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JJ

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Fiona,

Have you tried seeing a chiropractor? A very close friend of mine suffered from migraines and chronic neck pain for years and saw around a dozen specialists who couldn't give him any answers. He eventually went to a chiropractor who took some x-rays which revealed a large offset in one of his cervical vertebrae which all the doctors had dismissed as nothing. After a few months of treatments his migraines have all but gone away along with his chronic neck pain. If the MDs can't seem to figure out what's going on with your neck/back it might be worth a shot. As a bonus a lot of insurance policies are covering chiropractic care now as well.

Kate

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An absolutely Beautiful day out here, really looking forward to going hiking with my dear sister Meg and her soul mate.

I wake up this morning realizing the less I think about gender and my body, the better off I am. I have many days where I don't think about any of this, then poof something triggers that ugly feeling, and we call it dysphoria. I wish I could control all the triggers, it's so sinister and sneaks up on you. I can't stand it, but the best thing is to NOT let it's terrible vortex get started in the first place, avoidance is something do I work on. I am just about fully recovered from the last bout, it happened just before my last E shot, when my levels were their lowest. I really do love myself, and their has to be an end to the pre-op dyshporic blues...

UGG

C -

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Guest Syd_UK

i am not getting a huge amount done today it has to be said.

(maybe get off the internet m8... )

.....

(the internet... time sucking vortex of doom and wonderful life enchancing device of entertainment and compansionship)..

sometimes i think to myself *insert blank space here*

the last time i had relations with a man i had to stop him for a moment to ask "who did your plastering ?"

this would have been something of a passion killer in most situations i feel. but it didnt bother him in the slightest.

in any case i hate being treated like a woman and the last time he called me i told him to take a hike. LOL. <3

luckily the last time i saw him he said somethng incredibly offensive so i didnt feel bad in the slightest.

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i am not getting a huge amount done today it has to be said.

(maybe get off the internet m8... )

.....

(the internet... time sucking vortex of doom and wonderful life enchancing device of entertainment and compansionship)..

sometimes i think to myself *insert blank space here*

the last time i had relations with a man i had to stop him for a moment to ask "who did your plastering ?"

this would have been something of a passion killer in most situations i feel. but it didnt bother him in the slightest.

in any case i hate being treated like a woman and the last time he called me i told him to take a hike. LOL. <3

luckily the last time i saw him he said somethng incredibly offensive so i didnt feel bad in the slightest.

Syd, you have no shortage of funny! I am rolling on the floor! Tears clear down to my jiggling jelly belly! Hug. JodyAnn

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Guest Syd_UK

thanks :D

i like your posts too, i was reading one of them yesterday but my memory is terrible so i cant remember what section it is in but you were saying something about you werent a postage stamp to be licked, sticked and... something.. LOL i thought that was brilliant :D

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I have to credit the phrase to my ex wife. What I can claim is a new intimate knowledge of how she felt and how well it applies to me today. It formed one of my female boundries.

When I let my gaurd down it changes to an old Motown song Mr Postman which I rewrote to the music. Basically asking the Postman to lick me, stick me and send me on my way. If it's good I come back around another day. Ending about being the favorite stamp in the collection. Giggle. I vacillate between good thoughts and bad, depending on the heat in my little teakettle. Blushing smile.

Her other famous line I loved; "I'm not easy, but could be obtainable." Most of my other pretzel logic I can claim as originally my own.

Hug. JodyAnn

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It's like dude

I just don't exist for your benefit and, don't wanna know...

C -

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I love my new sewing machine, fixed my favorite 3 layer skirt last night lickety split...

C -

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Diary of a passing encounter.

Just when you don't try to pass, you do, or at least to some degree, I'll just call it passing encounters....

Out for a walk on my electrolysis "grow out day" yesterday, no make up, I felt kinda grubby, just wearing jeans, light jacket that kinda hides the girls, and a blue sparkle cap that keeps my hair back.

