Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Bri2020]

23 hours ago, JaniceZ said:

Vocabulary.com defines Nonchalance as "a casual lack of concern, a relaxed state without anxiety or enthusiasm."  I experienced this condition twice yesterday and believe it is a validation of achieving progress on my journey.  First I was over at my friend's place and I Do Not speak of transitioning with him or around him or to him.  I was painting for him and he walked past and said that it looked good.  Then he added something to the effect, "soon I'll be on the catwalk, but just don't let Jim see me".  I took the comment in stride, not really caring for it, but really not bothered by it either.  We're both retired now, but we had worked at the same place for many years and I had announced that I was going to transition to become a woman.  He would make reference to the catwalk as a place for women to parade themselves and it really wasn't a place for a man unless of course one was less of one.  It bothered me then.  Yesterday was different.  There was no bruised ego goading me that my pride had been injured and that something MUST be done about it.

 

Scene II:  I'm with a group of friends last evening.  A group that I feel increasingly comfortable being around.  But not quite comfortable enough yet to share my deepest desires.  Their friendship and acceptance mean very much to me.  We are sitting around the kitchen table and one of us, a man, has been drinking and is his usual vulgar self.  He's funny and he tests us our values and just where any of us would draw a line as being out of bounds with his free uninhibited self.  He leaves us to get a refill and we agree it is fun to have him around even though his mind lives in the gutter.

 

We talk about hanging out at his pool this past summer and he remembers how pleasant it was to see the girls in their "skivvies."  Then the others comment on my having worn a speedo style bikini and how my little tush looked in it. (They noticed!)  He didn't know what to think about it at first and then he didn't care what I wore.  He claims there are no rules at his house, then he proceeds to list some.  He prepares to leave to get another drink and asks me if I'd like a Rum and Coke.  I think about it seriously and then decline the offer.  Too many extra calories I use as my excuse.  He calls me a "pu**y", waits for my response and when one doesn't come he continues out the door.  The comment didn't bother me.  It is't flattering, but the moment was Matrix-esque.  The hurled deprecating words fly through the air and fall dead at my feet.  A tool employed by others when dealing with unwanted comments or advances now came naturally to me.

 

It's so powerful.  Now really my next step is to share my deepest desires such as telling them that I want to be rocking a bikini.  They have already offered me their hand.  I only have to overcome my remaining self consciousness and walk in the light.  There's precious little time left and the door is closing.  Choices like calories matter.

What a great story. We all think of our transition as a bodily thing but this is where the work is: social transitioning.  Wait until some drunk guy tries to drag you onto a dance floor against your will. That's an experience I won't forget. lol

I use to see these words of advice from other women posted on social media: Want a bikini body? Step 1. Put on a bikini. Step 2. There is no step two, you now have a bikini body!

The point being, women (and men with social pressures) try and define what a good body is for a bikini, yoga pants, skinny jeans or whatever. Ignore all that BS. Next summer, rock a bikini on and enjoy it.  I was really surprised how well a french cut bikini bottom actually holds a tuck. Look for a heavier weight spandex material and no thong or string styles and they work great.  I lived in a bikini the last 2 summers.  I have to admit though, I am really looking forward to putting them on and going to the gym in a few weeks now that I've had surgery. Not that they will look different, but just because I don't have deal with tucking anymore.

I really liked these from target from a fit stand point.  https://www.target.com/p/women-s-classic-high-coverage-hipster-bikini-bottom-kona-sol/-/A-83365871?preselect=83365844#lnk=sametab

 

this pic is the first time I wore a full bikini. I was on HRT for 9 months and really only had aa cups but I didn't care.  This is a print version of the ones I linked too.  I can still wear that top with my d cups now. Back then it was a lot of boob coverage, not so much anymore. lol. You can see the wrinkles in the top where it has a lot of room to accommodate bigger boobs While I wasn't a "big girl" I had a tummy, no waist line at all and no boobs, but from the aforementioned criteria, it's stilla bikini body nonetheless. Don't forget to get a bathing suit "cover" or a sarong/wrap for when you are walking around. (yes that is my bikini top hanging in the background, clouds moved in and it got chilly with a wet bikini on lol)

 

 

 

[Willow]

Hi everyone 

 

I guess I missed a day.  Yes, I take anyone referring to me as a woman as a good thing.  Even store clerks and waitstaff.  I did get clocked yesterday.  We were walking into a store and a woman ahead of us looked at me then turned around and took another look.  Good news, it didn’t set me off like the one a year ago..  I guess I am in a better place now.

