Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Jamie68]

20 hours ago, Linda Marie said:

So I'm sitting here today wondering where my future is. I've completed all my obligations, went through

so much hell the past 20 years, and I just can't stop, I'm not complete yet. 

I'm sick of gluing my breast on and tucking myself. I want breast implants, and genital surgery.

My insurance covers it, my wife can't have sex anyway, so what's the problem with me having surgery?

Her!! She feels it is the end and I will leave her. Honestly, that is really how she feels, she told me.

I told her I'm not going anywhere unless she askes me to.

I will have to start over with all the counseling again, get approval and set up surgery date, 1 year of it for my insurance to pay.

I figure why not, not doing much anyway but dreaming and wishing, and all know I'm going to do it anyway, so

here goes, the next round of talks with the spouse. I'm not looking forward to it, but at the same time I am.

I have been using my age as a reason not to go through with it, but now am ready.

I just sent in papers to a surgeon in Chicago to get registered. When I called them to see if they were in network for insurance, they said yes but there is a 1.5 - 2 year waiting list. You might want to check with the surgeon in your area also. There was also a $100 fee for the initial visit. Hope it goes well for you.

Jamie

[Jani]

19 hours ago, Jandi said:

Out of curiosity, how was their recovery?

They were good as was mine.  One has had a little nerve over-stimulation that is being addressed soon. (that's how I describe it)  They are both active and busy in life.  

[Bri2020]

7 hours ago, Heather Nicole said:

It's technically Saturday here now, but for me it's still the late tail end of Friday night. It's been...quite a day. My mom spent about a year and a half battling pancreatic cancer, which runs in the family. Today was the day my brother, sister and I were forced to have her put into hospice. A complicated day.

 

Could also use to have the trans trademark self-doubt and impostor syndrome tuned down a notch or two. It's like, you think you've finally figured yourself out, a few times, and then inertia comes along and tells the brain, "Nope, still cis!"

Good luck Dear,

Don't worry too much about saying stupid stuff, everyone does. She will just know you are there and that's all that matters.

Yea, when life gets stressed it tends to make us doubt a lot of things, even in the non-trans world so just know that's normal.  Advice I got once and try to implement in my life is when you are going through major life events like this, don't put too much stock in your thoughts or make life decisions. Just be there in the moment, and once you pass through that crisis, give yourself plenty of time to process it before trusting you thoughts/life decisions.  We are here for you, just reach out to let us know how you are feeling or what you need

Hugs

[Ivy]

7 hours ago, Heather Nicole said:

Today was the day my brother, sister and I were forced to have her put into hospice. A complicated day.

Sorry to hear this. We've had family in Hospice, and it's hard.

[CD Rachel]

@Heather Nicole I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I am sure that knowing that her children are there for her goes far in easing her pain.

 

 

[SheenaT]

On 3/17/2021 at 12:58 AM, Jamie68 said:

Good news about the counselling. Family counselling helped me when We had problems years ago. I haven't had any negative changes from transitioning. I'm a better person now. And what's wrong about being a fashionista? I could definitely use some help with women's fashion, LOL.

?

[SheenaT]

1 hour ago, Jandi said:

Sorry to hear this. We've had family in Hospice, and it's hard.

??

[CD Rachel]

 

I am wound up tight right now. I have received my orders and fly out to the west coast on Monday. I have never been comfortable flying and my anxiety goes up just leaving the house to go to the market. At least Paso Robles is a place that i have been before and I can find my way around. Also these 5 day TDY throw my internal clock out of wack so I will probably be a zombie for the next two weeks.

 

Ok, griping over onward with life.

 

 

Rachel

 

[SheenaT]

1 hour ago, CD Rachel said:

 

I am wound up tight right now. I have received my orders and fly out to the west coast on Monday. I have never been comfortable flying and my anxiety goes up just leaving the house to go to the market. At least Paso Robles is a place that i have been before and I can find my way around. Also these 5 day TDY throw my internal clock out of wack so I will probably be a zombie for the next two weeks.

 

Ok, griping over onward with life.

 

 

Rachel

 

Not a fan of flying. A couple trips coming up for work. One to Memphis Tennessee 

[Elizabeth Star]

I've been missing a lot here over the last couple days. I tried to at least stop in and see what's new. My wife and I are finally talking like adults.

 

I got my paper work together to get my name changed. I needed to get one of the form notarized and as it turns out the director of HR at work is also a notary. He was happy to help. I jut need to find time to take them down to the city clerk. I could probably submit them on-line but I don't want to take any chances. As I was leaving to get back to my building I ended up in a conversation about boobs with some of the other girls. it was weird to say the least but probably considered normal.

Back at the office one our tech's was whining about something. I offered him my man card. I really though he could use a new one. I don't need mine and obviously his expired. It was amazing that was all it took to get him to shut up and get back to work.

