.


KymmieL

Recommended Posts

6 minutes ago, Hannah Renee said:

Outing me via policy should not be allowable.

You're right.  But…

Outing is going to happen sooner or later.  Some will do it deliberately, some by accident.  Sometimes we just FU and do it ourselves.

Link to comment
  • Replies 22.9k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Willow

    1962

  • KymmieL

    1607

  • Mmindy

    1307

  • Ivy

    1141

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

1 minute ago, Jandi said:

Outing is going to happen sooner or later.

I guess I'm just trying to say we have to be prepared.

Link to comment

I do understand that, and, yes, for a transgender, it kinda goes with the territory. I just don't feel I should have to wear a sign on my shirt that essentially tells every person I encounter. Don't misunderstand me, I really don't give a **** what people - strangers or not - think of me. I just think the situation is a breach of confidentiality and privacy.

Link to comment
35 minutes ago, Hannah Renee said:

What really started hitting me about this late last night, as in trying to go to sleep,is this:

 

The first shift supervisor with whom I worked my first two days is the only one who's supposed to know. That's because he has to understand the dynamic of the different names during site in-processing. I've been treated very respectfully, name and pronouns, restrooms, no questions, and no one else knows any differently. What is wrong is that the host company policy, which I'm told may have something to do with building security, compromises my security and my right to choose when and to whom I come out. Outing me via policy should not be allowable.😬

@Hannah Renee, I agree with you completely about being outed by "policy." That seems to me to be an excuse or code for "I don't know." Or worse, "I don't care." I'm glad you've been treated with respect, etc., and hope that continues. The thing that puzzles me though is the question over security concerns. If there is a legitimate security issue here, it almost makes sense. That said, I assume your badge has a photograph on it, which ought to obviate the need for legal names; unless the host company is dealing with federal government classified documents or similar items. Otherwise, the badge should show your preferred name.  I'm sorry you're going through this as it has to be nerve wracking.

Link to comment

Thanks so much, everyone, for the kindness and support regarding me leaving my job. Y'all are truly family to me. 

 

@miz miranda point definitely taken. It's not that I'm seeking the advocacy of HR, but rather taking the opportunity to report in writing some incorrect/illegal things I was told verbally in previous disability accommodations meetings. I don't expect any particular response from them. I appreciate your thoughts. I will look into how to document such things before I exit. I'm acquainted with an employment attorney - perhaps I'll see if she has a moment to offer insight. 

 

@awkward-yet-sweet yes! I am "coming out" as an artist. (I also have musical abilities, but that's more of a hobby than a potential income source.) I have not had the time or space to realize and fully express that part of me. Now, I am experiencing creative energy and feel excited about being able to make things. I actually have some projects going on right now. I've been asked to make portraits of local Black pioneers whom we'll be honoring at a Juneteenth celebration. I'll be showing a few pieces at an art show hosted by the church where I sing. And, I hope to create a couple pieces and have time to get the image printed on stickers to hand out at the Stonewall Pride festival. Thanks for asking about this - I'm very excited! Speaking of which, I found this tee-shirt which I'm thinking of getting for the festival:Screenshot_20220528-101240_Chrome.jpg.95d70808f1a325b70c3b40a7f8cdbcb4.jpg

 

@Davie & @Astrid thank you so much for highlighting my writing ability. I love to write, and I hope to be able to do more of it - my cognitive functions are pretty burnt out at the moment - I hope as I get more rest that I'll be able to write as fluidly as I have in the past. @Astrid I have written an algebra book, lol, and I recently had lunch with a former-student-friend who told me he never once had to crack open the textbook for calc 1 & 2 because the supplemental packets I wrote were so clear and thorough. I have dreamed of writing either a memoir or some semi-autobiographical fiction - queer stories! I also desire to write advocacy & visibility centric articles - use my teaching skills to endeavor to dispel ignorance & illuminate new perspectives in other aspects of life.

