Good morning All. Coffees on.

[KymmieL]

18 hours ago, Birdie said:

Take all the time you need to heal. Broken bones are no joke.

That is the truth sister. When I broke 4 ribs in 2008. It took forever to heal. Biggest mistake I did was laugh, it was not fun.

 

Just got back from the wagons maiden long voyage. However it wasn't without troubles. Yesterday before we left. I got the new tabs for the plates. The wagon seemed a little off. SO I stopped at my store and did a battery check, Battery good starter good. Alternator, regulator fail. She was still putting out around 13volts so we decided to head to Scottsbluff. We made it as far as Cheyenne. Wound up buying a new alternator I had to go to the competition because I could get one until Today. So I went to autozone. replaced my 150 amp performance alt with a basic 65 amp one. Charging great now. Now that the wagon is getting the power to run all the electronics. The wagon runs great.

 

Picked up our younger 2 grandsons.  They rode with us on the parade to the show venue. but wanted to play at the park. Our youngest grandson finally took a nap. in the front seat of the wagon. It was so cute. Our middle son picked them up a little afternoon.

 

It was a good day.

 

Kymmie

[Birdie]

Good morning ☕☕

 

Just had some chicken soup for breakfast. It's not really "breakfast material", but might help with me being anemic (chicken). 

Still not feeling very good, but I'm up and about. 

I guess I'll see my doctor tomorrow, most likely get sent to a specialist. 

Nothing at all planned today other than another day of resting. 

 

Birdie 💖

[April Marie]

Good morning, all. I've been struggling with depression the last few days - fighting hard to pull myself out. I know some of it is due to a 5 day stretch of "April in Drag" since we have family members here for a few days and I have not come out to family, yet. I assume many of you have experienced the feeling of "the more I represent my feminine reality, the less I want to go near my male persona." I feel stuck and......wrong. The dysphoria just screams. But, it's what I have/choose to do for now.

 

Send me some good thoughts and smiles this week. I have a lot of outdoor projects I've saved up that will keep me busy and out of the house. Hopefully, that will help tamp down the dysphoria and push away the depression.

 

Still, I am looking for - and finding - the goodness in every day!! It IS there.

[Tiffany 838]

April. I understand the family thing.  Just when you have the time put your favorite outfit on and enjoy the feeling   Even if only for ten minutes.  Little victories will get us all through these times.   
 

hugs

[AllieJ]

April, I went through those feelings too many times. I found that even if I had to present as male, I could still think as me. So I did as many typically female things as I could, from cooking to changing daipers. I even wrote short stories about my transition, and deleted them from my computer, but typing them makes them more real. Anything affirming will reduce the dysphoria and depression for a little while. Try it!

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[KymmieL]

36 minutes ago, April Marie said:

Good morning, all. I've been struggling with depression the last few days - fighting hard to pull myself out. I know some of it is due to a 5 day stretch of "April in Drag" since we have family members here for a few days and I have not come out to family, yet. I assume many of you have experienced the feeling of "the more I represent my feminine reality, the less I want to go near my male persona." I feel stuck and......wrong. The dysphoria just screams. But, it's what I have/choose to do for now.

 

Send me some good thoughts and smiles this week. I have a lot of outdoor projects I've saved up that will keep me busy and out of the house. Hopefully, that will help tamp down the dysphoria and push away the depression.

 

Still, I am looking for - and finding - the goodness in every day!! It IS there.

 

April Marie, you are not alone in these feelings. I have them most everyday. I have to live pretty much presenting as male. with my oldest not approving (thanks to my DIL) and my wife being as long as you present somewhat male. It seems that at sometime during the day I will break down and cry. Because I cannot be my true self. It is getting harder and harder. However, some how I push through it.

 

So far I have only received one Happy F day and that was from my mom. OH, well.

 

Might take out the bike today. I need to unwind.

 

Try and have a good day. Everyone.

 

Hugs

Kymmie

[Birdie]

@April Marie I understand as well. 

I am required to "dress my gender" while attending the adult day center. That means that I can just barely squeeze by dressing as a "Tomboy" everyday. 

The women's restroom is off-limits to me, as well as the men's room. I'm quite the outsider now. 

I get the depression feelings sneaking up all the time, and I have too find something to keep me busy to ward them off. 

I find doing my makeup helps me feel better, or sometimes I just put on lip gloss while at the center. 

Anything to make us feel better works. 