 

 

Gotta get some house cleaning done.

Edited March 20, 2021 by Jani
Spell correction

[LusciousTheLock]

Good work!  Its a slow process getting all your ducks in a row, but it will come together

[Bri2020]

1 hour ago, ElizabethStar said:

I offered him my man card. I really though he could use a new one. I don't need mine and obviously his expired. It was amazing that was all it took to get him to shut up and get back to work.

 

 

Bwahahahahaha

[Linda Marie]

. Taxing down the runway, then roaring off into the sky. Look at all the little houses and cars down there. Then a few minutes later where did the little cars and houses go?

Then around 38,000 feet the ride gets boring, 

Then decent, oh look the little cars and houses are back....non eventful flight, yey!

Well one flight I was on flying around Atlanta because we were caught in a bad storm and couldn't land, then

BLAM.. Yeah and I'm seated just in front of the wing, and lightning hits the wing and a big ball of fire blew out from the engine.

I nearly soiled myself. Still I love flying, beats driving in city traffic. 

I've only flown about 40 times in my career, but that strike was terrifying. 

Another time we were flying out of Atlanta and this drunk guy was in front of us and a big party of kids

going to the Billy Graham church  was in front of the drunk guy, and again we were flying out into a major storm.

So they let the drunk guy board, the kids get on and my work partner says to me, we will be okay, all those church kids

are on board. I looked at him and replied, those are the ones god choses, and if god calls them, guess what happens to us.

I never heard a peep from him the rest of the flight. All went well and we finally landed safely.

 

[Willow]

@Heather Nicole I am so sorry to hear you are putting your mother in hospice. My mother in law had to go into hospice but never made it out of the hospital, just moved to the hospice floor.  My wife, her brother and I were all in the room with her when she took her last breath.  
 

our granddaughter was also on hospice her last 6 weeks. That was really difficult.  But it’s best they get the care they need so they don’t suffer.  Know they are going to a place with no more pain and suffering.

 

Willow

[Jani]

10 hours ago, CD Rachel said:

I have received my orders and fly out to the west coast on Monday.

Take care @CD Rachel.  I trust all will be well.  

 

Jani

[Elizabeth Star]

My in-laws came over today. It was their first time seeing the new place. They like the place just not the super-steep driveway. While they were her one of the topics that came up was how due to the hills in our yard our privacy fence doesn't give any privacy for the pool. I mentioned how I didn't want to be on display this summer.  Wife says something about how it's different for me now because I have boobs. She said this in front of her parents.

 

Later she wanted to buy some clothes. As usual we sat together while she shopped. When she was done she insisted that I buy myself something. I take forever to decide so she ended up leaving me alone while I picked a few things out. I got a couple tops and bottoms.

 

Things have gotten so much better around here.

 

 

 

 

[Gabriel]

@Heather Nicole I'm so sorry about your mother. That has to be really hard.

I agree with @Bri2020. When we are stressed our brain goes into "surviving mode", sticking to its old patterns in order to conserve as much energy as it can. It is normal that you don't feel connected to your transness at this moment. Just don't give too much attention to your thoughts around it right now. Just take care of yourself and your family. Sending you a hug.

 

Here, me and my kids are dealing with Covid. We are ok - flu-like symptoms only. Not that flu is nice, but we are ok.

 

I came out at work three weeks ago. Amazing how scared I was, even when I thought it would be ok. It has actually been way better than ok. Both the boss and my colleagues have given me their full support, they are calling me by my name and pronouns and they rarely slip. My boss had my new email done 4 hours after I told him. Since coming out at work I feel more secure in my identity and way more connected with myself - both because the fear is gone and because being adressed as myself is a huge affirmation.

It's been a blessing that has surpassed the loss of a good friend that couldn't cope with it.

 

And... I have an appointment with the transgender care doctor in April. Here we do informed consent, so it will be up to me if I just want information or actually ask for T already. Going in circles about if I should give myself more time or not.

 

 

[Gabriel]

6 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

 

Later she wanted to buy some clothes. As usual we sat together while she shopped. When she was done she insisted that I buy myself something.

That sound great Elizabeth. Glad it is getting better with your wife.

[Drayse]

7 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

Things have gotten so much better around here.

I'm super happy for you! ?

[Drayse]

2 hours ago, Gabriel said:

I came out at work three weeks ago. Amazing how scared I was, even when I thought it would be ok. It has actually been way better than ok. Both the boss and my colleagues have given me their full support, they are calling me by my name and pronouns and they rarely slip. My boss had my new email done 4 hours after I told him. Since coming out at work I feel more secure in my identity and way more connected with myself - both because the fear is gone and because being adressed as myself is a huge affirmation.

It's been a blessing that has surpassed the loss of a good friend that couldn't cope with it.