 

@Ticket For Epic aw geez, egg epoxy. "Use in a well ventilated area!"

 

@stveee CONGRATULATIONS! Your name is beautiful. 

 

@RhondaS that is so cool. I started reading "Whipping Girl" I guess over a year ago, but got distracted by work/stress. I found it fascinating, though. Thanks for mentioning it - I'll have time to immerse myself in it soon. 

 

@Hannah Renee I hope you're able to persist to get this issue resolved. You're advocating not just for yourself, but for any other trans employees, and for culture at large. No pressure, lol. I just want you to know I'm sorry this is such a ridiculous hassle, I hope you'll have the energy to see this through & I hope you'll connect with someone in power who sees clearly how inappropriate this policy is. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Link to comment

Morning all,

I have to drop in on my employer today, so u have to go full on 'boy mode'...sigh.  I don't really present in public but I do little things... a touch of mascara, slightly feminine hair or head piece.   By the way, I don't think men are likely to notice light mascara, but women definitely will!

 

On the bright side, I found this yesterday!

I've been looking for a way to signal to those in the know without outing myself and I think this might be my answer...  Thoughts anyone?

 

Screenshot_20220527-212015_Firefox.thumb.jpg.615691c9d47bfe2fff53aa5f123f5889.jpg

Link to comment

@Marcie JensenNo national security concerns, maybe industry trade issues. I'm guessing. Nobody is allowed to have/use personal cell phones at work, no photographs. Keep everything in house, that kind of stuff, as I understand it. Badges have individuals' picture and a chip or something for access. One at a time through the building access points. I'm told I'll get mine in the mail. If I don't get it today (probably not likely, and I won't say anything if it does) it won't be until Tuesday at the earliest. So at least I won't have to deal with it Monday.

 

@VidanjaliI admittedly have had a life of relative privilege, but I have been learning, through coming out 2 years ago and through the past 6 months here, of the importance of self-advocacy, as well as for the community. To quote Chief Dan George's character in "The Outlaw Josey Wales," I shall "endeavor to persevere."

Link to comment

@Vidanjali Awesome!  Glad you already have projects, and celebratory ones at that.  Cute shirt too!  If I was a bit bolder I'd totally wear one ☺️

Link to comment
8 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

yes! I am "coming out" as an artist.  ...  I love to write, and I hope to be able to do more of it -

 

@Vidanjali--

 

Wait!  You're talented as an artist...and you're certainly a talented writer.  So...I've got a new career direction for you!

Drum roll...ART CRITIC!!

 

(Ducking to avoid the first object near to you that you're throwing at me when you read this 🤪)

 

Have fun as you discern what lies ahead!

 

Astrid

Link to comment
8 hours ago, Ticket For Epic said:

On the bright side, I found this yesterday!

I've been looking for a way to signal to those in the know without outing myself and I think this might be my answer...  Thoughts anyone?

 

Screenshot_20220527-212015_Firefox.thumb.jpg.615691c9d47bfe2fff53aa5f123f5889.jpg

 

"Heat from Fire, Fire from Heat" would definitely be my choice for covert signalling.

 

Oh! And if you can find one, maybe pair it with a pin of Blahaj the shark!

Link to comment

@Heather Nicole I sort of wish it didn't have the trans colors but I feel like only trans (is trans the plural for trans?  I feel like it should be.) and allies would recognize it and possibly rabid members of "team terf".

Link to comment

@Ertha  That is more than a touch concerning!  I'm not admin and don't know nearly enough about the interwebs to explain much of anything but if I may offer some advice.  Get yourself an anonymous internet handle that is not in any way associated with your "cis" life, remember to use incognito and I would highly recommend a VPN service and keep a vigilant eye on your cookie settings.  You can also set up your browser to erase all cookies and trackes as well as your browsing history automatically when it closes.  

