Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Linda Marie]

This one is going to be rough. I was only 11 back in 1966 when I was raped by a neighbor.

I was a girly boy back then, long hair and all. I can still see him to this day.

My parents shaved my hair off, I ran away from home after that. 

When my parents found me it was another beating and that's when they shaved my hair, getting caught  wearing one my sister's dresses didn't help much either.

Gosh I was only 11 back then. My little life changed after that, always on the run, never trusting anyone, 

My parents moved us from California to Texas back in 1969, so now I'm back in school and every one wants to kick my butt because I'm from Los Angeles. No escape but the service. The war was still going on but for some reason after all that training to kill I was sent to England. The base I was on was another lie, we were a ghost base hiding enough nukes to wipe out that region. Every soldier on that base was fresh out of Viet Nam, so there I am, another out cast.

What a messed up life, out of one pit and into another.

 

But hey, something went right for once. I met my future wife and we have been married now for 45 years!!

Love and hugs,

LM♥️

 

  

 

 

 

[Maddee]

Sounds real messed up.  Pits.

You survived.  Not all of us could.

 

Happy 45 yrs congrats @Linda Marie
 

[Mmindy]

1 hour ago, Linda Marie said:

But hey, something went right for once. I met my future wife and we have been married now for 45 years!!

Love and hugs,

LM

Congratulations to you and your wife.

My Suzie and I will reach 45 years of Marriage on June 26th, 2021

 

I do like the Happy Cow Dress, aka Holstein Friesian Cattle... Yeah, I worked as a dairy hand as a teenager, then my sister-in-law married a dairy farmer. I ended up helping him with animal husbandry and delivery of calves. Also I'm very proud of you delivering meals to the less fortunate. My father started doing the same thing, and transitioned into cleaning out the refrigerators, clipping coupons, and taking people shopping. Now most stores deliver, but it's tough to find someone to clean out the refrigerator.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy???

[Linda Marie]

Bait, how to rape. I was baited and lured into a field with a hole already dug. I was baited with the talk of playing army, plastic guns already in place. He called it a fox hole. He instructed me to lay in a prone position and warn him if I see anyone, then he pulled my shorts off and held me down and did his thing with me. 

 

These are things one never forgets. 

LM♥️

[Jackie C.]

11 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

1) Do the muscles I am building look more feminine? And 2) Should I change the gender on my fitness tracker to female?

 

1) Mine do. The key is to stretch after you work them. They'll look nicer long and lean.

 

2) I did. Physically, you are now the equivalent of a big car with a small engine. It takes some getting used to.

 

Hugs!

[Linda Marie]

Hi peoples, me again, I guess by now you all are tired of me, so I choose not a video, just a picture.

 

I have a question for those that are married or have partners. 

How do you deal with guilt? 

I mean we bring our so's to a level of trust and spring this on them. (in my case)

Do you feel you are a lie to them? Do they understand?

As far as me I have never gotten over the guilt.

 As far as trust, they trust me, but I still feel guilty.

Just throwing this your way.

 

Love and hugs,

LindaMarie♥️

 

 

[Guest]

On 5/25/2021 at 4:34 PM, KymmieL said:

Only problem is explaining to the wife why I want to get rid of them.

 

Kymmie 

I know this woman, Lorena I think, and she likes to cut things off. I’m sure she charges fairly ?.

[Jackie C.]

3 hours ago, Linda Marie said:

I have a question for those that are married or have partners. 

How do you deal with guilt? 

I mean we bring our so's to a level of trust and spring this on them. (in my case)

Do you feel you are a lie to them? Do they understand?

As far as me I have never gotten over the guilt.

 As far as trust, they trust me, but I still feel guilty.

Just throwing this your way.

 

Well, once I was ready to come out... and by ready I mean I was either going to be true to myself or end myself... telling my spouse became the most important thing on my mind. I felt terror mostly. Guilt, not so much. The big question was, "Will she still accept me?"

I didn't worry about the lying so much as I told her within, oh, about a month of figuring it out myself (I'm thick. In hindsight, it was obvious, but I internalized the lie really, really well).

 

The biggest problem we had is that initially she thought It would blow over. It would be some kind of fad or something I'd abandon in a month or two. A bit later I had a breakdown about financing (and it was a breakdown. I learned that I could cry without any sound coming out) and she was convinced. The thing is though, she still loved me. I'm still me. I'm a better version of me, but all the important bits are still here. Hint: The "wrapping" as she puts it is not the important bit.

 

Our relationship is honestly stronger than ever.

 

Hugs!

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Well, once I was ready to come out... and by ready I mean I was either going to be true to myself or end myself... telling my spouse became the most important thing on my mind. I felt terror mostly. Guilt, not so much. The big question was, "Will she still accept me?"

I didn't worry about the lying so much as I told her within, oh, about a month of figuring it out myself (I'm thick. In hindsight, it was obvious, but I internalized the lie really, really well).

