Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Elizabeth Star]

Hard to believe this my last Monday morning in this house. To say stress levels are high is an understatement. Even our dogs have picked up on it and they're getting twitchy. I put it out there last night and asked my wife what she is going to do when we move. We don't really talk to the neighbors we have now but what if our new ones are friendly. What is she going to say about me? Is she going to dead name me and tell everyone I'm trans? "We'll cross that bridge when we get there". seemed a little vague for her answer. 

[Audrey]

1 hour ago, ElizabethStar said:

Hard to believe this my last Monday morning in this house. To say stress levels are high is an understatement. Even our dogs have picked up on it and they're getting twitchy. I put it out there last night and asked my wife what she is going to do when we move. We don't really talk to the neighbors we have now but what if our new ones are friendly. What is she going to say about me? Is she going to dead name me and tell everyone I'm trans? "We'll cross that bridge when we get there". seemed a little vague for her answer. 

Liz, I'm so sorry to hear that your wife is being so purposefully vague and adding to your stress right now. From what I've read in your other posts, this seems like a pattern for her. She accepts you, and yet it feels there's a grudge or resentment under the surface that she's holding on to for some reason that perhaps she hasn't expressed. It's like she can provoke anxiety to get you to do or say things a certain way. I wonder how she might react if you asked her why she gave you an unclear answer to a valid question. I'd hate for that to add to the already high stress, but you deserve clarity.

Wishing you the best with your move!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Willow]

@ElizabethStar this would be a perfect time to j

[Willow]

Now how did that happen!  
 

any way I was saying a perfect time to just be Liz. The problem becomes if your wife isn’t ready for that.  It is definitely Hard for her since she either has to tell everyone you are trans or let them think you are lesbians 

 

But I’m sure you are both looking forward to the new house .  It’s always a bit of work but it’s a work of love. 
 

willow

[Abi]

    Good morning all. Many of you know I do not like going out in public. I have plenty of reasons for that but, I go out as necessary. I wanted to submit one of my latch hooks to the framer so I can hang it in my house. As I was approaching, there was an older woman and myself, walking towards the door. She was clearly slow with age and I was patiently letting her get to the door first. The store had a bell ringer there. I find that interesting. I can't remember the last time I had change in a pocket to give or I would happily donate. Anyway, the gentleman opened the door and said, "Right this way, ladies." It really made me feel good. I wasn't even dressed in a particularly feminine way. I just had a purple beanie and my butterfly mask on. My hair is getting longer now. It's almost resting on my shoulders. 

     Yesterday, I had to go get some groceries. I try to make these kinds of visits quick. It gets very congested at times and I prefer needing binoculars to see the closest person to me. Anxiety runs high when I make these trips. I was walking along getting my things and an elderly woman stops me and says, "Can you help me dear?" I get uncomfortable having conversations with strangers because of my voice. I did my best to pitch my voice right and asked what she needed. She walks me around the corner of the isle to a guy in a motorized wheelchair and looks at him. She said, " I found someone tall enough, she can help." I practically felt tears welling in my eyes. I asked what he needed and he pointed it out. I grabbed it for him and he said thanks. I was happy to be some help. 

    It's strange to get treated nicely and be seen how I wish to be seen by others. I am not used to it. I also do not expect that since I hardly see it when I actually get brave and look in the mirror. I have been trying to work on the social aspect of transition and forming a better understanding of how I see myself in the day to day interactions I have with others. I have yet to start the medical end of transition and just don't expect these kinds of polite affirming moments. I enjoyed the feeling but, I doubt this is going to make me start going out more. I really like my "me time".

[Heather Shay]

@ElizabethStar crossing bridges is better than burning them. Hang in there. You are so special and you will cross the bridge and find joy on the other side. 

[Ann W]

That's cool @Abi, I can relate about going out.  I always shop at the 24 hour grocery store so I can go at weird hours when no one is there.  Getting made as female always gives me a bit of a high, and you got two in a row...snap!

