Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Audrey]

Good morning everyone!

 

Snow scene in the park outside this morning. Still some flurries here in NYC. Looks like we got about a foot of snow overnight. It's so beautiful and so quiet outside!

Feeling like two cups of coffee are in order today. Have a fabulous day everyone!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Elizabeth Star]

1 hour ago, Audrey said:

Good morning everyone!

 

Snow scene in the park outside this morning. Still some flurries here in NYC. Looks like we got about a foot of snow overnight. It's so beautiful and so quiet outside!

Feeling like two cups of coffee are in order today. Have a fabulous day everyone!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

❤️

[Willow]

Good morning everyone 

 

 

get your coffee and have a seat at the kitchen table.

 

social distance is presumed.  

 

My name is Willow, I am transgender and my preferred pronouns are she her.
 

new house, new life.  New president, new ally.  New year, new hope.  New vaccine, new life. 
 

it’s only a couple days away and I still can’t decide if it’s safe to go to my daughters home for Christmas.  We wear masks, we sanitize after any possible contact like credit card payments.  I will have to stop once for gas and to eat twice.  Who knows how many times for bodily functions.  That’s the worst part.  I usually travel as Willow but not this time.  Willow isn’t going.

 

that’s ok with me.  Even though everyone knows about me, it was just requested that she stay home.  I don’t think my daughter likes Willow so much although she’s never said anything negative just doesn’t say anything.  My oldest granddaughter has left it alone I suppose because I asked her to.  The younger doesn’t know yet but will be told before Christmas.  Her birthday is January 2nd then we have to come home.  I have a pre-op surgery approval dr appointment, followed by my monthly therapist, then pre-op testing.

 

My only concern is not the surgery but the environment.  Being in a hospital even for a few hours is concerning to me right now.

 

that’s all for me.  Who wants to be next?

 

Hugs 

 

Willow

 

 

[Ivy]

2 hours ago, Willow said:

  Even though everyone knows about me, it was just requested that she stay home.  I don’t think my daughter likes Willow so much although she’s never said anything negative just doesn’t say anything.

I had a similar situation at my daughter's wedding.  It wasn't an easy choice, but I did what she wanted.

 

I always loved the look of a fresh snowfall in a forest.

[Bri2020]

Congrats on your home @ElizabethStar!  

@KymmieLgood luck with the various job prospects.  Be careful about letters to kids. Even if your wife pushed you away, since the kids will be staying with her you don't want to foster resentment for their mother, it's sometimes better to take an approach of "we just couldn't be together anymore" so they don't take sides. It is possible she pushes her narrative but down the line when they are older, they will see the reality. (or you can explain it more then).  Just my opinion since I've been down this road when I was pushed out by my ex when I was hospitalized with depression and the kids were young. They know now what a -crap- move that was by her but I knew if I told them when they still lived with her that it would become a mess in their lives.

 

Well, the snow transitioned to rain and ice here which made for a lot of work clearing walkways. However, when it was just about to transition (no pun intended) the flakes where almost the size of my palm for about an hour. It was amazing.

[Bri2020]

On 12/15/2020 at 2:10 PM, Shay said:

@Bri2020 You hair and body look awesome

Thank you. I can't wait to "grow" into that bra more. It's a full B but I have two sets of pads in it since I'm just an A at best right now. Otherwise it becomes "flat" lol

Your obsession with my hair cracks me up

This dress kinda blew my wife's mind a bit.  I've had it for 3 months but didn't feel ready both physically (still had a bit of tummy and hiding lower parts was more challenging then) and emotionally then but I finally had the confidence to wear it.  I always check in with her about my fashion choices to make sure I'm not making a poor decision. She approved so off to work I went. When I got home she said " I do have to tell you, that va va room look threw me a bit.  I seriously had to process because there's no denying what you've become when you went out in that dress".  She was good with it, but it was one of those moments.  I felt so good by the end of the day about my choice to transition.  Even with some of the challenges that day. Taking that fashion step was a psychological leap forward. 

 

[Mmindy]

@WillowBe very careful with your holiday travels. I'm sure you'll be fine with the family social distancing and gender related conversations. My concern for you is the actual road trip contact surfaces. I don't know where my drop in hygiene care exposed me to the COVID-19 during my 10 hour road trip from Atlanta, GA to Indy happened. My business partner and I shared the front seat of a pickup truck for that 10 hours and he has tested negative two times since we got back. Please be hyper vigilant while you and your wife travel.

 

Hugs, (masked)

 

Mindy???

[Willow]

@Mmindy thanks for your concern.  There will be three of use in the car, myself, my wife and our dog so the concern will be stops for sure.  North Carolina is worse than South Carolina.  Virginia is worse in places not in others. The trick is those necessary stops. Guess I’ll be taking my surgical gloves on top of everything else.  I sure can’t afford getting it.  Age plus other medical conditions for both myself and my wife.  I’m not entirely comfortable going but I promised I would.  Tough spot.  I’ll keep you posted.

