Good morning All. Coffees on.

[Jamie68]

My wife and I went out to dinner for our anniversary last night. I thought I was in pretty good fem mode. Wig, dusty rose hat, nail polish, my new Muk Luk boots, black leggings with open laces on sides at bottom, fuzzy sweater, and purse. I thought it was going well till the waitress handed me the check saying "Here's your check sir". BAM!!! What a kick in the gut. I really thought this could be the night where I didn't get misgendered for the first time. What a buz killer. I didn't say anything. I didn't want to make a scene and ruin the evening for my wife. On the way home, my wife asked me what was wrong, so I told her. She totally didn't understand it saying, "I thought you didn't care about labels". I had to tell her that I just wanted to be treated like just another woman. She said, "You look trans. You will always look trans". OUCH!!! Again. I didn't expect it from her. I wrote her a long note about what it's like to look in the mirror and hope to see the woman I am, and the disappointment and pain when I see a man staring back at me. I didn't sleep at all last night. She slept like a baby.

Hopefully today will be better. I have an appointment at Hair Club to get my wig styled.

[Jackie C.]

9 minutes ago, Jamie68 said:

She slept like a baby.

 

She was up every hour or so screaming? That's appropriate. What she said to you was COMPLETELY out of line. We are not cruel to our significant others.

 

I'm sorry you had to hear that from someone you love sweetie. Give it time. You'll be just one of the girls before you know it.

 

Hugs!

[Jamie68]

3 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

 

She was up every hour or so screaming? That's appropriate. What she said to you was COMPLETELY out of line. We are not cruel to our significant others.

 

I'm sorry you had to hear that from someone you love sweetie. Give it time. You'll be just one of the girls before you know it.

 

Hugs!

❤️

[Willow]

Good morning 

 

Jamie, some people just don’t have the sense to know when to either say nothing or try to be accommodating.  Especially wait staff.  They should realize that the tip size could change based on the greeting.  Yes it can certainly make for a buzz kill after an otherwise good meal.

 

congratulations on your anniversary.  Which one was it?

 

Willow

 

 

[Guest]

@Jamie68did the waitress misgender you intentionally? The last time I was misgendered was right before Xmas in a crowded store by the cashier. Talk about demoralizing. 
 

I’m sorry there was a disconnect with your wife. Sometimes it is hard for our loved ones to understand. 

[Marcie Jensen]

@Jamie68I'm sorry you had to endure that. Especially from your wife. Being misgendered is never a good experience, intentional or not. It's even worse when a spouse doesn't understand or makes hurtful remarks. I agree with what Jackie said--she was completely out of line.

 

And, for what it's worth, you ARE one of the girls. The oustide wrapper is immaterial; it's what's inside us that matters.

 

Hugs

[Vidanjali]

@Jamie68 I'm so sorry you were hurt this way by your wife. I hope she'll read your note and be touched by it so that you two can use this upset as an opportunity to communicate and come to greater understanding. Much love to you. Btw, I'm sure you looked very pretty on your date - I liked your description of your look for the evening. 

[Mmindy]

1 hour ago, Jamie68 said:

I wrote her a long note about what it's like to look in the mirror and hope to see the woman I am, and the disappointment and pain when I see a man staring back at me.

Jamie, I hope writing the long note to your wife was as therapeutic for you as they are for me. Did you give her the note? What was her reaction? Hopefully she will be more understanding in the future. It's one thing to be misgendered by a stranger, and more painful when the people who say they support us.

 

@Jackie C.you're since of humor and timing are on the same track as mine. Anytime I hear someone say they slept like a baby. Reply, "So you woke up every two hours, hungry and wet."

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

[Vidanjali]

Good morning all. Much love to yous. It was overcast and rainy last couple days as several monarch butterflies hatched. I think some had not fully dried their wings before sunset yesterday, because they were scattered here and there in the yard this morning. My husband and I collected the lingering ones and placed them on this wooly tea bush to dry and enjoy some nectar breakfast. 

[Ivy]

1 hour ago, Jamie68 said:

She totally didn't understand it…

I doubt that a cis person really can.

 

1 hour ago, Willow said:

 Especially wait staff.  They should realize that the tip size could change based on the greeting.

Yup.   Could be a bad move.

[Willow]

Well, still sitting around in our pjs.  the coffee was good but the cups left something to be desired.  We use disposable cups because our kitchen sink is about 10” by 12”. And no hot water.  I’ll have to do something about that sometime.

 

I have things to do today, but they aren’t earth shattering and there is always tomorrow.  
 

I do realize I am one of the fortunate few.  I rarely get misgendered verbally anymore.  My wife is as understanding as I could ask for.  Last night I was on a high from having had a great day with her.  Told her so more than once.  Oh and all we did was do the laundry and grocery shop.  But we did it together and had no issues of any sort.  All around wonderful day.

 

you have to make the most of them when they occur, you never get enough of them.  And as Jamie expressed, it doesn’t take much to turn a celebration into the worst.

 

find a way to make the most of your day.