 

@ElizabethStarI'm happy for your new house...I wish I were close enough to help you move (but secretly glad I'm not).  It does seem like a good time to further affirm your identity.  I hope it works out that way.

[Mmindy]

Good afternoon everyone,

 

@WillowI've had those moments where the laptop touch pad is set to sensitive, the cursor is over the submit tab, and a simple wave of the hand posts my comments.

 

@Abithat's great that you're starting to get read as the person you want to be.

 

@ElizabethStarI'm happy for you and your wife taking on a new house and neighborhood. I agree with @Audreyyou deserve a clear answer, and your wife should not out you as transgender or lesbian. Today's communities are use to having partners in a relationships moving in. I think the #LGBTQ stigma is easing here in the America. Will they give you the side eye at first? Sure who doesn't. Just smile and wave. I don't care who you are when you walk or drive past my house, I'm going to wave at you. You may not wave back the first couple of time, but I promise it's not going to stop me from waving. I know I'll wear you down and then you'll wave back at me as a programed trigger response. Be the happy person first to be welcoming. Your dogs will also help break the ice with others.

 

Hugs, (masked)

 

Mindy???

[Tori M]

@Abi, what terrific experiences!  Am so happy for you I almost got tears myself reading about it.  Those little moments are so encouraging to our spirit.  Keep climbing girl, you can do this!

Tori

[Audrey]

10 hours ago, Abi said:

 the gentleman opened the door and said, "Right this way, ladies." It really made me feel good.  

 ...

She said, " I found someone tall enough, she can help." I practically felt tears welling in my eyes.

Abi, I'm just so happy for you - hearing about joys like these makes my heart melt. ?

I look forward to moments like this in my future. I'm remembering what one friend said recently about doing a Zoom and watching a holiday movie together with the other girls... I felt so included.

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Elizabeth Star]

Thanks everyone. I will be introducing myself as Elizabeth to the neighbors when the time comes. As far as my wife, one of my good friends, who will only a few mile away, is looking forward to hanging out with us. She's also one of my biggest supporters and has volunteered to have a sit-down with my wife if needed. She's really sweet, cis-hetero  but hangs on the fringes of the LGBT community. Personally I'm OK with the lesbian label, don't think my wife's ever, probably never, though of herself that way.

 

I spoke with my mother-in-law earlier. Right off the bat she said she had some clothes I might like and come get them whenever I'm in the area. I drive past their house on my way to and from work everyday. So maybe tomorrow. Than at Christmas...we'll I can't be rude...I have wear some of the clothes. Right? I was asked to tone myself down for the event but now I think that's all changed. It seems my mother-in-law is OK with me and maybe ease some of my wife's fears.

 

@AbiI really happy that your outing to the store went so well. It's such a great feeling when peoples see the real you.❤️

4 hours ago, Audrey said:

I'm remembering what one friend said recently about doing a Zoom and watching a holiday movie together with the other girls... I felt so included.

 

❤️

 

 

[Emily michelle]

We just got new neighbors ourselves I was planning on introducing myself as Emily but they are never out and they don’t even wave.

 

Thats awesome that your mother in law says she has some clothes for you it doesn’t get that much more accepting than that.

[KymmieL]

5 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

 Personally I'm OK with the lesbian label, don't think my wife's ever, probably never, though of herself that way.

That is part of the problem with my wife. She is so hooked on markers. I do consider myself a lesbian. I am a girl who likes girls.

 

Yesterday at work came out officially to another employee. He took it with a grain of salt. Like it was no big thing. Just said Oh, OK and went back to our normal day. I wish all people we ever had to deal with was that way. Our lives would be so much easier.

 

Kymmie

[Jackie C.]

That sounds lovely @ElizabethStar. I had a new friend group earlier this year (I still have them, but they're less new) that only knew me as Robyn, a woman. It was lovely. I gave that up when one of them came out as trans too (because we support our friends. No matter what), but they've taken it all in stride.