 

I'm sorry to see you go but I understand that trust can be nye impossible to regain.  That said why reach out to admin or wait for a response as this may not even be an issue they are aware of.  This is a self supported little operation run out of love and passion not corporate pros or a big nonprofit.  I think that's why this place is a magical as it is. 

 

Fare well and may the worst of your future be the best of your past.

 

 

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Ticket For Epic said:

@Heather Nicole I sort of wish it didn't have the trans colors but I feel like only trans (is trans the plural for trans?  I feel like it should be.) and allies would recognize it and possibly rabid members of "team terf".

 

Actually, honestly, I was thinking the same things about the trans colors on it, but I kind of didn't want to say anything because I thought it sounded like maybe you just didn't see that as anything to be concerned about and I didn't want to be a wet blanket. Yea, I think we're thinking pretty much exactly the same thing about it, like it would be a perfect impulse buy (I definitely would too!) if it weren't for the trans flag colors in it, but then I'm also completely uncertain about general public awareness of the trans flag/colors. I can't even remember when or how *I* learned about the trans flag! Before or after figuring myself out? Before or after when I started to look into transness and signed up here? (???!)

Link to comment
11 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

@Marcie JensenNo national security concerns, maybe industry trade issues. I'm guessing. Nobody is allowed to have/use personal cell phones at work, no photographs. Keep everything in house, that kind of stuff, as I understand it. Badges have individuals' picture and a chip or something for access. One at a time through the building access points. I'm told I'll get mine in the mail. If I don't get it today (probably not likely, and I won't say anything if it does) it won't be until Tuesday at the earliest. So at least I won't have to deal with it Monday.

 

@VidanjaliI admittedly have had a life of relative privilege, but I have been learning, through coming out 2 years ago and through the past 6 months here, of the importance of self-advocacy, as well as for the community. To quote Chief Dan George's character in "The Outlaw Josey Wales," I shall "endeavor to persevere."

 

I heard Chief Dan George speak once, and got to meet him—he's as smart and wise as this seems.

 

“There is a longing among all people and creatures to have a sense of purpose and worth. To satisfy that common longing in all of us we must respect each other.”
-- Chief Dan George

 

--Davie

Link to comment

Good morning,

 

Coffee sponsor is Green Mountain Dark Magic. It makes me wish I could work a little magic in my life right now. 

 

Since my last weekend was much like a wonderful weekend in Trans Disney World this one has been and will continue to be..... well crappy. No chance of being Rachel this weekend. Spent 2 days at my wifes helping her with opening her pool and fixing some plumbing issues when her plumber just flat out walked out of the house leaving things torn out and not repaired.  

 

Getting ready now to head down to visit my family for a Memorial day party and to celebrate my wifes' birthday. Last night she was refusing to go because she is afraid that the conversation will revolve around my coming out. I was able to convince her to go by promising that I will not allow my coming out to be a topic of discussions since most of my family is not yet aware of my transitioning.

 

My mental and emotional state is very chaotic right now at best. I am flying high one minute and uncontrollably sobbing the next. Going to back down on the HRT for a couple days to see if I can stabilize this. The funny thing I have always been over emotional but I have always been able to clamp down on my feelings and chain them up in the corner. I am not sure if the wild emotions right now are just the HRT or if it is Rachel trying to learn how to deal with the things that I have been suppressing all of my life.

 

Wow, I have already typed more here then I meant to... guess that I needed to vent a little. Thank you for listening to me. I don't know how I could have made it this far with out these forums to share my feelings with.

 

Hope everyone has a good weekend and remember to take a minute to remember those who paid the ultimate price for the freedoms that we enjoy today.

 

~Rachel

 

 

Link to comment
22 hours ago, Hannah Renee said:

I do understand that, and, yes, for a transgender, it kinda goes with the territory. I just don't feel I should have to wear a sign on my shirt that essentially tells every person I encounter. Don't misunderstand me, I really don't give a **** what people - strangers or not - think of me. I just think the situation is a breach of confidentiality and privacy.