 

Hugs

 

Willow

 

 

[KymmieL]

42 minutes ago, Mmindy said:

 

@Jackie C.you're since of humor and timing are on the same track as mine. Anytime I hear someone say they slept like a baby. Reply, "So you woke up every two hours, hungry and wet."

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋

ROTFLMAO, good one I need to remember that.

 

I think that would be something my wife would say. If I ever went out with her dressed. OH, well. Even if I asked her, I would get why do you need to. SO I don't even bother.

 

I often wonder if people who oppose us being who we are.  Know what we are giving up to become. No offense to anyone. Does anyone chose to be the claimed inferior sex. Chose to put ourselves through the humiliation to become who we need to be. Does anyone rationally chose this path? 

 

 

Hugs, Kymmie

[Mmindy]

13 minutes ago, Willow said:

the coffee was good but the cups left something to be desired.  We use disposable cups because our kitchen sink is about 10” by 12”. And no hot water.

Willow,

I'm not from a military background, having served in public safety, with a large number of veterans. I learned not to wash one of the former Navy Chief's coffee cup. They evidently think it superstitious or unwise to wash the Chief's Coffee cup. Swabbing the deck or cleaning shoes.

 

I love to hear about the adventures on your boat, and will miss them once you move into the condo.

 

Hugs

 

[Elizabeth Star]

@Jamie68 I’m so sorry to hear that happened. I’m now convinced our spouses are related. I’ve been out in public with mine and got misgendered. Her response is always but you’re a guy. You look trans? Been there too. What exactly does trans look like? Judging by what the women around here wear all one needs to do to is put on a skirt to raise suspicion. 

[LindaMarie]

I wear skirts and dresses. I wear make up. how others feel is their problem, I have a life also.

All I can say is don't sweat the small stuff. Bigger problems lay ahead. 

LM

 

 

 

 

[Ivy]

1 hour ago, LindaMarie said:

I wear skirts and dresses. I wear make up. how others feel is their problem, I have a life also.

Don't do the make-up, but skirts and dresses almost exclusively.  I had to wear britches most of my life.  Now I'll wear what I want, thank you.

[LindaMarie]

Oh, and how many here have gone through this?

My wife and daughter are not dress wearers, so when daughter graduated college,

both went and bought dresses. No problem, right? Wrong. They forgot

pantyhose and came to me for them. New ones of course, I think they already

knew I had a stock pile. 

 

[LindaMarie]

6 minutes ago, Jandi said:

Don't do the make-up, but skirts and dresses almost exclusively.  I had to wear britches most of my life.  Now I'll wear what I want, thank you.

I can relate closely. 

[stveee]

1 hour ago, Elizabeth Star said:

@Jamie68 I’m so sorry to hear that happened. I’m now convinced our spouses are related. I’ve been out in public with mine and got misgendered. Her response is always but you’re a guy. 

If I had a spouse who said that to me, as if they did not realize or accept or comprehend who I really was, I would consider this borderline abusive. 

 

And to be blunt, if you are tolerating this kind of stuff, some of the problem is in your court, too. 

I say this with a history of getting married because I was afraid no one would accept me  (I was still in the closet), and called it a "relationship".

What it really amounted to was a co-dependant business agreement, and I paid a heavy price for it: the lesson of self-love, which I would not fully grasp 20+ years later. 

There are people who are attracted to trans women because they think it's cute or something, but when it all boils down, they just see a vulnerable willing victim they can manipulate, a person who will always be unequal.

 

[LindaMarie]

I pluck and trim my eyebrows also, I mean like why not? 

I live the life after all.

Going out is no problem, I just tend to my business. 

LM❤️

[LindaMarie]

Here's another story, when I was told my health won't allow elective surgery, I told

my wife, "I'm no longer transgendered, I'm a transvestite now".

She said, "no you are not, you are transgendered".

My reply was,

"What's wrong with being a transvestite?

LM❤️

[Elizabeth Star]

I work with the best people. A little while ago my manager came into my office as said he needed to talk to me. He had a concerned look on his face. My first thought was uh-oh, someone finally noticed I've been wearing mini-skirt to work. I went into his office through the back door and he closed it behind me. Then turns to me and says, wait I need another manager, follow me. So now I'm getting really worried especially since I did plow my jeep into my company car last weekend. So I followed him into our warehouse to meet with another manager. As we approached far side of the warehouse I noticed a bunch of my coworkers congregating in an area. OMG! It was a birthday trap! It was so sweet of them. They sang me happy birthday and had bought cup cakes. That in itself would have been enough but they still went a step further by having the cupcakes made with pink, white and blue frosting to show their love and support. Honestly, I don't know if I could have made it this far without them.

[LindaMarie]

Nice story Lizzy. Life can have its moments joy.

Speaking on joy,

Imagen you are a wait staff, serving and serving many people

and oops, you say the sir word to the wrong person?

How do you see yourself, after all this is what they see...

oh, and the tips? I have always left a nice tip. Part of that goes to the kitchen staff.

So which one would you want to serve?

"You talking to me"? or

"Thankyou for your service".

 

 

 

[Elizabeth Star]

I’ve seen it go two different ways. Either a “excuse me, I’m a …” and throwing food. 

[LindaMarie]

Part of the life Liz.