Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Kara Zor-El]

Good morning... working from home today, my spouse is at work and kids at summer school/rec. It is the first time in I can't remember how many years that I'm at home, by myself... so I put on a little mascara and splashed some color on my lips.... for a little while I felt the best I have in some time, but then the reality that I'll need to wipe it all off prior to my spouse coming home and that this is a rare occurance sank in.  I've been trying to read/watch things that could help empower me to get past this fear of how she will react when I tell her that I need to move forward with transitioning. Any good recommendations (would prefer non-religious ones)?? 

I hope everyone has a nice day

Hugs!!

[Alice_Sybilina]

@Lexa83if you are happy, your spouse will feel that. It radiates from you. I just dropped the bomb while she was waking up one morning. Not necessarily the best way for everyone. Sit down with her, ask her about her day, show her you love and care about her. Bring up the tic of happiness, making sure she knows you are happy with her, then let her know that there are a few things about yourself that you aren't happy with. She will ask. Tell her softly and with compassion because it's a scary thing to hear but you are taking your own happiness from her if you keep living in a half lie. 

[Alice_Sybilina]

*topic, not tic. Jeez

[Jackie C.]

Do not recommend opening with, "Surprise! You're a lesbian!"

 

Open and honest is the way to go though. She may take it poorly. She may not. My spouse was very accepting. My friends were more accepting. They were all, "Well, duh," and we got on with our evening.

 

I don't know your communication style, but go with that. Make it very clear that you're not looking to leave her for another relationship and that you love her no matter what. You might also consider having a bunch of answers ready for her inevitable questions. Besides that? Best of luck. We'll be here for you no matter how it goes.

 

Hugs!

[Heather Shay]

@Lexa83Dr. Z is a wonderful source and puts out a video weekly. Check this one out.

 

[Alice_Sybilina]

I didn't catch that you were already out to her. I feel you on where you are. My wife is supportive of me transitioning but I know what her concerns are and they are also mine. You're in a tight spot. I don't want to assume, but it seems like you in a place where you might have to just do what makes you happy and see how she reacts. She has a right to be unhappy about it, and you have a right to be happy being you. Life sometimes isn't fair. You should be stable enough in your head that if you two don't work out, you both deserve to be happy. And sometimes the solution isn't what you originally wanted. 

[KymmieL]

1 hour ago, Lexa83 said:

 is not of interest to her as it goes against everything she wants and believes in.

That is how my oldest son is. He says it is what he was taught while growing up. I don't believe that I was that way. You never know though as my true self was barred deep in my mind.

 

Kymmie

[Kara Zor-El]

1 hour ago, Shay said:

@Lexa83Dr. Z is a wonderful source and puts out a video weekly. Check this one out.

 

I love DR. Z and do subscribe to her mailing list so I get notified when she puts out new videos

[Kara Zor-El]

1 hour ago, Alice_Sybilina said:

I didn't catch that you were already out to her. I feel you on where you are. My wife is supportive of me transitioning but I know what her concerns are and they are also mine. You're in a tight spot. I don't want to assume, but it seems like you in a place where you might have to just do what makes you happy and see how she reacts. She has a right to be unhappy about it, and you have a right to be happy being you. Life sometimes isn't fair. You should be stable enough in your head that if you two don't work out, you both deserve to be happy. And sometimes the solution isn't what you originally wanted. 

I do agree that she has the right to be unhappy with me. Everything I read from her though, says she loves me anyways but it collides with what she was taught was "normal & acceptable" and she can't get past that. She needs and has admitting to needing therapy, we also could use some together. I've asked her to sit down and pick a therapist out with me but she works all the time and her schedule changes each week and she says she doesn't care who it is, but TRUST me, she does care. I end up feeling like if she can't do her own therapy, then there isn't much hope in us getting into therapy.  You're right and I realize inside myself that my real options are to do what would be best for my own mental health, but I just haven't found the willpower inside to say what is needed. I feel like I have Mt. Saint Helens inside me and it's close, very close.....

[Heather Shay]

Therapy is wonderful when you find the right therapist. My wife has finally come twice and both times it helped beyond my wildest dreams and broke me comfort as well. I need therapy to overcome a lifetime of denial but I'm opportimistic about our marriage of 28 years with my wife coming and talking honestly with my therapist AND being receptive to the session. My first wife so long ago didn't except any of her issues and that doomed our marriage because 100% of love given with 0% returned still equals zero chance of marriage being salvaged.

[JennaLSinclair]

On 7/16/2021 at 5:47 AM, Elizabeth Star said:

 I taught myself how to make chainmail with nothing more than a picture of it in my mind. My friends quickly dubbed it the "man's version of crochet". I made a lot of bikini tops and other women's ware. 

@Elizabeth Star

Do you still make chainmail women's wear? Asking for myself!

