Transphobia is making me question everything

[Mason26]

5 hours ago, awkward-yet-sweet said:

Not to mention the wrong image of what lesbians look like.... I've known a number of very feminine,  long-haired lesbians.  My sister being one of them.

And straight women can be butch, too.

[Mason26]

3 hours ago, Avra said:

I'm the same way, close with most of my family, though we are drifting because of my secrets and ingrained homo/transphobia. I've told my dad, who seems ok with it and my sister who says she supports me but I get the sense she doesn't "agree" with me. Both of my brothers are very much in the camp of women are women and men are men and I've all but come out to one of them without outright saying it.

I know exactly what you mean. On the one hand, I'm scared I'll tear my family apart by coming out. But I also feel like it's straining our relationships as well. There's so much I have to keep bottled up and it's making me, and them in turn, distant. I'm trying to let as much of myself shine through as possible, even if I'm in the closet. If they accept me, I have no doubt our family would be closer than ever. But that's a big if. At least you get some support from your family. Sorry your brothers are so ridiculous about it. My mom is sort of like your sister in that way.

3 hours ago, Avra said:

 

I'm sure it's a variety of reasons - Canada does seem to be one of the more open minded nations depending on where you live of course. Glad it's working out for you. For me I have to roll the dice each time that it will fit and be the quality I'm hoping for. I have my size figured out but with some obscure Asian companies you never know. I have scored some dresses that I genuinely think I look good in and fit perfectly, (some of which are no longer sold 😥) that I would gladly wear in public if I wasn't so scared of being judged.

I'm scared to order clothes online, it's hard enough finding proper fits in person, haha. Even when you do know your sizes, they can vary from item to item. From one store I got "small" pants that were too long and a "large" sweater with too short sleeves. And yeah, Canada is luckily pretty open minded. I hope you live in an area where that's the case. I live in the country, but do all my shopping in the city, and I've heard cities are more tolerant. I imagine it's harder for trans women, though.

3 hours ago, Avra said:

 

Yeah it was eye-opening for me too. I actually found Hank Green because of SciShow, only found his other channel when he got cancer (he's now in remission, so great news).

That is great news! I wasn't sure how he was doing. I'll have to check out more of the SciShow.

3 hours ago, Avra said:

 

Glad you liked it! It has some edgy, niche perspectives but I found it interesting. Also fascinating to see how different other languages can be. I'm currently learning Swahili and there, they have no pronouns for he or she, just a completely gender neutral "they". You assess the person's gender from context, if it is even relevant to the conversation. Languages are so complex and diverse, and I'm convinced everyone should dabble in at least one language besides their own.

If only English were like that. Though I'm grateful I don't speak a language where words like "I" are gendered, that would be the worst. As for learning languages, I have tried learning French in the past, and picked up on some basic words, but I could never get into it. I have considered learning ASL, though.

[Mason26]

3 hours ago, Birdie said:

I roll into Torrid and they say, "Hello Birdie how are you today."

 

They already know I browse the clearance rack every weekend. 

 

Other shoppers also think I'm just another 60-year-old lady out shopping. 

 

Even when they call me about packages arriving they addressed me as ma'am. 

 

I don't have the least bit of problem.  

That's really good to hear! I'm sure every trans person has had the worry that people pay more attention to them than they actually do.

[Mason26]

3 hours ago, Avra said:

I think you accidentally quoted me somehow. I didn't say that. 😛

 

Anyways curious how it would be for someone who hasn't transitioned, and probably doesn't want to, for personal reasons. In my case it would clearly be seen as crossdressing unless I would wear clothes with a lot of coverage, which generally isn't what I'm into.

I'm pre everything and haven't had a problem. I have no idea whether people think I'm a butch woman or a man. All I know is I never get ma'am-ed and have only been sirred a few times. Again though, I imagine the experience tends to be different for trans women.

[Mason26]

3 hours ago, Avra said:

Very heavy topic and very carefully presented. I love it! I see so many people defend women's or trans rights who get "owned" by the right simply because they aren't properly prepared to defend their position and so they're like "Aha gotcha!" It hurts me to see. 😥💔 This person clearly did their research and, I think, came to a solid conclusion, though it will definitely be dissatisfying to some.

I'm happy you enjoyed it! I liked the conclusion too, because sometimes life doesn't have simple answers. And sometimes those answers will be different to different people.

[Mason26]

39 minutes ago, RaineOnYourParade said:

Shame that such a great author is a transphobe :((

She used to be my idol. But the joke's on her, reading Harry Potter was one of my first experiences of looking through a boy's eyes and it helped me figure out who I am. In the long run anyways. There were MANY years between reading HP and realizing I was trans, haha.

