Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Elizabeth Star]

Oh wow, do I hurt today. I did too much yesterday for one person. I got 2/3rds of our fence in the front swapped out. Most of the debris in the back cleaned up and some of our deck organized. While I was working on the fence my neighbor was outside. He told me the previous owner had been across the street visiting a friend. He noticed him because he was walking back and forth, on the street looking at our house, in pink shoes. He started trying make a comment about guys wearing pink and caught himself and quickly changed to I don't care what colors people wear. I think he was trying to get the away from the potentially offensive line of thinking and asked if the other woman he had met was my girlfriend. I replied: yes, sort-of, we're married.  He said he was OK with that. I'm thinking OK with what? Lesbians? Surely if he thought I was a guy the conversation would have gone a lot differently.  ?-for passing without trying.

 

Later on, I talked the neighbor again, about chickens this time. My wife came out and joined the conversation and was using he/him when referring to me. I could feel my neighbors confusion at her words. I'm not sure what to do about it. Part of me is thinking I should tell him that "some one has to play the male role" in our relationship. I would prefer to not out myself but will if need be.

 

Later she was mad at me for leaving her laundry in the dryer all day. Mean while, mine was still in the washer. She started screaming at me for it. Also saying I was trying start a fight by doing it. There's gotta be more to it, she's gotta be mad about something else.

 

I have another fun filled day planned. I want to finish the fence, change oil our 3-wheeler and get it in the back yard, more stuff for the deck up from the garage, and clean the house.

 

 

 

[AmberM]

@Elizabeth Star That is awesome on the passing without trying, sorry to hear about the issues with the wife again though. Sounds like you have a busy day today planned, good luck on getting the stuff done that you want.

 

This weekend has been not what I was wanting it to be so far. I needed to have a tough conversation with a friend, but my conflict avoidance kicked in and could have it. I think I am going to take a more passive approach and just not hang out as often as we are. Yesterday just kind of felt meh, even though we spent some $$ on getting stuff to do portable raised bed planters. I hope everything works out with the plants, some just flowers for a big pot we have, then veggies and herbs for the raised bed. I don't look forward to helping the wife with the planters though I have a feeling she will need the help.

 

Today will most likely be getting the planters done and then working on the inside some more. I am hoping by next weekend we can have some friends over to play games. That would be an awesome place to be.

[Heather Shay]

@Elizabeth Star I feel for you as I have felt the pain of a spouse meltdown but am happy she has stayed and as long as she slowly changes and doesn't quit the relationship I'm willing to feel the pain. Can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs.

 

@AmberM sorry to hear about the tough talk. I have lost a dear friend who walked away when she heard and I'm glad you are strong enough to have not avoiding the conversation. As you know conflict avoidance has been very difficult for me and I feel I can empathize with what you went throughm

[AmberM]

@Shay I think what makes the conflict avoidance harder here is she isn't doing well mentally. So there is a sense of responsibility to keep her in a good mental state. To be honest I might just reduce how much I see her and just let the relationship take its natural course and become smaller. She is starting to hang out with someone again that isn't a positive influence, and she isn't doing that much to own her own mental health. I have already aired my concern, but I put it in a way that was passive I think so it probably wasn't perceived the way I was hoping. I am respecting her autonomy, and have given up the idea I can help her since she doesn't want to help herself.

 

That's where I am going to take care of me and focus on relationships that will be healthy and with people who won't rely on me as heavily to provide the care they need to provide themselves. I have concerns, but there isn't much I can do about it at this point. It still hurts though.

[Heather Shay]

@AmberM your choice of interaction is wise and caring. As far as your the way you aired your concern.... I like to say it is always good to plant good seeds... hopefully some day they will grow and she will be the better for it and that is all you can do. Nuturing healthy relationships for you right now is so important for your own wellbeing.

[Jackie C.]

5 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

He said he was OK with that.

 

I'm never sure what to do with that either. I mean, OK, but I don't need your permission.

 

5 hours ago, Elizabeth Star said:

Later on, I talked the neighbor again, about chickens this time. My wife came out and joined the conversation and was using he/him when referring to me. I could feel my neighbors confusion at her words. I'm not sure what to do about it. Part of me is thinking I should tell him that "some one has to play the male role" in our relationship. I would prefer to not out myself but will if need be.

 

At this point, I think she's just being passive-aggressive. You pointed out that she was mad about something else. She REALLY needs to communicate with you better. We're not mind-readers after all. I mean seriously. Tell me what you're upset about and we can work it out.

Unless she just wanted a fight. Nothing you can do about that. Well, therapy to redirect her to better coping strategies, but nothing you can do in the moment.

 

Today, Susan and I are going to wash the cars inside and out. I am wearing the traditional car-washing garb of a t-shirt, swimsuit and sandals. I'm thinking we'll vacuum first. Then when the water-fight breaks out, we won't be electrocuting ourselves.