 

Thanks

 

Willow

[Elizabeth Star]

Trying to move furniture and boxes with boobs, not fun. I got self-induced ouchies.

 

At our new place have to repair about 110ft of fence. It's a broken down mixture of random fence types, I can't look at it. Anyways I had to goto Home Depot. Wife was insisting that I took her brother. I think we still have trust issues. Normally I would argue with him about what was needed for a project. When we get there I just let him take control of the situation. I told him what I needed and he led me there and loaded my cart. He pushed the cart and even loaded it in my truck without me even asking. Is this what it's like to be treated like a woman?

[MirandaB]

Sounds like my relationship with my brother in law. He does stuff that's more typically male that I'm no good at, plus is a large bulky human.  He supposedly is the one that figured out what was troubling his sister in law that she wasn't sharing, must have been all the time we've needed him for help around the house. 

[Jackie C.]

8 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

Is this what it's like to be treated like a woman?

 

More or less, yeah. Without a guy around you might have had trouble with the staff too thinking that a delicate little thing like yourself couldn't possibly know about wood and nails. Maybe stain. I have no idea what your fence plans are. I just have a storm fence that came with the house.

 

Anyway, the point being that in MAN spaces, the woman will be considered secondary to the MAN present unless the other people in the space know that the woman is "One of the Guys." If that makes sense. Welcome to womanhood!

 

Hugs!

[Bri2020]

8 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

He pushed the cart and even loaded it in my truck without me even asking. Is this what it's like to be treated like a woman?

I need a brother in law like that!  Mine is half as strong as me and is a linguist nerd who is no help with the physical world. lol. Not that I need help mind you, Home depot has always been my second home sort to speak.  When I started presenting full time and then medically transitioning it was a place that gave me some dread going into.   I always went with someone out of a bit of fear.  Yesterday I went alone just to pick up a few thing christmas related things and a bag of ice melt.  ( I might be a little xmas decoration obsessed. Clark Griswold has nothing on me...) A very nice young man came rushing "to my aid" when he saw me wheeling out the big bag of ice melt to help me load it.  For the first time I just squeaked out a thank you and let him. Felt pretty weird since I knew it wouldn't be hard for me to lift it.  I did manage to get it in the cart by myself after all   The question is: Was the chivalry an age thing or a gender thing?  Oh well, I better get use to both.

 

[Bri2020]

13 hours ago, Willow said:

 Virginia is worse in places not in others. 

 

Thanks

 

Willow

Compared to most places VA isn't bad.  The real trouble is on the border of KY and Tenn.  Of course, you will be travelling major highways and rest stops are full of people from everywhere.  Up here in NoVA almost everyone is wearing masks and 100% are inside public spaces so it's pretty safe.  It is picking up here as well though.  Every day another person I know either tests positive or has been "contact' traced to an exposure.  I have a pretty big group of people I know because of my business's customer base though.  Won't be long before they lock us down up here.  

I know family has expectations but if you don't feel comfortable and have risks, stay home.  I told my kids to stay in their respective cities this year. We can make up for missing the holidays this summer.

One of the things this Covid world is teaching me is to be more attentive to my friends and family outside of special occasions.  

[Audrey]

9 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

Trying to move furniture and boxes with boobs, not fun. I got self-induced ouchies.

I had a moment like this the other day when I bumped up against something and thought, that was more painful than it used to be. I was sort of giddy though, I thought - my girls are slowly waking up!

 

Hearing these stories of being treated differently is giving me a lot to think about as my transition progresses. In a way I'm looking forward to having them happen to me since it'll be a sign that I'm passing and that's one of my big anxieties right now. But in another way I'm mentally preparing myself not to overreact and embrace it as part of my social transition. I can foresee it happening with technology setup and troubleshooting, like how could I possibly know how to handle that?

 

Happy Friday everyone!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Elizabeth Star]

2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Anyway, the point being that in MAN spaces, the woman will be considered secondary to the MAN present unless the other people in the space know that the woman is "One of the Guys." If that makes sense. Welcome to womanhood!

It makes perfect sense. I'm used to having my facts questioned or ignored especially in guy spaces. I would try to argue my case as to why I'm right and there's a better way to do whatever. Now I just sit back, eat popcorn and watch the show.

2 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

Felt pretty weird since I knew it wouldn't be hard for me to lift it.  I did manage to get it in the cart by myself after all   The question is: Was the chivalry an age thing or a gender thing?  Oh well, I better get use to both.

 

I think it's a gender thing. Rarely did anyone ever ask me If  I need help even when I obviously did. Now it happens quite often. I'm getting better at accepting the help especially with heavy things whether I need it or not. I'd rather perpetuate the need for chivalry than break a nail and I'm sure it makes the guys fells better, like their doing something useful.

[Elizabeth Star]

1 hour ago, Audrey said:

I can foresee it happening with technology setup and troubleshooting, like how could I possibly know how to handle that?

