A Place To Say Something

[Ravin]

Shortly after I started my summer externship at the courthouse, my 9yo. And I had a conversation about my gender presentation and what to do about her peers and friends who ask questions. I told her she can be direct, or be mysterious if she wants, because it's really not other peoples' business. I'm not on HRT and haven't had any surgery, but present as best I can as male. I wear men's business attire to the externship, including a tie, and drop her off to daycamp in the morning.

Overheard on my way out after signing her in the other morning:

Some kid: "Is that your mom or your dad?

My daughter: "Wouldn't you like to know?"

[Charlize]

Thanks for the morning smile!

hugs,

Charlie

[Guest Bellexia]

Fullmetal Alchemist brotherhood is the best anime I have ever sat through. It makes me feel like there is anime out there that isn't completely terrible.

[Guest DianeATL]

Shortly after I started my summer externship at the courthouse, my 9yo. And I had a conversation about my gender presentation and what to do about her peers and friends who ask questions. I told her she can be direct, or be mysterious if she wants, because it's really not other peoples' business. I'm not on HRT and haven't had any surgery, but present as best I can as male. I wear men's business attire to the externship, including a tie, and drop her off to daycamp in the morning.

Overheard on my way out after signing her in the other morning:

Some kid: "Is that your mom or your dad?

My daughter: "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Shortly after I started my summer externship at the courthouse, my 9yo. And I had a conversation about my gender presentation and what to do about her peers and friends who ask questions. I told her she can be direct, or be mysterious if she wants, because it's really not other peoples' business. I'm not on HRT and haven't had any surgery, but present as best I can as male. I wear men's business attire to the externship, including a tie, and drop her off to daycamp in the morning.

Overheard on my way out after signing her in the other morning:

Some kid: "Is that your mom or your dad?

My daughter: "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Aren't kids the best! We should all be as honest and accepting as a young child.

[Guest Bellexia]

I find I cannot be myself without pushing people away. Makes me think that I am destined to be a loner. It's not too sad, just irritating. Though that is just life I suppose. Back to borderlands 2.

[Guest Zayden]

I am working so hard to maintain a balance in my life and so far it is very positive and I am dealing with all of the negative too so it does not impact me tremendously, but it just feels like an absolutely exhausting job sometimes.

[Guest Micha]

Don't forget to dance.

And tea. Tea is love.

[Guest Guest_]

At least you girls are making steps forward. I feel like I'm still sitting and waiting for an invitation to actually make a serious change. There's small things I've done and a few people who know some details. Ugh being scared and nervous sucks. And it's not like me to feel that way. Oh well, there's time still so I'm happy. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Jamie you are so right that being scared and nervous sucks

[Guest Miria]

Hi everyone :3. I'm new here. I'm trying to get a little better acquainted with people who have more knowledge on what I'm going through than I currently have. I'm still pre-transition, but I've been dead-set most of my life that I'll do this. I'm 22 years old and have my plan already set on how I'll go through with this. I guess the plan and the goals were the first things to set for myself, but I've been so nervous, and I've had some trouble with my family and the family doctor with acceptance of this. I just want them to know I'm the same person, but I'll be a happier and different looking version of me after the transition. If anyone could help me out I would really appreciate it.

I'm planning on getting earrings soon, on another note, my first piercings.

And another note... I have hair deterioration problems. I'm curious about how others have gone around this problem as I'm sure I'm not the first. I'm thinking of taking hair growth supplements, but I'm nervous about the amount of shaving I would need to do at that point... :/

Again, any support would be greatly appreciated.

[Guest LizMarie]

Hello Miria. May I suggest you do a bit more introduction over in the Introductions forum? Also I recommend reading our Terms and Conditions, as well as our Privacy Policy so you understand how and why we moderate as we do.

As for hair loss, you may wish to begin researching ACell.

[Guest Bellexia]

I dyed my hair black and now I am being hit on more. This is nice.

[Guest Jamie_cd]

Cynthia, congratulations on a great gig! It sounds like it was a blast.

And speaking of hair, I'm getting mine cut finally next Tuesday. Going with a pixie cut and long bangs so that should be fun. Might even get some blond high lights too

[Guest Miria]

Got my ears pierced yesterday! I've wanted to get my ears pierced since I was 5. 17 years of waiting, and more or less being chicken about it, and I finally got my first earrings. I love them already. I didn't even feel any pain. My best friend was there with me too, and he said that I almost seemed like a statue with how solid I was sitting there. I was only sitting still because the girl piercing my ears said to stay still :3.

