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Real Life Test Discussions

A place to discuss transition: legal, workplace, name change, driver's license issues, and more. Tips and tricks on getting through a year or two as another gender.


782 topics in this forum

  1. Request to see my ID

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  2. Legally speaking.......

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  3. Deed and birth certificate

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  4. Facebook name change

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  5. Forbes Tutorial: Burying the Dead Name

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  6. A Great Start For Pride Month

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  7. Passing hmm over rated. 1 2

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  8. Mammogram

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  9. Humans come is all shapes

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  10. Passing experiences on the farm

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  11. hard time passing

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  12. How hard is passing?

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  13. Dating scene

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  14. Official name and gender change

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  15. Changing Gender Marker

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  16. Off to see my primary doctor

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  17. Passing

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  18. Being FTM without transitioning

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  19. IRS Name Change?

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  20. Letting self doubt win the day...

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  • Posts

    • A. Dillon
      I would suggest taking a step back. I have known many people who cut, and while I was of course scared when they told me and wanted to stop them, more than anything I just wanted them to be ok. I understand why you may cut, and while I wish you wouldn't, I will not tell someone in a desperate situation what they are and aren't allowed to do. Whenever you have concerns, if fact, every time you feel like or have cut, consider coming on here and messaging me, or anyone, personally. We are here to help, all we want is your health.   On a more serious note, cutting is not your best option here. Over time, you will become more desensitized to it, and make them deeper and longer. It is a slippery slope. I would suggest instead, maybe for just a few days, finding some other way to let out that pain. I do not and never will condone self harm, but if you are going to do it, try other methods. Personally, I would put needles in the thick skin on my feet. It didn't actually make me bleed, nor was it painful as I couldn't feel it, but the release I felt was pretty good. Not a long term solution, but it could help you get off cutting for now.   I am here anytime. Just stop in, I don't judge, no matter what you have done I will try to help you. Please...
    • Sally Stone
      Jacqui,   I thought I could add to Amber and Kathy's comments, but what they both said was spoken so eloquently, I couldn't possibly improve upon any of it.  So, instead I will just say that as time goes by, you will become more comfortable in your new skin.  It took me a long time to get where I am, but where I am now is a very happy place.  I have no doubt you'll be there sooner than you think. 
    • Sally Stone
      Tonight, I was shopping for a new pair of boots.  I couldn't find anything I really liked, but accidently stumbled upon these at Macy's.  I can't really say I need another pair of high-heel pumps, but how can a girl resist shoes as pretty as these, especially when they are in my (hard-to-find) size?  There are so many things I can wear with these.  They are supposed to be shipped in 5 to 8 days and I can't wait.  
    • Jacqui
      @QuestioningAmber and @KathyLauren, thank you for your thoughtful, helpful responses.   Amber, your suggestion about "baby steps" is a good one; I sometimes amplify my anxiety by imposing a false sense of urgency in this process where none exists.   Kathy, I really appreciate the valuable perspectives you've shared here; they resonate with me, and they help.  I must admit -- there are times in my life when I felt I was trying to "pass" as a man (and sometimes failing).  Even when I didn't fail outright, I probably came across as inauthentic in some subtle way.    
    • Shay
      @Berni you are gorgeous and I love the outfit and I envy your hair.
    • Rat man
    • VickySGV
      To get the help you really need, you will have to reach out to other people.  Your school counselor is usually who I recommend to start with.  If you are really in danger of doing severe harm to yourself call your doctor's office or go to an Emergency Room or clinic. Your parents are going to have to learn about it in order for you to get the help you need, I am a grandparent, and I have a medical release for my grand kids if it is needed.  I have laid that one down on my son and their mother, and they love their children enough to trust me, and the kids know they can trust me even if what I tell them is not what they want to hear. 