 

I do a lot of trouble shooting over the phone. We try to help our customer fix their alarms over the phone when possible since we don't charge for it. My interaction have changed a bit. The women are more understanding, receptive and less defensive when they realize they're talking to another woman who is just trying to help. The guys are different to. They've usually waited so long to fix the problem that the non-stop beeping has driven them half insane and they want to yell about it. Sometimes they get me on the phone. I always try to be  calm, rational and talk in a soothing manner. It is a skill giving guys tech support and not bruising their fragile egos. But there are the other extremes. Some women won't listen because if they can't figure it out there's no way another woman possibly could.  And then there's the boys club.  Even though I've been doing this for almost 20 years they won't talk to a girl. Only a "service guy" has the correct answers.

[Willow]

Good morning 

 

last of the coffee was made this morning.  Perfect considering the plan is to leave tomorrow for our daughters home.

 

@Bri2020 we lived in Centreville from 1983-2005 then moved out to Stephens City until 2016.  Frederick County is a low incidence location.  BUT our 16 year old granddaughter works in a restaurant and our daughter is the nursing supervisor at the hospital in Warrenton.   Both at risk.  We will travel I95 to Fredericksburg then rt 17 west.   We will likely stop three times on 95. That’s what concerns me.  
 

@ElizabethStar I bumped my baby boobies doing some work on my boat.  Nearly saw stars.   Being older it doesn’t matter which mode of dress I’m in at Home Depot I get offered help.  But I’m sure I would be given strange looks or she can’t know anything looks in girl mode in lumber or hardware.

 

looks like a nice day here today. Sunny clear sky.  The problem is that it will continue to be unusually chilly.  You move south to be warm.  This is wrong!

 

ok should have moved further south but then it’s too hot. Cant win.

 

got lots to do before we can leave

 

hugs 

 

Willow

 

[Audrey]

Thank you for sharing your experiences, Liz! My mind is going to be tuned in to nuances like this in my interactions, especially as I get better at my speaking voice and while we're still working remotely most of the time. The first few times being called "ma'am" and "miss" by complete strangers on the phone were so very affirming. It also got me thinking about mansplaining and how I'll feel when it happens.

 

I work in a female-dominated profession (85%-ish, last time I read), and nearly all of my coworkers are women, so I feel like in some ways my transition at work will actually be a lot easier than I think when I come out. But will I still reach all the stuff on high shelves and solve all the tech issues at work? Probably. It's the clients that I worry more about.

 

Safe travels, @Willow! Snow is still very pretty outside here in NYC, but now that everyone's had a chance to go walk and play in it, it's not as pristine as yesterday morning. Also the sidewalks and streets are now a greyish-brown, salt and de-icer covered mess that'll ruin my favorite wellie boots in a second.

 

Have a wonderful day everyone!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[KathyLauren]

12 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

he led me there and loaded my cart. He pushed the cart and even loaded it in my truck without me even asking. Is this what it's like to be treated like a woman?

 

Pretty much, yes.  I try not to over-analyze it.  I just have fun with it. 

 

The first time I went to Home Depot to get lumber since I started presenting as Kathy, I drove into the drive-thru lumber yard, found what I needed and started loading the lumber onto the roof of my car.  I'd done it a million times as him, and didn't think twice about it.  Out of nowhere, a helpful guy in an orange apron appeared and started loading for me.  That never happened when I was presenting as male.  You couldn't find one of those guys before! 

 

I went home and had a good laugh about it with my wife.

 

2 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

I always try to be  calm, rational and talk in a soothing manner. It is a skill giving guys tech support and not bruising their fragile egos.

 

Isn't it, though! 

 

[Heather Shay]

I have been working with 2 apps.  Voice pitch analyzer and voice tools and I now rate 99-100% female when reading the "rainbow" paragraphs. I guess it is time to start trying to make calls to stores again and see if I can get any m'mams. I tried several months ago and couldn't get any pronouns. 

Does anyone have any suggestions how to suggest a pronoun answer from a clerk?

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Shay said:

Does anyone have any suggestions how to suggest a pronoun answer from a clerk?

 

Hrm, not that aren't against site rules. Apparently I have a filthy mind.

 

Hugs!

[Audrey]

1 hour ago, Shay said:

Does anyone have any suggestions how to suggest a pronoun answer from a clerk?

I find that yes/no questions often get a title after them. I'll have to check out those apps as well!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Heather Shay]

Sorry I was thinking of maybe something asking about what my boyfriend or husband might like. But that is probably too leading to get a response I want.

[Heather Shay]

@Audrey thank you. Good suggestions. Those apps are free by the way.

[Bri2020]

1 hour ago, Shay said:

I have been working with 2 apps.  Voice pitch analyzer and voice tools and I now rate 99-100% female when reading the "rainbow" paragraphs. I guess it is time to start trying to make calls to stores again and see if I can get any m'mams. I tried several months ago and couldn't get any pronouns. 

Does anyone have any suggestions how to suggest a pronoun answer from a clerk?

Have a question for the clerk in mind, then go up to them and say "excuse me". wait for them to respond. Good customer service reps are polite and will will respond "yes "insert pronoun" , how can I help you "