 

Hugs!

[Linda Marie]

Hmm, who is who in the relationship. I'm only going to speak about my relationship with my family.

I am Male to Female, my neighbors know I'm Male to Female. All at work before I retired knew I'm Male to Female.

My daughter asked me if she could still call me dad and I told her, I am your father, I prefer you still call me dad no matter where we are.

 I told my wife I am your husband, I married you as David, call me David even when we are out. 

I don't hide the fact that I'm trans. I don't try to pretend to be someone I'm not, I am proud to be trans.

I do wish I was female, but my mother gave birth to a boy. I got married as a man, I fathered children as a man, I will not take that away from my family for the sake of Linda Marie. 

LM♥️

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Ivy]

1 hour ago, Linda Marie said:

My daughter asked me if she could still call me dad and I told her, I am your father, I prefer you still call me dad no matter where we are.

Some have asked me about this also.  One asked if they should call me "mom".  I said no, your mama is your mom.  I'm okay with "dad".  That's who I was/am.  My son still calls me for technical advise at times.  Some grandkids call me "Grampy-Jandi".  My ex just calls me Jandi.   As long as they call me for dinner, I'm good.

 

2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

I mean, OK, but I don't need your permission.

True, this.

[Linda Marie]

As long as they call me for dinner, Jandi, you just made my day.

 

Nails, these are clear polish, 2 coats. 

First coat I let set for 1 hour and buff them, then the second coat, let set and buff.

I really like this look, after all I'm not 20,30, 40, 50 years old anymore.

Works good for us old ladies.

Love and hugs,

LM♥️

 

[Linda Marie]

Getting my money's worth. Sadly this little tube of red goo has seen its best days.

LM♥️

[KymmieL]

11 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

That seems like a silly thing to get excited about. Your grandson is more likely to care about what's IN the card or what came with it than the card itself.

 

That's enough failure talks too young lady. You sabotage yourself thinking like that. You might not always get what you want, but you're living your best life and that's more important. Go out there and drag what you want out of life!

 

Hugs!

I was concerned that he did get my card. I put in a $50 Visa gift card for him. I want to make sure that he got it.

 

I almost included "I would give you this myself. but your mom and dad don't want to see me." but I didn't. Don't want my grandson in the middle.

 

Sorry, about the failure talk. but that is what my life has been like off and on for many years. Over all I look at my life as a failure. but I ain't dead yet. to many more things to fail at. LOL   Oh, well I woke up and didn't see my name in the obituaries this morning so life is good.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

[Jamie68]

4 hours ago, KymmieL said:

I was concerned that he did get my card. I put in a $50 Visa gift card for him. I want to make sure that he got it.

 

I almost included "I would give you this myself. but your mom and dad don't want to see me." but I didn't. Don't want my grandson in the middle.

 

Sorry, about the failure talk. but that is what my life has been like off and on for many years. Over all I look at my life as a failure. but I ain't dead yet. to many more things to fail at. LOL   Oh, well I woke up and didn't see my name in the obituaries this morning so life is good.

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

Liz, you have way more energy than I have. I put in a new kitchen sink 2 days ago and I'm still recovering from it. 

 

As for what family calls me, only my daughter, sister, therapist, doctor and nephew call me Jamie. Every one else calls me Jim. My wife has only called me Jamie maybe half a dozen times. I go to court to get name change this Friday. I will be pushing people to stop dead naming me. My daughter told her son to call me oma. 

 

I've always been bad at communicating with my wife. I am learning to now. It's dam difficult to not run from a confrontation with her. It's helping us get closer. 

 

[Ivy]

2 hours ago, Jamie68 said:

've always been bad at communicating with my wife. I am learning to now. It's dam difficult to not run from a confrontation with her. It's helping us get closer. 

This was a problem for me too.  Perhaps if I had done better things might have been different.  But it's too late now.

Don't mind me - I'm just in a depressed mood tonight.

[KymmieL]

Jandi, you and me both.

 

Well I was right I didn't hear anything from my wife until she came home today.  Later she says. I missed you then proceeded to bitch at me because she thinks I ate junk food all weekend. Yeah, I had pizza on Sat. I made myself a chicken salad on Fri and real mashed potatoes and a salad yesterday.

 

Maybe I should just go and suck on the exhaust pipe of my wife car. that would fix her.

 

Kymmie

[Elizabeth Star]

Seem like I'm not the only one who uses avoidance when it come to confrontation. Makes me feel better. I know it contributes to some of the arguments we have. I won't fight a battle if I have no chance of winning or breaking even. I walk away.

[Elizabeth Star]

1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

Maybe I should just go and suck on the exhaust pipe of my wife car. that would fix her.