Also finally got a new job. I'm not anywhere near official, so it's not a huge step forward, but at least it's at least something to help me move more forward than I'm currently going. Need some income from somewhere.

I'm also planning that when I get my next pay cheque in I'm going to get some streaks for my hair. I have dirty blond hair so I want to bring out the ginger (strong from the Scottish and Irish sides of my family) and darker browns. I'm also thinking extensions and straightening my hair, but that may have to come. I'm still a little nervous of posting a current picture of myself, but maybe I'll take one before the end of the night.

♥ Hugs ♥

[Guest -guest-]

Congratulations on the job!

I love having pierced ears because I can't stand clip-ons. Once I waited too long without wearing earrings and the back of one of the holes closed up. But I doggedly persisted and got it open again.

Just in the last day or so, I've been thinking that I'm tired of looking so much older than I feel. I'm going to color my grey hair. Why not, right?

[Guest LauraJen]

A bit of a negative post, just to let people know in case they'd rather skip it...

My 23rd birthday is coming up very soon. I am not a big fan of birthdays, to be honest. There are loads of things I could think of when people ask me what I'd like, of course I can't say anything and I usually just let on that I don't have a clue. Plus to me they are just a reminder that another year has gone by and I haven't even started my transition. I wanted to start much younger than this, and I feel pathetic blaming my parents for everything.

Getting a job is the only remedy. Only then can I move out. Dad is making me wait until then, and let's be honest I might as well because I can do absolutely nothing when living with my mum as well. But I lack experience, and there is a classic catch-22 about jobs and experience. It's why whenever there is a recession and an unemployment problem, the young are always hit the hardest.

When I do finally get hired and a place to live, sure it will be like all of my birthdays coming at once, but I can see myself exploding with dad over the phone. Its all going to come out and I think it will be the frankest discussion I will ever have in my life.

I have also realised that this could actually be the last birthday I have as a family with my parents. If I have a place of my own and I am living independently, and mum realises that there is nothing more she can do to stop me transitioning, she will probably accept defeat and not want to see me anymore. Dad probably fears this will happen which is why he wants me out of here first. Sure it won't matter as much as it would if I am still living with her, but it is still going to hurt.

To the haters out there, do you really think we choose to live like this?

[Guest Bellexia]

Made the first step in getting back on track. Well second, on meds now, I have never felt this calm, collected and focused. I am beginning to realize my true potential. I need to go back to school. Filled out the stuff for it now. Going to start small, 2 classes. I am not happy yet but, I am getting there.

[Guest angels wings]

That is wonderful news you can do this .one small step at a time

Angel

[Guest]

That's great news, Bellexia.

Remember, baby steps.

Huggs,

Joann

[Guest Tamar]

Thats wonderful.

[Guest Bellexia]

There is kind of a bump in my plan, I owe 300 dollars because I had to drop for a reason I realllllly don't want to get into. I just need to find work and it will work itself out

[Guest Jennifer T]

LauraJen, getting out on your own away from you parents will open many doors for you. It may not always be easy, but I think it's how we're supposed to be; grown and leaving the nest to make our own way in the world.

I pray the journey goes well for you, that you meet life's challenges head on and find reward in the efforts. Your parents will make their own decisions and their own peace with where your life takes you. Believe it or not, the journey can be very exciting!!

Peace to you this day.

[Guest Claire-G]

*sigh* still on the waiting list for diagnostic talks at the hospital.

Expected time is december/january.

Whil life my life as Claire is taking form the waiting time is getting depressing.

[Guest LauraJen]

LauraJen, getting out on your own away from you parents will open many doors for you. It may not always be easy, but I think it's how we're supposed to be; grown and leaving the nest to make our own way in the world.

I pray the journey goes well for you, that you meet life's challenges head on and find reward in the efforts. Your parents will make their own decisions and their own peace with where your life takes you. Believe it or not, the journey can be very exciting!!

Peace to you this day.

Thank you Jennifer. I have had a really strong upsurge in confidence recently so I am making the most of it. I have three applications on the go at the moment and that is set to rise. Before this Wednesday my morale was running very low and I was hardly applying to anything. It seemed as if everyone was wanting experience I didn't have and everywhere I looked felt like a dead end.