 

My wife has been assisting me with makeup lately.  Sometimes she’ll just out of the blue say let’s try something and we will got into the bathroom where she will show me how to moisturize, or add color highlights.  I am so happy she is doing that with me.  It’s nice having your own personal ex Mary Kay Consultant.  
 

Teaching myself to play the keyboard is progressing, slowly but progressing.  I’m having a hard time keeping my fingers on the correct keys.  I keep wanting to use the wrong finger for the note to be played.  Maybe scales are in order.  I recall doing a lot of that when I played the French horn and that was only three keys.  This is 61 of those things and even though they repeat, they require more coordination.  One thing I don’t like is that middle C is not in the middle of the keyboard it is shifted to the left by an octave.

[Willow]

All this talk of bikinis.  If I was younger and better endowed I might consider it.  But a. My age, bikinis aren’t really appropriate b. I have a nice tankini  c. I wear either that or a on piece to the pool or beach and am comfortable.  Everyone has to find their own way through this maze we call life.  Sometimes we follow the path that makes us realize we are going the wrong way and we Adjust.  As long as we find our own real path in the end, we will be fine.

 

Or at least I hope so.  I must admit I am getting more and more concerned for my safety with all the poll watchers and intimidation going on. My wife suggested I dress male to vote but I reminded her that my drivers license picture I am dressed as Willow.  I’ve had two attorneys tell me they could get my name changed but I don’t want to do that.  Just one of the things I promised I wouldn't do.

 

Enjoy your Sunday.

 

Willow

[Willow]

@Katie23  I have few if any issues when I visit Charleston, but I live in Myrtle Beach.  Myrtle Beach and Charleston are both more accepting then when you move inland off the coast. I suppose that’s because we get a lot of northern retiree relocates.  Even more now.  But in both MB and Chuck town you have to be very careful where you go.  Charleston created a center for all LGBTQI+ but in a part of the city is not considered by many to be that safe.  The Trans group was invited to locate there but by unanimous vote decided not to go.

 

the MB group spreads itself out under 18 doesn’t meet in the same location as over 18.  I prefer to go to Wilmington NC.  Much more secret.  Under and over meet in different locations and there is apparently yet another adult group and a PFLAG. So Wilmington is far more supportive.

 

I knew where I used to live in Pawleys Island I could only count on my neighbors and not the other 450 families.  I haven’t run into anyone here that treats me badly, but I know they are here.  One of my supporters told me that there are a number of haters that talk about me.  
 

What scares me the most are the Oath Keepers and poll watchers.  Our voting place is easy walking distance, just across the entrance road at a church.  An unaccepting church!  

[Ivy]

2 hours ago, Willow said:

 I must admit I am getting more and more concerned for my safety with all the poll watchers and intimidation going on. My wife suggested I dress male to vote but I reminded her that my drivers license picture I am dressed as Willow.  I’ve had two attorneys tell me they could get my name changed but I don’t want to do that.

I already voted here.  We don't have to show ID if we're not a first time voter.  I do have to vote under my legal name though.  I never dress masculine anymore - for 2-3 years (I don't remember exactly when)  and I certainly do not pass.  I still use my deadname legally, although I am working that one.  I just take a deep breath and walk in there.  The crowd at the door can probably guess how I'll vote, but there's nothing they can do about it.

 

As far as I can tell, I might be the only openly trans-woman in town.  I think I'm mostly tolerated as an oddity around here.  I think my age works in my favor somewhat.

 

This is a solidly red area, and since I don't have anything to do with the schools, I'm probably not seen as a threat.  We still have a democratic governor in NC, so some of the worst things haven't happened yet.  Of course that could change.