Starting over somewhere as just me without the baggage sounds really nice.

 

I'm OK with the lesbian label too. Sometimes kind of loudly. I've got a couple of really pretty shirts that literally proclaim me a lesbian in bright, happy colors. My spouse is getting there. Someday <sigh>.

 

Hugs!

[Abi]

I didn't sleep so great last night but, the coffee is good this morning. 

@Ann WIf I had my way, I would get all of my groceries delivered still but, the extra cost of delivery and tips is something I can't afford. My store is open all day but, I don't like going to the store late night. 

@ElizabethStarI hope you are settling in to your new house. It's good to have a fresh start with new neighbors. I hope the support you feel continues to grow with your family. That's really helpful I'm sure. 

@Tori M The part of this experience that I liked the most is that I wasn't even trying to present any specific image or worrying about the people around me. I was just in my own little world doing what I needed to do for me.

[Kiara]

It's so heartwarming to hear everyone's positive stories! I honestly need reminding that not every stranger is a horrible human. It's difficult when you read stories and see the news and it's so full of hate and violence and no one seems to care. Every step I take towards being myself is one step closer to potential discrimination or worse. I'm so grateful for my partners and their continued love and support.

 

On 12/14/2020 at 8:05 AM, Abi said:

    Good morning all. Many of you know I do not like going out in public. I have plenty of reasons for that but, I go out as necessary. I wanted to submit one of my latch hooks to the framer so I can hang it in my house. As I was approaching, there was an older woman and myself, walking towards the door. She was clearly slow with age and I was patiently letting her get to the door first. The store had a bell ringer there. I find that interesting. I can't remember the last time I had change in a pocket to give or I would happily donate. Anyway, the gentleman opened the door and said, "Right this way, ladies." It really made me feel good. I wasn't even dressed in a particularly feminine way. I just had a purple beanie and my butterfly mask on. My hair is getting longer now. It's almost resting on my shoulders. 

     Yesterday, I had to go get some groceries. I try to make these kinds of visits quick. It gets very congested at times and I prefer needing binoculars to see the closest person to me. Anxiety runs high when I make these trips. I was walking along getting my things and an elderly woman stops me and says, "Can you help me dear?" I get uncomfortable having conversations with strangers because of my voice. I did my best to pitch my voice right and asked what she needed. She walks me around the corner of the isle to a guy in a motorized wheelchair and looks at him. She said, " I found someone tall enough, she can help." I practically felt tears welling in my eyes. I asked what he needed and he pointed it out. I grabbed it for him and he said thanks. I was happy to be some help. 

    It's strange to get treated nicely and be seen how I wish to be seen by others. I am not used to it. I also do not expect that since I hardly see it when I actually get brave and look in the mirror. I have been trying to work on the social aspect of transition and forming a better understanding of how I see myself in the day to day interactions I have with others. I have yet to start the medical end of transition and just don't expect these kinds of polite affirming moments. I enjoyed the feeling but, I doubt this is going to make me start going out more. I really like my "me time".

 

I don't go out unless I have to these days as well. I used to do all the food shopping, but once the pandemic started I just couldn't bring myself to go. I'm mixed race one of them being Asian and I'd like to think people in my area wouldn't be ignorant/racist, but I didn't want to find out. I can't imagine being in the process of transition on top of that and knowing there's a high chance of people treating you poorly because of it. I'm so happy you had such positive experiences, but I totally understand wanting to keep your "me time." 

 

12 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

We just got new neighbors ourselves I was planning on introducing myself as Emily but they are never out and they don’t even wave.

 

I'm guilty of being one of those neighbors! Years of social isolation followed by constant moving has just made me into a heavily introverted and shy person. Where I live now is longest I've stayed in one spot since I was forced to leave my childhood home. I know my neighbors now and I try to make the effort to talk to them when I see them. Still, I find normal social interaction incredibly difficult and just tend to keep to myself most of the time.