Maybe a trigger warning is in order for the rest of this post...

I don't mean to sell short the wonderful people here, but this isn't really something that anyone can help me with (although I can't help but vent occasionally anyway). Most people don't know what to say and most say nothing at all when I bring this up because there isn't really a lot people can say. It is completely up to me now. It is quite common for grads here to go back home to their parents once university is over and I am no exception. I couldn't afford to live where I was staying once the student loan stopped coming in. Unfortunately for me, that means living by my parents rules, which means I can't do anything. I used to have a support group, now I don't. I feel so vulnerable while dressing I don't anymore because I really can't see the point. Here I have no freedom whatsoever. It seems to be a common problem among university leavers - being trans makes it worse for obvious reasons.

I feel resentment towards my own parents for not supporting me enough. Sometimes i feel frustrated when i sit with them. My mum has given me nothing but emotional blackmail since I came out to her, and my dad has made me wait and wait. I hate how she does this and also how my dad thinks this is something that can be swept under the carpet and put off for years, with scant regard for the fact that this can and does get stronger as you get older. If it wasn't for them I could have enjoyed university as female - now thats gone. I am becoming certain that mum won't want to see me again once she realises that transition is going to happen and there is nothing she can do about it, which is why I think my upcoming birthday (23) will be the last one I will be able to spend with my parents. Maybe dad knows this and that's why he wants me out of here first before he talks to her about it. I feel a huge amount of guilt over leaving him with this task once I am gone and I have my own life.

Honestly, I am sick of the waiting. I am totally fed up with living like this. I really want 2013 to be the year the waiting comes to an end and I get the chance to start what I wanted to do a long time ago. If it happens next year then fair enough but I really want it to be now.

I know I shouldn't apologise but I am sorry - this post was probably worthy of its own thread rather than being posted here.

[Guest Jennifer T]

LauraJen, you owe me no apologies. In my world, conversations go where they go. And I have neer been one to not allow it. This thread is "A place to say something". That's what you're doing!!

Let me share something with you here. My children are your age. My son (the youngest) just graduated college. He is getting married next month. He has lived here at home for the entirety of his college years, not because he had to, but because we asked him to. We aren't overbearing parents, but he has honored the requests that we've had for our home. And I know he is looking very forward to having his own place and raising his own family.

My daugther got married shortly after graduating high school, dropped out of college and now has two children. She has made choices we haven't been super pleased with, but she knew that living at home wasn't something she could do because she wanted to do things away from us. But she also knows that if she needs us, we're always here. And we've helped her and her family quite a bit.

They've both made choices that are theirs to make. And we have honored those choices even if we haven't agree with some of them.

Parents have a very difficult job to do. We feel a very huge responsibility for our children's health, welfare and happiness. And yes, sometimes we think me know better (and often we honestly do, simply because we have the benefit of years and experience), and we try to be the best we can. And even when our children grow up and are on their own, we never stop being parents. Our roles change, but our hearts don't follow that change as easily as it might seem they should. I love he adults that my children are, but I can still see the little children they once were. And my heart will always be theirs.

This thing, this trans thing, is a difficult issue. I don't think most parents have much concept or understanding of it. I know my mother would not have understood. And she's have 'disowned' me had I ever told her or acted on it. Not because she didn't love me. But because she didn't understand it. It's a foreign concept to so many and go against what they 'see'. Parents always have hopes, dreams and aspirations for their children. And those things usually line up with their (our) ideas of gender. And we also desire want our children to be safe. What little most parents do know about trans people usually involves media junk and the real danger. And no parent wants to see their child put themselves in a dangerous situation.

So, while not making excuses for your parent, please try to see that they aren't 'trying' to make your life hard or unhappy. They most likely honestly have no idea what to do with this.

I chose in my early life to bury it. Was successful for a long time. So, I never had to deal with my parents in this. But, today, I have to deal with my wife - who also loves me very, very much, but has no idea what to do with this trans thing. And it honestly scares the crap out of her.

We'll all make our choices in this life. And we'll all live with the benefits and/or repercussions of those choices. Try not to villifiy those who simply don't understand. That's my advice. Be what you have to be, but keep your own heart free while doing so.

Peace this day.

[VickySGV]

I fully concur in what Jennifer has written, because I too am a parent of adult children.