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KymmieL

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Good morning everyone!

 

 A little cool again to start. I plan on taking a boat ride today.  I am almost finished sewing my “stack pack” which is a mainsail cover.  I sewed the zipper in yesterday so finishing the fore and aft hems and a way to feed it held down is all that’s left to do.

 

nothing much new this morning so I won’t just bore you by just babbling on about nothing in particular.  Have a great day.

 

Willow

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CallMeKeira

Good morning, all. My coffee is literally brewing and I have a Thanksgiving dinner to attend with family I have not seen in quite some time. I am nervous as heck (Covid-19 pandemic not helping matters). I will regrettably be presenting as male, but hopefully the family time balances out the discomfort. Cheers, and have an amazing and safe day, everyone! 💖

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Hope you all are doing well. Coffee was nice until it was gone. I limit myself to one pot a day. It doesn't do much after that for me. Hot tea is nice.

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QuestioningAmber

@CallMeKeira It is normal anymore to feel nervous seeing family between COVID and also hiding our true selves if they don't know yet. I hope you can enjoy their company and cherish the time that you are spending with them.

 

I am forgoing the trip to see family due to COVID (we are currently Level 4 or "Purple" on the color scale), so for my safety, the safety of my wife, and others, we are going to stay at home and do a nice pork shoulder roast as I don't really like turkey except when it is ground up to a 85/15 ratio.

 

Today has been a quiet, chill day which is kind of nice. I got into a random mood to start listening to Christmas Music, which I normally don't prior to Thanksgiving, but it is just calming for some reason. I just have to stop before the wife comes home as she works in retail, and is tired of hearing it all day, which I felt the same way when I worked retail.

 

I am dreading telling my family in Virginia though that we are going to cancel our trip down to see them though in two weeks because of the COVID threat level in both places aren't great, and I think we have a higher threat level.

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CallMeKeira

@QuestioningAmber The pork roast sounds delicious! I understand entirely about the concern with the threat level. And you rock that holiday music! 

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Good evening.

 

Boy @QuestioningAmber a pork roast does sound good. I don’t recall when we last had one. I just had dinner and you’ve made me hungry again.

 

So, we took the boat out.  Not a puff of wind anywhere so we motored.  Regardless of motor or sail sailboats don’t go real fast.  We went from home to Georgetown SC. About 10 or 12 nautical miles.  Docked at the city dock and had lunch at a restaurant we like.  Left the way we came, just retraced or path. So we had three perfect departures and three perfect docking.  Why three?  Well I had to drop my wife off at the marina where we live, and I went on without her to the marina where we keep our boat.  So the last departure and docking I was alone.

 

it was a perfect day except for the lack of wind. Not a cloud in the sky, 71 degrees and great company (the two of us and two lizards for entertainment)

 

Tomorrow we go to church together for the first time since Covid shut it down. I’ve been going to see how people would react.  Now my wife has decided to join me.  So happy about that.

 

Willow

 

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Well, Now I know my wife and I will not be together for much longer.  She volunteered to get new tires for our explorer. Larger than stock. I found some at Walmart at a good price. However there policy will not allow them to do it. So She  shows up about 1/2 way through my lunch. complaining about it. We argue in the store a little. then my youngest tries to get into it. He leaves we go out to her car.

we continue our argument out at her car. then it turns to me being transgender. I find I was right she didn't like the CSI New York. episode. She said when she saw the trans person she thought of me. I then find out she lied and she doesn't even want to try and understand me. She will not talk to anyone to try and learn anything about it.

She gives me the I don't do anything around the house crap. unfortunately some what true. We calm down an talk about trading in and getting another vehicle. almost like previous argument didn't happen. My lunch was over 2 hrs. 

I would leave right now. but I don't have a completely reliable vehicle. plus no job. We looked at a new ranger 4x4 yesterday. We are going to check more into it on Monday. It had more options and Equipment that at equally price F-150.

SO I may have more payments. But provided we get the truck. That is what I am leaving with.

She is still bitching about me going on the computer leaving her alone in the living room. She claims she falls asleep because I am not out there talking to her. She falls asleep even when I am talking to her.

 

Right now I am still on the verge of water works. And yes the S came to mind. It was fleeting but it was there.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

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@KymmieLI'm sorry things just aren't looking up for you right now. Please don't make any rash decisions while you're so down. 

 

All I can offer right now, is big digital HUG.

 

Mindy,

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  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.

Oh @KymmieL... I'm sorry your wife is being... let's go with difficult, the censor won't catch that. If she doesn't want to understand you it might be time to pull the plug. You can help people who want to be helped, but if they dig their feet in nothing is going to change their minds. You need to get out of there. The sooner you do, the sooner you can start healing.

You also need to remember that the waterworks are OK. They actually help a lot. There have been plenty of days where I just needed a good cry before I could face the world again.

 

Wishing you your new job sooner rather than later.

 

Hugs!

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@Willow So glad your wife is slowly coming around.

 

@KymmieL I'm sorry your wife can't and won't understand. Also, sometimes it is better to just know what is going on so you can do something about it. Not to make any sudden decisions, but to know where you stand and plan accordingly. Wishing too a new job very soon.

 

Here feeling pretty down today. Let's breathe through it and hope tomorrow is better.

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QuestioningAmber

@KymmieL I am sorry to hear that your wife isn't willing to come along for the ride. I won't pretend to know what it is like, but I am sure it is hard. I think you already know what the right answer is. The path to healing isn't going to be easy, but it is possible once the damage stops happening. The big "S" isn't a good thing, and that would raise alarms internally as it has for me here recently, that it is time for action before it becomes worst than fleeting thoughts. I hope you can find a way out of the neglect.

 

@Willow I am glad you and your wife were able to enjoy a day out on the water, that sounds nice. Enjoy church.

 

Today I had some trouble sleeping, I had some weird dreams about work, which made no sense. I am still not feeling great, but I am able to get through I think. Today I have some game time planned with my support group online, so that should be fun, playing board games online.

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@KymmieL I am so sorry and I can't imagine the pain.... Well actually I can from memories of my first marriage. I am hopefully with my current wife but those horror stories sit right on the edge of my brain. I wish you well and the only thing I can say is I remember being told to do your best but if it heads south remove yourself from the anguish.

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CallMeKeira

I am just here sipping coffee and playing a little xbox while my laundry washes before work. If anybody needs an ear to bend, I'm here.

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ElizabethStar

Kymmie,

 

I wish I had some magic word to make this better for you. You've mentioned the big S several times over the last few days and that makes me worry. I've been there, looking over the edge between life and death. I was loaded up on sleeping pills and If I had fallen asleep, well you know. It was then when I realized that I could do something. I could be myself. I realized I was letting the people and the world around dictate who I am. From that moment I vowed no one would stop me. What are they gonna do anyways? Beat me to death? I already studied that option. At least I wouldn't get stuck in-between for doing it myself.

 

My wife and I have several discussions about me transitioning over the last year. She doesn't like, I love her but she can jump off the train anytime she wants. I've  also made it extremely clear that if she makes thing too difficult  for me I will pack a bag and she can burn anything and everything I leave behind. We talk a lot more now. Our talks are a lot more calm and rational. But I tell her what's going on but I don't leave room for argument anymore. If I did things her way I would still be waiting or most likely, dead. Don't get me wrong, I am in love with my wife but I won't sell myself short or live in misery to make someone else happy.

 

I have a lot more feelings on this but I'll stop before I end up writing a book.

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Morning everyone. Sitting here drinking my morning motivational coffee. Planning on heading to the gym here in a little bit. 
 

@KymmieL I don’t know what I can say that everyone else hasn’t already. I’m so sorry your going through all this. We are all here for you if you need

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Kymmie:  I don't know if my experience would help at all but-

My wife and I split before I began any transition, or even considered it.  The split wasn't over gender issues (at least not directly) but it still tore me up.  We were married over 40 years.  I considered that "Big S" at the time myself.

However painful the split was, I discovered that it gave me the freedom to actually think of my own self, rather than "us".  It was only then that I was free to open that Pandora's Box and have a look at what was in it.

It was necessary for that clean break to happen, for me to be free to live as who I am now.

 

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Good morning 

 

well for a couple more minutes anyway.

 

I think there is something wrong with the phase of the moon.  When we stopped for lunch my wife was all we need to get the inboard engine fixed or replaced. And we need to fix up the inside and several other things.  
 

wow knock me over a month ago it was don’t spend any money on the boat get rid of it blah blah.

 

Then last night I get the i’ve had enough, I’m through.  
 

we’ve been married over 48 years.  I don’t want a divorce and most of the time, neither does she but she can’t accept that I am transgender.  She tries and sometimes she is good but when it’s bad it’s really bad.

 

We went to church together this morning she talked to several people she knows.  She thought they all looked puzzled about us.  Funny, these same people never gave me a second look when she wasn’t there.  Granted they are her acquaintances through women’s Bible study groups.

 

I asked her better same or worse than she had expected.  She answered about the same.  No clue where we are on the I’m through question.

 

Willow

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Just found a wonderful Jimi Hendrix quote when I wanted to find something inspiring for my THOUGHT OF THE DAY topic

 

Tube 'thought of the day': The station where it started - BBC News

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It’s rather amazing the things he did and wrote until the drugs got too bad.

 

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CallMeKeira

A bright soul, Hendrix was.

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Beautiful quote, Shay.

 

I am doing better today  than again I haven't seen the wife or son. They are cleaning out the truck to put it up for sale. I had to move my hair and boobs because I had hid them in a big box in the truck. 

 

Thank you all for the support.  I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you guys. I think that I will keep  looking for employment.  I know that even though I love her. I  so need to throw the hypocrite thought at her. I know she will say it is not the same.  But it is I stayed with her when I could have just left.  

 

Kymmie 

 

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  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.
2 hours ago, KymmieL said:

But it is I stayed with her when I could have just left.

 

Sunk cost. If she doesn't want to be with the actual you, she doesn't deserve you. Let her go.

 

Hugs!

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As much as I loved my ex, our relationship had become toxic.  Ending it was painful for sure, but that was the only way I could be free to explore the parts of me that had been put on hold for all those years.

In our case, we are still friends.  We get along better than when we were living together.

 

I sometimes joke that neither of us is "in want of a wife."

 

Kymmie, I hope things will come together for you, and you'll know what to do.

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