[KymmieL]

Would love to have a bikini ready body. A lot of us would but alas I don't, probably never will. OH, well a girl can dream can't she. I've a cute gray camo one piece that I swim in.

 

Knock on wood, I have never been hassled when I have been out and about. Knock----- Where's the wood?? Its some where? Most of the time I do have Mr. Smith and Mr Wesson to keep me company

 

For the prelim vote. I had to show my ID with the move we are in a different district. My license says I am legally a F. Still can't find any wood. Wait I am at the dining room table nice heavy WOOD. I can be such a blonde. LOL.

 

Waiting for the wife and youngest to get home they were in Ogallaha, NE. at 1:30. Should be home in about an hour. See what the wife will complain about. I've folded our laundry and changed the cat box. Probably complain that I bought a fire pit. Saying we don't need one. OH, Well.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

 

 

[JaniceZ]

20 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

I use to see these words of advice from other women posted on social media: Want a bikini body? Step 1. Put on a bikini. Step 2. There is no step two, you now have a bikini body!

The point being, women (and men with social pressures) try and define what a good body is for a bikini, yoga pants, skinny jeans or whatever. Ignore all that BS. Next summer, rock a bikini on and enjoy it.

 

Thank you Bri2020 and Willow, and I agree with some additional thoughts in this thread.  Self image is important, but there are other concerns such as safety.  There is so much to transitioning.  It's all just overwhelming, even last night I share my misfortune of being transgender with my friends.  I wonder what I could achieve if I didn't have to waste time transitioning.  I'm truly taking this one day at a time, not really certain what my next move will be.

[Mmindy]

On 10/28/2022 at 2:29 PM, Hannah Renee said:

Does that count as passing?

Good morning Hannah,

 

Yes it does, and I love your new AVI photo.

 

Happy Halloween,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Willow]

Good morning

 

Well, if you don’t like the weather here it will either get better or worse!  This time it’s better.  It hadn’t been out of the low sixties most of last week.  It’s already in the seventies today.  It’s supposed to be very nice for trick or treat tonight, although there is a slight chance of light showers.

 

@JaniceZ I think you may not have conveyed the correct thought when you said “if I didn’t have to waste time transitioning “. I think you meant if you were born a girl (or boy) but if not, then I’ll say I don’t find transitioning a waste of time.  I apologize if I’m being too picky.

 

transitioning isn’t easy and it takes time and effort.  But I believe that affords us the time to learn and be comfortable with who we are.  Nothing new is ever easy but I look ahead to the reward what ever that may be.

 

Willow

[Bri2020]

Yesterday was fun but I totally overdid it and by 3pm was in agony.  I did brunch with a friend but forgot my donut pillow. Then threw on my witches outfit for our annual SUP witches coven paddle across our local lake to the shopping plaza. I rode a pontoon boat because not allowed to paddle yet but still, by the time we got to the brew pub I had to ask someone to take me home.

Today I took a more moderate approach to things.  There was a training event at the real estate office for an hour and I wanted to see if I could get up and get my morning dilation /breakfast/grooming and dressed up routine done and get to the office in a timely manner.  I discovered once there that office chairs, even with a donut won't work for me yet. Luckily we have some more "lounge type" chairs which I switched to and was reasonably comfortable sitting on.  I think I am actually better off with a couch like chair without the donut than a normal chair with one.  Anyways, it was so great to get all dressed up in a dress, put my hair up and wear jewelry for the first time in 6 weeks. (I isolated prior to surgery)

The real fun part was putting on knee high leather boots without bending much. I discovered if I lay in bed I could do it. hahaha

Have a blessed Samhain to those who celebrate.

