Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Linda Marie]

To set the record straight, I only posed for that picture, I do have my permit, but I really don't carry a gun very often.

If I feel the need to carry a concealed gun I wear my mom jeans and a loose fitting blouse to hide it.

Laws very from state to state, the classes were great on learning the laws, and going to the range was a "blast" lol.

When I do carry I carry this one. My Bonnie and Clyde pose is also just for entertainment. 

 

 

[Bri2020]

Can we stop the gun discussion please. 

[Linda Marie]

Moving on, life is hard on us, so much we go through, so many times we just don't know were to turn.

I know all my pictures paint a glam life, but it was never really. I get home from the events, and all, and I

come home to escape, sometimes just melt and cry.

I look around and see how much my coming has put a strain on not just me, but all those around me, and I 

wonder, where is the glam! I really hate it when some tell me I'm brave, but I am not. There are times I hate myself

for putting my family through this, but I can't stop being who I am, so I just make sure they are taken care of.

 

When I came out, I  didn't know if I just lost my whole family and all I worked for. I was a mental wreck. Then

the mental roller coaster, darn, that was a trip into a very dark place. 

 

When I read the posts here on what others are going through right now in their life, all I can say is,

Welcome to this new life, and except the outcome. That will help you to become stronger in your 

decision. 

Love, LM♥️

 

 

[Linda Marie]

1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

Can we stop the gun discussion please. 

Yes we can, or at least I can. Time to move on. 

[Linda Marie]

Who am I? Why am I here?

I just want to share my life and what I've been through. I shared photos of me in my ventures out in the world and 

in my home. I've not gone into the horrors I've been through out there or at home after I came out. I've never shared the horrors of what it is like to see the people you knew turn their backs on you when you come out. That feeling you get when they just don't see you anymore. You are not who I knew or married. You are not the same friend I knew. Doesn't matter how you dress, you are just not who we used to know. Your whole life is turned upside down with no place to go, but forward and shed tears on the the way. Suppressed all your life and you come out and wham, can't even express yourself to your new peers.

I have learned to never trust anyone.  I have never commented on a post here in a negative way, and yet, I feel I do not belong here anymore. Maybe if I just post shoes or baking a cake? No, I'm about real life out there.

I've lived the hell for 21 years now.

LM. 

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Linda Marie said:

I have learned to never trust anyone.

 

That's a hard one. My therapist and I are chipping away at that each and every week. Here's what she sent me:

 

 

Saw this on Facebook and thought of you....

 

The inability to receive support from others is a trauma response.

 

Your "I don't need anyone, I'll just do it all myself" conditioning is a survival tactic. And you needed it to shield your heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal, and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you.

 

From the parent who was absent and abandoned you by choice or the parent who was never home from working three jobs to feed and house you.

 

From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but never offered a safe haven that honored your heart.

 

From the friendships and family who ALWAYS took more than they ever gave.

 

From all the situations when someone told you "we're in this together" or "I got you" then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces when -crap- got real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too.

 

From all the lies and all the betrayals.

 

You learned along the way that you just couldn't really trust people. Or that you could trust people, but only up to a certain point.

 

Extreme-independence IS. A. TRUST. ISSUE.

 

You learnt: if I don't put myself in a situation where I rely on someone, I won't have to be disappointed when they don't show up for me, or when they drop the ball... because they will ALWAYS drop the ball EVENTUALLY right?

 

You may even have been intentionally taught this protection strategy by generations of hurt ancestors who came before you.

 

Extreme-independence is a preemptive strike against heartbreak.

 

So, you don't trust anyone.

 

And you don't trust yourself, either, to choose people.

 

To trust is to hope, to trust is to be vulnerable.

 

"Never again," you vow.

 

But no matter how you dress it up and display it proudly to make it seem like this level of independence is what you always wanted to be, in truth it's your wounded, scarred, broken heart behind a protective brick wall.

 

Impenetrable. Nothing gets in. No hurt gets in. But no love gets in either.

 

Fortresses and armor are for those in battle, or who believe the battle is coming.

 

It's a trauma response.

 

The good news is trauma that is acknowledged is trauma that can be healed.

 

You are worthy of having support.

You are worthy of having true partnership.

You are worthy of love.

You are worthy of having your heart held.

You are worthy to be adored.

You are worthy to be cherished.

You are worthy to have someone say, "You rest. I got this." And actually deliver on that promise.

You are worthy to receive.

You are worthy to receive.

You are worthy.