Hopefully they are nice people who just want to keep to themselves. Every neighborhood has a different social structure. I've lived in places where neighbors didn't talk to each other at all unless they had to. The neighborhood I grew up in a very gossipy and my best friend's was very friendly and supportive. Everywhere is different even in the same town.

 

[JustineM]

I guess I crashed out pretty hard last night, so the coffee this morning was especially excellent, and kinda needed. Sitting in my truck at work at the moment, so far ahead of schedule I have to stop for a few minutes lol. 
 

@ElizabethStar so happy to hear your MiL supports you. Maybe that will help your wife too? 

@KymmieL that’s awesome that your co-worker accepted you. I wish it was always that way

[TTheta]

Morning all! ah- I have like three tests to complete today, so I guess I better start now rather than later. 

[Mmindy]

Good afternoon from the western edge of the eastern time zone. The clock says Afternoon, the COVID-19 body says, it's a dark sick day. I'm maintaining fluids, and medications, which includes HOT, black, and strong coffee.

 

@Aidan5good luck with your testing today, now is better than later. This is advice from an OldGal who once led the Procrastination Team believing that nothing gets done until the last minute. Stay motivated and you can do whatever you dream.

 

Masked Hugs for everyone,

 

Mindy???

[Heather Shay]

@MmindyPlease be carefully and hunker down girl - you are WAY TOO IMPORTANT.

[Bri2020]

@Abiwhat a wonderful experience.

@ElizabethStarwork that MiL angle and it may help with your wife, good luck with the move.  I had our first new neighbors moving into our quad 2 months ago from France and I introduced myself to them as Bri is it was wonderful. They didn't blink an eye and have been so nice.

 

On the flip side, I was really feeling the need to do myself up today, it's been a hard week. So hair done, makeup done and said to hell with it, I can rock the bodycon dress I've had in the back of the closet. Couple that with the new knee high riding boots and bam, I look good. lol

So i'm outside my business on the sidewalk with my mask off having a bite to eat when a younger african american man walks up behind me and does the classic line "How you doin" as he walks by hoping for a response. So I turned my head to acknowledge him and he lets out a "What the #)$$* man!"  It's electrolysis day later so I'm sporting facial hair and obviously he's a bit pissed and embarrassed for hitting on a "man".  He walked off a bit faster but I could hear him cussing and occasionally looking back. I got a little concerned about safety at that point and headed back into the shop.  I'm not sure if i was upset at being clocks or amused by his uncomfortableness but I hated that I was also a bit afraid.  At least he thought I was hot from behind though right ?  

[Ann W]

1 hour ago, Bri2020 said:

So I turned my head to acknowledge him and he lets out a "What the #)$$* man!" 

Oh god, I laughed so hard at that.  I know feeling safe can be dicey, but that used to happen to me a lot.  I always had long hair and wore girls pants, so I saw a lot of guys driving by snap their heads forward and lose the grin in a nano second.

[Bri2020]

1 hour ago, Ann W said:

Oh god, I laughed so hard at that.  I know feeling safe can be dicey, but that used to happen to me a lot.  I always had long hair and wore girls pants, so I saw a lot of guys driving by snap their heads forward and lose the grin in a nano second.

I've had a few say some nice things or just stare but no one started cussing about it.  But then again, I do look good today . 

[Mmindy]

Thank you @Shay I'm doing my best to stay down and rest.

 

@Bri2020Your hair is fabulous, the Sunshine makes this picture perfect. Being able to turn the heads of younger people is great, especially when you can give them that "What the #)$$* man!" moment. Retreating back into the shop was probably a wise idea, however you know he'll always remember that moment and smile too.

 

Take care everyone,

 

Mindy???

[Heather Shay]

@Bri2020 You hair and body look awesome