 

❤️

Jenna

[Vidanjali]

@Elizabeth Starprayers for you & your wife. ?❤️

 

@KymmieL what a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing. 

 

@RhondaS

 

@AgnesBardsie those rocks rock! I raise monarch butterflies (and several other species of butterfly) in my yard. The monarchs require special care and are dear creatures. Here are a few pictures. 

[Vidanjali]

1 hour ago, Vidanjali said:

@Elizabeth Starprayers for you & your wife. ?❤️

 

@KymmieL what a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing. 

 

@RhondaS

 

@AgnesBardsie those rocks rock! I raise monarch butterflies (and several other species of butterfly) in my yard. The monarchs require special care and are dear creatures. Here are a few pictures. 

 

Oops! Hit submit prematurely by accident. Here are butterfly photos! 

[Elizabeth Star]

1 hour ago, JennaLSinclair said:

On 7/16/2021 at 4:47 AM, Elizabeth Star said:

 

@Elizabeth Star

Do you still make chainmail women's wear? Asking for myself!

Yes I do. 

[Maddee]

3 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

 

Oops! Hit submit prematurely by accident. Here are butterfly photos! 

Raising butterflies looks like a wonderful thing to do with a yard ??

[Ivy]

1 hour ago, Maddee said:

  3 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

 

Oops! Hit submit prematurely by accident. Here are butterfly photos! 

This is so cool 

[Alice_Sybilina]

@Vidanjalithe more u learn about you the more unique and interesting, and amazing, you turn out to be. 

[Vidanjali]

Glad y'all enjoyed the butterfly pictures. ??? Here are two more for now, and I'll share pics of other species I raise later. After a monarch hatches, it has to hang to allow fluid to flow into its wings so they'll expand. It takes a few hours. Several monarchs hatched during tropical storm Eta in November, 2020. They got blown off their perches before their wings could expand. We went out during the storm and picked them out of the mud. Because they didn't hang properly, their wings were deformed. So, we kept several foster monarchs in enclosures in the house! Surprisingly, most of them rehabbed and were later able to fly. Here's a picture of some of the girls having their "enrichment time" outside & the boys having their breakfast, clementine orange juice. It was pretty cool caring for butterfly pets! 

[Vidanjali]

9 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

"Surprise! You're a lesbian!"

 

? There's a couple I'm friends with. Couple person A had always believed herself to be a lesbian, but lo and behold wound up marrying a "man". Then, couple person B discerned SHE was ready to transition. So, B did tell A: Turns out you were a lesbian all along. A was delighted to reclaim her lesbian status. ?

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Vidanjali said:

 

? There's a couple I'm friends with. Couple person A had always believed herself to be a lesbian, but lo and behold wound up marrying a "man". Then, couple person B discerned SHE was ready to transition. So, B did tell A: Turns out you were a lesbian all along. A was delighted to reclaim her lesbian status. ?

 

I've read about that happening. My spouse however, still considers herself straight despite all evidence to the contrary.

 

Hugs!

[Alice_Sybilina]

Yeah my wife identifies as straight and cis, but she also claims bi-, but really standoffish and hesitant about it. I thought I was confusing

[Willow]

That’s one thing my wife is most concerned about.  She does NOT want to be have Anyone thinking of her as a lesbian.  That’s perhaps her number one hang-up.  But we are Baby Boomers.  We grew up ultra conservative when it comes to members of the LGBTQI.  Ok be real we were taught the were bad.  Things always change. Certainly better for me now.

[Aggie1]

8 hours ago, Vidanjali said:

@AgnesBardsie those rocks rock! I raise monarch butterflies (and several other species of butterfly) in my yard. The monarchs require special care and are dear creatures. Here are a few pictures. 

I did a butterfly a couple of months ago. I’m blown away by these seemingly fragile creatures. I have heard they can migrate from Canada to Mexico, all settling down in the same patch of trees, even returning to the same plant they hatched on, even if they get blown off course. Their life cycle is incredible! Eggs, caterpillar, chrysalis, and butterfly. 
 

you have picked a fascinating hobby!

[MirandaB]

Daughter sent me a thank you gift for a weekend away....a pocketbook, since I've been complaining about the little or nonexistent pockets in women's clothes and we did shop for a pocketbook for part of the weekend. 

 

And got invited to a wedding out of the blue...but on zoom...gay couple but I'm not out to them as far as I know. 

[Elizabeth Star]

I starting to think that's my wife's issue too. She doesn't want anyone to think she's a lesbian by choice. It would explain why she felt the need to out me to our neighbors and constantly misgender me. On a side note, she does want to (if her health allows) to re-new our vows. What would that look like? I am "legally" female now so two dresses? I think even if I wore a tux, I would just look like a woman in a tuxedo.