 

Birdie 💖

[Ashley0616]

I completely understand I think everyone has some depression. I'm not only depressed about what happened when I served, raped and it brings me to the biggest one I just recently found out. I keep praying my Dad will come around to accepting me. Apart of me hates it and wishes I could just have no feelings for him. I recently found out he unfriended me on Facebook and is refusing to talk to me. I feel extremely bad for my kids because he is the only grandpa they have or I should say had. Their mom's Dad hasn't done anything for the boys since they were born. They don't even try talking to them but then again neither does my Dad. I care more about the kid's relationship than I do about mine with him. Thank goodness they don't ask about him because I wouldn't even know where to start. My only hope is that Tina his second wife will light a fire up his stubborn butt and come to his senses especially since tomorrow is never promised. 

[Birdie]

Dad called to wish me a happy father's day. 

He asked if my stepchildren called, and one did. 

We talked about my recent trip to the ER, and how I haven't felt good since. 

Trying to talk to him about everything else is senseless, he doesn't want to listen. 

Him and mom made the choice to "leave everything as is" when I was born, and he stands by that decision. 

He expects no less form me and will not even acknowledge the fact that I identify as female. He doesn't want to hear about it. 

It is what it is, life goes on. 🙆‍♀️

[Birdie]

I was a member of another site that dealt with gynecomastia (men with breasts). 

I joined that site at the request of my social worker on dealing with my recent breast growth. I was still pretending to be male back then. 

I came out to my friends in that site before anyone else, and that site will always have a special place in my heart because of that. 

One of the members here is also a member here and suggested this site to me as well. I won't be naming names. 

Anyways, many of the "men" with gynecomastia seem to really have a problem with individuals like myself born "intersex" and identifying as female. I received my last rude comment on that site, and decided to leave it for good. 

I'll now just spend my days here with y'all instead.

At least I know I won't be condemned for identifying as female here

Thank you for being here. 💖

[Ashley0616]

[Ashley0616]

Just now, Ashley0616 said:

Sorry I was hoping it would come out better. My father just called me queer and won’t talk to me. He posted this on my Facebook. I guess everyone can see how great of a father he is/was. He is dead to me. 

[Birdie]

Just now, Ashley0616 said:

Sorry I was hoping it would come out better. My father just called me queer and won’t talk to me. He posted this on my Facebook. I guess everyone can see how great of a father he is/was. He is dead to me. 

I'm so sorry. 😢

[April Marie]

38 minutes ago, Ashley0616 said:

Sorry I was hoping it would come out better. My father just called me queer and won’t talk to me. He posted this on my Facebook. I guess everyone can see how great of a father he is/was. He is dead to me. 

I am so sorry, Ashley. You deserve better.

[April Marie]

I want to thank everyone who shared a story, an idea or a suggestion...or just commented on my earlier post about depression, dysphoria and having to spend a period of days as "April in drag." I do have a number of "coping mechanisms" like my hair, earrings and women's underwear that help to keep me "grounded." I've also found, as was mentioned, that I am more and more just seeing "me" when I look in the mirror, even without make-up. That's a big help....but for whatever reason the depression monster grabbed me this week. I'll be fine....but ready to blossom when they all leave later this week.

 

Again, thank you. This place is such a blessing and you are all amazing.

[Susan R]

1 hour ago, Ashley0616 said:

My father just called me queer and won’t talk to me.

I feel your pain with losing a family member. I’m sorry they can’t comprehend what this is doing to you. That’s probably their point. Try your best to get past this. Continue to be your amazing self, pick up the pieces and move on without them for a time. There is always hope they’ll have some extraordinary revelation and develop understanding and empathy.

 

*Big Hugs*

Susan

[Ivy]

5 hours ago, Ashley0616 said:

My father just called me queer and won’t talk to me.

Can't tell what he posted, but I'm sure it hurt.

I don't think I'll ever understand this kind of thinking.

[Mmindy]

11 hours ago, AllieJ said:

I even wrote short stories about my transition, and deleted them from my computer, but typing them makes them more real.

President Abraham Lincoln is often credited with the concept of (MBWA) Management By Wondering Around, because he would ride out to the battle fields to see how things were going. This was not to be threatening to his generals, but remind them that he may show up at anytime. President Lincoln also understood the importance of writing letters that may never be sent. He found that writing out his thoughts was therapeutic, and allowed him to reword things in shortened telegrams or in person meetings. Later he is referenced as quote "The most eloquent writings, were letters home, that died with the soldier in the field."

 

So @AllieJI totally agree that writing things out on paper only to throw them away later is therapeutic relief.

 

Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋🏳️‍🌈

[MaybeRob]

Hi all

 

Been a bit depressed myself April, so I know how you're feeling.