Hannah,

 

This journey has many twists and turns. For all of the genuinely supportive organizations, there are some organizations that may talk the talk, but stumble walking the walk. Recently I discovered an identity policy for just this type of thing at my university. I had not been told about it. I was able to request to use my chosen name for email, ID badge, etc. When made my first request, I received an email telling me that they would wait for my legal name change, which is in process. I then replied that I wanted to do this before the court date, and I sent the HR director a copy of the policy. Within 6 hours I had my email changed, a new official ID, my name was updated in the employee directory, they had me pose for a new ID badge, and took my picture for the faculty photo wall. 

 

At the hospital where I am on staff, I am still required to use my legal name because of the healthcare licensing and DEA requirements. I cannot change my name or use an alias. I have to wait until I have my court order and make requests for legal name change. It is a pain as I look nothing like my former self. The staff accepts me as Katie, and they struggle with what to call me as well. I am one of the girls at work. I make no excuses or try to get evasive if a patient asks about my appearance or my name. I have my pony tail, I am in female scrubs, and I have clearly noticeable coral nail color on my fingers. My earrings are in place. Not one person, no matter from where they are from has given me any grief at all. Not one nasty comment or refusal to be seen by me. While there is negativity out there, the only places where I see the bulk of it is on Fox News (that unbalanced and unfair news outlet) and the Republican Party members who seem to want to eradicate us.

 

Hang in there. Just do a good job, and let your performance speak for itself. Let them like you for you. I worked hard at my professional and personal relationships so that they knew my core values and capabilities. My appearance and journey are secondary. I still get questions about my transition and I just give them honest and straight forward answers. Most folks seem to accept this. I get some very personal questions at times, but it is okay. I would rather someone ask and get the truth, rather than they make up stuff about me. The transparency pays many dividends. I meet regularly with my HR director at the hospital. She and I had a very good conversation just last week that lasted close to an hour and a half. She had never managed a situation involving someone transitioning and she has been happy to get firsthand information. 

 

Hang in there and again, just be yourself and wow them with your performance. 

 

Good luck!

Katie

Link to comment
36 minutes ago, Katie23 said:

I still get questions about my transition and I just give them honest and straight forward answers. Most folks seem to accept this. I get some very personal questions at times, but it is okay. I would rather someone ask and get the truth, rather than they make up stuff about me.

When I first came out in public there were some questions from a few people.  I just answered them - as long as they were in good faith.  A lot of people are more curious than hostile.  I'm happy to talk to folks about it, as long as it's honest questions.

Link to comment
21 hours ago, Ticket For Epic said:

Morning all,

I have to drop in on my employer today, so u have to go full on 'boy mode'...sigh.  I don't really present in public but I do little things... a touch of mascara, slightly feminine hair or head piece.   By the way, I don't think men are likely to notice light mascara, but women definitely will!

 

On the bright side, I found this yesterday!

I've been looking for a way to signal to those in the know without outing myself and I think this might be my answer...  Thoughts anyone?

 

Screenshot_20220527-212015_Firefox.thumb.jpg.615691c9d47bfe2fff53aa5f123f5889.jpg

I recognized it at once!  After a while, I saw the words, "If you know, you know."  Spot on!  I think it's perfect.  

Link to comment
9 hours ago, Heather Nicole said:

Actually, honestly, I was thinking the same things about the trans colors on it

It has just dawned on me that I'm a carpenter, woodworker and general DIY'er and if I can't figure out how to make that pin sans the the trans colors, I might as well turn in my craftsman card.  (I know craftsman isn't actually gendered but that felt dirty to type...  eeewww!)