 

[Bri2020]

Fear and safety comes up alot in these threads. I do not discount anyone's feelings on this. However, my experience has been that that with the exception of one cray cray homeless guy who was yelling threats at anyone that walked by him, I have never been harassed or threatened. Sure, people have clocked me or misgendered me but whatever.  I've travelled down into the deep south and into Appalachia, through Ohio and the rust belt etc etc.  Before my boob job and ffs, there was no questioning that people knew I was transgender.  I did have some fear initially. However, what I've discovered throughout transitioning is that fear is the thing that stops us. It stops us from coming out to people, it stops us from taking forward steps in the medical process, it stops us from enjoying ourselves socially etc etc. Most often, that fear ends up being way overblown.  Yes, we need to be somewhat safety conscious much like every woman does. When I would push my boundaries, whether that was shopping for the first times, using women's restrooms, going to a bar or wearing a bathing suit, I always had another person with me. Just having a wing girl will eliminate 99% of any harassment or threats. After pushing myself past the fear I've gotten to the point where I don't even think about it anymore. I still practice common sense safety stuff like not walking alone at night or if I'm out at a pub taking a girl friend to the restroom with me.

I leave you with the words of Frank Herbert. : 

 

"I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

[Mmindy]

17 minutes ago, Bri2020 said:

I still practice common sense safety stuff like not walking alone at night or if I'm out at a pub taking a girl friend to the restroom with me.

I leave you with the words of Frank Herbert. : 

 

"I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

Very well stated @Bri2020 I like this advice.

I'm also glad you're pushing the boundaries of your recovery.

 

Listen to your body,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[JaniceZ]

21 hours ago, Willow said:

I think you may not have conveyed the correct thought when you said “if I didn’t have to waste time transitioning “. I think you meant if you were born a girl (or boy) but if not, then I’ll say I don’t find transitioning a waste of time.  I apologize if I’m being too picky.

 

Thanks Willow for considering my concerns.  I admit to being shallow about things, to overthinking many things, to drinking too much coffee and many other things.  I can and do put things into perspective.  Being transgender is my lot in life.  I could have been dealt a much worse hand, you know the old adage, "but for the grace of god there go I."  Still I want better and strive for it.  I embrace that I have to do with what I have.  I am a philosopher poet or desire to be one, and yet my poem remains elusive.  I dream of a world where hatred and strife is nonexistent and concurrently wish to look good in a bikini.  I read all the things transgender people do to themselves to be the person they see themselves to be.  That's a lot, and then it takes a lot of time and effort to achieve anything.  In life time is precious.  Will there be enough?  Why did I squander my time and why did I wait so long?  I am stumbling though life, experiencing my share of joy and disappointment.  I would't trade it.  I just crave an ideal.  Unsatisfied and undaunted, I journey on.

 

P.S.  I need Transgender Pulse, and am grateful for having found the wonderful people here.

[Ivy]

I can't remember the last time I went to SC…  maybe to Greenville? with my ex.  I live about 10 miles from the border.  I don't know as that's much different from here.

 

I have a daughter in Wilmington, but I haven't been there for a few years - since I started HRT and all.  I have heard it's relatively LGBTQ friendly.  We used to go over to Topsail Is. and would go to Wilmington frequently.  The battleship is cool.   The Aquarium at Ft Fisher is fun too, and you can visit the fort.  The coast is nice for a change, but I'm not sure I'd want to live there full-time.  I miss the hills and mountains.

 

It would be nice to go down there for a visit.  It is a long drive though.

[Willow]

Hi

 

@JaniceZ I understand it is both time and financially expensive.  I have done what I’ve done considering both as well as keeping my wife’s concerns in mind.  It’s a balancing act any way you look at it.  I meant no disrespect we all can only do what we are able to do for our own reasons.  Again I apologize.

 

@Ivy @Katie23 @Mmindy @Bri2020 my concerns stem from how there have been more and more shootings in the Grand Strand area. A murder not far from here that wasn’t in the middle of the night.  I walk my dog minimum of twice a day and after dark. There are areas where I walk that are not well lit and it’s either walk there or through the middle of the parking lot.  
 

Add to that the political upheaval and hatred that is increasing towards transgender people by these people making false statements and claims about our goals.  I am becoming more and more concerned and feel I need to take action to protect myself and family.

 

Willow

 

 

[Willow]

Happy H-day

 

i don’t have much going on today.  I do have a car full of boat stuff to take to my storage unit.  And I may very well go to early voting either today or tomorrow.  Tomorrow makes more sense since I have to go out anyway.