 

My mood has come from my Hrt journey. I did consider abandoning my gender affirmation - but one the box is opened I can't close it. I have an appointment later this month to discuss the cost involved in seeing an Endocrinologist and how many appts I need. It seems because I'm over 50 I have to see one. Mentally I can't deal with a 2 year wait for the public system. 

 

The good news is after 40 plus years I am currently a ex smoker. Not for health reasons - just money. It costs a lot to be a girl!

 

Ashley - my heart goes out to you!

 

Rob/kate.

[AllieJ]

6 minutes ago, MaybeRob said:

Hi all

 

Been a bit depressed myself April, so I know how you're feeling.

 

My mood has come from my Hrt journey. I did consider abandoning my gender affirmation - but one the box is opened I can't close it. I have an appointment later this month to discuss the cost involved in seeing an Endocrinologist and how many appts I need. It seems because I'm over 50 I have to see one. Mentally I can't deal with a 2 year wait for the public system. 

 

The good news is after 40 plus years I am currently a ex smoker. Not for health reasons - just money. It costs a lot to be a girl!

 

Ashley - my heart goes out to you!

 

Rob/kate.

Rob/Kate, a GP can prescribe hormones, and not all endocrinologists have specific knowledge of trans medicine. I see a GP/Gynecologist in Geelong for my hormones and I’m 69. Endocrinologists generally have long wait times for initial appointments, so it can be worth enquiring through local GP’s. A lot of doctors and endocrinologists refer to an outdated study called the Womens Health Initiative, which was written decades ago about synthetic drugs which aren’t used anymore because they have dangerous side effects, but the modern bioidentical hormones have no more risk than those created by our own bodies. These doctors will prescribe very low doses which are not effective for transition, so it is important to find a doctor with current knowledge. I know, it makes things harder, but it is worth it in the long run!

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[MaybeRob]

Thanks for the info AllieJ

 

It's the GP that wants me to see an Endo. There's not much choice in good GPs round here and travelling is problematic as I suffer from agoraphobia. I will try one more time later this month. I may have to travel to Sth Melbourne if Kate wants to become a reality.

 

Rob/Kate

[awkward-yet-sweet]

7 hours ago, Ashley0616 said:

Sorry I was hoping it would come out better. My father just called me queer and won’t talk to me. He posted this on my Facebook. I guess everyone can see how great of a father he is/was. He is dead to me. 

 

Lovely day for him to choose to do it.  And openly where folks on Facebook can see it.  🙄  You're not alone in the "rejected by father" club.  I haven't talked to mine in years.  He's a retired police chief, and I know that he would have heard last year when I got assaulted.  Did he try to talk with me or even find out if I was alive?  Nope.  It sux when a father doesn't want his kids.  I'm thankful that my stepkids have a father that actually cares. 

 

 

[AllieJ]

5 minutes ago, MaybeRob said:

Thanks for the info AllieJ

 

It's the GP that wants me to see an Endo. There's not much choice in good GPs round here and travelling is problematic as I suffer from agoraphobia. I will try one more time later this month. I may have to travel to Sth Melbourne if Kate wants to become a reality.

 

Rob/Kate

Rob/Kate, this is the usual situation as your GP does not have the training. I initially saw an endo in Niddrie, but his treatment was ruining my health as he insisted on keeping me at post menopausal E levels, which did nothing for transition or my dysphoria. The most respected Endo for trans people is Dr Ada Cheung in Heidelberg, but her waitlist may be long. (Though could be worth it!) I hope you can find a good doctor soon, I love my doctor, but his books are closed for new patients.

 

Hugs,

 

Allie

[Birdie]

Good morning ☕☕

 

It's a bit better of a morning today than it has been. I'm starting to feel better now. 

 

I'll be going to the center and most likely see my doctor. I'm guessing I'll need to see a couple specialists. 

 

As far my iron deficiency, I'm going to add liver to my diet a couple times a week. I happen to like it, and it's really high in iron. 

 

Hope y'all have a wonderful day! 💖

[Alessia]

1 hour ago, Birdie said:

Good morning ☕☕

 

It's a bit better of a morning today than it has been. I'm starting to feel better now. 

 

I'll be going to the center and most likely see my doctor. I'm guessing I'll need to see a couple specialists. 

 

As far my iron deficiency, I'm going to add liver to my diet a couple times a week. I happen to like it, and it's really high in iron. 

 

Hope y'all have a wonderful day! 💖

This is good news Birdie, I wish you a wonderful day too