Link to comment
1 hour ago, CD Rachel said:

 

My mental and emotional state is very chaotic right now at best. I am flying high one minute and uncontrollably sobbing the next. Going to back down on the HRT for a couple days to see if I can stabilize this. The funny thing I have always been over emotional but I have always been able to clamp down on my feelings and chain them up in the corner. I am not sure if the wild emotions right now are just the HRT or if it is Rachel trying to learn how to deal with the things that I have been suppressing all of my life.

 

Probably both.  The emotional HRT rollercoaster does get better with time, you just have to get through it like puberty ;). Absolutely, this whole process is making you look closer at yourself and all the things being trans has meant so of course it's going to be emotional.  Given yourself some grace. 

Link to comment

Just going to throw this out there for those facing name issues. You can get a court order for a name change but not use that name everywhere. You have the order to use in the places that you want to be addressed with your new name.  Tax people don't care what your name is, just your #.  banks can receive direct deposits with a different name, etc etc. The only place it will crop up is once you start changing legal IDs they kinda have to match for W-2/new job, passports, security clearances etc. People use alias in legitimate applications all the time.

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Good Sunday morning everyone

 

i finally got a decent nights sleep. First one in nearly a month and I did it with out a sleep aid.  
 

Sunny and hot today.  It’s a great beach day.  Only problem is all the other people thinking the same thing.  Finding a place to park is likely to be impossible.

 

I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t promised to not change my name. I can see that as being an issue with life.  For example I can’t use my credit or debit card without giving away my dead name.  I got called sir yesterday at the grocery store.  Fully dressed with makeup.  Why? Because the only thing she noticed was the name on my debit card.  I do admit I don’t always remember to use my female voice register.  I’ve got to be better about that.

 

Willow

Link to comment

Wow I REALLY need to get on here more and at least keep up on things!  For those that are struggling my heart goes out to you and I hope it gets better. 
 

Well my week has been… hell. Tuesday evening as I was checking in at work our building security guy came in to ask for me coin sheet. He’s been a friend for years but has not been correctly naming or gendering me. Asked if we had “his coin sheet” so I called him on it. What do I get back

 

”Well you still have a d!($ between your legs” 

 

Yeah that triggered me and hard. Couple of days and my customers were always asking me what was wrong. Side note- I have some absolutely amazing customers. If that wasn’t bad enough, in the midst of my depressive state, I got followed into the bathroom for the first time. Ran back in after a stop and just got followed into the ladies room. I think he realized he messed up as the door closed since I was obviously armed, he didn’t try anything but I was scared as hell. 
 

The guy at work has since messaged me a couple times apologizing profusely and I’ve tried to use it as an educational opportunity but the pain is still there. I guess it has solved one thing for me, I’ve always been back and forth over wether I want to get surgery, I’m pretty solidly on the surgery side now. 

Link to comment

@Katie23Excellent advice. Thank you so much. Hugs 🤗 Also, to both you and

@Bri2020This is why TGP is so valuable. Those who have gone before helping those of us taking first steps.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 147 Guests (See full list)

    • Heather Shay
    • Petra Jane
    • DeeDee
    • MaybeRob
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      766.5k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,912
    • Most Online
      8,356

    DeniseKell
    Newest Member
    DeniseKell
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Beth Susan
      Beth Susan
      (53 years old)
    2. Bree138
      Bree138
      (44 years old)
    3. Catamondium
      Catamondium
    4. cody
      cody
      (17 years old)
    5. kass
      kass
  • Posts