 

The biggest problem we had is that initially she thought It would blow over. It would be some kind of fad or something I'd abandon in a month or two. A bit later I had a breakdown about financing (and it was a breakdown. I learned that I could cry without any sound coming out) and she was convinced. The thing is though, she still loved me. I'm still me. I'm a better version of me, but all the important bits are still here. Hint: The "wrapping" as she puts it is not the important bit.

 

Our relationship is honestly stronger than ever.

 

Hugs!

I can relate. Do or die. I knew years beforehand, but lo and behold our powers of denial. I think I married her partly because I knew she would accept me when I ran out of fingers to plug the -lesbian- (pun intended). Guilt, yes, but not as much as the guilt I felt before living a lie. We are ok; holding hands in public and calling each other wife, clothes and makeup shopping. She already expects me to undergo the ol’ chippity chop though I’m not there yet. Unconditional love is the pinnacle of humanity.

[Elizabeth Star]

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Well, once I was ready to come out... and by ready I mean I was either going to be true to myself or end myself... telling my spouse became the most important thing on my mind. I felt terror mostly. Guilt, not so much. The big question was, "Will she still accept me?"

I didn't worry about the lying so much as I told her within, oh, about a month of figuring it out myself (I'm thick. In hindsight, it was obvious, but I internalized the lie really, really well).

 

The biggest problem we had is that initially she thought It would blow over. It would be some kind of fad or something I'd abandon in a month or two. A bit later I had a breakdown about financing (and it was a breakdown. I learned that I could cry without any sound coming out) and she was convinced. The thing is though, she still loved me. I'm still me. I'm a better version of me, but all the important bits are still here. Hint: The "wrapping" as she puts it is not the important bit.

 

Our relationship is honestly stronger than ever.

 

Hugs!

For me, most of this.

[Jani]

@Mmindy @Linda Marie we celebrated 45 years in 2020.  So couples can stay together!  

 

I am no longer feel guilty.  I have no untruths to hide.  I am an open book, more so than ever.   We are still best friends.   

[KathyLauren]

3 hours ago, Linda Marie said:

I have a question for those that are married or have partners. 

How do you deal with guilt? 

I mean we bring our so's to a level of trust and spring this on them. (in my case)

Do you feel you are a lie to them? Do they understand?

 

It took me a long time to admit to myself who I was.  The denial was strong in this one.  I feel guilty that I should have known, but I didn't.  I can't feel guilty for not telling her before I had accepted it myself.

 

Once I figured it out, the idea of telling my wife terrified me.  It took me six months to work up the courage to tell her.  I take responsibility for that.  When I did come out, she of course wanted to know why it took me so long to tell her.  I told her the truth: that I really didn't understand it myself until six months before, and then it took me that long to get up the courage to tell her.  She gets it.

 

There is stuff about me that she understands now, because it finally makes sense in light of my gender identity.  She sees that I was struggling to live up to society's and her expectations.  And she sees that I was truthful with her as soon as I was able to be.

 

I would take responsibility (and feel guilt) if I had deceived her.  But I was never consciously hiding my identity.  There was no deception.  I feel sad that I hid it from myself so effectively and so long, but that is not something I feel guilty for.

 

She gets it.  And she likes me better as Kathy than as that guy.

[Robin.C]

Opened my diary this morning and got a surprise.

This girl is 1 year old ?

 

That's all ?

 

Hugs

Robin

[MirandaB]

I was a mess between egg crack and telling my wife. So much that she knew something was wrong. People I come out to since ask if I want to stay married and after screaming YES I say that I wasn't even thinking about divorce being possible until the day I knew I was going to have to come out, I just assumed we'd stay together cause I can't imagine us apart. 

So far, not total acceptance nor total rejection, hoping for more signs of progress like some of the things you can read here. 

[Willow]

Good morning 

 

We have a realtor coming today to talk listing price.  She has a backlog of people wanting to buy in our community.  Should be interesting.  We also have an appointment Wednesday to choose options and put a deposit down on our new place.  
 

have a good day

 

Willow

 

[KathyLauren]

Today is starting off sad.  We had to send our greyhound, Larkin, over the Rainbow Bridge.  SHe had kidney failure and heart failure, and she was losing weight fast.  This morning, before breakfast, she started having seizures.  An emergency trip to the vet, and now there is an empty spot in the house.  And in our hearts.

[Jackie C.]

Oh gosh, I'm sorry @KathyLauren. I know that I'm pretty useless for at least a day when I lose one of my kids like that. May she rest in peace and may you take the time to remember all the love she brought into your life.

 

Hugs!

[Jani]

Kathy, I am so sorry to hear about Larkin.  Its okay to cry.

 

Willow best of luck with the realtor.  Home prices are crazy. 

 

Jani

[SheenaT]

Good morning all. Just popping in to say hello. Still the usual struggles. Don't like to be a Debbie Downer but wishing for life to be different. 

[KymmieL]

Kathy, Sorry for your loss. I know the feeling of losing a fur kid. We lost our Sheltie , Smokie in 2015. Thankfully he passed doing what he loved to do. laying in the back yard watching the world go by. I still shed tears for him.