 

You don't have to earn it.

You don't have to prove it.

You don't have to bargain for it.

You don't have to beg for it.

 

You are worthy.

Worthy.

Simply because you exist.

 

-Jamila White, @inspiredjamila

 

 

Hugs!

[Linda Marie]

Thank you Jackie C. This is me years ago, I used to play in bars and clubs as a side line to work and a passion, 

I was well known as David. Family, friends,  brothers and sister, and wife were proud. When I turned into Linda, all I heard from them was, how can you do this to me?  And I'm like where am I in this world of yours? That hurt. Real big, it was like all I am to you is someone to brag to your friends about? What about me?

They didn't care, they were more worried about their reputation. Wife and I stayed together and we moved.

As far as Linda, I never ventured on stage again playing guitar, I tried, but the damage was done. I still practice at home, and been asked to go back out playing on stage, but the damage was done and I just went back on the stage as Linda, a transvestite. Still I loved that, I loved being out there for all to see. 

[Linda Marie]

Power comes from what one feels inside and the need to show others, I no longer fear you!

Get knocked down and get back up again. Enjoy your life, but never leave loved ones behind, it is up 

to them to follow and believe in you or leave you.

 

[KymmieL]

11 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

First post on page 367. I've been here for exactly 200 pages. Wow this thread is long.

 Liz, how do you think I feel. I started this mess-er thread.

 

Well had some possibly good news to look forward too. I just may become a grandma for the 5th time. Our middle sons girlfriend. (I call her my daughter in law) they think she is. So, hears hoping for a girl. so I have a granddaughter to spoil. since I may not see my granddaughter again.

 

Kymmie

[ValerieRun]

7 hours ago, Linda Marie said:

I feel I do not belong here anymore. Maybe if I just post shoes or baking a cake? No, I'm about real life out there.

@Linda Marie if you are here, you belong. And I agree that talking about real life and not the glamourified version of it will help people get more depth into what each and everyone of us is coming or went through ?

[AmberM]

Good evening, just thought I would share how today went. So my wife and I were the first appointments of the day, so luckily no other patrons were in the salon yet. I was able to talk about what I was looking at and showed a picture of the kind of effect I was going for. As we were getting started she walked me through some of the things she was going to do, and the suggestion for style to go with. She suggested I continue to let it grow out, but she was going to put layers in to help control it from becoming a giant poof ball like it currently does. Throughout the salon, we chatted, and then I noticed they have a giant Pride flag in the window, then, I noticed they had a barber pole sticker in the window in the trans-flag colors.

 

I am really happy with the way it turned out. I am also proud that I survived the whole time out just being me. i think I only got a single odd look the first time, but nothing was said, and it was a quick longer than a second stare "I think" kind of thing. In the end it didn't bother me. I will say though I did get out of the area like a bat out of hell because I felt uncomfortable with some of the people that were around there. I think I also just hit my quota for the day.

[KymmieL]

12 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

For social media I changed my name and gender then Dm the closest people in my friends list that I didn't have the inclination to call directly.  Then did a basic post that went basically "Friends, I've change my name and now identify as a woman, please use she/her as pronouns. I am excited about finally coming out and I know not everyone will understand but would love and appreciate all of your support during this challenging time of my transition. I'm happy to talk to you individually about it but not here on social media".    By asking for love and support you are basically giving them an out to quietly not support you if that's the way they want to be but not publicly giving people an ultimatum of support me or hit the road.  Sure, you are going to lose some peeps, but I guarantee you will get more support than you believe and if someone were stupid enough to post some BS your allies will jump all over them..  

We all hear horror stories but I've found that if you are open and confident in who you are, people will come out of the wood work just to be there for your journey. You will inspire more people than you will chase away.  Good luck, I'm happy to hear you're at this point.

Hugs and Love

Bri

Bri, Thanks for posting this. This is/was the plan once I moved. First it was going to be my mom. once I hit the road. Then possibly my sister. then once I stop I will be coming out on social media. I know some relatives of my wife are religious. Plus a few friend of ours have stated the dislike of trans people.  What I look at if they  don't want to be or stay my friend. F them. I don't need them. Period. Why keep negative people around. I get enough of that in my own house hold.

 

Kymmie

[2beBreanna]

11 hours ago, Linda Marie said:

 I feel I do not belong here anymore. Maybe if I just post shoes or baking a cake? No, I'm about real life out there.

I feel the same way often.  I have questioned my transness a lot because of the views of others who preach acceptance. 