    • Heather Shay
      This is such an exilerating time for you. All the emotions and a lifetime of wondering. HRT is a big step and you will soon find out its effects for you. I hope all goes well and you love the new you.
    • Heather Shay
      Which hurts worse - mental pain, physical pain or spiritual pain? Why?
    • Heather Shay
      The wall is finally falling down.
    • Heather Shay
      ex·hil·a·rat·ing /iɡˈziləˌrādiNG,eɡˈziləˌrādiNG/ adjective   making one feel very happy, animated, or elated; thrilling. "an exhilarating two-hour rafting experience
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • MirandaB
      Was just thinking (worrying?) about this since I have had an issue arise and need to see a new-to-me specialist, so sifting through the (in-network) doctors and trying to find one who gives the impression that they'd treat my condition and not try to wean me off HRT first. 
    • MirandaB
      Yesterday I went back to the store I shopped last week (where they remembered the "Miranda" to write on the changing room board) since I knew if I waited long enough I'd get a decent discount sent to me to pick up a second item I had hesitated to buy last time.    Was wearing a pair of jeans I picked up at Macys discount rack ala @Sally Stone  for the crazy price of two dollars!
    • Birdie
      My wardrobe is almost entirely from Torrid, but I know how to shop there.    Using the store credit card I got 5% off, plus 10% off ordering something and picking it up in the store. I also take their survey every time for an additional 10% off (25% off total).    I then shop their clearance items that are usually 30-70% off already.   I get 'name brand' items for Walmart prices. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://english.kyodonews.net/news/2024/03/273fdffe00c0-japan-society-on-transgender-issues-to-drop-disorder-from-name.html     Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/mar/18/science-knowledge-gap-trans-healthcare     I like the reference to "trans broken arm syndrome."  I've experienced it myself.  The more research, the better, certainly.  The problem as I see it, especially concerning reports in the popular press, is that preliminary results are often used to "prove" someones POV, or are misunderstood or used in a political way.  That is never helpful, and it isn't confined to reporting on trans health care issues.  For example, how many times have we read or heard about studies that "prove" coffee is bad, or chocolate is bad, or eggs are bad, etc., only to read weeks or months later that the opposite is true?  In the case of trans health care, it all gets politicized, too.   Carolyn Marie
    • Cisco1127
      I just finished the intake forms for an online informed consent clinic through Plume and im both nervous and excited to meet with my provider next week via video chat. I'm worried I will be turned down and cannot get a prescription for a variety of reasons. I was asked so many invasive questions during intake, which I knew would happen. I worried about what I should leave out, how honest I should be, what could be something that would deny me a prescription. I've been fighting with myself for a long time and now that I have opened myself up to hoping for change, I am so scared of having the carrot dangled in my face only to be ripped away.    And a part of me is scared of starting testosterone. I'm even more scared of inaction. Of not at least trying it and seeing how I feel about the changes. If I don't try it, I will never know, and I will be stuck in the loop of questioning whether or not it is right for me until I am filled with regrets for chances not taken rather than opportunities I've pursued.     Has anyone here ever felt fear and apprehension about staring HRT? How did you get over that fear? How do I know in my heart if this is right for me when I am always running through all of the endless possibilities of good and bad results?     
    • Carolyn Marie
      In keeping with @VickySGV's train of thought, here are links to a couple of Canadian legal resources.  I hope these can help you, as you do seem to need it.   https://justicetrans.org/en/resources/   https://www.courthouselibrary.ca/how-we-can-help/our-library-services/lawmatters-public-libraries/lgbt-legal-resource-round   https://www.halco.org/our-services/trans-legal-needs-assessment-ontario   BTW, welcome to Transgender Pulse, hon.  You are safe here.   Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      An option?  Sure.  When you come right down to it, everything except food/water/shelter is optional.  Life can be very basic....brutally basic.  Life can even be so bad that one's gender issues or sexuality are the farthest thought from your mind, at least for a while.  You can "play pretend" successfully for years or a lifetime, with nobody suspecting that your true self is different from the gender you were assigned at birth.  All kinds of choices, and its up to each person to decide which choices are more comfortable and less destructive to self and others.     From what I have learned, transition is a spectrum.  There's no one single way to do it, and your way may look very different from how a friend does it.  Some people go to great lengths with surgery.  Others are like me an my friends, non-op by choice or other circumstances.  You can do a whole bunch of stuff in a short time, or the process can take years.  I don't see it as a black-or-white kind of choice, but a progression towards authenticity and comfort.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...