[RaineOnYourParade]

3 minutes ago, Mason26 said:

She used to be my idol. But the joke's on her, reading Harry Potter was one of my first experiences of looking through a boy's eyes and it helped me figure out who I am. In the long run anyways. There were MANY years between reading HP and realizing I was trans, haha.

Haha honestly sorta same-

 

Hate the artist not the art, unless the art sucks then you can hate both 😌

[Avra]

1 hour ago, Mason26 said:

Ah, yes, the Transgender Agenda. Our evil plan is to take over the world by... getting people to take hormones...?

I've heard it's the elites wanting to neuter humans and reduce population for their "agenda", whatever that is. I've heard it all. Tbh I could spend hours talking about every claim I've heard leading me to responses ranging from "Ok do you have proof?" to "Wow, that is actually insane"... 😅🤷‍♀️

[Avra]

1 hour ago, Mason26 said:

Aww, that's so sweet. Sometimes you have to be enough for yourself. Though I haven't seen a picture of you, I bet you're very pretty. I can tell you're kind, and that's the most important part of it, right? You deserve to hear that more often.

Thanks, I appreciate that. ☺️💙 I try to be as kind and understanding as possible because it's the only way we can come together as a species. It's not always easy though, especially when people insist on being unkind or betray you.

[Avra]

1 hour ago, RaineOnYourParade said:

Shame that such a great author is a transphobe :((

Yeah I've heard that too. It is sad but I've learned to separate the good from the bad, if there is good a person has to offer (which shockingly most people do if you can look past the darkness). It's not always easy - there are plenty of people I want to just write off. But I try to look deeper when I can, there's often more to homo/transphobia than is at the surface. And people can change too (not with your help, they have to do it themselves).

 

Embarrassingly, I was quite homophobic for some time even after leaving Christianity and lost some potential friends as a result. Breaks my heart to this day. It was only after becoming aware of my own deeply buried feelings that I started deconstructing that.

[Avra]

38 minutes ago, Mason26 said:

I'm pre everything and haven't had a problem. I have no idea whether people think I'm a butch woman or a man. All I know is I never get ma'am-ed and have only been sirred a few times. Again though, I imagine the experience tends to be different for trans women.

It might be a bit different but that is helpful to know. ☺️

[Avra]

47 minutes ago, Mason26 said:

And yeah, Canada is luckily pretty open minded. I hope you live in an area where that's the case. I live in the country, but do all my shopping in the city, and I've heard cities are more tolerant. I imagine it's harder for trans women, though.

I get the occasional stare when I'm wearing braids, doesn't really bother me anymore. Some of my ex-coworkers liked to poke fun at me like calling me Wendy (as in the fast food chain) but I don't take things like that too seriously anymore when it's in good fun. Getting offended is exhausting and doesn't really solve anything and laughter is good for the soul so I've learned to just laugh at things that I can and I can usually sense when someone is actually trying to be offensive.

 

Possibly the most awkward experience ever was going to the bank for laundry money and, maybe I'm overanalyzing, but it looked like the teller was doing all she could to suppress bursting out laughing. I did my business and left asap.

[Avra]

56 minutes ago, Mason26 said:

If only English were like that. Though I'm grateful I don't speak a language where words like "I" are gendered, that would be the worst. As for learning languages, I have tried learning French in the past, and picked up on some basic words, but I could never get into it. I have considered learning ASL, though.

English does have "they" which contrary to what the right believes, has existed for a long time as a singular neutral pronoun. I use it a lot, when I'm not sure of someone's or something's gender, or, sometimes just because. Some people get confused but they just need to educate themselves. 😅

[Mason26]

2 hours ago, RaineOnYourParade said:

Haha honestly sorta same-

 

Hate the artist not the art, unless the art sucks then you can hate both 😌

Good point. On that last part though, it is pretty satisfying to look at something an -censored- made and say "This sucks." 😂

[RaineOnYourParade]

1 minute ago, Mason26 said:

Good point. On that last part though, it is pretty satisfying to look at something an -censored- made and say "This sucks." 😂

"You suck, your work sucks, just everything all around sucks. Good day."