 

Well today starts my alone week end (week?) Had split days off this week so only off today. My wife and youngest are going to visit my oldest and family. SO, Kymmie time until Monday.

 

Monday is my grandson's 6th birthday. GD it, I haven't seen him since before Christmas. I am starting to get a huge resentment towards my oldest and his wife. Right now it is in his ball park. 

 

Enough of that. Everyone have a good day. For this girl, going shopping for a special present for my grandson then working on the cars.

 

HUgs

 

Kymmie

[Jamie68]

15 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Well, once I was ready to come out... and by ready I mean I was either going to be true to myself or end myself... telling my spouse became the most important thing on my mind. I felt terror mostly. Guilt, not so much. The big question was, "Will she still accept me?"

I didn't worry about the lying so much as I told her within, oh, about a month of figuring it out myself (I'm thick. In hindsight, it was obvious, but I internalized the lie really, really well).

Sounds almost identical to me. It took me about 3 months to tell my wife. She already knew something was up bud didn't know what. She was mostly upset because I've never mentioned it before. She obviously forgot that I had told her over 30 yrs ago that I had gay tendencies and that I fell in love with her first. She says our whole marriage has been a lie. It didn't help much telling her that I just recently figured out who I really am. We are soul mates and committed to making our 50 year old marriage work.

The guilt feeling will never go away for me though because of her health she has to stay with me.

[Jamie68]

2 hours ago, KathyLauren said:

Today is starting off sad.  We had to send our greyhound, Larkin, over the Rainbow Bridge.  SHe had kidney failure and heart failure, and she was losing weight fast.  This morning, before breakfast, she started having seizures.  An emergency trip to the vet, and now there is an empty spot in the house.  And in our hearts.

I'm sorry. Sending a loved companion to the next existence is a heartbreaking task. I've had to do it twice now. The only comfort for me was to know I was with them till the end telling them that I loved them. They were not alone.

Bring another little bundle of joy into your home soon. Your other friend will be waiting for you when it's time.

[Davie]

Good morning, Fellows and Fellowettes

 

(I can't even make myself laugh just yet).

Anyway . . . I've been pretty depressed the last two days because I can't let go of what my landlord said. He said he needs to interview by video any new housemate before I accept them (I'm not sure: Is that even legal for him to demand?)

But it sure is intrusive. And depressing.

I didn't even answer the email. I give no answer as my answer. If I answer I'll have to make my reasons known--and I'm OK with stating my truth, but also I'm afraid to start a war with him. I don't want a war. I want peace.

So I take deep breaths and try to accept I'm doing the best I can.

Yes, I know--I need to learn to accept and love myself. Thanks for the daily lessons on that.

Hugs,

Davie

 

[Bri2020]

16 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Well, once I was ready to come out... and by ready I mean I was either going to be true to myself or end myself... telling my spouse became the most important thing on my mind. I felt terror mostly. Guilt, not so much. The big question was, "Will she still accept me?"

I didn't worry about the lying so much as I told her within, oh, about a month of figuring it out myself (I'm thick. In hindsight, it was obvious, but I internalized the lie really, really well).

Our relationship is honestly stronger than ever.

 

My story exactly except my wife, while struggling to figure out herself/sexuality through this, fully support me and out commitment together from the very first second I cam e out. (I fck.. love that woman!)

14 hours ago, Robin.C said:

Opened my diary this morning and got a surprise.

This girl is 1 year old ?

Happy Rebirth Day!  

3 hours ago, KathyLauren said:

Today is starting off sad.  We had to send our greyhound, Larkin, over the Rainbow Bridge.  SHe had kidney failure and heart failure, and she was losing weight fast.  This morning, before breakfast, she started having seizures.  An emergency trip to the vet, and now there is an empty spot in the house.  And in our hearts.

I'm so sorry. It's amazing how those animals can become such an integral part of our souls.  We've adopted some older dogs so have had a few of these experiences. Lots of love and hugs being sent your way.

[Mmindy]

16 hours ago, Jani said:

I am no longer feel guilty.  I have no untruths to hide.  I am an open book, more so than ever.   We are still best friends.

My Suzie, asked me last week while we were camping, how I was doing with my therapy needs and transition. I told her that I was doing well, because I'm no longer hiding anything from her or our grown children. Then conversation moved to a death notice of a life long family friend. My Suzie said she was always jealous of her, and her show horses. I replied, so was I, she had the best costumes. Suzie laughingly said, now I get it. So like you @JaniI want to be an open book. @Linda Marie your writings, songs, and questions reach me on many levels. Thank you.

 

@KathyLauren I'm sorry to hear about Larkin. All dogs go to heaven.

@Willow Best wishes and good luck with your home sale, and move.

Good morning @SheenaT

@Jackie C. your responses always capture so many of our common thoughts, and feelings here. Thank you as well.

 

Good morning to everyone, I may not directly quote you and your names, but I read all of your comments and will always be thankful for the kind and supporting things you share.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy???