Good morning All. Coffees on.

[stveee]

Was planning on meeting for dinner at a nice fusian asian place dowtown with my highschool sweetheart, but not feeling hanging out in a public place right now.... the midwest is having a recent wave of new infections. My boss ended up in the hospital pretty bad (unvaccinated) and just a few days ago my electrologist is out for a couple weeks, which really breaks my heart cause she is such a sweetie. You know how they can become like family to you at the clinic.

 

So we are going to hang out at my place and order out. 

[KathyLauren]

I just got back from the electrologist.  After five years of regular visits, first weekly, then bi-weekly, then monthly, she thinks I can go "as needed".  Yay!  I am officially no longer a barbarian!  😀

[Aggie1]

1 hour ago, KathyLauren said:

I just got back from the electrologist.  After five years of regular visits, first weekly, then bi-weekly, then monthly, she thinks I can go "as needed".  Yay!  I am officially no longer a barbarian!  😀

FIVE YEARS!!! Oh nooooooo!!! I’ve only been at it for five months and it feels like ETERNITY! OTH I really do enjoy my visit with my electrologist. She is the highlight of my week. Funny charming lady! I really do have a life though in case anyone was wondering! LOL

[Aggie1]

3 hours ago, stveee said:

just a few days ago my electrologist is out for a couple weeks, which really breaks my heart cause she is such a sweetie. You know how they can become like family to you at the clinic.

Yeah I totally relate to that! I really miss it when mine goes on vacation!

[JustineM]

Ahh! Somebody talking me out of this…. or something. The Blue Line flag patch that I wear on my body armor fell apart, literally it’s in three pieces. I am seriously tempted to replace it with a trans flag patch. Found one on Amazon but I don’t know if I should.

[MirandaB]

10 hours ago, Jani said:

Ha!  My wife made an appointment a few years ago to zap a couple hairs.  She couldn't believe the pain so she never went again.  

Yes, I think it's possible Mrs gets a few zapped and realizes this thing of mine ain't no 'whim'. 

[Jackie C.]

11 hours ago, JustineM said:

Ahh! Somebody talking me out of this…. or something. The Blue Line flag patch that I wear on my body armor fell apart, literally it’s in three pieces. I am seriously tempted to replace it with a trans flag patch. Found one on Amazon but I don’t know if I should.

 

I would absolutely replace it with either the trans flag or the inclusive LGBT+ flag.

 

Hugs!

[Willow]

Hi everyone 

 

we are back! Unfortunately 🙁. The cruise was great.  Celebrated my 73rd birthday.  My wife and I had several conversations about my dysphoria and trying to hide it for years.  
 

I couldn’t go in the water the first half of the cruise.  I had to wait until everything was healed.

 

I got two pairs of studs.  One is diamonds and the other is Mexican blue opal.  I got a red dress to wear to a holiday party.  It’s my trans group.  I haven’t been around any of them since Covid canceled our live meetings.  Only zoom for months.  They have restarted live meetings recently.  Anyway I am looking forward to going.  
 

right now I am sitting in an airport with my wife hoping we will get home tonight.  Flying standby isn’t a sure thing.

 

I missed a lot while I was gone.  Jamie happy belated birthday.  Kymmie good luck getting your nails to grow. I can’t and I’ve tried lots of things.  Liz, I’m sure you’ll get your remodel done.  You are very ambitious.

 

Willow

[Mmindy]

Baby it’s cold outside. 🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Aggie1]

52 minutes ago, Mmindy said:

Baby it’s cold outside.

I love it! I scrubbed all my outdoor activities today. High wind and rain. Brrrrrrrr! Cocooning with coffee!! Yeah baby!

[Sally Stone]

Tomorrow is Sally's day, so I'll be up, groomed and dressed early.  I still have some Christmas shopping to do, so that will be the focus of my day.  I'll be stopping at the bookstore, Starbucks, Macy's and probably Nordstrom Rack.  No doubt there will be a lunch stop in there as well.  

[JustineM]

For the nerds among us. Stolen for Trans Army on FB

 

[Heather Nicole]

3 hours ago, JustineM said:

For the nerds among us. Stolen for Trans Army on FB

 

 

Speaking of "nerd", I recently saw the long-awaited third installment of "Bill and Ted", so I can only categorize this quotation as being nothing less than most excellent, indeed.

[JustineM]

Well finally got our tree up and decorated today. Just a little bit ago the wife and I painted each other’s nails. Only difference between us is she got gel polish and I didn’t lol. 

[Jamie68]

11 hours ago, JustineM said:

Well finally got our tree up and decorated today. Just a little bit ago the wife and I painted each other’s nails. Only difference between us is she got gel polish and I didn’t lol. 

Nice. Going to put up our tree this week.

Painting my nails today. Haven't for a while. Will feel good.

[Willow]

Good morning everyone 

 

I slept like a log last night.  Mornings are rather windy here.  Our halyards, although tight, still bang on the mast.  Today we get our puppy back.  Ok, our 6year old 60# puppy.  She will go crazy when she hears or sees us.  Other than that, we have a lot of laundry.  The laundromat is going to make lots on us today.  I hope the big machines are available.

 

I have some minor boat work to do.  I have a cooling water hose to replace and a fuel gauge to install.  There is always something to do on a boat.  (Big or small). 
 

Questioning your life?  Want to read an autobiography written by a transgender woman?  She goes through a lot of destructive behavior before getting her life straight.  No matter how you got here, you will find yourself in this book.  It is “The New Girl” by Rhynannon Styles.  It came out in 2017.  I got it at Powell’s in Portland, OR.

 

Well, I’m ignoring my coffee.  I’ll check in again later.

 

have a great day for a Monday everyone.

 

Hugs

 

Willow

 

 

[Bri2020]

Today is "the day of torture". I'm heading into PHR for both genital and facial clearing. Probably 5-6 hrs.  I decided that I want my neck and jawline really cleared out fast. (and hit the lips to finish them). Since I'm 5 weeks away from FFS I wanted to get as much done before while giving myself some time to heal before the surgery. And of course, I will need a lengthy break after FFS to let things heal and swelling to subside.

I've have been in a high state of anxiety over this appointment for a while now.  The first visit for genitals left me bruised and miserable for weeks. I am still a little sensitive down there 2 months later.  It was honestly the most miserable medical intervention I've ever gone through and I've had 12 surgeries in my life.  I really want to be healed before new years so I can tuck (bodycon dress that night) and then I fly out to the islands for SCUBA the next day so I will be wearing a bikini and getting in and out of wetsuits.  that's not even 3 weeks of time to heal

The flip side is we came a few days early (my ex) and flew my daughter up from FL to we could spend time with my son and his GF and do an early Xmas.  We've had an amazing 2 days together. It was really nice that things didn't feel awkward for anyone. My ex really bonded with her "step kids" over our marriage of 15 years and all parties involved feel the my kids are her kids too. Even though this separation has been historically sad, the fact that we are still friends and comfortable with each other means no one loses their relationships and we can do "family" events without that awkwardness.

@KathyLauren congrats on graduating! I'm celebrating with you and jealous as hell. lol

@MmindyI'm so stealing that butterfly comic!

 

Well, almost time to start prep for today's torture. I'm hoping they are OK with my lack of hair dye. It ended up being a disaster. I was trying to not get it all over my skin in the surrounding areas so put vaseline on the inner thighs and stuff but I think it rubbed off on the scrotum and perineum and covered the hair so the dye didn't take. It did make a mess of the hotel bathroom though. lol. I took the time to use some on my hair so at least some didn't go to waste.

Love to you all. See you on the other side lol

 

[KymmieL]

Well I am back from our visit to our oldest's. It was fantastic seeing my grandson and granddaughter. They have gotten so big over the year since I last saw them. For me most of the time the tension was so thick you could cut it out and eat it.

 

Then yesterday was the discussion. Or mostly to the point my son telling me how I lied to him and his wife. That I waited to tell them the truth. Family should be the first people you trust. That their trust in me is gone. That he had anxiety all last week because of my visit. He even had to remind me that his wife is catholic. 

All the way home and even now I am still processing it all.  right now it seems like my son was making it seem like it was all about them. What I did to them.

 

Several times I was waiting for the 'you can leave we don't want to have you in our house anymore.' I don't know what I would have done if that happened. I think it would depend on my wife. What she did. If she left with me or not.  I think that my wife is going to stick with me. Or it seems that way. For now.

 

My self esteem is on a spiral right now.   However I am  taking it one minute at a time.

Hugs,

 

Kymmie

[Bri2020]

5 minutes ago, KymmieL said:

  right now it seems like my son was making it seem like it was all about them. What I did to them.

 

My self esteem is on a spiral right now.   However I am  taking it one minute at a time.

Hugs,

 

Kymmie

Hang in there.  This is actually a common reaction. It's hard to see someone else's perspective when it affects you so closely and personally. (that goes for both of you). Your family is grieving the loss of a father, husband, grandfather etc etc. Feeling betrayed and lied to when a family member comes out later in life is quite normal and common. The trick is to help them process and not let our own disappointment in their reaction turn to bitterness. If that happens, there's no way to help them come to terms with the new "normal". I explain to people that "look, I had to lie to myself all these years and psychologically put walls up around this in order to simply survive.  When the walls started crumbling, I lived in utter terror and fear of how the world would react to me. My biggest fear was how would the people I loved and cared about the most would react.  It took time to tell these people (you). I had to truly figure out how I could live with this first before I sprung it on others. I know that hurts but it wasn't out of a lack of love for my loved ones, I was making decisions out of fear of losing them(you)."   When people can understand that, then they can start to see how hard this is, how we risk losing EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE.  But even then, we make the decision to live our truth, because the alternative is usually a life of severe pain, miserey and possibly death. (at least in my case)  If you can help them see that (not force it upon them but help them see) and they still don't care or only see it as betrayal and lies, then they don't belong in your life right now.  Maybe, with time, patience and love, they come around and you can let them back in.  The trick for you though, is you need to understand how much pain they are in too, and be will to accept that you caused it, even if you couldn't help it.  If you can convey that you truly understand that, then maybe they can begin to open their hearts back up as well.

Remember to, all the fears you have about being bullied, misgendered, judged etc etc they are going through that to.  You dropped a bomb on them.  Your kids now have to explain to a world that is mostly transphobic/homophobic that their father is now a woman. They may fear that maybe they are burying their own identity or sexuality issues. They may fear that others may be questioning their gender or sexuality identity. They may fear being teased or bullied or may feel embarrassed to to explain to friends if they haven't come to the point of not caring about these issues.  In other words, you shook the foundation of their entire world up. That's a lot to handle.

I was mostly lucky. I live and grew up in a highly liberal and progressive region where people are more open about these things. That said, it was hard for my sisters to try and explain this to their younger kids for example. 

In the end, you are not to blame, you are who you are and can't continue living a lie. You're relationships and life would get worse and worse if you did anyways. At least this way, you have an opportunity to be a happier and more emotionally available person for those who chose to stay in your life.

I wish you the best

[Marcie Jensen]

Hi @KimmieEliseBri2020 hits the nail on the head. I couldn't have said it better. The only thing I would add, speaking as an ordained Presbyterian Pastor (note: non-Catholic) come from their own web page regarding how folks who are transgendered should be treated. It states this as part of the Roman Catholic Church's official position on the topic. It is not their complete position, but rather how we are to be treated by Catholics:

 

"In this light, we should act in love toward those who experience gender identity disorder, and reprove those who engage in name-calling and other uncharitable behavior toward them."

 

It seems to me that if your son's wife truly embodies her denomination's position, this should be how she treats you, and your son should have left his remark out of the conversation.

 

Hugs

[Aggie1]

@KimmieElise

yiu are a courageous woman! You have walked through the fire, looked fear in the face, and you are stronger than ever for it!

@Bri2020wow, what can I say? You should write a book! That was a treatise on how to respond to homophobia! I’m going to have to bookmark that! Let’s see, what page is this? 515.

[Aggie1]

1 minute ago, AgnesBardsie said:

@KimmieElise

yiu are a courageous woman! You have walked through the fire, looked fear in the face, and you are stronger than ever for it!

@Bri2020wow, what can I say? You should write a book! That was a treatise on how to respond to homophobia! I’m going to have to bookmark that! Let’s see, what page is this? 515.

Make that @KimmieL

 

[Aggie1]

1 minute ago, AgnesBardsie said:

Make that @KimmieL

 

Ummm @KymmieL!! There, fixed it!

[MetaLicious]

2 hours ago, KymmieL said:

Or mostly to the point my son telling me how I lied to him and his wife. That I waited to tell them the truth. Family should be the first people you trust. That their trust in me is gone. That he had anxiety all last week because of my visit. He even had to remind me that his wife is catholic. 

I'm sorry that you had to deal with that.  Honestly, you have a right to wait - being familiy doesn't entitle one to be trusted.  Being trustworthy is the only thing that earns trust.  Your son's claim that he no longer trusts you because you waited?  That just establishes as fact that he didn't have trust in you in the first place.  People who have trust in you won't lose that trust because you told the truth.  That's not what trust is.  What your son is doing is using you as an excuse for justifying his own prejudices.

 

Oooh, that kind of crap just makes me SO mad...

[Willow]

@KymmieL I went through something similar with both of my kids but heard about it mostly from my son.  He complained I wasn’t forth coming.  And why did I need to be Willow now when I hide it for so many years yada yada.  I wound up sending him three lengthy emails explaining various aspects of my life from when I first was doing things girls did through my adulthood trying to be a man, do fatherly things, and hiding from myself.  How I refused to see a therapist because I didn’t want anyone including a therapist to know how messed up I was.  Now that he knows my full story, he’s on my side again.

 

Willow