[Mason26]

3 hours ago, Avra said:

I've heard it's the elites wanting to neuter humans and reduce population for their "agenda", whatever that is. I've heard it all. Tbh I could spend hours talking about every claim I've heard leading me to responses ranging from "Ok do you have proof?" to "Wow, that is actually insane"... 😅🤷‍♀️

I've heard that one too, haha. I think there are easier ways than convincing people they're the opposite gender, but what do I know? I'm just one of the poor brainwashed fallen lesbians. XD

[Mason26]

2 hours ago, Avra said:

Thanks, I appreciate that. ☺️💙 I try to be as kind and understanding as possible because it's the only way we can come together as a species. It's not always easy though, especially when people insist on being unkind or betray you.

Be the best person you can, but know your limits. It's everyone's job to be a decent person, but it's not your job to put up with -censored-.

[Avra]

Just now, Mason26 said:

Be the best person you can, but know your limits. It's everyone's job to be a decent person, but it's not your job to put up with -censored-.

Absolutely true!

[RaineOnYourParade]

Hmmm, should I finish doing stuff or should I procrastinate and stalk this thread 🤔

 

The answer's obvious, I think. For the good of myself, the sanity of my teacher, my future...

 

...I'll continue watching this thread

[Avra]

3 minutes ago, Mason26 said:

I've heard that one too, haha. I think there are easier ways than convincing people they're the opposite gender, but what do I know? I'm just one of the poor brainwashed fallen lesbians. XD

Yeah logic dismantles pretty much everything I've heard instantly. Unfortunately, logic isn't something some people have in their arsenal. Also gets really murky when truth is mixed with blatant lies to make it easier to swallow, like taking a very bitter pill with honey or sugar. 😅

[Mason26]

2 hours ago, Avra said:

Yeah I've heard that too. It is sad but I've learned to separate the good from the bad, if there is good a person has to offer (which shockingly most people do if you can look past the darkness). It's not always easy - there are plenty of people I want to just write off. But I try to look deeper when I can, there's often more to homo/transphobia than is at the surface. And people can change too (not with your help, they have to do it themselves).

 

Embarrassingly, I was quite homophobic for some time even after leaving Christianity and lost some potential friends as a result. Breaks my heart to this day. It was only after becoming aware of my own deeply buried feelings that I started deconstructing that.

I'm getting a little better at it. The reality is a lot of great art was created by not so great people, many of them a lot worse than Jo Ro. That's just the world we live in. We can't ignore all the bad, but we can prop up the good people, at least.

And you're right, people can change. I was kind of homophobic and definitely transphobic when I was younger, too. I think being trans was a part of that. My terrible thinking went something along the lines of "Why would a man have to be a woman? Being a man wouldn't be that bad." Oh, you silly kid.

I wouldn't hold that against anyone who did the hard work to change. People will never grow if we don't allow them to.

[Avra]

1 minute ago, RaineOnYourParade said:

Hmmm, should I finish doing stuff or should I procrastinate and stalk this thread 🤔

 

The answer's obvious, I think. For the good of myself, the sanity of my teacher, my future...

 

...I'll continue watching this thread

Plot twist! 😂

[RaineOnYourParade]

1 minute ago, Avra said:

Plot twist! 😂

Ah yes, the ultimate surprise: I'm lazy as [squid]

Don't judge my beautiful censor

[Mason26]

2 hours ago, Avra said:

I get the occasional stare when I'm wearing braids, doesn't really bother me anymore. Some of my ex-coworkers liked to poke fun at me like calling me Wendy (as in the fast food chain) but I don't take things like that too seriously anymore when it's in good fun. Getting offended is exhausting and doesn't really solve anything and laughter is good for the soul so I've learned to just laugh at things that I can and I can usually sense when someone is actually trying to be offensive.

 

Possibly the most awkward experience ever was going to the bank for laundry money and, maybe I'm overanalyzing, but it looked like the teller was doing all she could to suppress bursting out laughing. I did my business and left asap.

I can see how something like that would be frustrating, but as you pointed out, I don't think it's malicious. Sometimes it's better to save your energy for the really bad stuff.

That sounds awful if that's the reason she reacted that way, but you also never know what was going on. She could've been joking or watching a funny video before you came in, and she was still thinking about it. I've done that before. Regardless though, it must've hurt a lot.

[Avra]

2 minutes ago, Mason26 said:

I'm getting a little better at it. The reality is a lot of great art was created by not so great people, many of them a lot worse than Jo Ro. That's just the world we live in. We can't ignore all the bad, but we can prop up the good people, at least.

And you're right, people can change. I was kind of homophobic and definitely transphobic when I was younger, too. I think being trans was a part of that. My terrible thinking went something along the lines of "Why would a man have to be a woman? Being a man wouldn't be that bad." Oh, you silly kid.

I wouldn't hold that against anyone who did the hard work to change. People will never grow if we don't allow them to.

Well said. 🙏