    • Rat man
      Recently I have been forcing myself not to eat because of dysphoria. I feel like I am fat for my age to begin with and now I don't feel hungry often and only eat one basic meal a day. 
    • Rat man
      Idk what to do i feel to scared to tell them and if i dont tell them it will end up with me killing myself
    • Erikka
      Great news from the Superior Court of California. I just got the decree from the court making Erikka Rakel Ingebretsen my legal name! The sad part is that a friend of 60 years has written me off. When I told her this is who I am, she asked me why I had to change name. I explained why my dead brought such sad, painful memories (a violent, physically abusive father who didn't want to father a third and made it quite plain how unwanted I was). After explaining she didn't respond. That was a week ago and she has removed me from her friends list. I know that not everyone can accept who wen are. But the ones that are still there for us are the best. Velsignelser Erikka
    • ElizabethStar
      @BerniYou got mis-gendered looking like that? Seriously?!?  WTH?   I have a feeling the next month or so  is going to be filled with firsts. I was sent a message to call a customer that I had worked with last week but wasn't told he asked for me by my dead-name. I called him as Elizabeth. I had talk about myself in 3rd person. "yeah, sorry he's not available, I'm happy to help" I was so worried I was going to accidentally out myself trying to explain how I know so much about the problem. I ended up using the "I overheard him (me) working on this last week" excuse. I was able to get through solving the issue. Of course, then he tells me to thank dead-name-me for getting the answers for him.   I'm sure it will happen again and I will just calmly work through it.
    • KathyLauren
      @Jacqui and @QuestioningAmber   It takes time.   Early on, I had a hard time saying to my therapist that I was a woman, because, at the time, I didn't feel it.  We look for some switch to flip from "I feel like a man" to "I feel like a woman" and get worried if we don't feel it flip.    But that's not how it is.  Man and woman aren't feelings.  And we don't switch our identity anyway.  We are born and have always been this way, so there is nothing to switch.   So what changed in me that let me finally say "I am a woman"?  I started to realize how much easier it was to present as a woman.  I spent 60 years worrying whether I was male enough to pass.  I didn't call it "passing", but that's what it was.  Now, I don't have to worry about it.  I don't mean that I always pass as a woman.  My presentation is not bad, but I'm sure most people can figure out my identity.  What I mean is that I don't worry about it.  I am enjoying being me too much.   (TW: brief suicidal ideation...)   My recovery from surgery has been problematic, so of course, the thought arises that I might have been better off not transitioning.  The thought doesn't last long though!  When I think about what it would be like to go back, I shudder in horror.  I literally couldn't do it.  If the blue meanies told me that I had to de-transition, I think I would kill myself, that's how stong the horror is.  I can never go back.   Being a woman is so much easier, so much better, so much lighter than trying to pretend that I was a man that I can confidently say that I am and always have been a woman.   That realization didn't suddenly happen.  It arose organically with the accumulated experience of being myself.  I would turn around Rachel Williams' quote and say, "It was when I realized that I had rejected my history of male-identification that I accepted myself totally as a woman."
    • Erikka
      My endro order a genetics test. Instead of being standard 46,XY male I am a 47,XXY. She called it Mosaic Klinefelter syndrome. It means that many of my cells have and extra X and some don't. It explains so many things, like delayed puberty, gynecomastia, dental problems, delay in walking. One in 500 boy babies are born with 47, XXY. It is on a spectrum from barely to completely. I fall somewhere in the middle. So a bit more girl than I thought.
    • Jani
      I have two StarCastle albums!  They were given to me years ago.   Blues Image and Red Rider, great songs by these bands!
    • QuestioningAmber
      @Jacqui I still have a hard time with the statement "I am a woman". I have been working with my therapist on this for about a year now, and I don't know when it will be simple to say "I am a woman". I want to say it is a magical journey, but I think it is just shifting your identity in simple ways. One thing I have done is started adopting they/them pronouns as a starting point. I prefer those over he/him and she/her doesn't feel quite right yet. These have all been baby steps I have taken. I hope that is a starting point, and I am also curious what others will have to say.
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