 

I can always practice my keyboard.  I realized that I was not playing the correct notes for a chord and I need to relearn it.  My daughter thinks I have a book that is too advanced when it has chords beginning with the second lesson. She has many years of piano lessons we gave her.  We also gave her the piano.

 

we got good news from our granddaughter.  She is touring a steel fabrication company today.  She contacted them asking if they would hire an apprentice welder.  This could be the start of her chosen career.  She takes her first class starting this month at the local community college and starts learning more welding techniques and methods come February.  I believe the first class is blueprint reading. And it is an 18 month certificate program.

 

my son has been in Vietnam with his best friend from high school for the past week or so and then is meeting his wife in Europe for a week there.  Must be nice!  When they get home they are getting a yellow lab puppy.  They already have her picked out and named.  They’ve had nothing but labs since before they got married.  
 

I hope everyone has a great day!

 

Willow

[Mmindy]

Good morning everyone 

 

COFFEE TIME!

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Willow]

Good Morning 

 

@Mmindy love the eye chart but how did you make it vibrate?  Oh, it’s not the chart it’s my eyes?

 

not the best day.  I have an appointment with my Gastroenterologist this afternoon.  I’m late getting a colonoscopy because of life.  Took a walk on the beach yesterday unfortunately the Sandler I was wearing tore up my feet.  Now I avoid walking as much as I can.  It’s not the first time for those sandals I guess I just need to stop wearing them.

[KymmieL]

@Mmindy   Yes, yes it is.

 

While I wait for the nectar of the goddess' 

 

Don't know what the wife was upset about last night. When I walked in the door she was starting her bath. about half hour later. I see her with a sour face bringing the clothes for wash. I greet her she mumbles something. Starts the wash. She takes her chair. "get us our coffee" she asks.

 

I usually do, so I do. Not five min later. She's nodding off, per normal. Nothing said the rest of the night. A little after the weather I just think the hell with it and go to bed. I am wondering if that is going to be our relationship from now on?

 

Overcast and a balmy 31 out. Had a skiff of snow, just some on the roofs and vehicles. Saying that we could get up to 5".

 

Hugs

 

Kymmie

[Willow]

Hi

 

i am really proud of my oldest granddaughter.  She has decided she wants to be a welder and will be taking classes.  Well, she called around to several businesses and got an interview Wednesday.  at the end she was given an application and an appointment to come back on Friday.  She all but has the job as an apprentice welder.  It’s pretty much if she comes back and passes the physical.

 

She did all this on her own.  No one told her too.  No one looked up possible employers for her.  You always hear about the kids that expect life to give them everything.  And I know there are many others that make there own way.  But you never hear about them.  So here’s to a young adult that is making her own way in life, with no help.

 

Willow

[Bri2020]

1 minute ago, Willow said:

Hi

 

i am really proud of my oldest granddaughter.  She has decided she wants to be a welder and will be taking classes.  Well, she called around to several businesses and got an interview Wednesday.  at the end she was given an application and an appointment to come back on Friday.  She all but has the job as an apprentice welder.  It’s pretty much if she comes back and passes the physical.

 

She did all this on her own.  No one told her too.  No one looked up possible employers for her.  You always hear about the kids that expect life to give them everything.  And I know there are many others that make there own way.  But you never hear about them.  So here’s to a young adult that is making her own way in life, with no help.

 

Willow

you are obviously so proud and should be.

I love watching young people grow into themselves!

[Willow]

Good morning 

 

[rachel w]

It was tea for me this morning I am home, only work 4 days until winter comes then when ever it decides to storm. well anyways when you all said HRT does thins to you its true last 2 months been ups and downs but it has been all worth it. This summer I have been having laser hair removal , for me it its working good i love it,I am just Happy this morning and i wanted to share, the sun is out wood stove going life is good today, I hope every one  can Have a awesome day.

[KymmieL]

Morning all. 17 this am. we've got white crap on the ground. About an inch, a dusting on the street. Don't have to go out till later so hopefully it warms up.

 

Watched the last episode of M.A.S.H with the wife yesterday. Of course, I always start balling, always have. Actually got some emotional support from the wife, which was nice.

 

Not much going but have  my therapist appt this afternoon.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

[Willow]

Never too early or late for coffee