[Aggie1]

9 hours ago, ValerieRun said:

@Linda Marie if you are here, you belong. And I agree that talking about real life and not the glamourified version of it will help people get more depth into what each and everyone of us is coming or went through ?

I have had some amazing experiences since coming out but also some interactions which have been troubling. I am reluctant to share too much detail because this is a public forum which anyone could google using a username for instance or just browse the forums, and might not appreciate personal communication being revealed.

 

is there a way to keep comments private to just members?

[Ivy]

12 hours ago, 2beBreanna said:

I feel the same way often.  I have questioned my transness a lot because of the views of others who preach acceptance. 

Being transgender is not a "one size fits all" thing.

[Linda Marie]

I'm sorry for my melt down. It did help me to try and bury the past and move forward. I also want to thank all here for their

never ending support towards all of us.

 

Anyway, now that the cat is out of the bag, I think I just learned how that dance, The Twist came about.

I just finished polishing my nails and, yep, the urge to go to the bathroom hit. 

[Ivy]

1 hour ago, Linda Marie said:

I just finished polishing my nails and, yep, the urge to go to the bathroom hit.

LOL.  Been there.

[Jamie68]

Good morning all. I haven't posted for a few days. I've caught up on reading here, bad times and good times. My heart is saddened with the bad and rejoices with the good. Being Transgender isn't easy for any of us. Being here helps. Knowing that you're not alone and having another shoulder to cry on is very helpful. Getting advice from people who know what you're going through is great. I love you all and hope we can share our experiences and support each other for a long time.

 

Jamie

[Jamie68]

Hey, has anyone experienced their gray hair getting darker again since being on HRT? My wife just noticed this happening with me. Don't know if it's the HRT or the new conditioner I've been using.

[Ivy]

1 hour ago, Jamie68 said:

Hey, has anyone experienced their gray hair getting darker again since being on HRT?

I just wish it would quit falling out! LOL

[Linda Marie]

This is me 2002 in Atlanta, we were at the Southern Comfort Conference. We were picked to make this walk, instructed

to not look left or right, only look up when we hit the red carpet. One at a time. We were in the back room and went out one at a time. None of us knew what was going to happen. When I hit the red carpet and looked up, news crews big lights. and a big crowd cheering and clapping. I nearly peed myself when I looked up and the flashing lights, news crews, and all. Gosh I made the big time. Still I was very shocked, yet so in another world, baptized by fire so to speak. And my confidence soared from

scared to the top of the world.  What you can't see is the people on the left and right out of the picture, they didn't want us distracted, good thing, I would of ran back upstairs before I hit the red carpet. My life changed forever that day.

 

[Linda Marie]

My friend Julie and I in Asheville, some time around 2008, we didn't smile because we were tired, still

we let the picture go. The picture with us in her yard in Nashville, sadly was the last, she pasted away shortly after that.

For all the veterans out there, she was a combat marine who served in Vietnam, and wounded there.

I really miss her, and sorry I'm starting to cry now. 

 

[Linda Marie]

This next photo is about torment. I had at this point given up. I had almost lost every one. No more friends, no family that believes in me after all I have done for them. only hate for what I had become. I was at the breaking point. 

I loved all around me, yet they hated not me, they hated Linda. I'm like I'm still me, let me be. No, they would not. 

Depression got severe, suicide was on the table. 

[Linda Marie]

Well being me, I faced it, I battled it, the mental torment has to end. I chose to live and the war began. Live with me or leave.

I'm not going anywhere unless you ask me too. I threw the ball in their court. Sadly they knew I was really going to off myself,

Still, more battles to come, now I was ready, I mean after two years of depression, screaming and such, I took charge of my feelings, I took charge of my life and accepted my fate, and to be honest, I let them decide wither I stay or leave. I did cry a lot yet I never let them see me cry. You might say it was a gamble, but it paid off.

 

Did I really win? Not so sure, I really think we never really win, we just move on, life goes on, and I'm so happy I didn't end myself. I feel I just bought some time for others to decide and realize, we are people with feelings while our guitars gently weep.

[Susan R]

You look like a very beautiful actress or other famous celeb in that pose. Gorgeous!

 

4 hours ago, Linda Marie said:

Still I was very shocked, yet so in another world, baptized by fire so to speak. And my confidence soared from

scared to the top of the world.

I think we can all see that and I know you must have been thrilled. You do look like a pro..just another day with the Paparazzi.? Thanks for sharing @Linda Marie.

 

Susan R?