I see three 20 something guys doing some landscaping work in a yard across the street, I don't really look their way and kind of keep any body language to a minimum, although I sense their eyes locking onto me, and then I hear it "excuse me, Ma'am", I think to myself is this me they want ? assessing the situation, I guess so no else around, before I can even react, a second attempt this time a little louder "excuse me Ma'am" I turn and smile to him this time, and he asks "do you have the time ?" a simple request, ok, In a quiet correctly pitched voice "no, I don't" smiling I tell him guesturing like I have no watch. He wishes me a good day and the other guy simply waves at me, innocent enough. No "weirdness" detected, file this encounter under "you passed at 30 feet" on your grubbiest day :)

Just real life

C -

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Certainly an encounter of the good kind! I've forgotten to shave and was amazed when idealized with a half full cart of groceries that nobody had given me a second glance. Perhaps i could be a bearded lady and still be a lady? I always was but now i'm giving a few more clues.

Those clues help all of us.

Your bravery going out regardless of how you look was certainly rewarded.

Hugs,

Charlize

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Guest Lara-Saphire

Oh how I long for to venture out as me......... I'm not ready now ..... but some day!!!!!!!

Lara

PS; My wife keeps giving me a nudge closer out the door :unsure::)

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Guest TGTrish

Molly,

Stay in touch with others, specifically those who understand and are sympathetic. Here at Laura's, find local support groups, friends you can trust.

Trish

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As I've posted before, I underdress with forms and carried a backpack type bag for my stuff. My wife got me this very nice 'Coach male backpack type bag' and tol me that "every girl deserves a Coach" :)

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Sitting at the doctor's office yesterday to pacify the wait, I read this months issue of Sport Diver.

They have an article on rash guards. I saw a pink and white one that I loved. Fifteen pounds more off my middle and I might look great in it too. That may be my reward prize to myself. I also thought of the guys here and the pictures also showed some that may appeal to anyone.

There was also a little snip-it article on a mermaid school in Montreal. Awww... I want to go there! As a little girl I always wanted to be one. All the Disney movies, then the movie Splash turned me fish scales with envy. I have no idea what it costs but it looks like great fun. Aqua Mermaid Academy I think, at the same name website. I want to be a purple one... Hug. JodyAnn

.

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Guest TGTrish

Oh Megan, sounds like you had a wonderful time. I have many memories from childhood trips in similar kinds of places. In fact, when I need a mental "safe place" to go to its from a childhood hike from Glacier Point down to the valley. (Yosemite National Park) Hang on to your wonder, peaceful memories!

Trish

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i am envious! Sounds like such a lovely time.

Hugs,

Charlize

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Today is my first mammogram, and It's time after 2 years 8 months of full strength estrogen treatment, doctor's orders. At my age the changes have been slow and steady, the girls look quite perky and fantastically beautiful these days, my hope they are as healthy on the inside as they are on the outside. This is but one step to ensure they are.

C -

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Good for you! Not to worry the boob fairy loves you.

It was a "right of passage" experience, the place I went was very professional and friendly. Beautiful quilts hung on the wall in the imaging room you can look at, while they contort your body parts to fit in the machine. Fancy bras encased on the wall of the changing room. The gal that did the imaging for me was soooo nice and pretty too. The only knod to "trans" was when she asked me if I was taking hormones, to which of course I answered affirmatively. I was treated just like the other ladies there, no difference that I could tell and that's the way it should be....

C -

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Fremont district gig last week with the jam band, I realized I'd arrived at a friendly place when the doorman putting on my wrist band was FTM. I run into 8 or so 30 somethings on the street (suburban types) after the gig carrying my axe and amp head, I start to go around them, and the guys in the pack just can't get their eyes off me, it's like dudes you must be tourists ? Back to my truck around the corner and I spot the crisp envelope on my windshield with a $ 53 parking ticket waiting inside, they are so aggressive down there, yeah the sign said 2 hour limit before 8 pm (what the heck, I get there at 6 ?), any door $$ I made from this show, just went out the window, that's life, great fun and sweat under the lights...