I hope you're just venting. Please don't. I tried it, took me weeks to emotionally recover. Still not 100% sure I survived.

[Linda Marie]

Sometimes a person needs a little junk food. Pizza is not junk food, actually healthy.

McDonalds is junk food.

Salad can be junk food if trying to live on it, but oh so good mixed with other food.

Now sucking on an exhaust pipe is really not healthy.

Arguments are actually healthy in a relationship. It is a form of communication, if not taken to the extreme.

Just my pennies worth, best of luck.

LM♥️

 

 

 

[Willow]

Good morning everyone 

 

I'm going to vent here today.  Suicide is never worth it. Regardless of how bad things are or how depressed you become.  Seek professional help.

 

One thing I believe we all share is paranoia.  We know how we feel and what we need but we are afraid to work for it.  No, not everyone can accept us for what we are or how we got here.  They think we should have figured it out BEFORE we met our wives and had a family.  It can be more difficult for someone who fell in love with you before you figured out why you were so angry and depressed all the time but did your best to cope.  Afraid to tell anyone.  Feared you were a freak.  Well pull up your panties. You are a lady, and you always have been, you just took a while to figure it out.  Now that you stopped fighting with yourself, your significant other has to go through the same thing.  Did it take you a lifetime or a week?  I’m betting on the lifetime.  You have to give them time to figure it out and their new role.  They are going to push back, or get angry.  Didn’t you?  They also need to grieve the loss of th3 old you.  Grief takes time.  
 

Dont allow everything to upset you and make you paranoid.  Work with them but remember it’s actually a bigger, more difficult struggle for them than it was for you, after you stopped fighting.

 

Hugs to all

 

Willow

[Mmindy]

On 5/28/2021 at 2:23 PM, Confused1 said:

My wife does like how my hair is finally growing back.

That's great Mike. I'm still using sunglasses as headbands when it's to hot for a bandana or other cloth wrap. My Suzie has stopped counting the pairs of sunglasses I have, however she does notice the matching theme, and bling.

 

@KymmieLStay positive about your wife's one arm hugs.

 

@Stefi That's great that you were able to come out to your sister. As for maintaining your relationship with your wife, in a house build for two. This may be a good way to ease her into your transitioning life.

 

Best wishes, and hugs for y'all,

 

Mindy???

[Mmindy]

2 hours ago, Willow said:

Don't allow everything to upset you and make you paranoid.  Work with them but remember it’s actually a bigger, more difficult struggle for them than it was for you, after you stopped fighting.

 

Hugs to all

 

Willow

Well said Willow.

 

@KymmieLI hope you were just venting as well, like @Elizabeth Starmentioned.

As for the junk food claims. Everyone needs a food holiday to eat your favorite comfort foods. My Suzie and I have one food holiday a month to splurge on our favorite pastas, bread, and beer. One meal didn't make you fat, and skipping one meal won't make you skinny. If you don't take the occasional food holiday, you totally abandon your healthy eating lifestyle.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy??? 

[JustineM]

Well today is the day!  Finally have my Endo appt to get on HRT.  4 hrs and 4 mins away.  Not that I've been counting the minutes for the last 2 days or anything lol.  Its also going to be a little bit of an adventure, first time wearing heels outside of the house.  4 hrs and 1 minute LOL

[KymmieL]

Good luck, @JustineM hope you walk out with a prescription in hand. 

 

I Started my upped level of E on Sunday. Even a smaller patch. Different manufacturer. even sticks better. LOL.

 

Yes, I was venting. About sucking on the tailpipe. I just don't know.

 

@Willow wise words. Yeah, I have paranoia by the gallon. the old gray matter was working over time. before they got home. what if what if. was the big factor. But then again I thought on my side. If she moves away. leaving me with the Apt. I would just pack all the stuff I wanted. Tell her either come get your shite or I'm letting it go to the landlord. Then walk away.

 

I am leaving the ball in her court more and more. if she fouls out or shoots and scores. it is hers.

 

Kymmie

[Bri2020]

2 hours ago, JustineM said:

Well today is the day!  Finally have my Endo appt to get on HRT.  4 hrs and 4 mins away.  Not that I've been counting the minutes for the last 2 days or anything lol.  Its also going to be a little bit of an adventure, first time wearing heels outside of the house.  4 hrs and 1 minute LOL

Yea!!!!!!!!!!!!

ps. Short steps. Lol

[Linda Marie]

Food holiday, Taco Bell, yum.

Took my second run today for meals on wheels. I really like doing this.

Not much else going on except I started on remodeling the master bath, No LM fashion stuff this week.

LM.

[JustineM]

I must say I’m really disappointed. It’s been an hour and a half since I took my first HRT dose and nothings happened. Maybe my pills are defective. ????