That's fantastic though I'm sorry to hear about your loss of your friend. To your upcoming masculinizing HRT. ?

 

[Jackie C.]

Really happy for you @ElizabethStar! I'm glad your spouse is onboard. I expect that you'll both be much happier.

 

Hugs! 

[Jamie68]

3 hours ago, Gabriel said:

@Heather Nicole I'm so sorry about your mother. That has to be really hard.

I agree with @Bri2020. When we are stressed our brain goes into "surviving mode", sticking to its old patterns in order to conserve as much energy as it can. It is normal that you don't feel connected to your transness at this moment. Just don't give too much attention to your thoughts around it right now. Just take care of yourself and your family. Sending you a hug.

 

Here, me and my kids are dealing with Covid. We are ok - flu-like symptoms only. Not that flu is nice, but we are ok.

 

I came out at work three weeks ago. Amazing how scared I was, even when I thought it would be ok. It has actually been way better than ok. Both the boss and my colleagues have given me their full support, they are calling me by my name and pronouns and they rarely slip. My boss had my new email done 4 hours after I told him. Since coming out at work I feel more secure in my identity and way more connected with myself - both because the fear is gone and because being adressed as myself is a huge affirmation.

It's been a blessing that has surpassed the loss of a good friend that couldn't cope with it.

 

And... I have an appointment with the transgender care doctor in April. Here we do informed consent, so it will be up to me if I just want information or actually ask for T already. Going in circles about if I should give myself more time or not.

 

 

That's awesome Gabriel! I'm retired so didn't have to deal with coming out to coworkers. As for me, I say why wait. If you are sure about your gender, there's no good reason to wait if your health is good.

[Jamie68]

8 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

My in-laws came over today. It was their first time seeing the new place. They like the place just not the super-steep driveway. While they were her one of the topics that came up was how due to the hills in our yard our privacy fence doesn't give any privacy for the pool. I mentioned how I didn't want to be on display this summer.  Wife says something about how it's different for me now because I have boobs. She said this in front of her parents.

 

Later she wanted to buy some clothes. As usual we sat together while she shopped. When she was done she insisted that I buy myself something. I take forever to decide so she ended up leaving me alone while I picked a few things out. I got a couple tops and bottoms.

 

Things have gotten so much better around here.

 

 

 

 

Wow, I'm so happy that your wife supports you so much now. 

[Ann W]

3 hours ago, Gabriel said:

I came out at work three weeks ago. Amazing how scared I was, even when I thought it would be ok. It has actually been way better than ok. Both the boss and my colleagues have given me their full support, they are calling me by my name and pronouns and they rarely slip. My boss had my new email done 4 hours after I told him. Since coming out at work I feel more secure in my identity and way more connected with myself - both because the fear is gone and because being adressed as myself is a huge affirmation.

It's been a blessing that has surpassed the loss of a good friend that couldn't cope with it.

This is so great Gabriel.  I'm so glad you stood up to your fear and found that you were better than ok...it's inspiring.  Sounds like there was a cost, but something's lost, and something's gained in living every day.  

 

Hope your all well soon.

[Ann W]

On 3/19/2021 at 8:07 AM, Tasha Marie said:

It’s so crazy how all this goes. We know what we want and need, but all we do is question everything. So what I’m saying is we question whether we should transition and we question ourselves because all we do is think about what everybody thinks like our spouses what  our work is going to think what our friends is going to think what the world is going to think so we question  and we question and we question we know what we need why the heck can’t we just do it without worrying about everybody else. With that being said I still do it too and it’s so hard to stop. We need to say screw everybody else and do what we need to do, think about ourselves but that is so hard to do.

 

On 3/19/2021 at 8:43 AM, Linda Marie said:

Think about ourselves, so hard to do.(Tasha Marie)

Powerful words, and yet so true.

I really didn't come here to re live all that. 

I'm starting to cry now. Still I'm glad to live it, I am

who and what I am. Still, I'm an outcast, I'm the freak, and will always be.

Doesn't matter what I've accomplished through out my journey, all they see

is someone to talk about to others, yes we know that, we have feelings also, and

we see. 

So this is the life that others say I chose for myself, I'm here to say I didn't chose this life, it chose me.

Life in the trans lane....what a life, so full of happiness and pain. 

Would I change it, no, I would not be me if I changed my life, I would be someone else.

So here I am, no different than anyone else here, still scared, still hurt, still trudging on.

So what next? Hmmm, next will find me, I'm not hunting for it, just resting up for it. 

LM♥️ 

I've been really busy with some projects lately, so I haven't been posting much, but I follow along and just wanted to say that I thought these were both very honest and eloquent observations that left me feeling less alone.  Always questioning for sure...and I wouldn't change things either.  Trans is hard...but trans is also wonderful.