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    • Ashley0616
      Very pretty y'all. 4" heels is the max I can handle and not for long period of time. I don't see how women wear 5" and above. I love my feet. I sure don't want to punish them. 
    • Ashley0616
      Well just been doing a lot of self reflection and a lot of gender dysphoria that has caused me to break down. The realization has been that I'm a trial period for men and women don't even consider me. It's getting dim. I have put myself out there by force even when I didn't want to. I have one friend but still haven't seen her IRL yet. We talk on Sundays and it's always me that starts it. Another person only talks to me when they want something. It's never been hey how are you doing. It's almost a month to my birthday and it's all just my mom, sister, nephew that are coming. So much for a 40th birthday party. I hate these posts. I want to be optimistic, positive and cheerful but I haven't seen anything go my way. I'm making it by the skin of my teeth. I wished I could just go into a coma for a year or just not wake up. 
    • Ashley0616
      Sorry I have been absent a lot but I do read your posts though. 
    • Ashley0616
      @Michelle_S lol it took a year to get that many. It's nice to have a large number but having the thoughts of helping someone far outweigh the number of posts. I have been absent a lot lately. Back at it tomorrow though lol. 
    • Ashley0616
      I understand. I have the opposite problem. I'm really tall, my feet are size 13, I don't have any curves mostly but I do have breasts so at least I got that but I get stared at. I have tried dating to men I'm just a trial period and none of the women want to date me as a trans woman so I'm just stuck being single. I do have one friend and that's it. I'm right there with you about not being able to work. I haven't been able to come up with the money for any surgeries. I have a wealthy dream and disability IRL. If you want I can chat with you. 
    • KayC
      Will do @Michelle_S  sending you a text soon.  My apologies for not being in touch sooner
    • Ashley0616
      try to send me a message about it if you want.
    • Ivy
      Not sure I could handle 4" heels.  I do have some 2" ankle boots though.
    • Ivy
      When I got on HRT people remarked on how happy I was.  I had insisted that I was happy before, but now I realized I only thought so.
    • Birdie
      My new 4" heels I picked up today! 😘
    • Astrid
      One of the nicest confirmations for me was when the 'new me' felt absolutely normal. I had, like almost everyone, felt very excited with each new development. But 6 years in, it's wonderful just experiencing things, like HRT, as daily rituals that are simply part of my life.   I also am privileged to have experienced a feminine perspective these last six years. It confirms how unhappy I was earlier, and things like masculine privilege and mansplaining are so apparent to me now.    Kind regards,   Astrid 
    • missyjo
      pattern top from torrid plus sky high flared jeans..wedges  hugs
    • missyjo
      thanks dear. I plan to. team of docs n I listen to them. hugs
    • Ivy
    • VickySGV
      OK, I have several things that should be going for me, but really don't make much difference.  I have been on HRT since 2009 but my height is 5'11 and 230 pounds, not much up top and have never done facial hair removal sol without make-up it is old lady white on my face.  Every now and then I get someone with that weird look on their face but rarely get fully "clocked" as Trans unless I am in a bunch of Drag Queens  even without being in Drag.  For the most part though I simply no longer worry about misgendering and "do not hear it" if it happens, but if I hear too much I just leave the situation.   Your genetics are playing a big part in your life due to the height and inability to "Bulk UP".  That said, in ordinary daily life are you trying too hard to "man up?" so that your actions are exaggerated and not convincing.  A chip on the shoulder male will invite more trouble that one not trying so hard.  Do you know who you are?  Be that person and the gender is easier to pull off.  I am an overweight feminine dressing older lady with dyed red hair and some minorly atypical ability to take part in "male interests" hobby wise and I can be assertive in business issues.    I have two Trans Male acquaintances who could be your body doubles.  One is a true friend and has male traits of interest in people, a willingness to care and be straightforward in masculine behaviors, is a good listener and a whole lot of that stuff in him.  He gets an occasional "read" but sloughs it off and doesn't respond.  The other acquaintance will remain just that since he is screechy, thinks he is a celebrity in the community and the whole garbanzo.  He is about 49% likely to be misgendered and go off in a persons face when it happens and makes the rest of us wonder why we keep him around.    We are our own worst enemies when judging what we look like , absolutely the very worst, and we will call attention to what we see as flaws and out ourselves as I did often in my first years.  By now the problem children in my life have moved on and the rest simply know me as ME and as the result it does not matter if I pass or not.  Hard facts not positivity.  It will take you time, maybe more time than I have to be around, but when all else fails, lower your demands and expectations and it will happen.
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